bilbo's speech

The Hobbit Equation

Starting my reread, I questioned the workings of hobbits more deeply than before. I questioned what exactly the difference is between Bilbo (then later the four LOTR hobbits and to a lesser extent, Buckland) and the rest of the Shire that is so distasteful.

Here’s what I came up with. 

Most hobbits: simplicity + ignorance

The distasteful exceptions: simplicity + knowledge 

Ringbearers: knowledge - simplicity

Simplicity and ignorance is the rule of the Shire, at least near Hobbiton. You can see this in the culture, the dialogue, the narration, and the priorities. They value comfort and good food, party invitations and pipeweed. The entirety of the Shire gets caught up in Bilbo’s party. The post office is flooded and overwhelmed, food is essentially the central feature of any event and hobbit parents are willing to bend their rules if it means their children get a free meal. It’s only the Speech they dread.

Hobbits are simple. They want a simple speech. Before it even starts, the hobbits dread hearing Bilbo’s poetry, or his allusions “to the absurd adventures of his mysterious journey.” The hobbits don’t want knowledge of the outside world. They want to remain isolated for the sake of simplicity, but what they end up with is willful ignorance. They look down on Buckland, call its people strange, because they ride on boats like the outsiders and live unnaturally close to the Old Forest and the edge of the Shire. They live too near to danger, to knowledge that would change them. They don’t want to hear it, and they dismiss all who do as crazy and uncivilized. They blame Frodo’s parents for their own death because they tempted fate. They say Bilbo’s cracked and Frodo’s cracking. They make fun of Sam for learning from Bilbo and condemn Gandalf, an outsider, as a disturber of the peace. 

It is with Bilbo’s Speech that this silent battle comes to the forefront. This has been simmering the entire time Bilbo has been back, and now it is boiling over. The battle is Bilbo’s knowledge and complexity versus the Shire’s willful ignorance and simplicity.

After Bilbo greets the different families, the book reads, 

Today is my one hundred and eleventh birthday: I am eleventy-one today! ‘Hurray! Hurray! Many Happy Returns!’ they shouted, and they hammered joyously on the tables. Bilbo was doing splendidly. This was the sort of stuff they liked: short and obvious.”

But then the Speech starts to change. He says he has called them all here for a “Purpose,” with a capital P. This is when some of the Tooks begin to listen carefully. Because Bilbo is deviating from the norm. Something about how he says this implies something new. This is a sign of Bilbo’s Speech going off the rails, and a reference to the “Took-ish spirit” of Bilbo’s that leapt at the chance for adventure all those years before. The Tooks pick up on the change, and they are interested.

Bilbo then announces that he has Three Purposes, and each one is more unacceptable than the last. The First is well received at its beginning (flattery is easy to understand), but then it becomes too complex. The hobbits are confused and unsettled. Thrown off, and made to think.

Indeed. for Three Purposes! First of all, to tell you that I am immensely fond of you all, and that eleventy-one years is too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits. Tremendous outburst of approval. 

I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. This was unexpected and rather difficult. There was some scattered clapping, but most of them were trying to work it out and see if it came to a compliment.

Secondly, to celebrate my birthday. Cheers again. 

Bilbo returns to the simple, and receives a positive response. They are easy to forgive this short complexity, because they don’t want to think too hard about it. They are ready to move on and are still happy to be filled with good food.

I should say: OUR birthday. For it is, of course, also the birthday of my heir and nephew, Frodo. He comes of age and into his inheritance today. Some perfunctory clapping by the elders; and some loud shouts of ‘Frodo! Frodo! Jolly old Frodo,’ from the juniors. The Sackville-Bagginses scowled, and wondered what was meant by ‘coming into his inheritance’.

Now he alludes to what is about to happen. He is not only celebrating Frodo; he is setting up his imminent inheritance of Bag End, which of course is noticed by the Sackville-Bagginses. This is a transition from Bilbo to Frodo narratively as well. We followed Bilbo in The Hobbit, and now we will follow Frodo through The Lord of the Rings. We see that Frodo is liked by his peers, just as Bilbo once was. But the hobbits are more suspicious of Frodo because of his upbringing with the changed Bilbo. But Frodo still has his simplicity. He can balance well the simplicity of the Shire and the complexity of Bilbo. He knows how to mediate between them. Bilbo has shared his knowledge with Frodo, and Frodo does not yet have the Ring (something that will take away childlike simplicity). But the Ring is part of his inheritance, both literally and narratively. He is bound to the same fate, and the hobbits notice this as the years pass. (I’m getting ahead of myself; more about the Ring later). Frodo is still in love with the Shire, and the Shire accepts him, because he still has simplicity. He is popular: smart, adaptable, and open.

Together we score one hundred and forty-four. Your numbers were chosen to fit this remarkable total: One Gross, if I may use the expression. No cheers. This was ridiculous. Many of his guests, and especially the Sackville-Bagginses, were insulted, feeling sure they had only been asked to fill the required number, like goods in a package. ‘One Gross, indeed! Vulgar expression.”

Here, some of Bilbo’s feelings come through. He has been isolated so long from hobbit society that he no longer sees them the same way. One Gross: an expression not meant for describing people (as stated earlier in the chapter). These hobbits, his relatives, are no longer his people. Except for Frodo. He and Frodo are now the only people he knows. He is setting them aside from the general populace. And it is this populace, these people present, that he wants to send a message to. And these hobbits are now both unsettled and angered, now even most of the Tooks. Bilbo, no longer caring what they think of him, is committing social suicide before he leaves just so he can finally challenge their way of life.

It is also, if I maybe allowed to refer to ancient history, the anniversary of my arrival by barrel at Esgaroth on the Long Lake; though the fact that it was my birthday slipped my memory on that occasion. I was only fifty-one then, and birthdays did not seem so important. The banquet was very splendid, however, though I had a bad cold at the time, I remember, and could only say ‘thag you very buch’. I now repeat it more correctly: Thank you very much for coming to my little party. Obstinate silence. They all feared that a song or some poetry was now imminent; and they were getting bored. Why couldn’t he stop talking and let them drink to his health? But Bilbo did not sing or recite. He paused for a moment. 

Thirdly and finally, he said, I wish to make an ANNOUNCEMENT. He spoke the last word so loudly and suddenly that everyone sat up who still could. I regret to announce that – though, as I said, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to spend among you – this is the END. I am going. I am leaving NOW, GOODBYE!

He stepped down and vanished.

Bilbo has felt since his adventure that he has been keeping a secret: the secret of culture, history, the Ring, adventure. Knowledge that he has been trying to share for years, but the hobbits have been willingly blind and deaf to it. This creates an unhappy dichotomy – a tension that Bilbo releases in his Speech. He literally SHOUTS his differences at the hobbits, going through the list of what they think is unacceptable or what they don’t like. He has everything in this speech: complex words, references to adventure and foreign places, ‘One Gross.’ And when he does this, even though they’ve been insulted, they pass it off as just mad old Bilbo. Because that is easier than examining it. But there is unrest; the hobbits are upset that he made them think. For a brief moment, they are speechless. Frodo gives them a simple explanation they can accept, but for a while, they are still disturbed; even good food will not satisfy them. Bilbo has succeeded in briefly challenging their way of thinking. But then the hobbits blame Gandalf, an outsider, and decide that Bilbo must have fallen in a pool or river and died. A normal way of dying – his adventure cut short with a realistic end, as a warning to any who might also get such silly ideas. They want things to be simple as they always were, but Bilbo is on a different level; all of his knowledge, his complexity, made him an outcast. One side has to give.

Bilbo has lost both his simplicity and his ignorance, and thus cannot stay in the Shire. He no longer belongs. There is no place for him. Frodo, as the years pass after the party, also begins to lose this belonging, and often regrets not going with Bilbo. He knows things about the world, he knows that great and terrible things are out there. That knowledge becomes a burden in the Shire, where no one else knows or cares; just like the simplicity and ignorance of Sam, Merry, and Pippin are initially an obstacle for them in navigating the world outside. But Frodo is different. Wheras Sam, Merry, and Pippin have a hard time because they still belong to the Shire, Frodo has a hard time in the Shire because he’s starting not to belong. What is different about him, then, that Sam, who was also taught by Bilbo, does not share? 

The Ring, the sinister part of Frodo’s inheritance. Part of Frodo’s dissatisfaction may also come from his personality, but the Ring is an instrument for the loss of simplicity. It creates dissatisfaction, the want for more. It twists who you are, and you lose your innocence. This is the thing that drove Gollum, another hobbit-like creature, away from his own people. The longer Frodo carries the Ring, the more he forgets about the simple things. As he gets closer to Mordor, and the Ring becomes stronger, we get this dialogue from Frodo: “I can’t recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass.” This is eerily similar to what Gollum experienced under the mountains, where the Ring had so long to corrupt him.

“And we wept, Precious, we wept to be so alone. And we only wish to catch fish so juicy sweet. And we forgot the taste of bread… the sound of trees… the softness of the wind.”

This quote is a close echo of Frodo’s (or rather, vice versa). The Ring works to separate you from comfort, to go against your nature. For the simple hobbits, this is good food, nature, and especially companionship. This is why Frodo would have failed without Sam and his loyalty. Sam not only reminded him of these simple things (with his yet intact simplicity); he refused to leave Frodo even when the Ring tried to drive Sam away.

Eventually, even Sam, who also bore the Ring however briefly, feels the need to leave the Shire and sail like Frodo and Bilbo did. Frodo and Sam are the only two that listened to Bilbo’s stories and poetry as children. They had that knowledge from early on, and the Ring took away their childlike simplicity.

Merry and Pippin are different. They retain their simplicity throughout the story and beyond. Their shared connection of simplicity with the Shire allows them to become excellent leaders with the knowledge and experience that they gained. This difference and growth is highlighted in the Scouring of the Shire, when the hobbits take charge and Merry blows the horn of Rohan in response to Sandyman. I’ll get into this when I get to the end of my reread.

Finally, we’ll look at the Grey Havens. This is where Merry and Pippin most show their difference from Frodo and Sam. After Frodo leaves, Sam is comtemplative, sorrowful, and silent (though he can still delight in his family). Merry and Pippin walk back to the Shire singing. They are still joyful, mature and yet childlike (as opposed to the childish ignorance of the Shire previously). They still have their simplicity and, after the Shire has been so rocked, can bring their knowledge to the changed Shire in a subtle way. Because it was by the hobbits’ ignorance that they were susceptible to Saruman.

Merry and Pippin have been built up by their adventures, they have grown (literally and figuratively) and give off an aura of competence but also an aura of joy. They adapted to the world beautifully. Frodo and Sam were torn down by their adventures, Frodo so much so that he can no longer find peace in Middle Earth, while Sam can still be rebuilt by his family and his own rebuilding of the Shire itself. By restoring the nature of the Shire, he restores a bit of that simplicity in himself, until his own time to sail.

To conclude (at last), the proper growth of a hobbit is from childish to childlike: something Frodo achieved before even leaving the Shire. He experienced negative growth with his loss of simplicity, and thus, like Bilbo, was no longer able to stay in the Shire. He did, however, go a bit more quietly than Bilbo, whose Speech was the manifestation of the dichotomy of ignorance vs. knowledge, and a measure of how the Shire needed to change. So this is the hobbit equation: simplicity and ignorance, or simplicity and knowledge. The Ring takes one away from their nature, and they become un-hobbitlike, like Gollum became un-hobbitlike. Theirs is a healing that can now only come from the peace of Valinor.

(This has gotten abhorrently long. I’ll continue building on this idea as I go through the books, along with my other thoughts and theories. Hope you enjoyed! )

Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.


“No,no, no, no. He could not have! he would not have. How can I live when my sunlight has betrayed me? The only thing that shed me light in this darkness, and even he has forsaken me. He who soothes my wounds has caused me the greatest pain of them all. I will never know love again! It seems I was right after all, but my heart was too foolish to listen- it was all too good to be true. The only thing I can love is gold! Gold, as cold a mistress as she is, will not betray me. Gold is the only love I need! Ah! I shall never be happy, never more! As long as I live.”

Let me tell you something if you think that Thorin didn’t suffer as much-or more- as Bilbo during Bilbo’s betrayal, then you are very, very wrong.

(as good as i could draw with an injured finger! thank you for all the nice people leaving messages in my ask. especially you, anon from seville… it warms my heart to know i have friends in my homecountry, after all these years *UuU*)

The Bargaining Chip

Words: 1674

Relationships: ThranduilxReader, LegolasxReader

Characters: Thranduil, Thranduil’sWife!Reader, Legolas, the Dwarves

Setting: BOTFA, Set in my Home At Last AU, I guess … 

Request: From @greenleaf-writings Imagine Thranduil and Legolas finding out that the Company took you to The Lonely Mountain for a negotiation. Your life for the Arkenstone.

Notes: I had to actually look up the script for the bargaining scenes, bcuz i’m a sad fangirl and couldn’t remember them anymore 

Note 2: Part 2?

Keep reading

Where you go, I follow

Here it is, next part of this journey! Enjoy! If you want to be tagged in this, let me know :) 

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11

Warnings: none

Pairing: Thorin x reader



Id-ash = tease

You slept soundly in Thorin´s arms, his fur coat wrapped around you pushing away the cold air. Thorin hummed quietly caressing your hair giving it kiss once in a while enjoying the feeling of your body againts him. It was still dark but slowly the night started to turn into dawn. Thorin closed his eyes knowing that he needed some sleep too, otherwise he would surely fall off of his pony and he would never hear the end of it from his nephews and from you.

Few hours later you woke up to the feeling of the first ray of morning sun caressing your face like a gentle lover. Slowly you stretched your limbs and turned to look at Thorin who was sound asleep next to you. Smiling you planted a soft kiss to his lips gently trying to wake him up. When he started to wake up, you could feel him wrapping his arms around you pulling you on top of him. Giggling you took hold of his beard with your fingers and tugged it gently earning a small grunt. ”Thorin, time to wake up.” you laughed thinking that waking up the king under the mountain was a lot like trying to wake up a six year old dwarfling. ”Not yet amrâlimê…” he replied drowsily tightening his hold on your waist. ”You don´t need beauty sleep givashel….you´re quite handsome already.” you said quietly against his ear. Hearing that Thorin opened one of his eyes and slight one sided smirk was forming to his lips. ”Id-ash…” deep, baritone voice rumbled from his chest causing you to shiver and you suddenly realised that you were on Thorin´s lap naked and so was he, quite naked and quite – awake down below as you felt something poking your inner thigh. ”Thorin…we don´t have time for that now. Others might already be searching for us.” you tried to reason him but Thorin wasn´t listening anymore, he was concentrating on your neck kissing the sensitive skin while his hands started to roam alongside of your body.

Just as you were about to give in, someone cleared their throat behind the trees and you froze staring at Thorin´s eyes with an expression < I told you so > on your face. Thorin rolled his eyes as he recognised the voice. ”What is it, Balin?” he asked little exasperated pulling his fur coat over your body covering your nakedness as best as he could. ”I´m sorry to interrupt your time together but the company is starting to wake up and some of us are ready to leave Bag End.” Balin told Thorin using his apologising tone while making sure he wasn´t looking at you so you wouldn´t feel any more uncomfortable than you already were. ”Thank you Balin, I´ll be there shortly.” Thorin said and the old dwarf hummed approvingly before taking his leave back to Bilbo´s house. When Thorin was sure Balin wasn´t close enough to hear you two, he turned his attention back to you.”Now….where were we?” he asked with a mischievous look on his eyes and yearning tone in his voice. You looked at him incredulously lifting your upper body so you could look him in the eyes. ”Seriously? You´ve got to be joking.” Thorin tilted his head to the side raising one of his eyebrows.”No I´m not. I´m quite serious when it comes to making love with my future wife.” Well, what could you possibly say to that? Not much because Thorin didn´t give you a chance to object. His fierce kiss silenced you very effectly and so, you gave in to your lover while the morning sun started to warm the air around you.

Dwarves are gathered around their ponies waiting for Thorin and you. When you arrive there are certain type of face experssions on their faces and you blush muttering something under your breath walking to stand beside your horse. Thorin was just smirking and you just wanted to smack his face at that point. ”Everyone´s is here, so let´s move on.” Gandalf said mounting on his horse and dwarves soon followed. Line of the ponies formed rather quickly as the company are riding down a path through a wooded area. You and Thorin are riding behind Gandalf, followed by Balin and Dwalin. You can hear that some of them are little annoyed that they had to come all the way here just to leave without a burglar that they came to seek.

All of the sudden you hear someone yelling behind the company. Everyone pulled their reigns and the line stopped. Gandalf turned his horse around just in time to see Bilbo running toward them. ”Wait! Wait!” You and Thorin both turned your mounts sideways on the path to see that Bilbo stopped in front of Balin holding out the contract. ”I signed it!” Balin took the parchment from Bilbo and started to inspect it with a pocket-glass. You glanced at Thorin with a small smile on your face but Thorin wasn´t that enthusiastic. ”Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield.” you hear Balin saying before you quided your horse back on the path behind Gandalf. Behind your back you could hear Thorin giving an order with annoyed tone in his voice. ”Give him a pony.” You couldn´t help but to giggle at Bilbo´s frantic objection on that order. ”No, no, no , no that – that won´t be necessary, thank you. I—I´m sure I can keep up on foot. I—I—I´ve done my fair share of walking holidays, you know. I even got as far as Frogmorton once….WAGH!”

Bilbo´s speech was cut off rudely as Kili and Fili rode alongside him and grapped him by the coat lifting him up quite easily and put him on the spare pony. Shaking your head you slowed down so Thorin was quickly at your side giving you a look that spoke volumes and you decided quite wisely that perhaps it was best not to say anything sassy at this point. You had very long road ahead of you and you couldn´t wait to see how this little fellow was going to fit in with the company of Thorin Oakenshield.

After a long day´s ride, Thorin finally orders everyone to stop and set up a camp for the night. You are taking your time with your horse, he´s has been with you ever since he was a colt and you two share unbreakable bond. You liked to groom his mane and tail when you had the chance and usually he would scratch at your shoulder in return. Thorin smiled while looking your interaction with your horse. It never ceased to amaze him how gentle and loving person you were around those who you loved and cared for.

As the company settled in for tonight, only Kili, Fili, Gandalf and you were still awake. You were sitting next to Thorin by the large boulder while he was asleep. You weren´t that tired yet so you just watched the stars above you enjoying the quietness, sort of….Bombur´s snoring made it quite difficult and you noticed that Bilbo wasn´t able to sleep next to the ginger-haired dwarf, so he got up, stretching his arms and then walked over to the ponies giving one of them an apple. You chuckled to yourself as he clearly thought that no one saw what he was doing.

While petting his pony, suddenly there was blood freezing scream travelling through the night air and Bilbo got quite worried and half running went over to Kili and Fili who were sitting by the fire smoking their pipes. ”What was that?” he asked worry evident in his voice.

“Orcs.” Kili answered and Fili lifted his gaze toward his brother.

You were silently watching their conversation without noticing that when Kili spoke up Thorin jerked awake upon hearing the word < orcs >.

”Orcs?” Bilbo swallowed looking concerned shifting his gaze between the Durin brothers. ”Throat-cutters. There´ll dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them.” Fili told him earning a sigh from you. Honestly, this wasn´t the time for scaring the poor lad out of his wits.”They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone´s asleep. Quick and quiet; no screams just lots of blood.” Kili then carried on and you were getting now angry. But before you could say or do anything Thorin stood up while the brothers were looking at each others and laughing quietly.

”You think that´s funny? You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?” Thorin said suddenly with deep and irritated tone walking toward his nephews. ”We didn´t mean anything by it.” Kili responded resigned manner looking down the ground while Bilbo turned to look at Thorin who walked past him and his nephews. ”No you didn´t. You know nothing of the world.” Thorin answered angrily walking off to the edge of the cliff and looked out over the valley. You stayed where you were, you knew Thorin well enough by now that this was one of those occasions where was best to leave him alone. You knew that Thorin had had his share of orc attacks in his life, the kind you wouldn´t even be able to imagine so it didn´t surprise you that Thorin reaction was that strong. But you were about to find out just how awful experience his with the orcs really was.

Tag list: @xxbyimm  @fizzy-custard  @igotanaddixon  @thealbersclan  @nelswp


“I was in and out of hospital for various reasons as a kid, and I do think it’s kind of strengthening, I really do think it strengthened me and I you know wouldn’t wish hospital on any child, but I think that when things are difficult and when things- I don’t know- aren’t ideal, well, the old saying What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is very, very, very true and I don’t think I know whether those things "means ” that mean that I’m successful, but, I do think it means, I don’t know, I knew that life wasn’t going to even though I’ve been extremely lucky , I would never say that I haven’t I’ve been very, very lucky, but I knew that life wasn’t just going to give me a pass and everything was going to fall in my lap- you have to work but you also have to- be sensitive and open and just recognize opportunities and things and people and know which people are good for you and which people aren’t good for you"

Types as LOTR moments (movie edition)
  • ISTP: Aragorn kills The Mouth of Sauron
  • ESTP: Legolas shield-surfs down the stairs in Helm's Deep
  • INTP: The Entmoot
  • ENTP: Pippin looks into the palantir
  • INFP: Frodo volunteers to take the ring to Mordor
  • ENFP: Bilbo's speech and disappearance on his birthday
  • ISFP: Arwen raises the river and defeats the black riders
  • ESFP: Èowyn kills The Witch King of Angmar
  • ISFJ: Faramir decides to let Frodo go
  • ESFJ: Sam carries Frodo to Mount Doom
  • ISTJ: Boromir's last fight
  • ESTJ: Narsil is re-forged and brought to Aragorn
  • INTJ: The Council of Elrond
  • ENTJ: Gandalf defeats Balrog
  • INFJ: Sméagol banishes Gollum
  • ENFJ: The last march of the ents

“did i not say that you would be a burden, that you would not survive in the wild, that you had no place amongst us…?”

thorin repeats his previous words perfectly, meaning that:

  • thorin definitely spent a lot of time thinking about what he had said to bilbo after he said it
  • he most likely felt really bad about it as soon as he said it, seeing as the sole purpose of bringing it up again was to ask for bilbo’s forgiveness and recognize how wrong he was
  • the scene in the goblin cave where bilbo goes to leave and bofur sees him leaving and they have that discussion about not having a home and then it turns out that thorin was awake the whole time???? he was totally having a cataclysmic internal panic over what he had said to bilbo just before and he’s fucking leaving, thorin, you’ve done it now, look what you’ve done, you’ve lost us our burglar and a very cozy…soft…handsome hobbit hnngh no, oakenshield… ! don’t let them see !!
  • when bilbo slipped away after the goblin encounter and he didn’t come back can you imagine
  • “i’ll never see him again, i just know he thinks badly of me, i was too harsh, i should never have said that” and then bilbo shows up again like magic 
  • already thorin must be like “well this hobbit is certainly full of surprises” and then bilbo gives his little speech about helping them get their home back and thorin is like. fuck i think i’m legitimately in love with bilbo baggins. what cruel universal joke is this. why am i attracted to this hobbit.
  • add that to the warg attack and the last thing thorin sees before he passes out from pain and shock (after the reappearance of the presumed-dead beast who killed his grandfather, no less) is bilbo diving headfirst onto an orc with his tiny sword out in front of him
  • then the first words out of his mouth when he wakes up: “the halfling?” just fuck me up

in conclusion bagginshield is real, thank you for reading

  • Okay but imagine this
  • Bilbo is the tattoo artist who owns his own shop that everyone is really confused about because he's this cute little thing that were baggy jumpers that go over his hands to do the sweat paw thing when he's not inking someone and he has these big glasses that he's always fumbling to push up his nose and he's just all around adorable and he's polite and smiles warmly at everyone and he looks like he needs to be in a pile of pillows with a cuppa and a good book next to a roaring fire instead of in the middle of a tattoo parlor with designs that range from disturbing to beautiful why is this small creature here why this isn't right and his workers are like hell just you wait
  • And then he shows up randomly in a new pair of glasses that compliment his face perfectly and a pair of nice, tight trousers and a button up white shirt that has the sleeves rolled up to the elbows revealing his multitude of tattoos and a burgundy vest with elaborate buttons sewn on and everyone is like holy shit then Bilbo is talking with someone and having a civil chat and someone says a slur of some sort and instantly any sign of warmth just disappears from his face and he very calmly asks them to leave and the person is like why because I said [insert slur here] and then suddenly tiny cuddly Bilbo is an imposing force and should be ten feet tall to just complete how terrifying he is when he wants to be and he's suddenly very heatedly describing how slurs are incredibly rude and highly inappropriate in any situation and how to merely casually insert them into a conversation is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself for this behavior, your mother would be feeding you bars of soap for a week should she have heard that, get out of my shop and good day to you, and everyone watching is just like O.O because Bilbo has never even spoken in an unkind tone before even when he had really difficult customers and they're all just so shocked and his workers are behind the counter laughing their asses off
  • Now insert Thorin, high-and-mighty businessman who has a soft spot for his two nephews and takes care of them constantly and is always there when they need him and who tries to be stern with them but really can't deny them a single thing. He's got boisterous Kili at one elbow (sixteen maybe) who's chattering on and on about something from school and Fili (nine? twenty?) who's very calm and collected and listening to his brother fondly and interjecting every now and then and they're both making Thorin just feel so proud and they walk into Bilbo's shop because after six months of Kili pestering Thorin about a tattoo and showing him the design he'd created a year prior and begging and pleading for weeks, months on end he's finally convinced him yes, he really wants it, please uncle, I'll get it on my upper arm so I only show it off when I want to, please, I'll make sure mum doesn't yell at you, and finally he concedes because he can't get mad at them and he talked Dís into letting him get it easy enough
  • So he gets a recommendation from Dwalin who has an impressive number of tattoos scattered across his body which adds to his intimidation and makes lots of people comply out of fear of what could happen if they don't and he points them in Bilbo's direction so they go on a rainy Saturday since no ones seems arsed to get out besides them
  • Bilbo's shop is buzzing with life as usual, filled with the misfit kids he'd taken upon himself to watch over. So basically he's got merry and pippin and frodo and Sam all working around his shop doing random jobs like sweeping and wiping down the counter because Bilbo insists that they keep themselves busy and that they don't do bad things and in exchange for work instead of being paid they earn 'credits' Bilbo logs and when you get a certain amount Bilbo will give you a tattoo free but he insists they get the slip signed every time regardless since they're still young. He'd pay them but he's already got Tauriel working as his extra artist and they're looking for a person to work the register and help people find the design they want cause Bilbo is busy tattooing and sketching out custom designs and Tauriel never leaves her workroom unless it's a break for her or Bilbo insists she get out for once
  • So the shop is all bright and colorful and filled with designs, some generic and some unique, and Bilbo is dressed in the vest outfit and sitting on the counter in the criss cross applesauce position (how the fuck do you describe that position anymore without using the preschool shorthand someone tell me) and he's beaming down at his 'kids' as they sit on the floor in front of him, all of them laughing as frodo tries to braid tauriel's hair and merry and pippin and sharing a snack and Sam is sketching in his book a gorgeous flower tattoo for his next one but still joining in on the conversation. In walks Thorin and Fili and Kili and everyone turns to look at them and Bilbo is instantly up and smiling warmly, welcoming them in and telling them they can hang up their raincoats, no need for those in here. And Kili is stunned into silence because of Tauriel and Tauriel is blushing a brighter color than her hair because what is this who is this boy who is shorter than her and watching her as if she is the sun and the moon and the stars encompassed in one body that wasn't right he shouldn't be staring stop it stooooop and Fili is looking over the sign for help Bilbo had put up and the boys on the floor don't pay much attention to the newcomers and then there's Thorin and Bilbo and Bilbo is trying to straighten his clothes because oh gods oh gods he's cute and Thorin is watching Bilbo fiddle with his clothes and glances at his tattoos cause oh goodness no one should be that attractive
  • A bunch of stuttered explanations and accidental flirting later and Kili is set up with Tauriel in her room and he's getting his tattoo and Fili is being helped by the boys with his resume and interview and Thorin and Bilbo are chattering away about nothing and then Centuries by Fall Out Boy comes on so the boys perk up and frodo dashes to the sound system without missing a beat and turns it up with a cry of "Bilbo, it's your song!" and Bilbo is laughing and the boys start getting up and dancing to the loud music (Fili included after a bit of arguing) and Bilbo doesn't realize it but he's singing along and then Thorin who knows the song because Kili is constantly playing this album over and over is singing too and they're just grinning while shouting along with the lyrics and they don't take their eyes off of each other and they're completely in sync when the chorus comes on and just "Some legends are told, some turn to dust, some to gold, but you'll remember me... Remember me, for centuries. And just one mistake is all that it takes, we'll go down in history... Remember me, for centuries."
  • Flash forward a few years to their wedding, Thorin's skin a bit more colorful after a few trips to Bilbo, Bilbo's shop more popular that ever with the influx of businessmen that Thorin happens to find and send his way (really, he didn't think so many people hid so many tattoos under those huge suits) and they're grinning and frodo, merry, pippin, Fili, Kili, and Tauriel (the last two unashamedly holding hands and pressed as close together as they can manage) are getting up to make a speech and Bilbo is curious but then they're all speaking in snippits, telling them that they all had ideas as to what sort of speech they could come up with and then they realized they really shouldn't say anything at all, there's something that could say everything they needed for them, and now Bilbo is absolutely intrigued and so is Thorin and everyone else and then they step offstage and Centuries starts playing and Bilbo and Thorin are laughing and grinning and going to hug the troublesome kids close and everyone is singing and some people are really confused but those nine and a few select others know what's going on and they're just so entirely happy and once the song is over Kili just goes "I'm so glad uncle let me get that tattoo"

anonymous asked:

It was brought up a long time ago but I noticed when I wrote Bilbo with ptsd or anxiety it was a lot easier for people to empathize with him and go "poor thing" and take it seriously that he's a good person who doesn't deserve to suffer, but with Thorin and ptsd it's mostly a joke in fandom, about how he's dramatic and salty and should just get over it lolol he's so crazeee. I think character perception has a lot to do with it but that difference does bother me, am I wrong?

character perception has a loooooot to do with it. I mean, basically, Bilbo would be a “good” mentally ill person, because he is nice, and he’s white upper middle class  who is mostly polite and helpful to everyone, with no or little intersection in his mental illness (while Thorin is like all dwarves coded as Jewish aka “Other”, he reacts violently at times and can be stubborn especially when reminded of past trauma, and he’s all at once poor and burdened with ruling)(he’s a “Bad” mentally ill person, how dares he not get his shit together the instant someone points out to him he’s acting in a way they don’t like and that shows he has a problem)

Plus there’s the inherent bias that we’re seeing the story through Bilbo’s eyes, especially in the book. Gives him a chance to justify all his actions, all his decisions, to a level that Thorin doesn’t get (partly because the narrator in the book goes out of his way to edit Thorin’s voice out of the narrative, deleting at the very least one of his speeches). Bilbo gets rationalise the betrayal of his friends and employers, the theft of a jewel he KNEW was not part of his potential share of the treasure… Thorin never really gets that chance in canon, and fanon doesn’t give him much more of a choice either, often siding with the idea that Bilbo was right from the beginning and that Thorin was wrong

anonymous asked:

thorin lives but bilbo doesnt know au where bilbo comes home from the market for tea and finds thorin let himself in and is eating the blackberry jam with a spoon, looking very sheepish


“Thorin Oakenshield I swear to every entity that has helped shaped Middle Earth and everyone currently alive that you better have the best reason about to come out of your mouth or you’re going to wish you really were buried deep in that bloody mountain!”

“There is a very good reason Master Burglar….”

“Don’t you Master Burglar me.” Bilbo is pacing in the kitchen, clenching his fists at his sides.

Muffled noises coming from the other room. 

“Kili will you stop moving! Now is not the time. Uncle has to ask a thousand forgiveness to Bilbo.”

“But Fee we just got here and I’m hungry!”

“Is that your nephews?! DID ANYONE ACTUALLY DIE?!”

“I apologize for any grievances I may have caused…” Thorin looks down ashamed, not able to meet Bilbo’s stern gaze.

“Grievances?! Thorin, I thought…I thought I had lost the best thing that had ever happened to me.” Bilbo’s voice falters, looses its tenacity and takes a softer turn.

Thorin looks up from the floor and sees the look of defeat on Bilbo’s face. 

“I thought, that after the ramparts that perhaps you would not miss me so much. That it would be easier for you to believe I was dead.”

“Why would I need to think that you were dead?” 

“There are a lot darker matters going on, things a lot bigger than the battle outside of Erebor. There is still a curse on the Line of Durin and someone who wants our line controlled. It was vital to think that we perished during the battle.”

Bilbo is standing in the kitchen, shaking his head with srunched eyebrows. “I don’t understand.”

“There is a lot to go over Bilbo, and if what Gandalf says is true then we have very dark times ahead of us. But know this, if that ring you found in the goblin tunnels is what the wizard believes then I will remain by your side. I swear it.”

Bilbo looked up at Thorin. The air in the room felt electric as Bilbo was transported back to other times that Thorin gave great speeches. Bilbo may not fully understand right now what was happening but he knew that whatever it was was enough to cause a king to swear his loyalty to a halfling. 

“Thorin, I don’t think that will be necessary…”

Throin reached down, pulling Bilbo’s hand into his, running his fingers across Bilbo’s knuckles before bringing the hand to his lips. “I swear it.”

quirkywanderer  asked:

Bagginshield, 10 & 29?


 (Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public?)

Ok really neither of them should drive. Bilbo loves animals but can never steer a carriage or cart for shit. Even after all the riding he had to do for the quest he never stops awkwardly holding the reins up by his chin and looking all >8[ about it.

Bilbo is also definitely the guy who, in a modern setting, thinks going 5 over the speed limit is just ASKING FOR A SURE FIRE BLAZED DEATH THORIN SLOW DOWN OH MY GOD. But he also has terrible road rage and is constantly muttering at everyone else on the road.

Thorin can drive. But he gets lost. That is a trope i will never let go of. Their trips together involve constant bickering about directions.

Handiwork? Thorin is the “I will fix everything whether or not it is broken” guy.

Cleans: Bilbo cleans dishes and stuff like that. Thorin organizes because Bilbo’s clutter is too much for him to take.

Pays the Bills: Bilbo. Definitely. Thorin is the guy to just kinda frown at the mail and toss it onto a pile of “deal with later.”

Handles the Public: i mean thorin is king so he HAS to. He has all the charisma and grand speeches. Bilbo can speak well bit is awful with a ton of attention on him. He way prefers to give advice in the background.

( How do the handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?)

Ok they’re both pretty good with emergencies. If it’s a legit emergency they both keep their shit together and get shit done and are an unstoppable team.

If it is a minor inconvenience Bilbo will loudly complain and throw a fit because everything is the worst thing to ever happen in his enTIRE LIFE. Every time Thorin just kind of stares at him in confused awe like. You faced a dragon tho??????¿¿?

If Bilbo is injured, and it is not a life or death battle situation, Thorin loses his goddamn mind. It really is all about context with both of them.


This escalates until Bilbo kicks him out because holy shit Thorin GO AWAY. Thorin parks himself in front of Bilbo’s door looking like the most upset worried puppy.