Fun Times With A Fossil

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Smut (explicit), swearing

Word Count: 1,167

A/N: This is my entry for @bucky-plums-barnes 100 banging kinks for Bucky’s 100th birthday - my prompt was Bad Sex/Something goes wrong. This is a bit of a different approach for me, so I hope you like it! xx 

Originally posted by love-buckybarnes

(Let’s just pretend that’s Bucky lmao)

“Honey, I’m home!” You called out, a giant smirk on your face, as you walked into your apartment. The entire day, you had been sending your boyfriend suggesting texts, since you had gone for a bikini wax today. Judging by his responses, he was more than just a little hot and bothered. Once that metal-armed supersoldier was aroused, he was a force to be reckoned with.

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anonymous asked:

Hi, I want to get a bikini wax done but what area do they actually wax on a bikini wax and how long will it last before growing back if it is my first wax? Plus I have a lot of pubic hair at the moment do I shave it and wait a bit or just trim it?

There are different kinds of waxing styles that can be done, depending on how much hair you’re like removed.

HERE is a helpful list (and descriptions) of those styles!

A bikini wax (as well as most waxes) usually lasts about 2 weeks before regrowth starts. This can be more or less depending on how fast your body hair grows. It will probably need to be touched up every 4 to 6 weeks. This doesn’t change as time goes on, so first wax or 50th wax, you’ll need to go back about once a month to maintain your chosen bikini hair look.

DO NOT shave your pubic hair before going in. I would strongly recommend buying a bikini trimmer with clippers and a clipper guard (I use this one, it’s cheap and works well), and just giving everything a once over a day or two before going in for your wax.

Hair should be about ¼ inch long for best waxing practices. That length is long enough that the wax can grip the hair shaft, but short enough that your waxing technician isn’t going to be using extra product to try and coat the hair down to the root. It will also make clean up afterwards much easier.

I actually went to school for skin care and hair removal (a long time ago, mind you), so this is something I know an exceptional amount about. Lucky you!


Extra tip #1: Exfoliate beforehand. After you trim everything with the clippers, exfoliate the area to remove any dead skin which can lead to ingrown hairs after waxing. Your skin will feel pretty tender for a day or so after waxing, so exfoliating beforehand is super important. Once the skin doesn’t feel so tender start exfoliating (not abrasively, but gently) every time you shower. Ingrown hairs are awful and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone, so take care of that skin!

Extra tip #2: No scented lotions! Your skin will get so angry if you rip hair out of it and then slather it in scented lotion. There are great products specifically made for post-wax bikini lines, use those!

xoxo, Shannon

lucky number

your first real boyfriend is two inches shorter than you. he smells like mountain dew and hair gel and wears a black and red sweatband around his left wrist. he kisses you in his parents’ garage on the fourth of july with the lights turned off and the hard plastic shell of an xbox controller digging into your spine. your shorts stick to your thighs when you stand up again. his best friend punches him in the shoulder. laughs. calls you “matt’s girl” while you’re watching fireworks, but never actually says your name.

your second boyfriend is older. two years, maybe three; he’s as vague about his birthday as he is about the other girls you’ve seen him talking to. he tells you he was born in switzerland. you buy him an $80 jacket for christmas. he makes jokes about oral sex that you don’t understand until he offers you a practical demonstration. he undoes the clasp on your bra with one hand. you get your first bikini wax. he teaches you how to say “i love you” in german. you meet his parents. after you break up, he shows his friends pictures of you in your underwear. you keep in touch.

your third boyfriend falls in love with you at first sight. he talks to you for hours about nothing; about everything; about what his plans are for your future together. you order a panini on your first date. he always makes his bed before anyone comes over. he uses terms of endearments like they’re easy. like they’re platitudes. like they’re weapons. he lies to you. you lie to yourself. he gives you a tiffany necklace for your eighteenth birthday with his own initials engraved on the attached silver pendant. your friends coo about how romantic he is. he follows you to college. you let him.

your fourth boyfriend is your fifth boyfriend is your sixth boyfriend. they blur together; fade into one long string of mistakes. you hook up with your kickboxing instructor in a grimy bar bathroom. you eat vegetarian pizza in a stranger’s backyard. you feed your roommate’s ball python a frozen mouse. you stop drinking malibu, start wearing lipstick, and have phone sex with someone else’s husband. no one offers you forever. you don’t care. you don’t.

Your seventh boyfriend–

When the Ink Dries III

Rated: Explicit with a warning for self harm references.

Notes:  If you haven’t read the previous chapters, go here.  Also on Ao3.  This is (apparently) a novel length fic so you might want to set aside a minute.  Thank you @icedteainthebag for making me earn this one, @holdthiscat for speedy and insightful feedback and @gazeatscully for your endless encouragement and eagle’s eye proofreading.


Chapter 7

Stella Gibson didn’t make a habit of watching people sleep.  The last time she’d done it was years ago, a prolonged jag that resulted in the purchase of three new sets of bed sheets, a zealous effort to fight memory with thread count.  She’d traded one vice for another, would spend the rest of her life quietly indulging a weakness for pima cotton and crisp corners, a penchant for Italian linen and French embroidery.  But it would be a long time before she settled in beside someone to wait for their eyes to open, the sleep-boiled scent of peaceful slumber coming off their hair, the fragile spot on their neck pulsing with life.  There were some luxuries she simply couldn’t afford.

It still brought Stella a twinge of private embarrassment to recall it so well.  Bridget sleeping on her stomach, dark hair always parted around her pear-shaped ears, clinging to the mattress like a frog in a rainstorm with her lean swimmer’s leg zig-zagged across the mattress.  Stella would stay in bed tiptoeing her fingers up the crease of a quadricep, stroking an ear to its sylphan point.  And long after the woman was gone, the lightning bolt imprint of a leg split the bed down the center, the new sheets continued to bunch in an invisible hand – fleeting images mistakenly committed to permanence by an overly ambitious pair of eyes.  It was a nuisance but not a surprise.  The only other bedroom vigil she’d ever kept had left an even more indelible impression – a child standing graveside, puffy lavender rings sprouted like violets around her eyes, watching her father be put in the ground.

So by the time Stella woke up next to Dana Scully for the second time in her life, she was so practiced in her abstinence that it took hardly any discipline at all to direct the day’s first glance upward, aim her plans at the ceiling.  Shower alone.  Allow guest to wake and begin gathering own conclusions.  Emerge dressed, provide tea and friendly conversation, make end as forgettable as beginning was not.  

She licked her lips before turning over, sealing her resolve like an envelope.

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Forbidden Feelings (Chapter 2)

Summary: Being married to a man you don’t love or want anymore is taking a toll on you, but the way out is nowhere to be seen. When your husband hires a you a new sexy bodyguard, the man suddenly turns your world upside down, giving you hope to step up and take control of your life again. | Bucky x Reader
: reader, Bucky Barnes, Tony Stark (mentioned) and my sweet plum Gen ( @bucky-plums-barnes )
Warnings: none
Word count: 1389
A/N: oh boy


Originally posted by dailyevanstan

You managed to avoid Bucky Barnes for three whole days. You always booked a meeting with a client before he got to the house, which he unfortunately came to every day of the week. When you didn’t have business in or outside of the house, you mostly stayed in your bedroom or in the small reading area Tony built for you in the beginning of your marriage. It’s where you were currently sat, lounging in one of the plush armchairs by the window. The window was slightly creaked open, letting in the warm summer breeze.

You were reading one of your favourite books: Jane Eyre. You were nearly at the end when the sound of a roaring engine filled the room. You sat up straight to look out the window, to see where the commotion was coming from. The view was something you weren’t expecting. A shirtless Bucky was driving around in the backyard on a ride-on lawn mower, steering the machine around easily. Your breath hitched at the sight of his bare torso, glistening in the sun, droplets of sweat running down his broad back. A frustrated sigh left your lips as you sat back in your chair, determined to finish your book, but the image of him wouldn’t leave your mind. His messy medium length hair and slim jeans were every girl’s dream. You shut your book with another sigh; you weren’t going to get any reading done with these thoughts.

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Five minute ficlet

“Holy fuck!” You shrieked as the aesthetician yanked the wax strip from your thigh. “The fuck, Brit? I said bikini, not Brazilian!”

The aesthetician smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, hon. I’m going to have to even this up though.”

“Am I bleeding?” You countered.

“Not really,” she paused. “Well, not much.”

“It’s not like I’m doing this for any other reason than to not be disgusted by my nether-sideburns on shore leave,” you complained. “I’m not trying to impress anyone.”

“Perhaps next time when I recommend routine maintenance every six weeks, you’ll listen?” She teased with a wink. You cringed as she applied more wax to your bikini line.

“I think we both know how that’s going to shake do- OH MY GOD!” You interrupted yourself as she pulled the strip off. You tried not to look at the wax strip, but couldn’t look away, astonished at the result. “How did I not notice how hairy I was?”

“Because you really aren’t that hairy, Y/N. It just looks like a lot. It’s not,” she reassured you. “Besides, now you’re ready for a bikini malfunction too. No escape artists down there anymore.”

“I both love and hate you, Brittany,” you admitted. She smiled and patted your thigh.

“I’ll let you get dressed and meet you up front,” she said and stepped out of the room. When Captain Kirk had announced shore leave on Risa, you realized you hadn’t shaved your legs or underarms in months, and booked in with the ship’s aesthetician. You’d trusted her with your other needs for as long as you’d been on the ship, and when you self-consciously admitted that you were uncomfortable in bathing suits because of your body hair, she’d encouraged you to try a bikini wax. You half wondered if she had just recommended it to be cruel, but she assured you that once the redness and swelling went down, you’d be much happier on the beach. And you trusted her.

There was no way she could have known how badly your skin would react to the treatment. Your bikini line stayed red and swollen for the rest of the day. After a shower and moisturizing, you went to bed, sure it would improve. In the morning, you thought it might be redder, and you had to wear your uniform dress rather than the pants you normally wore because of how tender the skin was.

You walked gingerly into the bridge and saw Captain Kirk’s eyebrow shoot up.

“Y/N, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in your dress,” he commented. “And I know I’ve heard you complain about how impractical it is.”

“Thought I’d try, just to be sure,” you shot back, pertly. He stared at you, not believing you. Waiting for you to crack. You were NOT going to admit that your crotch was on fire from an intervention done for purely cosmetic reasons. You kept your gaze level until finally he looked away with bemusement.

“You’ll crack eventually, Lieutenant.” He commented. You rolled your eyes and sat down, careful to mask the sharp intake of breath as the skin chaffed against your dress. Uhura looked up sharply at you and you shook you head, mouthing “later” at her.

At lunch, you explained the whole sordid story. It was so embarrassing you couldn’t help but laugh at your folly. Uhura stopped giggling long enough to warn you to be mindful of the rash.

“It should have calmed down by the end of Alpha, Y/N. If it doesn’t, you’ll have to go to MedBay,” she warned.

“Do you think Chris could -”

“You know she won’t. Maybe M'Benga will be on?” Uhura knew about your unrequited crush on Doctor McCoy, and could easily imagine your horror at having to explain the issue to him.

Unfortunately for you, the rash had begun to spread, and was weeping fluid by the end of shift. You headed to MedBay with dread. When you checked in with Christine, she told you that M'Benga was in surgery and only McCoy was available.

“Chris, I can’t let him assess this,” you begged as she looked the rash over. “Please, can’t you give me some cortisone or something?”

“You know it’s not in my scope to diagnose or prescribe, Y/N,” she chastised with an amused smile. “I feel your angst, really. But you’ve got to get this checked.” She scribbled some notes on her PADD with a stylus and covered you up.

“Drinks are on you when we get to Risa. I’m going to need lots to forget this humiliation,” you complained.

“I know you’re smitten, Y/N, but Leonard is a professional. He’s not going to judge you,” Chris reassured you. “Stay put. I’ll let him know you’re here.”

You laid back and drew in a deep breath, heaving it out in a deep sigh. Your heart was racing, nervous and mortified, and you just didn’t want to confront your crush with a flaming red crotch. He stepped into the assessment bay and flipped the privacy screen on.

“Chapel tells me you’ve got a rash as a result of waxing?” He was looking at the PADD and in the low light, you weren’t sure but you thought his ears might be a bit red.

“With shore leave coming up, I wanted to be beach ready,” you admitted, your voice a little shaky. He glanced up and smiled at that.

“Don’t we all? I’m going to take a quick peek, and see what’s going on down there,” he said, pulling in a pair of gloves. He turned back the sheet across your lap and nodded, touching the skin around the rash and then covering you back up. “I’m going to give you a cream for that. Should clear up mostly overnight. I’ll need you to come back for follow-up before we arrive as Risa. And I’d suggest keeping that skin out of the sun. A burn there would be more painful than what is going on currently.”

“Thanks, Doctor McCoy.” You sat up, unable to meet his gaze.

“Must be one helluva swimsuit,” he commented with a wink.

“Too bad you’re my doc, I might have modelled it for you once this calms down.” You gestured to your lap with a laugh. His eyes snapped up to meet yours and he just stared at your for a minute before looking back at his PADD and scribbling something across it.

“I’ve transferred your ongoing care to Doctor M'Benga,” he smirked. “One piece or a bikini?”

Apologies and Anniversaries

Prompts- 'Come back to bed’ ‘I wish I could hate you’  'The only thing I want to do now is cuddle up to you and hear about your day’

I was so prepared to write something really angsty but then this happened. Lol. ENJOY xxx

It was yours and Spencer’s first anniversary, and what was supposed to be the celebration of your first year spent together. However, as usual, Spencer was at work. So you had spent this special day alone, drinking wine and flicking through trash shows on the TV.

You decided on an early night, but just after 11:30, you felt the bed dip beneath you and an arm snake around your waist, pulling you in.

‘Happy anniversary, baby.’ Spencer said, nuzzling into your neck.

You immediately pulled yourself out of bed, and heard Spencer whimper at the loss of your touch. You stood at the foot of the bed, hands on your hips, while he looked at you quizzically.

'Spencer. I have spent our first anniversary, alone and slightly…considerably drunk. You said that you had booked the day off!’ You shouted.

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yo our cpr instructor was…not…great…and said that sometimes AEDs will have a razor in case the victim is really hairy and you need to give them “a quick bikini wax”