Clint was sprawled across the front seat of the car, surrounded by other car parts, when Tony pulled into the garage. He sat up, his eyebrow raised when he saw Sally on the passenger side. She waved enthusiastically at him, and told Tony to slow down so she could hop out, nearly falling on her face when Tony didn’t slow down and she jumped out anyhow. Clint’s reflexes were lightning quick, and he jumped up to catch her, but she was coming at just the wrong angle and they toppled back toward the car’s seats. The Audi shrieked to a stop on the polished pavement as Sally fell into Clint’s lap, laughing.
“I have something for you!” She exclaimed, trying to extricate herself from the tangle of body parts they’d become when he tried to catch her. Clint pulled his arm out from under her and tried to push her off him without touching anywhere in the bikini zone.
“Jesus, Sally, are you okay?” Tony hurried around the back of the Audi, concern furrowing his brow. Sally pushed back and dropped off Clint’s lap to the floor with an audible thump. She couldn’t stop laughing, and her giggles were contagious, spreading first to Clint and then to Tony.
“Seriously, babe. Are you okay?” Clint managed to push himself to his feet, and offered her a hand. She took it and let him pull her up.
“I’m alright,” she laughed. “But you took the brunt of the fall. Are you okay?”
Clint nodded and then stepped back to take in Sally’s outfit. Her hair was still in wet waves around her face, and the t-shirt was damp across the back where she’d been leaning against it in the car. “Tony buy that for you? You know they make Hawkeye ones too.”
“I may have thrown him in the water,” Sally admitted.
“The t-shirt is revenge? I didn’t think Tony was quite so self-aware,” Clint raised an eyebrow at Tony, who was standing off to one side of them, watching the interaction. Sally smirked.
“Right? Tony Stark knowing the torture that this shirt would be?” She winked at Tony. He rolled his eyes and stepped into her space, draping an arm across her shoulder.
「@irritablefacade, bc tunglr deleted my reply to this story & i’m too heartbroken and petty to write 8 paragraphs all over again✦ 」
More than one car nearly ended up through their front gate upon sighting Jane. A two-story drop awaits should she edge just a little further over the green cast-iron railing. When she slipped like a specter onto their wide balcony the sky was still pale. Now a starless petroleum blue has eaten it. She’s barefoot, still in the same damp clothes she came home in, and hunched over. Devil’s Peak dangles from her battered fingertips. She hasn’t spilt any from the bottle, though her lips and tongue have been playing with the rim.
The entire drive home was silent. She forgot to prepare dinner. Tandie lies on their bed, chewing a long lost and forgotten about shoe that Brian must have kicked under it. Molala trees dance on the breeze that Jane cannot truly feel. He’s shielded her in suburbia. Past the screen of lush plants, their neighbors in the cape to the left have two small children. On the right, their house is practically attached to another two-story home with cute, albeit neglected wrought-iron rails. Those neighbors despise her.
Her cheeks shiny and wet with black tears, Jane smears the liquid shadow away with the heel of her hand. Then she blindly reaches behind her to seize him by the tricep.
“I ruined our date,” she murmurs, stroking his tanned skin with an ashen thumb, “I’m sorry.” Jane twists to best hook his shadowed face into her periphery. She’s dead behind the eyes, yet they bleed black onto an equally empty catacomb of a face. “You know I love you, right?“
Bumble&Bumble Thickening Dryspun Finishing Spray (29.00, Sephora) This motherfucking product. How dare this motherfucking product be the best thing that’s ever happened to me and be a bajillion dollars. Sephora, do you have a bumble&bumble tree in a magical tropical island I can shake a couple of these babies off of? Because I want to be buried with this product. This is my moon and sun. I have shitty hair in the summer because it is flat on top and curly/frizzy, but I want to KEEP the curls, and it’s thin silky kinda hair and there’s a lot of of it and it’s also oily and it never keeps style. It’s shit hair:
and if you suffer from any of these, I urge you to try this and burn your money and surrender your money to the Lord of Light. Okay it is like 8 products: It’s a dry shampoo but it’s translucent so it doesn’t make you look like Lady Cokehair, it’s an instant volumizer so it adds oomph to your crown, it’s a TEXTURIZER so it makes your updos stick and teasing your hair a dream, it makes your curls better, and it’s also a hairspray so it STAYS. AND IT SMELLS GOOD. And you get to have big pageant-hair with volumized curls. KILL ME. KILL ME NOW YOU MISERABLE PRODUCT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
China Glaze Nail Polish in Turned Up Turquoise (Drugstores, 6.50) So far, this is the only nail polish that actually is turquoise not blue-y greenish or too blue or too green but actual mermaid-in-Arizona-wearing-a bunch-of-turquoise-necklaces, so thank you for this.
Vaseline Spray'n'Go Moisturizer (Drugstores, 6.50) It is a spray! It is coconut smelling moisturizer that all you do is spray on, which is obviously fun but also practical. Great for when you find patchy dry spots on your legs or arms right before you are about to leave the house and instead of getting slime all over your hands and you render yourself unable to open any doors, buy this.
Bikini Zone Anti-Bump Gel (Drugstores, 8.00) I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure this weird, antiquated product has the monopoly on the shaving-the-general-vicinity-around-your-vagina market, because I’ve only been able to find this one at Target and Drugstores and the packaging looks majorly 80’s fresh. Either way, it does the job. I think you should shave as much or as little as you damn well please down there, but my preference is keeping it silky around the “this is where all the pubic hair would potentially pop out of my bikini bottom” and this stuff is weird, doesn’t lather, and smells like nothing but I haven’t had a zit-ingrown-hair-is-this-a-disease bump since I started using it. So props to this old thing.
Headwraps from Forever 21 (F21, 1.80-4.00) We all know my love/terror with F21, but I pledge my allegiance to their accessories, and they have majorly cute little headbands that are a) all cloth so no headaches b) make you passably adorable when you refuse to wash your hair cuz you’re sweating. They are so cheap so you can literally throw them in the garbage when you get tired of them. But they won’t, because they make lazy-day hair the absolute best.