bikini zone

groom

Today is for grooming, after waking well past noon and dragging the squeaky joints into half a gear, around the corner, at least, to the coffee pot and toaster; and then she shuffles to the bathroom where she devotes substantial time to superficial self care, a ritual that gains in frequency as the year gains in heat.

When the callouses are rasped and all the toe nails clipped and polished; when the bikini zone is once again contained; when her body and face betray no sign of an animal ancestry, she will devote the remaining hours to wasting the remaining hours, and then of course it’s another round of another goddamn week, but at least her feet look great in sandals.


ht©2017

anonymous asked:

A boy I slept with, told me to shave my ass and my face, cause I only shaved my legs, bikini zone, arms and belly. I just want to hear your opinion

what

the

fuck

you really shouldn’t have slept with him

I dont even shave any part of my body half the time if my boyfriend complained id kick him right out let alone whatever this dude said

Products I Currently Want To Marry&Kiss

Bumble&Bumble Thickening Dryspun Finishing Spray (29.00, Sephora) This motherfucking product. How dare this motherfucking product be the best thing that’s ever happened to me and be a bajillion dollars. Sephora, do you have a bumble&bumble tree in a magical tropical island I can shake a couple of these babies off of? Because I want to be buried with this product. This is my moon and sun. I have shitty hair in the summer because it is flat on top and curly/frizzy, but I want to KEEP the curls, and it’s thin silky kinda hair and there’s a lot of of it and it’s also oily and it never keeps style. It’s shit hair:

and if you suffer from any of these, I urge you to try this and burn your money and surrender your money to the Lord of Light. Okay it is like 8 products: It’s a dry shampoo but it’s translucent so it doesn’t make you look like Lady Cokehair, it’s an instant volumizer so it adds oomph to your crown, it’s a TEXTURIZER so it makes your updos stick and teasing your hair a dream, it makes your curls better, and it’s also a hairspray so it STAYS. AND IT SMELLS GOOD. And you get to have big pageant-hair with volumized curls. KILL ME. KILL ME NOW YOU MISERABLE PRODUCT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

China Glaze Nail Polish in Turned Up Turquoise (Drugstores, 6.50) So far, this is the only nail polish that actually is turquoise not blue-y greenish or too blue or too green but actual mermaid-in-Arizona-wearing-a bunch-of-turquoise-necklaces, so thank you for this.

Vaseline Spray'n'Go Moisturizer (Drugstores, 6.50) It is a spray! It is coconut smelling moisturizer that all you do is spray on, which is obviously fun but also practical. Great for when you find patchy dry spots on your legs or arms right before you are about to leave the house and instead of getting slime all over your hands and you render yourself unable to open any doors, buy this.

Bikini Zone Anti-Bump Gel (Drugstores, 8.00) I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure this weird, antiquated product has the monopoly on the shaving-the-general-vicinity-around-your-vagina market, because I’ve only been able to find this one at Target and Drugstores and the packaging looks majorly 80’s fresh. Either way, it does the job. I think you should shave as much or as little as you damn well please down there, but my preference is keeping it silky around the “this is where all the pubic hair would potentially pop out of my bikini bottom” and this stuff is weird, doesn’t lather, and smells like nothing but I haven’t had a zit-ingrown-hair-is-this-a-disease bump since I started using it. So props to this old thing.

Headwraps from Forever 21 (F21, 1.80-4.00) We all know my love/terror with F21, but I pledge my allegiance to their accessories, and they have majorly cute little headbands that are a) all cloth so no headaches b) make you passably adorable when you refuse to wash your hair cuz you’re sweating. They are so cheap so you can literally throw them in the garbage when you get tired of them. But they won’t, because they make lazy-day hair the absolute best.