big poop face

What do both of these gassy girls have in common? They’re seen everywhere, they’re both adorably sexy, and love farting pants pooting toots in pants!

“Toadette and Daisy Farting” by TenuousOddity

Willow loved her Mommy and Daddy. Willow loved Grunkle Stan and Uncle Dipper. Willow loved the Shack and the Library and Miss Mack the Lunch Lady and cartoons and the color smorqwakle. Willow loved lots of things. And Willow loved her parents and uncles very very much so.

But she loved her brother and sister more.

It was mean, the reason why, and she knew better, she was seven for Pete’s sake, she wasn’t dumb. Obviously you shouldn’t love one person more than another. That wasn’t fair. And Willow was pretty sure that even if it was true it should probably be the adults she loved most first, then her triplets, and maybe Gompers in third.

But Acacia and Hank had never given her the Look.

She wasn’t stupid. She and Hank were in TAG after all.

(Or as Acacia called it, “your dumb special nerd class.” But Willow could see in her colors that she wasn’t trying to be mean. She was glad not to have to do extra work and be away from her friends.)

Willow knew adults lied to kids all the time. She knew that there were adults out there that could hurt her (many had already tried.) She knew that there were adults that didn’t act like adults should.

Willow knew not everyone saw the colors she did. She knew things that she knew she wasn’t supposed to know. And she knew by their colors and the Look that her parents and uncles knew it too.

(Her fire, on the other hand, didn’t seem to worry them anywhere near as much, which was just weird.)

Grunkle Stan gave her the Look when the colors flared up in public and she pointed them out to him. His colors said he was worried he wouldn’t understand enough to help her. His colors were sad because she reminded him of someone, someone like her. He gave her the Look and she wanted to scream because she didn’t need him to understand, she just wanted him to hug her and just… Be there. Be her weird smelly old Grunkle. That’s all she really wanted and needed from him.

Mommy gave her the Look when she ran to Mommy crying because she had just seen a Bad Man at the grocery store and no one else could see that he was Bad but here and looking at him made her feel dirty inside. Mommy gave the best hugs because she was warm and squishy and half the time her sweaters were scratch and sniff so she smelt good too. Willow didn’t mind the hugs; that’s what she needed and wanted. She minded how Mommy looked at her like she was a baby. She knew that wasn’t what Mom meant by the look and she knew she wasn’t being fair. But that’s what Mommy’s Looks made her feel like; like she was small and dumb and couldn’t do anything, just like when she had to sit out at recess because her asthma. Willow just wanted Mommy to make things better, at least for a little bit, not take what made her her away.

Uncle Dipper gave her the Look when she mentioned the flash of color she saw on the mailman despite wearing her bubble. Or when she opened her mouth and a voice that wasn’t hers came out. What made her so mad when Uncle Dipper gave her the Look was that it was so confusing. He was the one that was teaching her about the colors and her fire and what it meant when she woke up knowing Grunkle Stan shouldn’t get in the car that morning. Uncle Dipper came in her dreams and took her places in the Mindscape no other humans went to! They were going over a weird spellbook he had gotten his last summon! He was teaching her everything she knew so why did he get so… so… what was the word Mommy had used? Canstiparted. Yeah, that sounded right. Why did Uncle Dipper Look at her all Canstiparted? She couldn’t tell if she was doing something wrong but that couldn’t be it and she was so confused sometimes she just wanted to kick a hole in the wall and cry. She couldn’t even cheat and look at his colors. Uncle Dipper had told her it would hurt her brain to look at his colors, but personally Willow thought he was being a big dumb poop butt who didn’t want her to see what he actually thought of her.

She could put up with all that though. She could come up with reasons behind the Looks, even if, as with Uncle Dipper, it came down to being a Big Stupid Poop Butt Face. Their Looks hurt but she understood, or she tried her best to understand even when she didn’t want to be nice and just wanted to be upset.

But nothing hurt her like when Daddy gave her the Look.  

Just yesterday she had asked why Grunkle Stan always came out of the basement a little sad, and she saw Daddy’s colors go down from bright happy yellows to deep, terrible pinks. He Looked at her and around him the pinks were so intense she could feel it like a fuzziness on her teeth. Daddy was pink on Father’s Day sometimes. He was pink like that when they had been in Bend with Uncle Dipper, and a man from one of the churches had pointed at her and yelled mean things at her. (She wasn’t sure why Uncle Dipper had called him a witchsniffer after he was done scaring him. Being a witch would have been really cool, but she only Saw things.) Some days she saw he was a little pink so she went over to cuddle him, but that just made him Look at her, sigh, and get even more pink. Willow didn’t get it. There was something there he hadn’t told the three of them, she could see the bare edges of it in his pinks. But what was it? Why wouldn’t he tell them?

Was it something wrong with them?

Or was it something wrong with her?

Hank and Acacia never Looked at her. They never worried about what she Saw or Said. They never bugged her about it. If they gave her hugs, they were just hugs because they were worried about her and they loved her; there was nothing extra in them. Her Sight wasn’t scary or freaky to them. It was just another way to get some ice cream out of Stan or to get Jerry McAllen in trouble for peeking under the stalls in the bathroom or figure out if Daddy had made dessert that night. They didn’t expect anything of her. She was just their sister who Saw a few extra things. That was it.

With her brother and sister, she was free.

And that was why, and she didn’t care, Willow really really really didn’t care about how bad it made her.

That was why she loved them the best.


This week’s Idea Channel is about YouTube Poop, subversive remix and the idea of “cultural digestion.” I talk a little bit about the importance of understanding what media indicates is “normal” and also make some unavoidable and occasionally accidental poop jokes.