similar songs by queer artists to replace pageant now that pwr bttm is cancelled:
(by similar i mean similar in tone, similar musically, similar lyrically, thematically similar, even similar in the way they make me feel)
silly - i love you (but i hate your friends), neon trees (bless this song. it’s not actually that similar to silly but it is the song that stopped me absently mindedly humming pwr pttm songs and then feeling crappy)
answer my text - stupid, brendan maclean (fun and heartbroken. tbh this list is brendan maclean heavy. i love brendan and this might be my favourite song ever. it’s definitely better than answer my text AND it gave me the idea to do this playlist)
lol - true trans soul rebel, against me! (big, anthemic, vulnerable)
won’t - sides, perfume genius (mournful and quirky but with more hope than won’t)
now now - nvr pass, she/her/hers (made. me. cry.)
sissy - sissy, aye nako (don’t let the name fool you, this song is pretty damn harsh but only in the kinda soothing way that burying yourself in dry sand is)
pageant - practically wasted, brendan maclean (brendan maclean’s music videos are always incredible but the one for practially wasted is i n c r e d i b l e)
oh boy - songs i can’t listen to, neon trees (honestly such a jam)
new trick - grinding my teeth, TANKINI (slightly more rough around the edges but full of passion and pomp)
wash - blush, mr twin sister (is this one on here just because it’s great? short answer? yes)
kids table - my generation, spoonboy (resentful and catchy and i love it in songs wherethesingerspeaksingsreallyfastandtheydothisalot)
big beautiful day - winner, brendan maclean (just so extra and dramatic and the chords in the chorus… damn)
styrofoam - queen, perfume genius (this is quite a loose association, they just make me feel the same way)
(also go watch the incredibly nsfw video for house of air by brendan maclean but tw for coprophilia and just… so much sex)
Summary: It is the first birthday that the reader is spending with Bucky as a couple, but it turns out he wont be there to celebrate it.
Word Count: 2370
A/N: I wrote this around my birthday, and I thought it was kind of cute.
*gif not mine*
was one week before your birthday. You were so excited about it because it was
your first birthday that you and Bucky Barnes were a couple. A few days
before your birthday, Bucky woke you up with blueberry pancakes and coffee in
girl,” Bucky whispered, “Pretty girl, wake up.”
rolled over to face him. When you opened your eyes you saw him caring a tray
and he had a sweet smile on his face. You rubbed your eyes to make sure you
were actually seeing him, “Buck, what the hell?” you mumbled as you sat up.
made you your favorite breakfast. Sit up.”
sat up and he sat the tray on your lap, “Bucky, you didn’t have to do this. But
these do look delicious!”
sat next to you in bed as you stated to eat, “How are they?”
smiled and nodded your head, “They are so
good! Why have you not made these before for me? Are you holding out on me
laughed, “No, I asked that breakfast place that we go to all the time for their
put the fork down and put your hands on each side of his face, “You are
amazing, do you know that?” you pulled him in and kissed him. You went on
eating and something made you stop. You looked over to him, “What’s wrong?”
face saddened a little, “No, nothing is wrong,” he trailed off.
moved the tray from your lap and turned to him, “Bullshit. Bucky something is
up. You hate to cook breakfast food. And you went out of your way to get a
pancake recipe from a restaurant that we go to? What have you done?”
looked down and grabbed your hand, “I’m leaving for a mission tomorrow morning,
and they don’t think we will be back till after the 3rd. I tried to
get them to put someone else on the mission, but they need me. Y/N, I am so
sorry, I’m going to miss your birthday.”
nodded your head trying to keep your face strong and your eyes clear of tears,
“Buck, it’s okay. I know you would be here if you could. You have work and that
metal hand cupped your cheek, “You are important. You are the most important
thing to me, pretty girl. Please don’t be mad at me.”
leaned into the cool touch of Bucky’s hand, “I’m not mad, I promise. You are
going to save the world. How many girls can say that their boyfriend saves the
world for a living?”
promise you, I will make it up to you a thousand times over! Whatever you want,
I’ll get it for you. Whatever you want to do, we will do it!”
let out a laugh, then got serious and cupped the back of his neck, “All I want
for my birthday is you to come home safe, okay?”
pressed his forehead against your, “Deal. But I am still going to get you
snorted and kissed him quickly. You pulled away and brought the tray back up to
your lap, “So tell me about the mission?”
and Bucky spent the whole day watching movies and cuddling like you normally
did before one of you went on a mission.
next morning, Bucky had to be down at the pad at five. When he was about to
leave he sat down on the edge of the bed, “Pretty girl,” he ran his flesh hand
through your hair, “I have to go.”
groaned as you sat up. You were always sad when he left, but this time there
was more sadness. You wrapped your arms around his neck and you mumbled, “Don’t
He wrapped an arm around you, “I wish I could stay
pretty girl. I got to get down to the pad.”
let out a sigh, “I’ll walk you down.” You walked down with your arm wrapped
tightly around his waist and his around your shoulders.
you got down to the pad Bucky turned to you, “I promise I will call you as much
as I can.”
nodded and felt tears building, “You better come through with that promise you
made for my birthday gift.”
pulled you into his arms, “I will come home safely. I promise.”
pulled away, “You better go before I throw a tantrum to Tony and Steve about
you being gone for my birthday,” you pushed him slightly and gave him a weak
here,” he cupped your face and kissed you passionately. When he finally pulled
away he rested his forehead against yours, “I will be back in a couple days,
and we will celebrate your birthday.” He pulled away and trotted towards the
jet, “I promise, pretty girl!”
You waved as the jet took off.
walked up next to you, “Don’t worry, your birthday will still be kick ass,
raised your eyebrows, “Will it now? What do you have in mind?”
on! I was sworn to secrecy! All I can say is, this birthday will be hard to
top,” she wrapped her arm around yours and led you back towards the tower.
days past slowly, and the nights pasted even slower. You would finally fall
asleep, but roll over to hit a cold empty bed.
constantly were checking your phone to see if you missed a phone call, Face
Time, or even an email from Bucky, but it was radio silent from him. Every time
you looked at your phone your heart sank a little. He said that he would call,
even when he couldn’t call, he would at least email you to let you know that he
was okay. If it weren’t for the emails from Steve, you would think the worst.
Thank God for Steve.
was the night before your birthday and you stared at the ceiling like you had
for the last 23 years. You would always wait up and watch the clock turn to
12:00 on the 2nd. You looked over to the clock, 11:59.
waited for it to change. When it clicked over to 12, you let out a sigh, “Happy
Birthday to you.” You rolled over and started to drift off to sleep.
BIRTHDAY!” Wanda, Sam and Vision yelled the next morning.
jumped up and grabbed your chest, feeling like your heart was going to explode.
When you came to and saw your friend wearing party hats and had balloons in
hand. You smiled and rubbed your face, “Thanks you guys.”
ready and meet us in the kitchen,” Wanda pulled you up from bed and pushed you
to the bathroom, “Your birthday festivities will begin!”
let out a chuckle and started the shower.
minutes later Wanda stormed back into your room, “Y/N! What the hell are you
doing? Just because it is your birthday doesn’t mean you can be late.” She
stopped when she saw you sitting in your closet crying. She ran up and wrapped
her arm around you, “Y/N, what’s wrong?”
looked up at her and sniffled, “Bucky hasn’t called. He said he would call.
It’s bad enough that he isn’t here, but he hasn’t even called me to wish me a
happy birthday. It’s like he doesn’t even care about me.”
brushed the hair out of your face, “Y/N, he does to care about you. He cares so
much he made me promise to keep all the birthday plans he already had made for
you! And believe me, he went to the extreme to make sure that your day was
perfect! Now, chin up as Bucky would say, and get your butt down to the
wiped the tears off your cheeks and laughed, “Okay, I will be down in a
you finished getting ready you walked over to your bed and checked your phone.
Still nothing. Instead of taking the phone down with you, you left it on your
walked down to the kitchen and when you turned the corner you stopped dead in
your tracts. Hundreds of sunflowers filled the counter tops, purple balloons
and streamers were hanging from the walls and a big banner with the words
“Happy Birthday Y/N!” written on it.
put your hand over your heart and let out a sigh, “Bucky Barnes, what have you
was sitting at the table and pulled out your chair, “Come sit! We made
breakfast, exactly like Barnes said to.”
guys ate together and talked about old times and past birthdays. After you ate
you guys went to the living room and watched three of your favorite movies of
all times, Mary Poppins, How To Lose A
Guy In 10 Days, and The Great Gatsby.
You sang along to all of the songs in Mary
Poppins and Sam rolled his eyes whenever you recited any of the lines from
the movies was over, Wanda ushered you back to your room to get ready for the
last part of your big birthday surprise. When you walked into your room there
was a white box with a purple bow sitting there. You looked at Wanda who gave
you a smile and walked away.
walked over and opened it. Inside was a card with Bucky’s handwriting on it.
Y/N- I am so sorry I wont be there to
celebrate your birthday with you and see how beautiful you look in
this tonight. I love you more than anything Pretty
pulled back the tissue paper to see the dress that you had been staring at in
the same store for the last two months. It was a navy blue high low dress with
silver sparkles all over it. You held his card close to you and sighed, “Damn
it Bucky. You sure do know how to make a girl fall head over heels for you.”
got ready and put the dress and heels on when Wanda knocked on the door, “Holy
shit! You look amazing!”
smiled, “Thank you. You look great too!”
here,” she walked over with a blindfold.
are we doing?” you asked.
following Bucky’s orders,” she smiled as she tied it over your eyes.
held you tight as she led you down hallways and to an elevator.
could hear music as you walked closer to God knows what. You stopped, “Wanda,
what is going on?”
will see,” she said coyly. A couple moments later she said, “Okay, take off
your blind fold!”
took the blindfold off and saw a big orchestra sitting on a stage with a dance
floor, tables with sunflowers and purple flowers as centerpieces. All of your
friends were standing smiling and they yelled, “Happy birthday!”
looked at Wanda in shock, “Are you kidding me?”
shrugged, “I told you that this would be the best birthday you would ever have.
He did this all for you.”
made your rounds and hugged everyone. When you finally sat down in the seat
that had a sigh that said “Birthday Girl” on it. When you sat down Wanda walked
up to the mike in front of the orchestra.
let out a chuckle, “Well, as you all know, we are here to celebrate Y/N’s
birthday! And as all of also know, Bucky had this whole thing planned out, but
unfortunately he wasn’t able to be here, so I am stepping in! But, Y/N, you do
have a message, so if you will look at the screen please, and enjoy Birthday
let out a chuckle and looked at the screen.
face popped up with a big smile on it, “Hey there Pretty Girl. I hope that
Wanda is pulling everything off as perfectly as I planned it. I am so sorry
that I am not there to celebrate your birthday with you, but I will be home as soon as I can. I hope you get everything you want and more for your
birthday. I love you pretty girl, more than anything. Happy Birthday Y/N.”
wiped the tears away from your eyes, and smiled. He was the best thing that
could have ever happened to you, and he wasn’t even there for you to thank him.
talked to everyone. You ate, drank and laughed. It was the perfect birthday,
with only one thing missing, Bucky.
the night started to end, you got up and thank every one for coming and their
warm wishes. You thanked Wanda for pulling everything off, and you thanked Bucky,
even though he wasn’t there.
walked back to your room and sighed when you saw the phone calls and text
messages from everyone but Bucky. You put the phone back down and went to the
bathroom to get ready to bed.
curled into bed and looked at the clock, 9:29 pm. You closed your eyes and fell
up Pretty girl,” you heard whisper in your ear.
turned around quickly and saw Bucky lying next to you. You wrapped your arms
around him, “You’re home.”
He kissed you deeply, “I’m home,” he whispered
against your lips. He pulled away and brushed some of your hair out of your
face, “Did you have a good day?”
had a great day,” you tightened your grip around his neck, “Thank you for
everything. Bucky, you didn’t have to do all that stuff.”
pulled you closer, “I know I didn’t have
to, but I wanted to do even more, but I don’t think Wanda could have pulled off
what else I wanted to do.”
smiled, “Well, thank you for everything. And my gift.”
Birthday pretty girl,” he brushed his lips against yours.
isn’t my birthday anymore.”
looked at the clock and you smiled. It was 11:59.
looked at you and smiled, “It is still your birthday for another minute,” he
leaned down and kissed you. It was the perfect end to a great birthday.
yoongi is too tiny and too cute and my heart is doing the buMPbUMPbumppbUmp thing now suffer with me
lOoK aT HiS LiL cOnFuSed FaCe aNd HiS eYeS gEt sO BiG
more confusion, but he is now in the Tiny Boy™
soft, post-shower, bathrobe, fluffy-haired, baby yoongi don’t touch me
scrunchy eyes and gummy smile :’)))))))))
OH MY GO D LET ME KISS HIS POUTY LIL LIPS PLS G O D
okay but look before i get emotional: look at his tiny contented smile as he sits down, he’s so happy to just eat a meal with his friends – imagine like, very shy, very sweet kindergarten yoongi, finally feeling comfortable sitting down at the lunch table next to his new friends “momma, guess what! i met some kids at school. and they were nice to me and everything! we ate lunch together, i was happy” im not cryibg go away
anywho, pls protect the smol, he needs lots of cuddles and kiss and sunlight to help him grow ok bye
ok story time: like 9 or 10 years ago, my family used to have a cat that was pretty mean to us, she used to go under the kitchen table while we were eating a meal and she’d just attack our legs and grab our feet. back then i was a lil kid and i didnt really understand how cats work (she was our first cat). so fast forward sometime later when i was in middle school, some kid ive never even met before brought his cat to school (for a science project i guess) and in the break between classes, a bunch of kids were crowding around that big fluffy caged cat and i sat right next to the kid who owned the cat and i asked him in a dumb child tone: “does your cat like feet?” and the kid just gave me the most confused and offended face anyone has ever given me and he didnt even fucking answer my question. looking back at this is amazing and im reminded how much i dont know how to make friends
• I think what’s most important for them to include is James and Lily’s relationship in their 5th-7th years. Like, Harry only saw Hogwarts-era James and Lily in the perspective of Snape. Besides, I doubt that Remus and Sirius’ vague explanations( “She started going out with him in seventh year” “Once James had deflated his head a bit,” “And stopped hexing people for the fun of it”) were enough to show Harry that Lily Evans did not just ‘tolerate’ or ‘settle for’ James. It wasn’t enough to show that getting the girl isn’t the only reason James grew up. It wasn’t enough to show that he didn’t “earn” or “win” Lily like some prize. They both grew up, grew close, liked each other, and decided to be together. • I want Harry to see James after the prank realizing how much things have spiraled out of control. I want Harry to see the boys gradually leaving Snape and other victims alone. I want Harry to see James put more effort in school and being a decent person and helping people out and sticking up for his friends without hurting anyone (i mean - except for when someone is throwing slurs at them or when someone makes a dig at Sirius’ family). But also stuff that James has always been doing like skipping class to tend to Moony post-moon, tutoring Peter in subjects he does not get, learning to braid hair specifically because he found out it helps Sirius’ relax, leaving McGonagall Thank You treats on her table without a note or anything everytime she turns a blind eye whenever the boys sneak out to visit Remus in the wing, etc etc • I want Harry to see the first partner work for Potions in 6th year (after Lily completely cut off Snape from her life) and James partnering with Sirius because he’s thinking “Ok so what if she isn’t talking to Snape anymore she’ll partner up with Marlene or Alice or Dorcas” and then him tripping over his own feet when Lily waves for him to come over and partner up. • Since that is Sirius’ memory contribution there’s also a lot of 16-year-old Sirius going all “HOW DARE HE. IS THIS HOW IT IS NOW. MOONY BE MY PARTNER WE’LL SHOW HIM” “…Peter’s my partner” “god so BOTH of you are breaking up with me that’s just GREAT” • Harry seeing James and Lily spend more time together. At first it’s just glimpses of their study sessions, Lily sitting with the Marauders or James sitting with Lily’s friends. Then glimpses of Lily walking James to practice, James trying Muggle candy and Lily laughing as she messes with his candy a little, Lily playfully elbowing James whenever they’re with other people when they pass by each other in the hallway. It turns to glimpses of their midnight talks , James kissing Lily’s forehead whenever they had to go to different classes, Lily holding James’ hand as he just stares at his breakfast nervous for Quidditch finals (cue Sirius across them being the mother hen to James for once “James Potter, you eat your breakfast NOW, we are not going to win on an empty stomach. Merlin you can’t expect everyone to feed their boyfriends everytime there’s a big match” “Sirius I do not feed him” “I was talking about ME, Lily gosh…im just kidding, Moony, g O D”). Basically Harry not knowing where the “just besties” ended and where the relationship started, because it just flowed and happened like the most natural thing in the world. • OKAY, IMAGINE HARRY GETTING DISTRACTED BY REMUS AND SIRIUS THOUGH BECAUSE THESE ARE REMUS AND SIRIUS’ MEMORIES, AND HE’S JUST WATCHING FROM WHERE THEY ARE. Imagine Harry sitting with them at the table and looking across like “…huh, mum and dad really did love each other. i guess that she really didn’t - OKAY WHY IS REMUS’ HAND SLIDING UP SIRIUS’ THIGH WAS THIS A THING THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR.” Or the Quidditch finals in Remus’ memories, seeing James and Lily hug - James picking her up and spinning her around and everything- when Gryffindor wins and Remus is smiling proudly at them but Harry is notable to appreciate the moment because right then he sees that Sirius has the microphone, raising the trophy, yelling “CONGRATULATIONS GRYFFINDOR FUCK THIS IS GREAT!!!!!! P.S. SHOUTOUT TO MY BOYFRIEND. MOONY, THIS TROPHY ISN’T THE ONLY PRETTY THING I’M GOING HOME WITH TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!″ (cue a Gryffindor-wide groan and McGonagall yelling at him) and Remus would usually roll his eyes and give him the finger, but he’s too proud of Sirius to joke, so he just smirks and winks and Harry wonders if it’s okay to throw himself off the stands because G OD THESE TWO. • MEMORIES OF THEIR FRESH-GRADUATE YEAR. Just random memories of flat-hunting, and painting walls together, and nights when they’re out dancing (DISCO ERA, PEOPLE!!! Harry witnesses Sirius and Lily do their obviously-practiced-a-million-times routine in the middle of the dance floor. They’re amazing but James and Remus are still trying to pretend they don’t know these nerds who are taking up all the space) • OKAY BUT ALSO HARRY’S BIRTH??? JAMES BAWLING, LILY SILENTLY CRYING, REMUS IN AWE BECAUSE THAT THING IS SO LITTLE HOW IS IT SO LITTLE, SIRIUS HOLDING HARRY IN HIS ARMS ALSO BAWLING AND ‘i swear i think he has my nose’. Remus arguing that ‘ok but he has MY eyes’ ‘UM JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE GREEN EYES TOO-’ and James is just holding a very tired Lily in the hospital bed as they look fondly at their life and joy being held by Sirius, and feeling lucky to have this beautiful baby boy - but also feeling lucky because they know that the two idiots arguing about their child will be an amazing extra set of parents to harry • Remus’ memories of Baby Harry. Remus feeding Harry too much chocolate ( “Remus that’s enough” “But Prongssssss you are depriving your child”). Remus popping by to visit to see James and Lily passed out in bed already and when he goes to Harry’s room, Harry is awake again, looking lost without his parents and on the verge on crying but he breaks into a fit of giggles when he sees his Uncle Moony, who rocks him back to sleep while singing a lullaby. Remus giving up his oldest, most worn out, favorite cardigan because somehow Harry got hold of it and won’t let it go - he’s bitter until he visits the next day, and Harry is still curled up in his crib with it. Remus and Lily doing lively readings of Muggle bedtime stories - they do the voices and everything - as Harry listens intently, still clutching onto his Moony Cardigan - his newfound safety blanket. Remus falling asleep on the Potter’s couch, with Harry sitting on his chest and drawing on him. • Sirius’ memories of Baby Harry. Giving him a bath and shaping his hair into a little soap-mohawk. “OH GOD MOONY WHERE’S HARRY WE LOST HARRY” “…he’s hiding under your leather jacket.” Putting Harry on his bike, and joking that he was gonna take one-year-old Harry for a spin and watching James freak out. Sirius groaning as he takes out his Mirror in the middle of work like “James, what do you want now - oh” and finding out Harry is playing with the Mirror; Sirius smiles like an idiot as Harry giggles at seeing his uncle and tries to give him a hug through the glass. Harry’s hair growing long and curly, so Sirius always has those tiny hair ties (he keeps them on his fingers like little rings) to tie Harry’s hair back. Sirius taking a picture of Remus asleep on the couch and Harry asleep on his chest and keeps it in his jacket’s pocket. Sirius as Padfoot, being used as Harry’s new pony as he runs around the backyard with Harry on his back. • Real-Time Harry releasing himself from the memories in tears because wow even before Ron and Hermione and the Weasleys, he experienced being loved and pampered. He experienced bedtime stories and lullabies and little adventures to the park and people bickering over what his first word would be and he can’t remember it - but now he gets to cherish it. Besides, after seeing all that, the Patronus charm gets a lot easier to do.
“What d’ya mean you’re not a guy?! You’re a freaking-” Richie waves his arms up and down in front of him, “-Freaking dude! Of course you’re a guy!”
Penny sighed and sits down on the old table in the middle of the room; explaining that he wasn’t actually a ‘he’ was harder than he though, “I can change my form at will. Why is it so hard to believe that I’m not actually-”
“BECAUSE YOU’RE A DUDE!!”
“Will you just shut up and let him explain?” Stan sighed.
“I don’t know what a ‘dude’ means, but I’m actu-”
“Wait, are you serious? Do you even know the difference between a guy and a girl? That’s stuff they teach in kindergarten.” Ben piped in, though not unkindly.
“Besides the smell and taste, no.”
The room goes silent. Shifting uncomfortably as seven pairs of eyes stare at him with a mixture of shock, confusion and embarrassment, he looks down at the floor and stays silent.
Finally, Eddie throws up his arms in exasperation, “That’s it! I’m getting some stupid books so we can show him what a ‘dude’ and a ‘chick’ is.”
“Why? We can tell-”
“I’M NOT TRUSTING YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TO TELL HIM, RICHIE!!” he hissed. And, for once, everyone agreed.
Except for Richie, who pouted and grumbled darkly under his breath.
“So, Max. Can I sing?” I nodded and gripped my glass again. “Kota, you don’t need my permission.” “Well..okay.” She grinned and started singing about the plants, they were too big and in the way. “Do you need to narrate everything?” I slowly sipped some more. I hated mixed drinks, they tasted way too good and they already caught humans by surprise. They’d probably kill me if I didn’t watch myself.
The server was making his way over to us. “Oh finally! I’m starving!” She rubbed her hands together. Before he made it to our table he ended up tripping and spilled it all. I saw the complete sadness in her eyes. The look on a kids face as their ice cream fell in slow motion. I couldn’t stop laughing. “I am so sorry! I’m sorry! It’s my-my first day, I’ll be back. Fast!” “Well. There’s always next time I guess.” I reached over and held her hand. She looked over at me and grinned. “The one day I’m extra hungry huh?”
“What? No!” Robert sat up straight from where he’d been cosily tucked into Aaron’s side while they watched the film. “Just something in my eye.”
“You big softie!” Reaching up he ruffles Robert’s hair, before reaching for another chocolate from the box on the table, throwing one at Robert.
“Well it’s nice isn’t it. Everyone getting together.” He settled back down, letting Aaron put his arm back around him as he enjoyed the chocolate, letting it melt on his tongue like he always had. “I missed it, when I was away…last year. I know it’s stupid.”
“Hey, I’m just kidding. Do you think I didn’t miss that when I was in France? Anyway this year is going to be different. Best Christmas ever, promise!”
“Maddest Christmas ever with your lot and you know it.”
“Well, good morning, Princess,” Rhodey says cheerfully when Tony crawls out of the fort in the morning.
He groans. Oh god, sleeping on the floor was a terrible idea.
Rhodey comes over and helps him up, smirking in amusement.
“Shut up,” Tony says. “Don’t make me remind you who’s older.”
Rhodey just keeps smirking and drops a couple of pills into his palm. “I made all the eggs I could find, about a thousand slices of toast and some mixed veggies in an attempt to be responsible. Get your coffee, take the pills and come eat.”
“You’re the perfect wife,” Tony sighs and leans heavily into Rhodey, smacking a kiss on the line of his jaw.
Rhodey snorts and shoves him off, but he’s gentler than he could be. “Shut up and help me with these kids. I don’t know how you slept through them climbing all over you.”
“I didn’t,” Tony admits, tossing the pills back dry and heading for the coffee maker. “I couldn’t move.”