bible history channel

Allies and Axis as Things my Professors have Said

America: “Spider-Man, what are you doing in my classroom?”

Canada: “If I collapse, at least take the time to call for a doctor before you all leave.”

China: “You do the work and I take the credit; that’s how this relationship works.”

England: “Did anyone else see that hoard of buzzards, or should I have skipped coffee this morning?”

France: “Sure, skip class. I’m not the one that’s paying hundreds of dollars to take it.”

Russia: “ I liked the doodle on your quiz, so I cut it out and kept it.”

Germany: “All I wanted was some beer!”

Prussia: “Oh come on, I know at least one of you rednecks has a knife.”

Italy: “Anyone else see The Bible on the History channel? Good Lord, I had to ask for forgiveness for my lustful thoughts every time Jesus came on screen.”

Romano: “Kittens are cute, but then they grow up and turn into handmaidens of Satan.”

Japan: “Okay everyone, just ignore the wasps and pay attention.”

Movies based on Christian beliefs that came out this year, a summary
  • -God's Not Dead: Atheists are st*pid, Christians have everything right and clearly every atheist has some d*mb reason why they don't believe in God how dare they we are superior and christian persecution is real.
  • -Noah: White people were totally around right now yep
  • -Heaven is for Real: Hi, I'm a four year old preacher's son that had a dream induced by anesthesia on an operating table in which Heaven was centered around my church and I saw depictions of Christ that I have seen as well as my conception of Heaven, everyone listen to me.
  • -Exodus: Noah was a white warrior and Ramses had a tan. Also the Sphinx was totally European
  • -Son of God: Nobody's white EXCEPT for Jesus we almost had it folks
  • -The Bible: History channel tells Bible stories with white people and interprets some shit right and skews others to make pious shitheads look better. Also Jews are terrible and Jesus was passive
  • -Left Behind: Nic Cage in a movie based on a series of books that make millions on people's fear and apparently the 90s Kirk Cameron version wasn't good enough whoops
  • It's only August, folks. August.

guys me and my parents have been watching the bible series on the history channel.

IS IT BAD THAT I AM ATTRACTED TO THE GUY WHO PLAYS PETER? 
God he’s so cute and perf. 
Even though i was focused on the storyline and the actual purpose of the story, i couldn’t help but notice that cute little mug of his. 

expect more DARWIN SHAW spam from me soon and in the future.

i wonder if this is going to be worse than the sendhil ramamurthy spamage 

Banned From the Bible is on History Channel 2 right now. It talks about pieces of scripture that aren’t in the Bible and several of them have inspired things on Supernatural so I highly recommend it