Which flavor of divine intervention shall it be for you tonight, friendly visitor?
The Melkor You are undoubtedly the great King of Arda and don’t give a shit about what your siblings think. You are made of ice and fire. Those are your shiny stones and you’ll take them to your badass underground castle and that mountain looked stupid anyway. You need a drink to get into the mood to swing that mighty big hammer of yours again and forget that your lieutenant is exceedingly good at budgeting.
Preparation: Stir all ingredients except for the Absinthe in a mixing glas. Strain the fluid, pour into a pre-cooled glass. Carefully add Absinthe by pouring it over the back of a spoon. Light it on fire. Take over Beleriand, laugh at the misery of the Elves, enjoy.
The Ulmo Valinor is boring, so you took your Maiar an vanished deep into the water. You are done with the other Ainur crashing your private party and have become as rough as the wild sea over the Ages. Drinks don’t strike your fancy, but if you need to drink, you’ll take something uncomplicated. Unlike the Elves.
Ingredients: 2cl corn schnapps, beer
Preparation: Pour beer. Pour corn schnapps into a shooter. Sink the filled shooter in the beer like the many ships and mariners your ocean has consumed. Drink, enjoy and try not to think about the Númenor incident.
The Irmo Your brother is going through is Goth phase, your wife is asleep and nobody gets your name right. At least your forest allows for freaky parties and after a few shots of this, those mushrooms look mesmerizingly beautiful.
Preparation: Pour the alcohol in a shot glass. Top it off with a teaspoon of peppermint syrup. Down so many that you can see the dreams of other people.
The Estë Your husband is an immortal stoner, your Maia took at least those lessons from him. While you are patient, there’s just so much one can endure without needing a stiff drink. You frequently party so hard you need to sleep the whole day afterwards.
Ingredients: 6cl Gin, 2 drops Peach Bitter
Preparation: Stir ingredients in an ice filled mix glass, then strain them into a cocktail bowl. Garnish with mint leaves. Drink as much as you need to feel adequate for Míriel Þerindë, Queen of Our Hearts.
The Nienna Hope is hard to come by if you have seen the First Age of Arda. Now try seeing all ages, simultaneously, forever, all the while helping spirits in Mandos grow wiser. You deserve some time with quite different spirits, and you deserve it now.
Preparation: Mix ingredients in the mix glass, stir them with ice and let one thyme twig rest in there for a while. Double strain the drink into a cocktail bowl with a large ice cube. Add the fresh thyme twig. Mourn the fate of the world while enjoying your delicious drink.
The Námo Your brother is in his hippie stoner phase, Melkor is in your personal dungeon and the Fëanorians in your halls, causing chaos and mayhem in the usually peaceful place. Nobody talks about your dog Gorgumoth anymore and it makes you sad. All the soulkeeping gave you a healthy thirst for rejuvenating liquids.
Ingredients: 2cl Bourbon Whiskey, 2cl red Vermouth, 2cl Campari
Preparation: Pour ingredients into a Tumbler, add ice, stir well. Garnish with a lemon or orange zest. Hum “Poor Unfortunate Souls” while you thoughtfully sip the aromatic drink.
The Vairë Weaving a tapestry so fine takes a steady hand, a keen eye and a lively spirit. Luckily for you, you have all three of them. As soon as the (most of the) Fëanorians arrived at your husband’s place, you could take a short break from recording the most troubling occurrences in Arda and enjoy a drink with the rest of the Valar.
Preparation: Add all ingredients except for Grenadine to a shaker, then add ice. Shake well. Strain the drink into a pre-cooled cocktail bowl without ice. Slowly add the amount of Grenadine you want to see in the world so that it forms a red puddle at the bottom of the glass. Casually raise your glass to your humming husband who is strutting by.