Those comments are probs just kids Hun, they read as such, the fanfic community can skew quite young sometimes and I think the older people get the more respectful they get to the authors/community/creators. Really sucks for you tho. My point is try not to take it to heart. I'm sure it's not people being deliberately malicious more just kids being dumb? You're a great writer but do what you think is right for you. You deserve all the good things, sending good vibes your way! 💛
(This is really long, but a better explanation of why I’m doing this, so I’ll keep it this way and probably link to it if people ask me why. And the comment that was the proverbial straw and my initial decision post is here for reference)
Age should have no impact here. I will not dull my reaction or put up with more simply because they are young. Being young is no excuse to be disrespectful, it can explain it, but it doesn’t excuse it.
(Also, that person who made the comment that was the proverbial straw is not young, so they were aware of what they were doing, they chose to make a joke out of my request, so I will take that as malicious, because joking about someone’s insecurities and attempts to feel better is disgusting and despicable and you cannot comprehend how I felt when I read that comment)
I’m aware of the young age of many readers, it’s painfully obvious in the way a lot of people react to some of the content in my fics. But that doesn’t make it easier to deal with this, in fact, it makes it harder.
You’re right, a lot of respect towards content creators comes with aging up. The biggest audience for fanfiction is often younger people, and that sucks here because they’re less likely to listen to and respect the wishes of the content creators, or respect them at all as people and not sources of consumable entertainment. Not all of them, I’m aware I’m making a generalisation here, many are absolute sweethearts, and I’ve had so many supportive messages since that post last night, but a lot more of them don’t care. They are greedy consumers, which is not surprising given the way the world is.
Knowing that they’re just kids being dumb kids does not make it any easier to deal with. Just like knowing that I’m not actually shit at writing doesn’t stop me from thinking that everything I write is terrible if I get a low response rate. Just like knowing that someone wanting more of my writing is really a compliment doesn’t make it upset me any less that most of them can’t find the time to add a kind word to their request for more.
Feeling bad, and knowing that you’re being irrational does not help, in fact, it often makes it worse.
I know your message is intended to cheer me up, and I’m grateful, and that means a lot, so I’m sorry for this, but honestly, kids being dumb kids and disrespecting people is not something we should ever accept or excuse.
I didn’t do this to punish anyone, I did this for me, for my emotional well being, but people also need to understand that if they don’t treat the content creators well, if they disrespect them and their time (and how much time and effort they spend doing something for FREE) then the content creators will eventually stop sharing their content. We shouldn’t put up with this.
Everyone has a different breaking point, I’ve been having many comments that make me upset for a long time now. They upset me, but I pushed it aside and tried to focus on the positive.
But I draw my line at my request for people to stop asking for more in the comments being blatantly disrespected. If that first comment after I changed the A/N had just been someone ignoring my message and asking for more, I wouldn’t have been quite so bothered and upset, because I’m resigned to it even though it upsets me. But it wasn’t that, it was someone taking my message and responding to it, disrespecting it, and disrespecting me. Making a joke out of me trying to avoid something that upsets me.
I can’t avoid the comments that upset me, I get emailed about them, and even if I turn off notifications, I still see them when I go to respond to the nice comments. My only option is to never look at comments again, which defeats the purpose of sharing my work (to see if people like it, to see what they think, hoping they enjoy it, but needing to see that they do) and feel like shit for not taking the time to respond to the people who take the time to tell me they liked my fic, or my other option is that I can try to control those comments the only other way I can, by requesting that people don’t make them.
That turned out spectacularly well, didn’t it?
And this decision isn’t only about people asking more of completed work, (neither is it only about FFnet, it happens on AO3 too), there’s more to it than that. There are negative comments (which are maliciously intended), there are comments that on the surface look positive, but contain things that make me uncomfortable or upset or angry. There’s people misreading my stories and then using their false assumptions to make claims on my intentions or beliefs. People asking questions in comments when the answers are in the author note, and I got excited for nothing when I saw I had a review (petty I know, but honestly, so irritating). There are people reading things tagged with content they don’t even like, and then commenting or messaging me to let me know just how much they don’t like my story, or how I’m a terrible person for writing about it because it’s immoral or whatever.
It’s about me starting to feel inadequate, because if people only ever want more of something that is finished, then what I’m doing is not satisfying them, is not good enough. It’s not good enough to earn any praise, only a demand for more until I’ve supplied enough that I’m worth praising. I can’t write enough, I can’t write more fast enough.
This is all bullshit, I know it’s bullshit, I know I write so much, so fast, I’ve put almost 700k of fics on AO3 since March last year, I’m a really active writer, I have a couple hundred thousand words more of fanfic in completed or wip fics offline, but knowing that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m not good enough.
It’s the fact that I get a notification that I have a review now, and I feel torn between excitement, and dread. And dread is winning.
I’m getting more anxious than excited when I go to post my fanfiction now. I start off loving a fic, but now I’m getting terrified of the power comments (or lack of comments) have to make me despise my own writing. Of how much they make me feel I’m not doing enough, even though I spend so much time on my fics.
That’s on me, I know, that’s on my insecurities and my low self-esteem. People should be more respectful, but if I don’t like it, then I should stop engaging and stop putting myself in this position. So I’m doing that, I’m stepping back, and I’m no longer posting after my current WIP is all up. I won’t stop writing, because I enjoy the act of writing, it’s the sharing part that has started to make me miserable. I’m going to claw my way back to loving writing, and the way to do that is by no longer sharing my own online.
Age has nothing to do with it. I’m not going to brush it aside and try to ignore it because it’s just kids being dumb. I will take it to heart, and I will use it to put myself first and make a decision to stop spending so much time on something that is starting to make me miserable.
When it dawns up you that Iris West and Veil both died within the same week.
(Also Laura never really loved Shadow and her best friend announced to the audience that Shadow, the black male character if that wasn’t obvious by his inclusion in this post, was more like a pet than a husband to her)
with heavy lungs
and a hint of reluctance
i began my travel
towards a better life
to fly the coop
and test these dismembered wings
but you become jaded
of listening to the walls
the creaks in the floorboards
“this house is not your home”
there are storm warnings
and flight delays
but it is now or never
and just as i had believed
i was too tired
there you were–
soaring beyond the clouds
you helped me aviate
and guided me
closer to paradise
now troubles seem
already farther behind