[The Cafe with Robert and Diane (FANDOM: Robert and Diane!!! Together!!! More of this please!!!)]
DIANE: So off screen time on the cruise was great! But let me tell you about the captain of the ship! He was…Robert? Are you even listening to me. I’ve got pictures of him on my phone, we could totally be having gossip time about how fit he was, but…
ROBERT: Can’t talk about anyone else Diane! I’m all about Aaron and Aaron only these days and not in a super healthy way because I’m totally ignoring all of my problems and therefore missing the easy solutions like…communication! But anyway, what’s the one thing that Aaron will absolutely be super excited about, especially when it’s me bringing it up?! Nope, not toast. I tried the food thing yesterday and it didn’t work. It’s MONEY! That’s right, MONEY. Aaron loves MONEY and he especially loves when I obsess over it. It’s really one of the cornerstones of our relationship. He’s going to be so excited when I tell him how super smart I was about the MONEY!!!
FANDOM: Oh…so Diane’s only here so you aren’t talking to yourself? Sad, but still, Diane! However, you totally should have just chatted about the probably fit cruise ship captain, Robert. I’m sure Aaron, even in this most fragile, insecure state he’s in, would have preferred that to the money thing….
[The Mill with Robert and Aaron (FANDOM: The Mill!!! Get some better lighting please. You’re making the gif makers sadder than this storyline is already making them.)]
ROBERT: Aaron! Check out these totally ugly and completely useless chairs the Plot had me buy. No, don’t worry that they’re chavv! You used to be a chav! Don’t think I haven’t seen pictures of you with your trackies tucked into your socks. Besides, these are for you and Liv, which means I totally did the right thing, right? Praise me please! If you don’t, I’ll reblog them later for validation.
AARON: Ummm…I’m actually speechless over the absurdity of this Plot Point, but the Plot would like me to point out that you have better and more important things to spend your money on. I won’t get into detail now, but don’t worry, I’ll give you a full recap of everything later.
ROBERT: It’s fine Aaron, we don’t have to worry about money anymore. Do you remember that payout I practically forced out of Lawrence when he bought me out of Home Farm?
AARON: Umm…must have missed that Plot Point. Sorry…
ROBERT: Are you sure? I could have sworn I told you about it, cause you know we tell each other EVERYTHING all the time. But you remember, I was all upset because Lawrence wouldn’t let me be part of the business anymore. I got all shouty. The fans loved it. We totally stood at the bar a meter apart from each other because it was during the Chill and we didn’t touch in those days and had a conversation about it. No?
AARON: Not ringing a bell, soz…
ROBERT: Doesn’t matter. *Super Excited Face!!!* So I was really smart and you’re going to be so proud of me. I invested all of that money and now I’ve got…sorry…I care about you and only you…we’ve got 580 grand to play with. Yep, that extra 80 grand was so worth it to see that look on your face…wait…
AARON: *Not impressed at all Face* I’m sorry, have you met me? Money will not solve all of our issues Robert. I mean, actual conversation probably would but…nah…let’s just keep this fight going in vague terms and not about the actual core issue. Otherwise, how will this Plot be able to run another five and a half months? I mean we can only take so many off screen breaks.
ROBERT: BUT IT’S HALF A MILLION QUID!!! AARON?! Why aren’t you doing the excited thing with me? Is being mardy a full time job for you? Maybe I should get Lydia to come round to clean the Mill and maybe her relentlessly perky attitude would rub off on you. Or you’d be back in prison for murder but…she could get rid of the chairs you hate? Or I could. I’m sure there’s a conveniently placed Plot fire around here I could toss them into…
AARON: So why were we chasing around after Ross for 2 grand then?
ROBERT: Because…the fans needed to see some lighter scenes and me skulking about like a spy fit the bill? Also…principle…yep, that’s it.
AARON: No, principle was me not wanting to use Gordon’s money to buy this place. Ugh, and who talked me into that, oh yeah, Rebecca. #ThisPlotSucks Oh yeah…and for extra measure, you’re a lying liar who lies about everything, especially your own feelings about this whole stupid baby Plot, even lying to yourself on that one.
[The Mill with Robert and Aaron (FANDOM: So…this is just the set of misery now right?)]
AARON: So…back to the part where you had all this money lying around and you still let me use Gordon’s money to buy this place…
ROBERT: Well…the Plot forgot I had all of this I think…maybe? I’m not sure. These might be rewrites. I’m not in the know Aaron?!
AARON: I mean, what you thought I’d just get over it?!
ROBERT: Well…to be fair…you kind of have except right now when the Plot wants to dredge up all of this awful stuff to push you over the edge…probably to make you cry again. The Plot really likes when you cry.
AARON: You may have a point there, but still, you don’t know me at all. Anyway, remember in the last scene where I said I was going to give you a rundown of all of the money related plots that we’ve been involved in. Well, the Plot printed me out this list from tumblr so let’s see…1 and 2 were the Ross thing and the Gordon’s money thing. Number 3, you claimed you had to work with Rebecca because we were skint.
ROBERT: But the Plot says I couldn’t have cashed in the stocks then or I would have lost money. I mean yes, I never needed to invest it anyway because I only made 80 grand but…
AARON: The Plot is full of shit. Number 4, Sarah and her treatment. You could have paid for that. Would have made you look like a hero but nope…
ROBERT: I would have if the Plot had let me. You know I would have…right?
AARON: You know…that’s the thing with this Plot. I just don’t know anymore.
ROBERT: I promise, I was doing this for us. You, me and Liv. I miss Liv. Remember Roblivion? We could probably use Liv now. She could lock us in a room with cold curry again until we had a #ActualConversation
AARON: Sorry Robert, I need to be really upset as we go further into this #PeakAngstWeek so I’m not going to believe you. You’re only ever out for yourself. This probably says way more about my state of mind than it does about you, but get out of my face! I’m bottling up all of my feelings, having an internal meltdown and taking it out on you because you’re the only one I get to have scenes with. Sigh…remember when people used to enjoy our scenes? Oh well, at least this one is ending. Head on back to the Laurel vs Emma Plot you were all actually enjoying, fans!
[Dee! My lovely twin! My reason to live! My inspiration!
Twinny is amazing. To me, everything she does is perfection. She is always improving and out doing herself. Her edits and art is what I strive for. She really knows how to put things together and create things. This doesn’t just apply to art, but to her characters as well. They are written nicely and creative as heck. I adore her ocs, the way she plays canon characters, her everything. I love her so much >.<]