better conscience

  • Percy: You love rules. You should marry a rule. And have little rule children. And build a house made of rules.
  • Annabeth: You mean a house made of my own children.
  • Percy: That’s between you and your conscience.

eldritchhorrorsloth  asked:

This is something that I have been wondering about for a while: Do people who are bad or evil have good soul traits? Are they just buried under layers of hatred? Are there opposite soul traits for each soul (For example, Kindness is Bright Green and Cruelty would be dark, swampy, pond scum green)?

All soul traits can be corrupted towards evil. A determined soul can use their determination to complete unspeakable acts. A brave soul can use their bravery to ignore their conscience and better judgement. A soul of Justice is easily lead down a path of vengeance and hatred. A kind soul can become blinded by their love and become obsessive over a select few, uncaring of the fate of others. A patient soul can use their patience for brilliantly Machiavellian schemes. And similarly, persevering souls can become stubborn pragmatists, focusing on their own comfort and survival to the detriment of all others.

memories 01. i don’t know if this is reality or a dream.

he grips the railing, metal kissing his bruises bittersweet. he stops. 


he looks off, sharp eyes gauging  hesitance in jin’s soft muted gaze, the warmth of his brown eyes soon replaced by film and hard glass, and it sets him back on course.


taehyung closes his eyes and leans forward, the adrenaline in his chest relieved by the sudden weightlessness caught between his heels. he inhales the pinks and oranges of the sky, the waning sun caught between his lips, and for very first time, he soars. he soars far above the ground, above the grass, above jin, and far beyond the dredges of reality he’d been grounded to for so long (and for much too long). and he keeps soaring, suspended in the silence of his chaotic headspace, soaring even farther, even as gravity tugs down his sleeves and begs at his feet.

jin watches, head booming with applause and excitement. the voices holler and cheer, ghosting whispers in his ears, knowing too well of their fixation towards the descending figure before him, as they clap-!  whoop-!  scream–!

but taehyung hears nothing. he doesn’t hear the chorus of gasps when he falls, he doesn’t hear the hurrahs, the satisfaction of having a full audience. he can only sense. sense a blank stare watching him through false mirrors and still windows. sense the impending fruit of his fall. he can sense gravity dragging plastic and glass from shaking hands to shatter on concrete as it drags him whole into the mouth of the tide, pulling jin and his illusions to drown with him.

to taehyung, the world is quiet.

let’s be        
             he smiles.        
                               young forever.

( awake!au by @caramoccii |  memories:
00. 01. )

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trick shot, part i.v (m.)

;pairing — jimin/reader

;warnings — language | public-ish sex | oral sex | very light dom/sub tones

;anonymous asked — “Can I request a trick shot drabble where Boram, the girl helping jimin at the bar, comes back, mid-fuck, to get something she left? I’m such a slut for your writing ♡♡♡”

;word count — 3k

;a/n — for my queen @makaroniii1, i’m always more than happy to service your newfound bartender kink ;-)

part i | part i.v | part ii | drabbles

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How cheating ass men be when they know damn will you deserve better. Guilty conscience having ass.
Ladies, TAG YOUR FRIENDS if you feel what I’m talking about.
#advice #loveadvice #relationshipgoals #relationshipgoals #girlpower #relationship #cheating #love #talkgaywithfaye #fahylando #moonchie #followforfollow #fbf #likesforlikes (at Los Angeles, California)

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Imagine Rafael figuring out that you're his daughter

(A/N: Sorry this is going up later than usual! It took me a while to finish. I hope you enjoy this new installment! I’m glad to hear that you’re enjoying it  so far) 

Masterlist with all the Parts HERE

Imagine Rafael figuring out that you’re his daughter

“Are you okay?” Will asked, eyeing you up after sipping up some of his drink heartily as you had barely touched your own.

You let go of the glass and pushed to the side, you had been playing with the straw and making circles in your milkshake instead of you know actually drinking it.

“Hmm?” He prompted, a concerned look on his face but the waitress came up to check on the two of you.

You watched him as he dismissed her with his awarding winning smile, a quick nod and a brief ‘thank you’.

“Y/N,” He persisted, narrowing his eyes at you, he probably knew by now that you weren’t saying anything on purpose, “What’s going on in that genius little head of yours?”

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  • Lila: You love rules. You should marry a rule. And have little rule children. And build a house made of rules.
Kell: You mean a house made of my own children.
Lila: That’s between you and your conscience.

anonymous asked:

Can we talk about Tony Stark in depth please for a few minutes

hmmm buddy you’re going to risk that i may never stop yapping about how he literally changed his way of life for the better and got a conscience not after being surgically modified against his will but after meeting yinsen and befriending him, literally his only thoughts were of his loved ones and he realized he did care after all and he wasn’t a cold-hearted son of a bitch, yinsen made his mind switch and it’s going to pain him that he never got to see yinsen outside that cave again, he regrets not paying attention to him all this while ago, he’s thankful he got to say goodbye, and yinsen is never going to leave his memory, none of his loved ones will ever leave his mind again, not yinsen, not pepper, not rhodey, not happy, not peter, not his bots or his other creations. can you believe this dude actually faced his death at least three times and the death of almost everyone he cares about at least once, each time to come out not even triumphant bc hah he’s honestly a mess, but he tries so hard to get better and he cares so much about everyone even if he doesn’t know how to properly show it, he truly hates himself for it bc he ends up losing the friendship of people he really wanted to keep close forever. and now his mind never stops talking, he wants to shut it down sometimes but it just keeps on calculating and creating and twisting and turning until he is reminded by a headache he cannot really handle it anymore, getting worse by that pain in his chest and numbness in his arm, but he knows he can’t help but worry. everything that he’s built ever since he woke up in that cave is more important than his past, more important than him even, he feels the upmost need to protect the people he appreciates and his mind starts scheming again, coming up with new and also very familiar tragic scenarios and how to prevent them, maybe his only way of avoiding it is to just not be there anymore, what if he had never come out of the cave? it’s a dark place his mind creeps in sometimes and rhodey and pepper and happy notice him spacing out and leave him to sort himself out but not too much because they know sometimes you really need other help, and they’re there for him whenever he needs it, with jokes, and hugs, and words of appreciation. sometimes tony thinks he is not good enough of a person to remain on earth, sometimes that thought quickly dissipates at the thought of those around him, sometimes he wishes he wasn’t a genius or rich or the son of howard stark, sometimes he just wishes he had been born to maria only. gosh, how much does he think about his mom nowadays, remembers her playing him lullabies on the piano, teaching him words in italian, playing with him, but it gets twisted real quickly when everything turns dark and he pictures him dead inside their car, and he can’t help but feel hollow inside, stingy eyes, and still his mind wanders and he just wants to drown it in alcohol like he used to. he wakes up at the middle of the night and panics at the thought of being poisoned by his own arc reactor, he might only have a scar now but the chest pain has become increasingly regular and he worries. images of harley and peter flash through his head, immediately making a mental note to review his will once more and making sure whatever he’s leaving to them is enough to sustain them for two lifetimes. ultron left him with more guilt than he had before and the fight with cap has ultimately left him drained, he knows both stances had pros and cons and hates himself for not being a better businessman and letting that mess happen. how a decade ago he would’ve just sold the weapons to whoever wanted to fight and kept on living a shallow life, now he cannot imagine himself doing so, and again he is taken back to the cave, where everything changed, and he will yet to see if he gets a happy ending. at this point, he doesn’t care whether he deserves one or not.

5am thought about humans in science fiction

So Tumblr has tons of amazing, hilarious, intriguing posts about alternative ways to portray humans in science fiction. But my favorite, and least used, method of making humans special is what Babylon 5 did.

In Babylon 5 (and indeed, in most other sci-fi shows), aliens are largely homogeneous - unified politically, culturally, and spiritually. Portraying aliens as such while retaining humanity’s diversity is pretty common to sci-fi, but in Babylon 5 it was a plot point.

It turns out when you spend a thousand years trying to keep a globe full of massively different people from tearing at each other’s throats, you get pretty good at it. And even though our history is filled with bloody failures to play nice, the biggest and most destructive conflicts end with the winners picking up the losers, dusting them off, and inviting them over for trade negotiations.

In Babylon 5, this didn’t translate to humans being adept diplomats and negotiators - no, it led to something much more, well, human. What makes us special, according to Babylon 5, is that humans build communities.

Lots of humans are terrified, fearful, and violent towards the unknown. But the known? Known’s nice. Lived down the street for years, good neighbor. Known’s kid plays softball with my kid, they’re going to regionals this year.

And that’s what we did in Babylon 5. We were not the skilled commanders, the galactic underdogs, the warrior-race, or the techno-bullshitters of space. We united the galaxy by being the intergalactic glue that held everyone together.

Of interesting note is that in B5, humanity split in half - Earth and the Earth navy fell under the control of bigots, fear mongers, and power-hungry xenophobes. Everyone who knew better, everyone with a conscience and a heart, defected from the Earth Alliance.

And they fought. And in the end, the bigots lost. They lost to army of completely dissimilar but united front founded in understanding and friendship and love, and held together with shared drinks and borrowed lawn equipment.

That’s unity. And that’s why racists, bigots, LGBTQA-phobes, and fascists will always lose, because we. Will. Stand. Together. Everyone with a heart, everyone with a conscience, and everyone with a neighbor will stand.

This got a little wibbly-wobbly, but that’s okay because it’s 5am and I have like three followers anyway.


“I have crazy ideas … I’d love to see some of Saul during the years of Breaking Bad, but off-screen, out of his office, not in his Saul mode. I’m curious what that person is.” –Bob Odenkirk on what he’d like to see in Better Call Saul season 3, via Vine Report.

real gods require blood (fma/noragami au, 1)

I’ve got a few ideas where this is going, hinted at in what I’ve written here, but honestly this isn’t as set in stone as my Fate AU. It’s more than likely going to be a series inter-connected fics like my Star Wars AU (I have so many AUs, oh my god), but with a theme. None of the scenes are in chronological order, but go back and forth. Kind of like how Noragami did. Seriously, that anime messed me up real good. I was not expecting that. This is mainly for @the-musical-alchemist and @scarfblogs who got me into Noragami. I know my AUs are weird.

“The Gods aren’t so much worshiped, as they are blamed.” 
Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic 

It was the smell of blood that always startled him awake.

Roy’s eyes snapped open. There were no rivers of blood around him, only rain, and so he laid on the stone floor in silence and listened. A chill hung in the air from the storm, but he made no move to pull the blanket around him tighter. Instead, he let it seep into his bones until he was shivering. Still, he didn’t move. The cold washed away the feeling of blood.

“You’re going to get sick,” a tired voice sighed from further inside the temple.

Finally, Roy moved, rolling over onto his other side to face her. “Gods don’t get sick.”

“You can get blighted.”

“Are you going to do something terrible?” Roy asked.

Riza frowned and sat down next to him, folding her legs underneath herself. “Are you going to ask me to?”

“What a terrible thing to assume of me,” Roy replied with a smile as he slowly pushed himself up. He gave her a sideways look  “What kind of god do you think I am?”

“A foolish one,” Riza grumbled under her breath. She turned away from him to look out into the rain and huddled deeper into her coat. He’d given her the heavier one. She was so small. The second she’d come out of her regalia form after he’d first named her and taken her in, he had been shocked. How could a spirit that was able to take such a fierce regalia form be so fragile-looking?

She wasn’t weak though. She was the strongest regalia he had ever had. He treasured her more than he could ever admit out loud and she had never blighted him despite all that he had asked of her. She could have and he didn’t think he would’ve blamed her. The things he’d done before, as a god of calamity… Another god, a better one with a better conscience, would’ve used a Nora.

Instead, he’d used her, burned her with blood, and she had turned into a Blessed Vessel for him.

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WARNING: When you cartwheel, the weight is mostly from your legs. And if you want to know more, here’s part 3 for a better understanding. Thank you, take care out there, and enjoy.

Steven Universe is a charming, popular show with a quad-polar fandom, and I’m only here to point out what I say is legitimately wrong with this cartoon. Simple enough? Fair enough. Point number 4:


Representation in media can be easy when the right writers are at the helm to present (not push) a message of acceptance and acknowledgement towards an audience that may or may not feel the same way. It takes different strokes to rule the world, after all. However, when it comes to character in general, there are two factors in characterization that when used correctly can appeal their message of acceptance for their audience. One, visual acknowledgement of the representing characters (POC, LGBT, belief, etc.) in question and two, giving the subjects good quality participation to show that they are just as adept to the world as any other without phoning in the fact that they are this or that. Long story short, make ‘em good characters and the representation can earn the audience’s respect for itself. Steven U lacks this too, and this comes from them often showing us stuff and expecting us to just go with it, with themes that are enough just to get by fans. Hell, they show us as much as a drive by…

Originally posted by seriouslyfunnygifs

Not even a cool one at that, fresh

I’ll say this to start off: Lars Barriga (my neega) was a stagnant and frustrating character to deal with, nobody in Beach City moved him in any way (not even his own supporting parents), and the writers just shotgunned him growth (more than once) after he basically had to cheat death (more than once) to gain a better conscience. It’s like they wanted to call him a lost cause but had to hook him back in some way for the audience to not deem him a lost cause. So with all due respect, does it matter that he’s Filipino or a trans boy when nothing valuable or thoughtful has come from him especially? Those trivial tidbits can mostly come off as add ons or secondary nods, when they should’ve been welcomed knowledge about his character. Want an good example? Look to the comic series Lumberjanes, especially issues 14-17 and 28. SPOILERS, though…

They did this right for characters Jo and Barney (Jo’s the one in the 2nd panel, Barney’s in the first). They already established these two as well defined characters that make mistakes but are willing to get shit done for their friends by any means. The dialogue above is when Barney is thinking about joining the girl oriented scouts even when he’s considered a boy scout, wondering where does he want to belong. Jo gives him reassurance that she herself felt the same and just wants Barney to assert himself with what he wants to be like she did. And when he does later on, he’s accepted without any forced gratification and the writers gracefully accommodate this to not only make him (now “them”) a good addition to the story’s world, but a welcoming new perspective. 

The representation is therefore earned, not just shown off

Now I’d talk further on other characters like Lars, but that would be singing the same beats as my previous piece on world building and would spoil notes on the final 2 parts I’m working on now. Instead, the gems are another reason why the rep-pres-sen-tation in SU is nothing but small fractured penny in the gold mine that is anything else going on, with fusion diminishing the relationship representation of Steven U; however you may see it. Now excuse me… this is the hardest part of my job.

Originally posted by rverasart

Criticizing love

Garnet is not a good embodiment of Ruby and Sapphire’s love; Ruby and Sapphire is. I would love to see Ruby and Sapphire being together and showing me why they decided to elope, but I can’t because Garnet is a curtain that metaphorically and literally covers said love from having anything more to say than “HELL YEAH WE LOVE EACH OTHER!”. You could say ‘Keystone Motel’ offered some adversity for the two, but knowing Steven U, it didn’t feel like much beyond me knowing they’re getting back together in the end because they love each other and they just go back to being Garnet because she’s the personification of their love and such. 

Originally posted by hip-hop-supremo

Status Quo Ante. Ante up, you see?

Fusion is something I have a disdain for now because they’re exchanging two characters’ development of united growth for basically an entirely new/different character, that don’t have much screen time or development anyways (vice versa in Flourite’s case). You could say Know your Fusion’ presented an evolution for Smokey Quartz, among the other known fusions, to being more than a versatile fighter, but not really no. We were already aware that Steven and Amethyst were acknowledged sad sacks before they fused, so what else does this fusion offer differently than in their ability? As for Sardonyx, she hasn’t changed from her first cameo awhile back and her vanity was the only thing that made her stand out in said episode. All in all, fusion doesn’t reflect a relationship, no matter how hard Rebecca Suge Knight is saying otherwise, it reflects an aftermath; one that’s in and out as a firework. This and up ‘til now, the real couples we see are pretty general or under the rug. To show how the most mentioned and presented couple in the series, RubyXSapphire, has continuously got the shaft, I present the one dynamic you’d least expect: A boy and his stuffed toy.

Originally posted by crivil

My personally favorite example so far.

Calvin and Hobbes is a series about boy Calvin and his stuffed tiger Hobbes that comes to life through Calvin’s imagination. Reality is like Garnet in this case, where it’s just Calvin having his stuffed animal around to get into zany hijinks like any other kid his age. Then again, the imagination or the living Hobbes is whom is given more of a focus, allowing their dynamic to bloom in a way that wouldn’t be understood if we just saw Calvin just talking to his toy the whole time. It makes their bond feel real and that’s what RubyxSapphire should be, giving them the floor in a way that adds up to Garnet’s eventual debut. “But Monkey Network, what about ‘The Answer’?” The Answer is an episode that, while sweet and good looking, literally danced over much necessary development in favor of only showing us how they eventually stuck to being Garnet forever. Not saying Garnet doesn’t have any character herself, but her integral backstory was/is one of the most beloved and talked about in terms of relationships, yet little has actually been given to us beyond face value and basic understanding and the writers have generally avoid pressing this any further. In a way, that episode diminishes the representation of real queer relationships, bogging it down to early Disney romances like Snow White’s, and practically blindfolds us about what we want to see vs what we should be seeing.

Originally posted by dracobane1

And I already got cute girls not kissing last year. It’s the current flippin’ year

I would talk about all the other canonning “ships” but nothing comes to mind other than the gems are getting along better than before, Mystery Girl is still fine as fuck, Steven and Connie are bound to elope since it’s been presented since the beginning, Lapis and Peridot get along as college roommates, Lapis might still have issues after Malachite happened, Jasper regrets nothing, Topaz sounds cool from the little we got of them, and everything has amounts to having a sob story and/or a recollection of thoughts just to say “Hey, we’re good together”. They implicitly share infatuation and good vibes to each other, but nothing to say their themes of LGBT, relationships, and characterization are groundbreaking. The latter I’ll get to next time. I mean anybody can put effort into writing a genuine romance novel, though it takes more effort to push the romance to challenging means without leaving skeptics at the door, something Sugar has been very casual about and is starting to openly show in the show. That and tears. Because you know what they say, open emotions are better than emotional maturity. Isn’t that right, TV?

Though, a good cry like that never hurts once in a while

Don’t get me wrong. Rebecca Sugarbark is out here doing her darndest as…

Originally posted by ho3-methazine


and when she does themes right, the show provides some good things to think about. But when she muddles them up or casually throws them in, especially when these themes come from the different aspects of what makes a person different yet real, it is unforgivable. And when people of all ages are watching this, thinking with their living ideologies about what could be used to think differently? This makes for a very risky tightrope that can lead to either people taking it appropriately or blindly, good and bad alike. I can only hope that as the show goes on, there are less assumptions and implications from both the show and the audience alike and more assertions and certainty that elements like representation of any kind are brought to a more applied approach than a glanced approach. Something that earns that appeal to a world so open and free.

Originally posted by yugen-ai

Yet. As nothing but a simple critic… I can only be so hopeful

Famous Shakespeare Quotes
  • "This above all; to thine own self be true."
  • "Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't."
  • "Brevity is the soul of wit."
  • "Can one desire too much of a good thing?"
  • "True is it that we have seen better days."
  • "Conscience is but a word that cowards use, devised at first to keep the strong in awe."
  • "Tempt not a desperate man."
  • "Not stepping o'er the bounds of modesty."
  • "But love is blind, and lovers cannot see."
  • "The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose."
  • "I like not fair terms and a villain's mind."
  • "Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall."
  • "He will give the devil his due."
  • "The better part of valour is discretion."
  • "A man can die but once."
  • "Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind."
  • "Delays have dangerous ends."
  • "True nobility is exempt from fear."
  • "Having nothing, nothing can he lose."
  • "I 'll not budge an inch."
  • "Men at some time are masters of their fates."
  • "Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once."
  • "What's done is done."
  • "Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it."
  • "I am a man more sinned against than sinning."
  • "Nothing will come of nothing."
  • "The course of true love never did run smooth."
  • "The common curse of mankind - folly and ignorance."

Originally posted by vadasultenfuss

This gif is how my brain was about to explode from lack of smut, so here’s a lovely little scenario for my favorite pervs. 

This one is definitely less “Aww, Nevada’s secretly a good guy” and more “He’s a piece of shit and so are you.”

Clocks will continue, I just need to rest the fluff side of my brain before I can figure out where it should go.


Oooh, could you do one where the reader gives a lap dance to Nevada? I love your Nevada imagines and your blog!

“Get in.”

It was a command, it was always a command with Nevada.

“What do you want?”

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Sleepwalking To You, it’s Out of my Control. ( JHope/ OC)

Chapter : 2/?

Genre : angst/ Drama/ Romance

Pairing : Hoseok/ Jiah (OC)

Rating : Mature.

Chapter 1 

Chapter 2 : 

Three days later, I found myself staring at a furious Jung Hoseok. He lay on the huge bed in the master bedroom of the beachside villa, the French Windows opening on to the beach and the brisk sea air refreshing , but apparently none of that made a difference because he looked like he wanted to kill. I stared at him, his body looking gaunt underneath the covers. I didn’t know what to say, words getting stuck on their way from my mind to my tongue and leaving me speechless most of the time. I felt like i was crumbling, from the inside out .

“Why are you here? Where’s Hyeri?”

I hesitated, wondering what to say. Your girlfriend is sure you’ll die anyway and so she left? I didn’t want to tell him that even if it was true. I still wasn’t sure, why  i  was hanging around here anyway. What debt was I trying to pay back? I didn’t owe this to him. But then, the sins of the father, i thought bitterly. My father had done this anyway. Maybe this would be the last bit of debt. I could do this and then leave him for good. And maybe , once he got better she would be back. Who was i kidding? Of course she would be back.

“It’s only till you get a little better. She has a lot of schedules and it’s not like she can take a break now. Once you get better , everything will be fine.” it was a sort of mantra that i was now repeating to myself, to keep myself from drowning. Once Hoseok got better, everything will be fine. Not  If  he got better.  when  he got better. i felt my fingers begin to tremble as a voice whispered in the back of my head.

You’re being delusional, he ain’t getting better.

Phrases flood my conscience.

Degenerative injury. Damaged Nerves. Paraplegia.

But i shut it all out as i move to pour him a glass of water. His voice was sounding a little scratchy. When i held it out to him , he knocked my hand away so fast, the glass went flying, shattering against the hardwood floor into smithereens. i stared at the broken fragments, the sound momentarily petrifying me. It was so loud in the room. Hoseok was breathing hard.

“I don’t give a shit. Shouldn’t i have a professional nurse or something? Do you even know what you’re doing?”

A good question , that. I bit my lips. I tried to dredge up a smile but it’s a lost cause really. When was the last time we had , had anything to smile about anyway?

“We can’t afford one.” i said finally. Honestly. It was the absolute truth. Jung kook was paying for the meals and the boarding. Yoongi had offered to keep paying me, even if i wasn’t working with him and that was all the charity i could take from him anyway.

He stared at me.


I didn’t want him to know about me paying for the surgery. I don’t know why but i really didn’t. So instead, I chalked it up to just expenses. He didn’t press further and I didn’t mention that he nearly got his legs cut off either. instead, i assured him that it was just a little trauma to his spine that made him numb from the waits down. With the right amount of excercise and rest, he would be able to walk and run again. I knew it was dangerous. I knew that he ought to know the truth but something told me it was way too soon. He was still on painkillers. He was still traumatized. He didn’t need more stuff to worry about. I would have to bear that burden for now. Besides it was just for a little while.

In two weeks, Seokjin would be over for Physiotherapy. He could explain the details of his injury then.

“So… i’m just supposed to stay in bed? What about the bathroom…?” He said and I cleared my throat before moving to the cupboard and rustling through the clothes. I pulled out the gait belt and showed it to him.

“I’ll put this on your waist and help you sit on the wheelchair. It won’t be easy of course but uh.. I’ve been reading up on it and i did it a couple of times in the hospital when you were unconscious so …” I said with a shrug and he frowned.

“And in the bathroom?”

I felt myself flushing.

“I won’t look.” I promised and he groaned, pressing his forearm against his eyes.

“Fuck…I wish I was dead…” He said softly and I bit my lips.

“I’m really glad you aren’t. ” i said softly.

He grunted and didn’t reply.

“ When can i start dancing again?” Hoseok said firmly, staring at Seokjin with a determined gaze and Seokjin gave me a glance.

“Can we concentrate on one step at a time, Hobi? You need to get the nerves in your leg active again. You’re able to move your toes and that’s a good sign so far. Next we’ll concventrate on in bed excercises. And then we’ll move on from there.” He said casually.

Hoseok stared at him and then glanced at me for a second and I faltered at the uncertaintly in his face. But it was gone before i could fully process it and he smiled a little at Seokjin.

“I understand, doc. i won’t rush you. Let’s get started then?”

I slipped out of the room quietly and slowly made my way to the kitchen. I spent some time stocking up all the groceries that had been delivered that morning. Jung Kook’s staff had outdone themselves and there was a huge bowl full of seafood that looked absolutely fresh. i set about cleaning the shrimp, picking out six of the largest and carefully cleaning and deveining them. i then cleaned some mussels, cut the pork into lean strps , adding salt and pepper to marinate it. I cut the squid into little pieces before starting on the vegetables. It took me a while to chop up the ginger, garlic, carrots, cabbage, leek and the spring onions.

By the time Hoseok and Seokjin were done, i had a steming hot bowl of Jjampong, rice and Kimchi Fried Rice ready. Some of the ready made side dishes were laid out in bowls too and i arranged the table for Seokjin before setting up a tray for Hoseok. Seokjin looked cheerful and Hoseok looked exhausted as the older wheeled him down the ramp to the dining area.

“How did it go?” I said concerned and Hoseok didn’t reply, grabbing his chopsticks without a word. Seokjin looked between us in surprise and then smiled encouragingly.

“As well as I hoped. It’s only the first session so he had a little trouble. But his body is definitely healing well. I really don’t see why he shouldn’t be fully better some day.” Seokjin smiled.

Some day…

I gripped the ladle harder as i served some more soup for Seokjin. When did this supposed someday come , anyway? A year? Would Hoseok hold out till then?

After the meal , I helped Seokjin move Hoseok back to the bed and then followed him to the door.

“He’s showing excellent progress. I’ve no doubt that he’ll come through this a winner.” He said warmly.

I nodded.

“Thank you. ” I said fervently.

Seokjin hesitated.

“It’s possible that he may be feeling very fragile, mentally. I hope you won’t take any of his rudeness to heart.” He said hesitantly. I nodded.

Only, I had no idea how bad it would get.

“ Why won’t you ever leave me alone?” Hoseok groaned.

I grunted, wringing out the water from the soft linen cloth in my hand before placing it on his forehead again. He was running a little temperature and it was three in the morning. Outside, I could hear the gentle sound of waves hitting the breakwaters, crashing into the smooth rocks. The window was open and it was pleasantly cool without being frigid. He moved his hand to grip my wrist .

“I need more painkillers… I should be unconscious right now, not living through this fucking nightmare…” He gritted out. I stared at him. His hair was slicked with sweat, matted to his forehead and his cheeks shiny and pink. He’d slipped out of his shirt and the pale skin looked ghastly against the dark covers.

“You don’t want to get addicted to those. I’m giving you just the recommended dose. ” I said softly. He immeditaely began mumbling again and i tuned him out.

My body ached and my head ached worse. It didn’t help that Hoseok was determined to fight me every step of the way. We had been here three weeks now and already he was beginning to show signs of cabin fever. He wasn’t made to stay in bed. At first he had raved at me for getting the surgery done. “ You should have let me fucking die!!” He had yelled. It had been hard. Of course it had but now, he was a bit calmer. At least he didn’t throw the food tray on the wall anymore.

Once i was done , I dropped the linen in the bowl and slowly stood up. My legs protested. Hoseok had taken to ordering me around, a lot more than usual and I had spoken to Taehyung about it. He’d explained that the frustration and loneliness of being in bed would definitely make him want to act out. I sighed and made to move out of the door. i wanted to drop into bed and never wake up again. I reached the door when his voice came ringing through.

“Where are you going?” Hoseok said angrily and i frowned. What now??

“You’ve been yelling at me to get out for the past hour. ” I reminded him. He looked a little abashed and lightly scratched the back of his neck.

“What if I need you during the night? i can’t scream that loud. ” He said , frowning.

I tried not to wail.

“There’s a bell near your hand. You just have to ring it and I’ll come.” i said softly.

“I rang it yesterday and you didn’t turn up for an hour.” He snapped.

“ Ten minutes. I took ten minutes because i was in the bathroom and it was in the afternoon!! Why are you being so difficult you…”

“Oh yeah, i’m being difficult because I want to and not because I can’t fucking walk or move without needing you every step of the way… i’m just a bastard aren’t KI ?” He snapped and I shut my eyes, willing myself ot not snap.

“Should I sleep here, then?” I said finally.

“On the couch.”

It was disturbing how quickly he responded. But I took my slippers off and curled into the soft couch nonetheless. It was too small for my frame and I would have a killer back ache tomorrow but at least I would be spared from Hoseok’s badgering.

Ten minutes later, he cleared his throat.

I felt my eyes flutter open and I tried to go back to sleep.

“Help me up.” He said suddenly and I startled.


“Please… I want to go out .”

“Out?” I said distressed. It was four in the morning…. Out where??

“The patio around the back, it opens into a deck. I can stay in my wheelchair…I just… I want to see the ocean…”

Grabbing every ounce of strength, I levered myself upright. The moonlight filtered through the window and I could see his face clearly. I stared at him for a second. The angular features and the mouth that smiled so often. Silky soft hair that looked so good against his forehead, He turned around and i felt my eyes catch against the sharp jawline.

Weak , i told myself bitterly. You’re just too weak in front of this guy, it’s going to take you straight down to hell.

“ okay. Let me get the belt.”

I’d done it a thousand times but somehow, as I slipped the belt around his waist, my mind was stubbornly reminding me that he was so well built. Strong hips and rock hard chest. SWallowing the dryness in my throat, I wrapped an arm around him , as he leaned his wrists on the bed and tried to lever himself up. But the fever had taken it’s toll and he faltered. I gripped him harder, aware of his cvhin , pressing into my shoulder, his breath right on my ear and his chest pressing against mine.

Oh, God.

“If you’re tired we can…”

“I’m ready. ” He said softly and his voice, sleep heavy and rough around the edges went straight through my body.. Gripping his tighter, I slipped my knee between his and suddenly, I regretted the choice of shorts. I could feel his thighs pressed up against mine, hot, firm and heavy and I tried not to have a mental breakdown as I , finally managed to help him on to the wheelchair. I took a few breaths to calm myself down and managed a weak smile.

“Let’s go then?” i said, injecting some cheer into my tone. Hobi didn’t reply, but continued staring at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Rattled, I moved behind him, gripping the handlebar and lightly pushing him out to the French Doors that opened into the pation. As we reached the deck, I felt better, the fresh sea air and the sight of the breakwaters gorgeous. The moon beams picked out the glistening waves in the distance and far away the rhythmic light from a lighthouse lit the night.

“It’s a beautiful place.” I said absently and he hummed, staring into the ocean.

“Did you hear from Hyeri?” He said casually and I blinked. I’d been so busy , she had completely slipped my mind.

“I can try calling her tomorrow..” I said apologetically and he quickly shook his head.

“Don’t. i.. i’d rather get better before meeting her again.” He said firmly. I didn’t question it. But I made a mental note to send her a message nonetheless. Maybe she would come visit , anyway?

After a few minutes, the silence began to get loud.

“I tried to contact your parents in the hospital.. I couldn’t find them listed..i..”

“They died a year back. ” Hoseok said softly and i froze, surprised.

“What?” I said, stunned. I hadn’t known. How had i not known? “ why didn’t you tell me? We should have been there…” I said helplessly.

“It doesn’t matter. They didn’t want me there anyway. I’m the embarassment they’d rather not face.”

I stared at him, not sure what to say.Why would anyone think Hoseok was an embarassment? He was one of the best choreographers in the country and while it was true that we weren’t filthy rich, we made enough to live comfortably. Asd though reading my mind, he gave me a shrug.

“It’s worse now. If I can’t start dancing again , I’ll be starving . ” He said bleakly.

“Just because you aren’t dancing now, doesn’t mean you never will. You can hire assistants. People would kill to work with you, you know that.” i said firmly. He gave me a look of surprise.

“You really think so?’

I shook my head, amused.

"Are you serious? You don’t need me to tell you that you’re more than just your legs, Hobi. You’re a dancer . Whether you have legs or not.. you don’t.. it doesn’t make a difference. ” I said softly. He stared at me and then took a deep shuddering breath.

“Why did you do it?” He said softly.

I hesitated.

“Do what?” I said finally.

“Tell them not to amputate my legs.”

“ Because I knew you’d hate me for it. I don’t know…I just… i didn’t want to see the look on your face if you woke up and found that your legs were.. gone.” I said turning away.

“Yes, but…. why? Why do you even care?” He said, bitterness coating each syllable and I sat up.

“Hoseok, i’m not a monster. Just because you’re in love with another woman doesn’t mean i want you in hell. And that’s what your life would be, if you ended up without your legs.” I said , too groggy to put a filter on my thoughts.

He didn’t reply. I stood there for a long time while he stared out into the ocean. As the sky began to lighten he finally sighed.

“Let’s go back in”

I nodded.

Back inside the house, things felt better. He fell asleep right after i helped him into the bed and I curled up on the couch, exhaustion finally overtaking me.

anonymous asked:

"Sigh…it’s not really worth it if you have to sell your soul, though." Apparently it is. Along with your integrity. At least I know whose career not to support.

It isn’t worth it. There’s a reason people with clear consciences sleep better at night. Peace of mind is the most underrated commodity on the planet. I believe in karma, wholeheartedly, and when you do something with the intention of hurting people, it will come back to you. I have no interest in being the bearer of that karma, nor will I say definitively what all the players deserve, but I think the Universe always balances the scales.