My thoughts around Mary, what she has seen and her coping with her boys and their angel buddy.
She’s gone from being a mother of 2 babies in a (happily? generally?) cupid-induced loving marriage, still fighting the supernatural on occasion to happily dead in heaven (which she remembers), to now being a (unneeded) mother to 2 grown men - who live with a supernatural being, in an underground bunker owned by her family’s ‘mythical opposition’ the men of letters and living the hunting life she was desperate to keep them away from. Yeah, tough.
- Resurrection : Dean convinces her of who he is by an emotional retelling of her life and how she met John. Reminding us that when Mary and John first met they didn’t actually immediately like each other, she 'knocked him flat on his ass’. They did fall intensely in love although their relationship and family was marred by the supernatural and they sometimes fought passionately (she doesn’t know it was a Cupid of course)…. Aside - *ahem “couple who were 'forced to be’ v couple who embody free will” parallels*
- Witnessing Dean and Cas being reunited when Cas believes he has died. Cas throwing himself at Dean, shouting then quietly murmuring his name into his neck. She, understandably, has a questioning look in her eyes. Then, um, ANGEL?!
- Seeing Cas work tirelessly to find Sam. Seeing Dean completely trusting Cas to do this and also relying on him emotionally (overhearing their #married phone conversation about Dean not wanting to overwhelm her).
- Knowing that Cas lives in the bunker with them, but noting that he doesn’t sleep, emphasising his 'inhuman’ side.
- Seeing how completely Cas falls apart when Sam and Dean are imprisoned as he tries to find them and attempts to hunt alone (v how effective he was at finding just Sam, working with Dean, when she first met him). She blames him for their loss at first. Then upon seeing how completely he is broken, even counting the hours, she tries to support and help him in as much as she can, in her way. Upon realising how he is NOT coping she goes from her first instinct of blaming him for their loss in her role as their mother to actually consoling him.
Mary is NOT a monster, she’s really struggling, she misses the people she loves and so buries herself in hunting to bury her emotions. Plus her automatic reaction to strong feelings of love, pain and guilt is to get angry… LIKE DEAN (very relevant for Cas’s death scene).
- Cas putting himself in danger to save her from Billie, he then gives an impassioned, muddled speech about how important you/you all is/are to him/everything… but predominantly throughout this is looking at Dean. Sure he doesn’t want Mary to die, but this speech - this declaration is not really about them all being so important to everything, it can’t be, she’s not been around long enough and she hasn’t done anything to show Cas that she’s of any real importance.
She wonders if he even really understands it himself, he looks so muddled and broken. Is it because he’s an angel? Do angels feel like humans? She’s confused and worried, she is already not sure of the new world she’s come back to, and now there’s a supernatural being in her and her boy’s life, it’s intense. And now this?! She turns to Dean and sees the look of pain in his eyes as he realises how broken Cas is and how he has put himself in harms way for them.
His jaw is clenched, his body language is closed off, guarded. She understands this is far more complex than she first imagined.
- After such an emotive night she heads out to clear her head, she can’t cope with being around them all, it’s too much. The next time she sees them all it is most definitely jarring. Sam and Dean are all business with her, there’s no sign of anything cosmic or anything in their actions to recall that emotional night. Dean partakes in some over the top posturing with the waitress on Cas’s behalf while calling Cas 'devastatingly handsome’ while Cas seems oblivious, or is that actually a scowl on his face? She’s now even more confused. Does Dean not realise or is this something else entirely? Has she misread Cas? She doesn’t know any other angels so it could be that she’s misunderstood. He is a little awkward and supernatural after all…. but the boys want him around and he obviously cares for them so she should just get them all to get on with the hunt.
- Cas is dying and it’s her fault. He wants the Winchesters to leave him as to save themselves. He tells Sam and Dean that his best moments have been with them which makes her wonder just how old he is and what he has seen. He says the things they’ve shared and done have changed him. She knows this is important but not exactly how, it’s deeply emotional though and it reminds her of how little she actually knows of their time together and her boys that this angel, this supernatural being could have been affected so much by them. She turns and sees Sam, then Dean’s faces and how they both are pained by Cas’s dying words. Somehow though she can see not just sadness in Dean’s eyes but also regret and self loathing. He blames himself. She knows because it’s what she sees in the mirror. She is reminded again how Dean is so like her.
- Cas looking up at them all, calling them all his family, nodding at her to include her which just makes her feel awful for her part in having led to this, his death and all their pain. She doesn’t really deserve this, to be a part of their family.
- Cas then immediately looking down, not catching anyone’s eye as he says 'I love you’.
Cas looking up at Sam as he tells him that he loves them all, meaning him, specifically TOO, then finally the long lingering, revealing look at Dean as he can’t avoid him any longer. She knows now, she understands.
She looks at Dean and sees so much of herself in him. She wonders if he understands too or if his self-loathing prevents his comprehension that he can be loved like this. She’s not known him very long as an adult but she knows this much about him and that saddens her deeply, it also contributes to her own self-loathing in an ironic twist. And if he does understand Cas’s words, does he reciprocate? Her and Dean, they work with actions, not words and she sees his actions now, how he’s holding back. She understands. But it doesn’t matter now anyway,
Cas is dying and it’s her fault. She could be the cause of the breaking of her little boy’s heart and he doesn’t even know it. But still in the back of her mind, is this not maybe for the best? How can you love something not…human?
- Sam and Dean fighting for Cas, refusing to leave him, emphasising that he is family, seeing the understanding and love in Cas’s eyes as they do so. Dean had even been arguing with and insulting both the KING OF HELL and RAMIEL as he was so worried for Cas. Mary is terrified of Ramiel, another yellow eyed demon and she has seen this.
Now, as he is dying, Sam’s consoling words while Dean can’t watch, he looks down like he might even be praying. Or perhaps he just can’t watch Cas’s last moments.
- But he lives, no thanks to Mary.
- “Let’s go home”….
No wonder she can’t stay around them, with the confusion over their supernatural 'friend’ plus now the guilt (she’s still in the old hunter mindset of kill anything inhuman, she doesn’t have 12 years worth of Winchester Gospel storyline to teach her the grey areas like our boys have and they’ve only recently learned it fully re: Benny, Amy).
And yes she’s made it a hell of a lot worse by now also betraying Sam with the BMOL, when he was the one who really still trusted her.
So yeah, in her struggle to find herself she’s ‘abandoned’ BOTH Sam and Dean and now she’s narratively:
1. betrayed Sam through her work with the BMOL.
2. betrayed Dean…. by endangering Cas.
So I think that speaks volumes.
Now for her redemption arc as she’s already admitted to working with the BMoL and is clearly conflicted about nearly losing Cas, let’s get some more wake up calls :)
This is a response to @xsbateena ’s
comment concerning this post.
I find that argument to be incredibly
fallacious. One, either you honestly just completely missed the point
of my post, or you’re purposefully using a Red Herring to shift the
argument to be about something I wasn’t addressing at all (I’ve
actually sort of addressed that elsewhere). And two, after you shift
that argument, you then use a false moral equivalency to compare
situations that aren’t actually alike or comparable. So first, I’ll
address the second fallacy and then clear up the first by revisiting
my actual premise.
You said, “you know you can say
literally everything on here about Dean too though, right?” This is
a classic response to Sam criticism, and it basically amounts to
“Dean’s just as bad!” as if that magically excuses what Sam’s
done. It doesn’t. As if it were true. It isn’t. Because honestly, no, you can’t say
the same about Dean.
1) Dean has lied to Sam less than a
third as often as Sam has lied to Dean, and most all of Dean’s lies
have been to spare either Sam’s life or to spare Sam emotional pain.
Notice, I never referenced all the times that Sam lies to
Dean, just the worst ones, which happen way, way too often and way
too consistently. Two years is a long time to deceive someone, and
those lies over-lapped a lot. Like I said, it’s the consistency, PLUS
the motivation, PLUS the caliber of the lie. Just season 1-4, Sam
lies to Dean’s face upwards of 13 times.
2.) Dean has never willingly abandoned
Sam and, Dean always communicates even when they do separate, so much
so that Sam is sure in Scarecrow that something’s happened when Dean
doesn’t pick up his phone. (notice the difference between leaving
someone high and dry, when they are counting on your help, in anger
or punishment, vs distancing yourself for their own safety. Notice I
did not include Sam’s departure in GGY for that reason).
3.) Dean has almost always been the
one to resist a choice he has reason to believe will have
consequences for innocent people, often to Sam’s frustration. There
are times Sam has convinced him that it’s “worth the risk” of
innocent lives for a cause (giving a monster another chance for
example), but Dean shown an awareness of and a serious concern/
consideration for the collateral damage, only assenting when they’ve
seriously have no better options. He may be reckless with HIS OWN
life, but not with others. He’s never for example ,suggested they
abandon victims to die to serve a personal goal, or sacrificed
someone for a spell, or chose a path he’s been warned could likely
cause death to millions for suspect, personal reasons. He’s never
started an apocalypse either.
4.) Dean actually has a pretty
excellent record with discerning those who can be trusted and those
who can’t. Not that he’s never been tricked, but he is incredibly
keen on spotting those trying to deceive or manipulate them or those
who are just bad news—he just has trouble getting Sam to believe
him. For example, when the YED was masquerading as John, the guy in
Croatoan, Ruby (despite all her considerable attempts at deception),
the angels, Jack, Samuel, S! Sam, Rowena w/ the BOTD, the BMoL, and
yes even Crowley who he worked with only b/c they had no other
choice, not b/c he trusted him (noting the entire time that he didn’t
trust him) until Crowley actually became trustworthy. He could
even tell that the visions Sam was getting in S11 weren’t from god.
On the flip side, the people he has approved have proved to be true
friends, like Cass, Benny, and Cole.
5.) Sam often doesn’t trust Dean with
his feelings, and that’s fine because it’s his right to talk or to
remain quiet as he sees fit. But Sam is not villanized or bullied,
either within the story or outside of it, for failing to do this to
Dean’s satisfaction, for saying “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
And when Sam does talk about it, Dean usually goes out of his way to
reassure Sam, encourage Sam, comfort Sam, or attempt to cheer him up.
I’m not saying Dean’s never been insensitive. Of course he has. But
he’s never mocked Sam over a serious trauma, or screamed at him for
not talking about it or told him “this is crap and I’m sick of it,”
or used it to judge/ condemn him. Dean’s judged Sam for his actions,
not his feelings.
6.) Deans almost never uses emotional
blackmail (less than the average person even), while Sam uses it all
the time. Dean doesn’t blame his brother for his own choices and
actions. Sam does. Dean doesn’t use shaming tactics in an
argument—not even while under supernatural influence. He talks
about Sam’s behavior and why he feels it’s wrong and how he feels
about it. Dean doesn’t demand Sam support him emotionally or accuse
him of not “believing” in him if/ when Sam disagrees. Sam may
make the most accusations, but usually that’s because Sam is
emotionally blackmailing Dean into silence about something Sam’s done
and Dean (the horrible monster) is openly upset about. Asking someone
to account for their bad behavior is only “guilting” when it’s
unfairly exaggerated or a lie, NOT if the person has done exactly
what you’re calling them out for and its hurt you exactly as much as
you say it has.
7.) Finally, the worst thing
out-of-control Dean has done to Sam is to chase him with a hammer.
Something that didn’t even happen until late in the series. Sam
doesn’t have a history of being severely harmed. Yes, he has been
threatened, and yes it’s scary (some you love’s trying to kill you,
of course it’s scary). But he’s never been beaten almost to death, to
the point where his skull is practically caved in on one side. He’s
never been tortured. He’s never been shot. Even in the fight that he
started with MOC Dean, he’s never been significantly wounded or otherwise
But here’s the thing: even so, EVEN
WITH THE HARM BEING MINIMAL, SAM HAS EVERY REASON AND EVERY RIGHT TO
BE WARY, AFRAID OR NERVOUS ABOUT DEAN GOING OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN! If
Dean were playing with demonic powers, pitting himself against evil
mind controllers in a battle of will, or putting himself in other
positions to be supernaturally compromised, Sam would have every
right to question it, to complain, to argue against it. He wouldn’t
be required to “believe” that Dean could do it or villanized for
not being on board with Dean’s plans.
And that really brings me back to the
Red Herring, because my argument was never a contest of “who’s lied
more.” It was a statement about how Dean doesn’t owe Sam
when Sam can’t manage to be even marginally, even
basically trustworthy. And I’m going to make a bold claim and say
that Dean is the most reliable character on the show. It’s why
literally everyone depends on him for things, looks to him for
things. It’s why all of their allies, true allies are from
relationships with Dean, not Sam. And yet, neither Dean himself, nor
his fans villanize Sam for failing to trust Dean. No one is claiming
Sam has NO RIGHT to be wary or distrustful after the few times Dean
has lied to him or after Dean has not been emotionally supportive
(the only 2 on the list that Dean could even marginally, fit into).
It’s why I added the fact that Sam
changes his mind too much as a point. Because Sam is not expected to,
or condemned for failing to anticipate what Dean wants. He’s not
condemned for being skeptical if Dean’s going to change his mind.
Dean is the one condemned because he couldn’t figure out if Sam
really wanted to stop hunting or not. Dean is the one accused of
keeping Sam in a profession Sam wants out of, despite Sam telling him
on multiple occasions that he didn’t want to leave now, or that he’d
accepted it and wanted to continue. Dean is the one punished for not
getting the signals right. Sure Sam can change his mind as much as he
wants. But then Sam and his fans don’t get to be angry and pissed off
and blame others when they fails to keep up with the changes, or fail
to take yet another change too seriously. Wayy too often Sam and his
villanize Dean for his perceived failure to give Sam the trust Sam
seems to believe he’s owed, but that he has not
earned! That is the discussion my argument sits in and the reason for
my premise being “here is why Dean might have trouble preforming as
Sam et, all believes and demands he should.”
Was Sam distrustful of Dean after Amy?
Or during S9? Of course he was. And he had every right to be.
Even with Dean being leaps and bounds more reliable and more
trustworthy than Sam, Sam still has the right to keep his feelings to
himself or to distrust Dean after Dean’s lied to him. It’s a human
reaction. And DEAN has the same, exact right. THAT IS
MY POINT! It is unfair that he is constantly villified for having a
human reaction, both within the show and outside of it. It’s
disturbing that he’s expected to suppress it and screamed at or
punished for failing to do so. My post was to show how wrong this
is. That Dean has every right and has had every motivation to be
untrusting, or nervous, or afraid, and to disagree with what Sam
wanted to do when he has been. Despite what he’s told, Dean doesn’t
need to turn off his humanity in order to accommodate Sam’s feelings.
He can’t do it, even if he tried. Because humans just don’t work that
43. falling in love with their best friend’s partner au
From the moment Benny walks in with his boyfriend, Dean knows he is screwed. Benny has been bragging about how handsome his new partner is and how he’d hit the jackpot for a while now- but Dean would never believe him. Until he sees him standing right there, Benny’s arm around the broad shoulders covered with a dark blue shirt and leather jacket. Dean almost drops his beer.
The guy’s hair is a deep, dark brown, almost black in this light and his body is a good example of perfect.
Dean never fights over people with Benny, they always had a good feeling about who was into which person and Dean has always been easy with letting it go and giving Benny what he wants. But he already feels the jealousy rising as he stands and watches. When Benny catches his glance, he waves and gestures to come over. Dean puts his empty beer away and approaches Benny and the guy, curling his shaking hands in a fist to calm them down.
“Hey brother,” Benny says and his hand slips from the guy’s shoulders. He pulls Dean into a hug and he hugs back, strong and short. When he pulls away, the other guy holds out his hand.
“I’m Castiel.” He says with a deep voice. Dean takes his hand a bit too fast and a bit too long as he says his name, but the guy doesn’t seem to mind. He shares a quick look with Benny and gestures. “Benny’s boyfriend.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard,” Dean admits and can’t help his eyes from wandering. “He told me a lot about you.”
“He did?” Castiel frowns and tilts his head to Benny, who shrugs and smiles.
“Only good things, Cas. I’ll get you a beer. Dean?”
Dean nods and suddenly he’s alone with Castiel.
“So, Dean,” Castiel says as he stands closer to let a few people pass. “This party is yours?”
“My brother’s, actually,” Dean says as he gets a hint of Castiel’s aftershave- sandalwood and something flowery, sweet but not too thick, a perfect balance, and he feels the blue eyes burn on his skin. “He’s turning eighteen, so he wanted something a little bigger.”
“Congratulations,” Castiel says politely. Dean smiles, dazzled by the way Cas loosely ruffles his hair as he looks for Benny. He appears a few moments later with three beer. They talk for a while, but Dean has a hard time keeping his eyes off Castiel. It gets to the point where he becomes agitated by himself, knowing that what he’s feeling is wrong and he walks away from them at last- too tense to act normal.
He doesn’t know if he should feel upset or thankful when Benny and Cas leave, but Castiel’s eyes stay with him until late that night.
Dean hoped that it would get less painful over time, seeing Benny and Castiel together. But the more they meet up or hang out together, the more it bothers Dean. Whenever he’s around Castiel he feels warmer, more comfortable despite it being awkward as well. It doesn’t help that Castiel shows interest in him as well- at least, they talk a lot, Cas laughs at his jokes, he started hugging him the third time they met and Cas doesn’t seem to be bothered by personal space.
Despite not being able to get enough of it, Dean feels wrong. Cas is Benny’s boyfriend, and though they aren’t a sappy couple, Dean can’t just flirt with Castiel like he wants to.
So he goes home every night feeling empty and alone as he tries to ignore the image of Benny’s arm around Castiel’s waist and focus on Castiel’s hand on Dean’s shoulder before, but all it makes him feel is treacherous and an ass.
It’s one of those nights that he leaves alone again, feeling torn. Castiel had talked with him all night and Benny had mainly focused on Meg and Charlie. Dean and Cas had sat aside a little as Cas talked about the names of stars and Dean listened, quickly distracted by Castiel’s glistening eyes and the curve of his lips. Castiel had hugged him gently when they left, longer than normal.
“It was good to see you again, Dean.” He’d said, face close to Dean’s. “Until next time.”
Dean had stuttered something back and now he walks his way home, alone and miserable.
It feels like he’s cheating while he isn’t. Castiel isn’t cheating, he’s done nothing with Dean. Dean isn’t betraying Benny, but his feelings are. The problem is that it won’t stop, he knows that much.
Once home, he lets himself fall down on the couch and turns on the TV. His mind keeps drifting. He doesn’t know how long he sits there and stares at the TV with no clue of what’s on. He hugs his knees close to his chest. His bare feet are cold and he rubs them warm, just as the doorbell rings. It’s almost midnight. The only person he can think of to come by at this hour is Sam when there’s something wrong, so he hurries to the door.
Dean has a moment to realize that it’s, in fact, Castiel standing in front of him, then his thoughts are shut off as Cas steps inside and kisses him full on his lips. It’s only for a few moments before Dean pulls away, the butterflies in his stomach pushed away by his confusion.
“What- what the- what about Benny?” He manages to stutter.
Castiel looks at him with those irresistible blue eyes and closes the door with his foot.
“We broke up. I… I couldn’t ignore what was happening between you and me and Benny felt like he was drifting away from me. We didn’t work out.” Cas looks down, embarrassed suddenly. “I should’ve… I’m sorry I kissed you, I just-” He takes a deep breath. “Benny is okay. He wanted me to find what I was looking for and I already knew that you-” He gives Dean a quick look. “You’re very special to me, Dean, and I want you to know that. I’ve never met someone like you, you make me feel things no one else ever made me feel and I couldn’t ignore that any longer.”
Cas is panting softly and Dean doesn’t know what he should say.
Benny is okay, he’s sure Castiel isn’t lying, and Castiel just confessed to him how he feels. The butterflies start fluttering again.
“Are you sure?” Dean whispers softly. “About Benny, about… us?”
Dean looks at Cas in silence as his mind tries to settle all the information. In a sudden movement, he grabs the collar of Castiel’s jacket and pushes him against the wall, kissing him for a second time. Cas leans in, eagerly, and runs his fingers through Dean’s hair with a soft, satisfied hum.
“I felt wrong for wanting this,” Cas mutters against his lips. “But it doesn’t feel wrong at all.”
Dean chuckles against Castiel’s lips, softly nudging him over to the living room.
“Me too,” he admits, trying to slip off Cas’ jacket and kissing him at the same time. “But if you’re sure and Benny is alright…”
“He is,” Castiel pulls away for a moment to focus his eyes on him. “I promise.”
Dean’s mind settles on the promise and he lets Cas’ lips trail kisses down his neck.
“Good,” he whispers.
Later, when they’re both lying comfortably under the sheets of Dean’s bed, legs tangled together and Cas’ steady breathing tickling his neck, Dean smiles and closes his eyes.
As he drifts off, he squeezes Cas’ hand wrapped securely around his waist and can feel Castiel’s lips pressing a soft, tired kiss against his shoulder.
Dean has Sam pinned against the lockers in the empty
hallway. Sam cradles his books against his chest, such a damsel, as he stares incredulously up into Dean’s smirking
face. “Not here, Dean!” Sam hisses. “It’s
in the middle of the school, and I’m already late.”
Dean can’t resist.
He kisses Sam, who doesn’t know how to object when Dean
bites his lip, licks the inside of his mouth just like that, and places his hands there, and ohfuck, there.
Sam whines into Dean’s mouth, rubs himself against
Dean’s thigh, and Dean can feel his little brother come apart in his arms. He
breaks the kiss, leaves Sam with a soft little kitten lick to his upper lip,
and backs away.
Sam looks delicious; rosy and kiss-swollen and utterly
betrayed. “Dean,” he whispers angrily, “You can’t
leave me like this!”
Dean just laughs. “But we’re in school, Sammy,” he
says, slyly. “And you’re already late.”
Sam narrows his eyes at him. “Fuck you,” he mutters.
Dean looks smug. “Later, baby boy,” he assures Sam,
who storms off with one final glare at Dean.
When Dean gets into the impala, John asks: “Isn’t Sam
Dean looks out the window, and bites back a smirk. “Oh,
he’s coming,” he murmurs. “Later.”
Cas and Dean return to their shared apartment after a long night of partying. Dean is pretty drunk and accidentally breaks his bed which leads to the two friends sharing Cas’s bed. In the morning, a very sleepy Dean let’s some secrets slip.
It was way past 3 a.m. on a Saturday when Dean and Cas finally arrive at the door of their shared apartment after a long night of partying. To be honest, Dean was the one partying while his best friend and roommate Castiel was mostly watching him drink and dance with various people. Cas really isn’t the party-type, doesn’t even know why he continuously tortures himself by joining Dean on parties nearly every weekend- just to creep around in a corner and look at his friend flirting or making out with other students. He’s completely aware of how embarrassing and pathetic this crush, that he’s been harboring on (wo)manizer Dean Winchester for about a year, is, but he really can’t help his feelings. Considering that Dean is openly bisexual and has dated and hooked up with quite a lot of people over the course of their friendship, but never made a move on Cas, he knows that Dean just isn’t into him and that he should probably get over it and accept the fact that there would never be more than a deep friendship between them.
“Ya know what, Cas?” Dean leans against him, nuzzling his face against his neck while Cas unlocks the door and trys to prevent his friend from falling to the ground at the same time.
“I really like ya… How’d I even deserve you? You’re my best friend, love- I love you s’much.” Dean mumbles while trying to conceal his hiccups.
Dean is allowed to be angry when Sam abandons or betrays him.
Dean is allowed to keep his feelings to himself.
Dean is allowed to have feelings regardless of whether they are what Sam thinks they should be.
Dean is allowed to call out even a loved one for hurting him or betraying him, especially if they keep doing it.
Dean is allowed to be afraid or nervous that they will do it again.
Humans are allowed to do all of these things, and as a person, so is Dean. None of these make Dean controlling, abusive, or cruel. Framing it as such what an abuser does to keep their victim in line. It’s a method certain people use to manipulate someone else into silence or compliance. Dean falls for it because of years and years of formative, psychological abuse, but that doesn’t make it even remotely true or right or even acceptable.
This is for @chaos-and-the-calm67 Bev’s Milestone Celebration. I chose the quote, ‘It was odd to be in a room full of people who all seemed to look up to my dad like he was some kind of hero. A part of me wanted to see him through their eyes just for a moment. I tried to picture him as…’. The quote was slightly changed so it wasn’t ‘me, my’, but ‘you, your’. Also, there was a gif given which’ll be in the fic itself…I know it kinda looks like a dude…but just imagine the kid is gender neutral, cos that’s what the reader is.
Pairing: No Pairing Sam x Y/n (father-kid relationship) Bobby x Y/n
Warnings: Angsty angst…fluff here and there, but mostly angst. Abandonment over and over, resentment, character death, grieving, hatred, angst, more angst, broken relationships and just a mess of shit between everyone.
Word count: 3600
Summary: Sam is the one who takes you in when you lose your parents. But he lets you down time and time again.
A/N: Ok, so, this ended up hella longer than I imagined it being…But there’s mostly angst and nothing else really…Also, reader kinda talks shit about the Winchesters, so if u think the Winchesters are the world’s saviours, u might hate reader…Hope u like it!!
I saw the episode now with some delay and I have mixed feelings.
So I’m going to list the good and the bad as experienced by Steffi (aka the one who got almost no sleep because I was too hyped up about SPN, then my cat brought me a living mouse at half past 3 AM and then the cat gang started a noisy riot once I locked them all out of my bedroom.)
Lucifer is disgusting. A Grüsel. I have no other word for him. He gives me the nasty kind of creeps. I don’t want to see him anymore.
I had to look away when Kelly tried to take her own life. But I understand it as heroic self sacrifice which should technically be a bullet point under good stuff
It’s been 7 seasons since we last saw Joshua and they bring him back as a random white man and then he died.
Cas continued to keep secrets from Dean uselessly
Cas ended the episode being manipulated by the baby horror, sending him off on his own (possibly in an antagonistic position to his family) again.
Dean told Cas exactly why he was so angry at Castiel. He used his grown up words.
Dean made Cas a mixtape. I have a hard time reading this as anything else than “they are romantically involved” (so I’m not gonna try). There was no reason to have this in the episode other than to make us all scream in delight because that’s so romantic, Dean!!!
Despite betraying Dean Cas made it clear to Kelvin that he didn’t care what Heaven thinks
Dean shoving Cas into a wall, yes why not. Touch him, Dean.
Baby horror chose Cas as his angelic mom and I’m not surprised
Castiel’s eyes flashed omega gold and I’m not surprised
Cas was so gentle when healing Dean. Like with the mix tape Dean breaking his arm had no relevance to the plot BUT to show how Cas still cared and how gentle he is with Dean. Even baby horror can’t override that love and care he has.
(I’m sure the future that baby horror showed Cas was of one where Dean and he were happily married, with 10 kids running around)
And that’s all I can think of right now.
And despite the amazing Dean and Cas moments, I am angry that the episode ended with Cas being manipulated and separated from the Winchesters again. :C
Summary: From what you’ve been told the British Men of Letters weren’t people you would really like. Though you didn’t expect to get that caught up with one of them, breaking the Winchester’s trust with your actions.
Pairing: Eventual Arthur (Mr.) Ketch x Reader
Warnings: Spoilers of 12x14 and well early S12
A/N: So this will most likely only be very small series, but I couldn’t get these ideas out of my head ever since finishing 12x14. The episode is kind of a base for this and the happenings of this series will pick up from there. Thanks to @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki for betaing this for me!
The first time you heard from the British Men of Letters was when Mary and Dean had freed Sam from them. All the things you ever heard about them were plain negative and although you haven’t met them yet, you did not like them much.
After all, they hurt your family.
For a while, neither of you had heard from them. They have left the Winchesters alone as much as possible, at least you thought so. Dean and Sam? They did not have anything to do with them and they probably wouldn’t want to have anything to do with them unless it’s the only way to save the world from some awful misery.
However, Mary had more to do with the British Men of Letters than any of you would have expected. One day she came back to the bunker and admitted of working together with them. To say you were all in shock was an underestimation.
Sam was avoiding Y/n like the plague, there was no denying it. It had been a week since Sam started the trials and he made sure that he wasn’t left alone with Y/n yet. He knew she saw his arm and he was trying not to have to discuss it with her.
Y/n for her part was not having it anymore. Sam was trying her patience. She knew he didn’t want Dean to know, but if they didn’t get a chance to talk soon, she was going to have to bring it up in front of Dean; she was getting worried.
A glowing arm wasn’t a good sign and Sam seemed off the past week. Definitely not as strong as before, it was almost like he was getting sick. He was just a little off, not enough for Dean to notice yet, but Y/n had been watching him closely.
Y/n finally got her chance to talk to her brother when Dean was napping one afternoon. Sam tried to slip out to go on a supply run while Y/n was distracted, but she was too fast for him. She slid into Baby’s front seat right next to him, “Nice try Sam, but we’re talking about this.”
Sam huffed and turned in his seat, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t you dare lie to me Sam Winchester,” Y/n replied sharply. “I saw your arm glow. Arms don’t typically glow Sam. You were also clearly in pain when you said that spell and you’ve been off ever since. Almost sick or like you’re in pain. The trials are messing with you Sam!”
Sam sighed and turned the impala on, “Let’s go for a drive, and talk about this elsewhere. Last thing I need is Dean walking in on this conversation.”
Sam parked on the side of the lake and the two youngest Winchester’s got out. Sam headed toward the water and Y/n quietly followed him.
“It was a one-time thing,” Sam said, extending his arm. “It hasn’t glowed again.”
“I find it worrying that it glowed at all.”
Sam shrugged, “Well it did, I’m not sure why, but it did. Yeah, it hurt a little at the time, but I’m fine now, really.”
“Who you trying to convince Sam, you or me? Because you don’t sound very sure. I’ve been watching you the past week, something is clearly off. I would almost say you’re getting sick, but I don’t think that’s it. These trials are doing something to you Sam and not anything good.”
“I know, yes these trials are clearly affecting me, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m strong, I can do this. Remember, you told Dean I could do this and I can.”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t handle it. I do believe in you Sam. I just said that they were affecting you. That it clearly wasn’t as easy as you originally thought it would be. I’m worried about you Sam, and that fact that you’ve spent the last week avoiding me and this issue makes it even more worrisome. Makes me think you’re trying to hide exactly how bad this is.”
“I’m trying to keep it from Dean. We both know he’ll freak if he finds out. He already doesn’t want me doing this and if he knows that there’s all these side effects he’s gonna try and pull the plug. He’ll go hunting a hellhound for himself and neither of us wants that, right?”
Y/n sighed, “If it keeps taking this toll on your body he’s bound to notice Sam.”
“Well,” Sam ran a hand down his face. “Let’s keep him in the dark for as long as we can then. You can’t tell him about this.”
“I don’t know Sam. You want me to lie to him about it?” Y/n bit her lip nervously.
“It’s not lying really. He isn’t asking questions. For now, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. He’s going to overreact, he already doesn’t think I can do this. We don’t need to give him any more reasons to doubt me.”
Y/n closed her eyes, on the one hand, Dean was going to overreact if he found out. On the other hand, she didn’t like keeping this from him, she was a lot more worried about Sam then he seemed to be. The trials were messing with him and he’d only done one so far. Sam still had two more to complete.
“Fine, I won’t tell him for now, but if each task affects you like this he’ll have to find out eventually,” Y/n agreed. She decided to see how this goes, if he keeps getting worse she might have to betray Sam and tell Dean. “I’m worried about you Sam. If you want me to keep quiet about this from Dean, then you have to be honest with me. No more avoiding it or trying to find how bad it is from me. You have to at least be honest and tell me how bad it is.”
“Deal,” Sam nodded at his little sister. He was a little pleased that she cared so much and was so worried about him, but he definitely needed her off his back about Dean. The oldest Winchester couldn’t know exactly how bad these trials were.
What have Sam and Dean noticed about Vince Vincente respectively?
It really seems like Sam has noticed his music.
Dean has noticed his butt, his crotch, his leopard prints and his rainbow wig.
Also - Sam, a fan of Vince Vincente’s, doesn’t remember a rainbow wig. Which is something that kinda catches people’s attention if someone wears it. So it’s possible that Dean’s mind has constructed that memory. You know, constructing memories of rainbow wigs on men wearing spiked codpieces, as a straight man’s mind does.
I want to add a little footnote. Dean has obviously strong feelings about Vince Vincente. He is not neutral about him. Earlier, in 12x04, when Sam is like “the rockstar?” Dean replies, “The douchebag!”. He is very vocal about his disdain for Vince’s on-stage persona.
a) Dean has a thing for hot rock stars. Especially if they have a very sexually-charged on-stage persona (spiked codpiece, leopard prints, not exactly demure clothing). His crush for Vince came in a very inappropriate time of his life. He needed to be John’s perfect son, damn that stupid guy with his stupid butt and his stupid sexy guitar, right? Ugh what a douchebag with his over-the-top outfits and all…
b) Dean felt betrayed by Vince. Now this is all speculation because we don’t know Vince’s sexuality; he might have been bisexual, but all we know is that he had a female partner and possibly several female lovers. It’s possible that either he was straight, or he wasn’t publicly known as queer anyway. Either way, young Dean sees this highly queer-coded guy, but the guy is straight (for real, or in Dean’s eyes).
“Don’t judge a book by his cover.” “Or a dude by his rainbow wig and leopard prints!”. Could this be interpreted, under the surface layer of “c’mon Dean he was over-the-top in his appearance but was an okay musician!” “No way”, as, “this douchebag used to dress and act like a queer person, but apparently you can’t judge a book by his cover - it was just a stage persona and the guy was just ‘queerbaiting’!”.
Let’s compare Vince Vincente with another character that has a very similar narrative to his - Gunner Lawless. Men past their prime, once famous and beloved artists in their fields, now aging and nearly forgotten, who make a deal with a demon and the devil respectively out of loneliness and desperation… Dean idolizes Gunner even after so many years; and what do we know about Gunner? That, when faced with a smitten male fan, he flirts back.
In an episode about rock stars, Dean doesn’t mention liking rock stars. He mentions liking gladiators, outlaws and pirates. *looks into the camera*