bethesda what are you doing

“What do you mean Bethesda should do more QA? Their glitches are hilarious!”

Right, hilarious glitches like

  • Your settlement’s resources in FO4 being set to 0 with no way to fix it, randomly, which has persisted over multiple patches.
  • Enemy loot randomly having the ‘owned’ tag so picking it up makes companions hate you and some totally unrelated NPCs hostile
  • DLC having a tendency to just not be recognized. Which is an issue on every platform.
  • Having to slaughter all your settlers if Raiders take over your settlement despite killing the Raiders and their leader
  • Collision issues with Nuka World rides making you get stuck in geometry
  • Your character randomly turning invisible which necessitates a game restart on PC and a CONSOLE REBOOT on console.
  • Blurring effects from head injuries persisting permanently with no fix, an issue that has been present since the launch of FO4

Or like all those funny glitches in Skyrim like.

  • NPCs breaking during quests, making them incompletable on console and requiring console commands to fix on PC
  • Clearing out locations during EXPLORING breaking some quests

  • Alduin becoming invincible sometimes when you use THE ANTI-DRAGON SHOUT

  • PS3 Save files becoming so bloated due to a bug they’d eventually break

  • Outright broken quests which will hard-lock the game randomly
OHGOD, I JUST REALIZED,

THAT SKYRIM IS REAL.

I actually have Stage-Four Vampirism, which would explain my abnormal hatred of the sun, my pale skin, and the fact that everyone seems to be out to get me.

My family is secretly part of the Dawnguard. Which explains why they all seem to hate me. My dad even owns a crossbow. Which I plan on stealing.

I seem to be a descendant of my Skyrim characters. And due to the fact I have characters of every single race, well.

-BECAUSE OF MY KHAJIT BLOOD, I FEEL ODDLY ATTRACTED TO CATS, AND SPENT MY CHILDHOOD BOTH READING ABOUT THEM AND ROLEPLAYING AS A FELINE.

-BECAUSE OF MY ARGONIAN BLOOD, I GET AROUSED BY TOM HIDDLESTON’S VELOCIRAPTOR CALL.

-BECAUSE OF MY ELF BLOOD, I AM MISCHIEVOUS, CRAFTY, AND A SHARPSHOOTER IN ARCHERY.

-AND NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE HUMAN RACES, BECAUSE FUCK HUMANS.

-AND BECAUSE OF SKYRIM, I HAVE NO FRIENDS.

It’s as if Bethesda is creating actual history. 

And soon, the government will reveal the construction of underground Vaults.

AND THEN FALLOUT HAPPENS.

EVERYTHING IS SO CLEAR NOW.