Writing tips from a shitty writer.
Always use cliches - Sure, the books and professors will tell you the exact opposite. They’ll tell you to use original words and unique phrasing to excite the mind and to keep the reader on its toes. Well I’m here to tell you they’re dead wrong. Only an asshole would make up their own cliches. The reason lousy writers need to make the language interesting because they aint got shit to say. Their story is as old as the hills. If you have a good story, cliches are quick and easy shorthand to unfurl your far-out ideas upon.
For instance, I’ve been a close personal friend of David Bowie’s for almost 15 years. Now David, as many of you know is a wild and interesting cat, but many of you would be surprised if I told you he’s eaten the same thing for breakfast for more than 30 years. His reason is that he doesn’t have time to be bothered with petty decisions, so he always eats the same thing. He’s got crazy awesome David Bowie stuff to think about!
The same goes with cliche’s and writing. If you got crazy, mind blowing shit to deal with, who cares about making new and exciting metaphors? Its like filming a porno with a Great White Shark and crocheting fancy lace mittens for your cock (or vagine if yer a lady) for the big love scene.