bestfriend.-girls

13 reasons why I didn’t kill myself

1/ Life isn’t about school. I was bullied for years, it was awful and I will never leave my past behind to be someone remarkably self-confident. School’s a big piece of your lifetime but still, it’s only a piece of it. Most of the time, you will never meet your classmates again after you finished high school.

2/ Don’t give to people who didn’t believe in you a reason to think they were right. Prove them how much they’ve been mistaken about you.

3/ You aren’t stuck in a place forever. If you are sick to stay in the same town then move out. The world is big, you can go anywhere for a short or a long time and you can start again somewhere nobody knows you. It’s not an easy choice but it can be great, promised. There is a lot of ways to travel for nothing. If you can’t move out now, you can at least start to plan something or to dream about it.

4/ My family deserved to know. I was in bad terms with my parents, I nerver told anyone how much I was suffering at school. Maybe I was to proud to tell them, maybe it was the only way I found to convince me I was okay cause I didn’t ask for help. I knew I was strong but I didn’t know how broken I was.

5/ If you want to live in a better world, how would it be? Many times, I met people who fought for rights, like I did in different ways. They inspired me and gave me some hope. Cause even if there are a lot of stuffs not going well, there will always be some of us to stand up against bullshit. I felt useful when I spent time with them to fight. It was also intellectually rewarding.

6/ You maybe know what you will leave but you never know what you will miss. What will happen in next few days, months or years? You can think it’s better this way but based on what? The future is unpredictable.

7/ What are you attached to? I like the rain, the storm, the clouds. Looking at the leaves of trees moving with the wind or to walk outside alone at night looking at the stars. I want to rescue a dog from a shelter when I will have my place. Nobody can stop me from doing these things.

8/ You can build new relationships every day. New or future colleague, bestfriend, girl-/boy-/enby-friend. I’ve found my soulmate when I was 25 yo, every time I think about my past suicidal thoughts, I’m glad I’m still alive.

9/ As a spoonie, I never wanted to give up. I was depressed long before I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. My chronic illness is a source of anxiety and ask me a lot of energy to stay “able” but I will always do all I can till I can’t.

10/ Learn something new every day. It was my leitmotiv for a long time, you don’t need to know why you are here, at least, try to find smart ways to spend your time, it will never be lost. Your future self will thank you for.

11/ Music can save your life.
Do not underestimate its power. Escape.

12/ Don’t be too hard with yourself. Don’t listen to what people say about you. Learn who you are and who you want to be. Clean up this mess.

13/ Inhale, hold, exale. Do it again and again.
Close your eyes & just breathe.

Volevo solo dirti che è bello quando i nostri occhi si incrociano senza esitazione tra una massa di gente.
Mi fa sentire come se ci scegliessimo continuamente
—  (via laragazzadelmare)