best. costume. ever

Headcanon: Ask teenaged Damian about Batman Inc. and Brucie Wayne’s relationship with Batman and you’ll always receive a different answer.

Example:

“What is your father’s relationship with Batman?“
"They’re lovers.”
-

“Unrequited love. Father adores him, but Batman has only one passion: JUSTICE.“
-

"Childhood friends. Met at summer camp. My father stumbled into the woods and noticed a rather fat bat in the tree. Back then he was a little overweight, and also known as Batboy.”
-

“I am here to deliver the truth, and the truth shall set this city free. X-Men are real. He’s a mutant! They’re all mutants!”
-

“Total weebs. They were really into Inuyasha in high school. You know that one episode with the bat demons? Huge inspiration.”
-

“My father cares a great deal about animals, as I’m sure you are aware. Batman is half bat. That’s why he covers his face. He has bat eyes.“
-

"It’s a torrid affair. Batman’s secret headquarters are under Gotham harbor. My father has always had a thing about romance surrounded by fish. Sometimes he’ll get Batman to sing sea shanties.”

-

“Here’s the thing: Batman is actually not a man. The figure is made up of small cobbler elves. That’s why the Kevlar fits so tight.”

Best Costumer Ever!

This isn’t a fuck costumer story, she was genuinely one of the sweetest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of helping. The story is too unique not to share.
To start with some back story- I work at a chain pet store, and I was on the floor doing whatever to make myself look busy. This lady comes in, and asks me if we have any cat bowls that are microwave and dishwasher safe. I walk her back to them and read the fine print for her and we find some she absolutely loves. She tells me her birthday is coming up, and she wants to adopt a cat and give her birthday to a kitty (which I think is so sweet). So she was picking up some stuff for when she found the right one.
I take her up front and start to ring her out, and she tells me she has bills to pay so she can’t spend too much. It ends up coming out more than she expected, and she gets alittle flustered. I always keep a butt load of change in my apron for when I’m cashiering incase anybody needs it to help pay for their items. I start pulling out change and combined we have just the right amount for her to get the bowls. She thanks me profusely and goes on her way.
Later that evening, she comes back to the store and finds me. She thanks me some more, and then explains that she’s Wiccan (if I’m remembering correctly) and she believes in karma. She brought me 3 gold dollar coins and explains that they’re wish coins. One I give to someone in need for good karma, and the other two I spend on something and make a wish (ie a $2 lotto ticket and wish to win). She tells me she does tarot card readings and gives me her card so I can come get a reading from her. I remembered we were doing a cat adoption event that weekend, and tell her she should come in and check out what they have since it’ll be her birthday. Fast forward to that weekend- I come in and notice her sitting over by the shelter group. I talk to her and she tells me she found the perfect cat and she’s adopting her right then, just in time for her birthday! I can’t say I’ve ever been that happy for a stranger, it made my week knowing that I could help her (and a cat!). It was one of the sweetest things I’ve ever had the pleasure of being a part of and it’ll definitely stick with me. My heart still swells with joy when I think about her.

The signs on Halloween

Aries: FULL SIZED SNICKERS FUCK YEAH 

Taurus: oh my goodd look at that houses decorations! and that houses! and that one and that one and that one ect

Gemini: that little shit that pranks houses

Cancer: *hands out candy mumbling “i wish I could trick or treat”*

Leo: *hiding under the covers with their christmas decorations waiting for it to be all over*

Virgo: I put so much effort into this costume aND NO ONE SAID A THING

Libra: who cares if im 25 and in debt IM GOING TRICK OR TREATING

Scorpio: *finishes the 8th scary movie they’ve watched this night* *clicks next*

Sagittarius: somehow has the best looking costume you’ve ever seen

Capricorn: *wears a white shirt that says ‘costume’ like its supposed to be ironic but we all know that it was a last minute costume*

Aquarius: forgot it was halloween so they just wore the same outfit they’ve been wearing three years straight like were not going to notice

Pisces: the asshole that puts on a scary outfit and scares young children

“My friend is secretly a mythical creature” cliché aus
  • “You just busted in my house asking for help in bad english and I thought you were a kid who did some minor troubles at the comic con or somethiing judging by your costume but you’re actually an alien who crashed near and is researched by your planet’s authorities” au
  • “Caught you changing and you have wings binded on your back” fallen angel au
  • “Now that I think about it I never asked why is your house built around a giant-ass tree please explain” dryad au
  • “We had a sleepover and I woke up earlier than you so I wanted to grab something to eat and why the actual fuck is there so many blood packs in there” vampire au
  • “You’ve been avoiding eveyone since a couple days and I noticed your arm seemed paralyzed or something and I wanted to talk to you except when I grabbed said arm to stop you from running away it came out oops” robot au
  • “I see you every year at carnaval/halloweens/any costumed holidays with the best costume ever (though always the same one) and we exchanged numbers and became internet buddies but why won’t you accept to meet face to face any other days” centhaur/satyr au
  • “We were dicking around in chemistry but you accidentally received some of whatever we made and it turns out that this substance strongly weaken you/forces you to take your true form” shapeshifter/dragon au
  • “I came to your house for a sleepover but you weren’t here your house was trashed and when I found you again the next day you were naked and without any recognitions of what had happened” werewolf au
  • “We fell on each others and yo where the frick is your stomach dude” Wendigo au
  • “You had an accident and I thought you were dead bc I couldn’t hear your heartbeat but you turned out just fine” undead au
  • “I always thought you were our common friend’s sibling but you actually are a demon they summoned years ago and made a pact with“ demon au
  • “I keep freaking out whoever come to my old house but you don’t get scared easily and you actually seems interested by my story and past instead of just being here for the thrill wanna chat?” ghost au
Midguardian Celebration

For the Anon who requested 37(“You heard me. Take it off”) with Loki

You’d found his gold helmet. The one he’d worn during the battle of New York. It was heavier than you thought it’d be and after using your magic to make sure it was safe you put it on. It’s a bit big and wobbles slightly on your head when you move. You can see the curved horns too, just above your eyelashes.
“What are you doing?” His cool silky voice draws your attention.
“Trying on your helmet.” You say glancing over your shoulder at him with a smirk. Your dark hair rolling down past your shoulders in soft waves, you’re dressed in green, black and gold. Not your usual colors but his, his helmet was all you needed to complete the best Halloween costume ever.
“Why?”
“I wanted to see if it would fit.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” He hums in your ear, one of his cool fingers trailing up your spine. You gasp softly when his fingers reach skin and you see him smirk in the mirror.
“I was hoping I could borrow it. For a Midguardian holiday.”
“What is this holiday?” He asks his fingers tugging gently on the ends of your hair.
“Uh, Halloween.” He pulls harder out of surprise.
“That day where everyone dresses up in costumes and goes door to door for treats?”
“Uh. Yes.”
“Take it off.” He commands, his eyes flashing.
“What?”
“You heard me. Take it off. I do not want you to go as me for a Midguardian feast!”
“I’m sexy Loki though.”
“No.”
“You can go as me.” You bargain.
“No.”
“You can go as Thor.”
“N-.” This idea seems to intrigue him. Getting to be his brother for a Midguardian feast would be laughable. Highly amusing.
“No transforming. You have to do it with a costume.” You tell him and he smirks.
“Like you are doing?”
“Yes.”
“If I allow you to go as me what do I get in return?” He coos his lips inches from yours.
“My undying love and affection?”
“I already have that.” He smirks and you can’t help the laugh that slips past your lips. He’s not wrong.
“What do you want my love?” You ask threading your fingers through his hair.
“I think you know exactly what I want.” He growls softly and you press your lips to his. He wraps an arm around your neck and pulls you as close to him as he possibly can. His teeth click against yours in his desire to have you as close to him as possible. You whimper softly and he chuckles pulling away. “Why don’t we skip this Midguardian celebration and just stay here?” He offers, his voice low.
“And waste this outfit? Not a chance.” You tell him before kissing his jaw. “Now. You’ve got one hour and I’ll meet you at the bifrost. Be there or I’m leaving without you.” You warn before kissing him one last time then strutting out of your bedroom. This was going to be your best Halloween yet.