best vacation i've ever been on

Some thoughts after 3-ish weeks of antidepressants

  • holy hell, i knew my illnesses affected my everyday life, but i had no idea how fucking constant it all was until it started to get better. like intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts, racing heartbeat, etc… wow
  • i’m starting to feel things like a normal human being?? like i can be appropriately happy, sad, etc.
  • did you know there are more emotions than blank, angry, sad, anxious, and amused???
  • i’m starting to be able to articulate myself verbally again; i noticed after only a couple days that my vocabulary had started to return as the brain fog started to lift
  • i must’ve come off poorly since my doctor started me on quadruple the minimum dose lmao
  • you guys, i can do things. and feel unapologetically accomplished about them.
  • like i went to a baby shower for a couple hours and didn’t feel overly exhausted afterwards.
  • i was able to socialize with my family for a whole day and not be wiped out.
  • i literally cried after being able to sit and hang out with my older brother for 5 hours - i haven’t been able to socialize with him properly for a long time as he is v hyperactive and it would drain my spoons v fast (not because i found him annoying or anything!! just bc i would get overwhelmed quickly)
  • my doc also put me on sleeping medication so i’m getting actual sleep on a regular schedule and it feels fantastic
  • i feel better than i have in… pretty much as long as i can remember. i have a vacation coming up soon (cross country train!!!!) and i’m so excited. i toured an art school i’m hoping to go to in two years and they look amazing.. for once my future actually feels good. i actually feel like i’m going to do good things.
  • this is the best decision i’ve ever made and i wish i had made it much sooner