The Worst Joke Ever
Dan stared at his camera, feeling as empty as the lens staring at him. The camera had already been rolling for a good five minutes without him saying anything; there would be a lot of editing needed for this video.
‘But maybe I shouldn’t edit it,’ Dan thought. ‘Maybe this needs to be as real as possible.’
‘Or maybe,’ another voice in his head said. ‘You shouldn’t do this at all.’
‘No,’ the first voice said. ‘It has to be done.’
Dan took a deep breath. “Hello, Internet,” he said, trying to put on a happy face. But he knew that the thousands of people who would watch this soon would be able to see through his façade. He’d been in drama, sure, but no amount of acting would be able to hide this pain.
“So. As most of you know, I’ve been dating Y/N for a while now. And she’s great. Really. She’s… well, she’s basically the best thing in my life…”
Damn, this was going to be harder than Dan had thought.
“We have a lot of fun and she’s always there for me and… and I wasn’t there for her.” Dan bit the inside of his lip, the words hurting more than he’d expected. “Most people don’t understand how much time YouTube actually takes. It’s more than just turning on the camera and telling a stupid story for five minutes. There’s…” Dan shook his head. “I’m not going to go into everything but there’s a reason that this is considered my job. It’s work.
“Now, don’t get me wrong, I love working for YouTube. I love making these videos for you guys, I love making stuff that you guys like. And Y/N always supports me. She sits here and watches me edit, which is probably about as exciting as having a tooth pulled. She’s my sounding board for ideas. She celebrates the milestones with me. She’s actually physically pulled me away from the computer a few times, especially when I’m freaking out because YouTube or the internet has decided to go down right when I’m trying to upload.
“The problem is… I’ve missed a lot. Yes, I have free time and yes, I spend as much of it as I can with Y/N, but I’ve still missed some important things in her life. She says she doesn’t mind, that she understands, but I can tell that she really hates it.”
Dan sighed. This was the first time he’d said some of this out loud—usually, it was just in his head.
“Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking: ‘oh, no, this is a breakup video. Dan’s going to tell us that he and Y/N are broken up and it’s all terrible’. Well, you’re half-right. This is, for lack of a better term, a breakup video. But it’s not about Y/N and I. It’s between me and… well, everything else.
“‘But Dan, what does that mean?’ It means that I’m taking a break from YouTube and Twitter and everything that all the old people call ‘distractions’. I’m not quitting, exactly—I have a few videos that I’ve already made that I can post every so often. But my presence here and in social media won’t be as prominent.
“Please understand that this is not because I’m mad at anybody. This is just for the betterment of my relationship with Y/N. I love her and I want to make sure that she’s going to stay with me.”
Dan sighed. “So. This isn’t goodbye; it’s just… farewell.”
You couldn’t contain your giggles, which was making Dan start to crack as well.
“Yes, hello, internet,” Dan said. “I just want to take a moment to apologize for yesterday’s video. When you hear the explanation, some of you might be a little mad, but believe me when I say that it’s all Y/N’s fault.”
“Shush. Now… the things in yesterday’s video that were true were the things I said about YouTube being work and the things I said about loving Y/N. Everything else was a lie—I’m not quitting YouTube, I haven’t missed any important things in Y/N’s life…”
“Dan doesn’t have any videos that he’s saved because he’s a procrastinator…”
“No need to chime in, thank you,” Dan said with a laugh. He turned back to the camera. “The reason Y/N decided I should make that video is because she–”
“We wanted to make this video more impactful in a twisted April Fool’s joke kind of way. Y/N and I are not on the verge of breaking up, our relationship isn’t in danger; it’s the best it’s ever been.” Dan picked up your hand and brought it up in front of the camera, the light shining off of the engagement ring on your finger. “A few weeks ago, I asked Y/N to marry me. And she said yes!”
“After many days of painful, elaborate consideration.”
“Oh, shut up,” Dan said with a laugh. “God, is this what marriage is going to be like?”
“You got yourself into this mess, Mr. Howell.”
“And you love it, future Mrs. Howell.”