best punchlines

  • natasha: i got better things to do.
  • sonya: please, what are you gonna do?
  • natasha: uh, i have a little something i like to call "goals," okay? i have aspirations outside of this family. i got big dreams, sonya. i'm gonna go follow them.
  • sonya: you have nothing without this family.
  • natasha: don't worry about me, sonya. i'll be just fine.
  • [title card]: natasha is ruined
Sean Spicer’s cameo on last night’s Emmys – people are mad about that. A lot of talk on the Internet. People are angry. They’re also not thrilled to hear that Attorney General Jeff Sessions will be hosting the Latin Grammys.
—  Conan O’Brien, Punchlines

okay but skins will just never get better than the first generation. just

• the tony/sid relationship? Like holy shit so interesting sid goes from idolizing tony to literally saying “I can’t think of anything worse than being you” and then he STILL helps tony and is there for him when he really needs him

• TONY STONEM in general. evil manipulator mwhaha just wants to party but also loves his sister more than himself and is a lost puppy without Michelle. Super fashionable and bi as hell. Sass master. i give the writers major props for making him so unlikeable but also very layered and giving him a crazy ass redemption arc. He’s the center of the universe and he knows it.


• can we just appreciate the fact that the first word Effy ever speaks to anyone while lucid is “wanker”

• Michelle could so easily fall into the “weak gullible girlfriend” character but she’s not??? She stands up for herself and is crazy about her friends and she literally ONLY SPOKE SPANISH for DAYS in order to study for her exam you go girl

• a sweet, close, beautiful, pure friendship between a straight guy and a gay guy with no jokes or undertones about anyone’s sexuality


• they could have easily made sid the weird nerdy best friend who’s the punchline to all the jokes but they made him the most interesting character on the whole damn show. His relationship with Cassie. His relationship with Tony. His relationship with his dad. His relationship with Michelle. Hell even his relationship with Effy. A+

• ACTUAL QUEEN JAL FAZER. her entire audition scene is honestly worthy of a standing ovation oh my GOD

• ACTUAL ANGEL CASSIE AINSWORTH. She’s flawed and broken and selfless and jealous and dotty and dreamy and vulnerable and strong all at once. Her eating disorder/mental illness is never used as a trope or a plot device, it’s realistic and an important part of her character but it NEVER defines her. The scene where she runs through the city? Gives me chills every. Fucking. Time. Protect her at all costs.

• ACTUAL CINNAMON ROLL CHRIS MILES. he drew a picture of a snail when asked what his future goals were. he gave the school musical a standing ovation after sketch fucked it all up. half of his lines make no damn sense and he’s the typical stock “comic relief character” but NO they gave him so much depth and family background and levity and he MEANT something. and I think we all expected him to go out in a blaze of glory, in fitting Chris fashion, but he didn’t, he went painfully and un-spectacularly in a bed. Because living fast and dying young isn’t romantic, it’s sad and real and it hurts everyone they leave behind. Also shoutout to Joe dempsie for going full frontal 10/10 you are a gift to humanity

• sneaky, mysterious, bad girl Effy taking care of Pandora and letting her take the credit for her art project

• the protective sisterly bond between Michelle and Effy


• the romances are all so well written and they HURT, because this is a tv show and we expect relationships to last but these are teenagers and high school love affairs never really last, and even though they feel so dramatic and intense now you know that Michelle and Tony will never grow up and get married and have babies, it just won’t happen, but you still feel it all the same, just like you would if you were a teenager.

• but HONESTLY. Jal and Chris. Literally the last people you’d ever think to end up together but they worked because they challenged each other, they made each other want to be better. Chris helped Jal stop being so cautious and uptight and Jal showed Chris that he did matter as a person, that he needed to try, that he couldn’t waste his life because it counted for something. When she puts the coin in his hand to give him all her luck and he’s being wheeled away and he holds it up to show her I just SOB it is so beautiful and sad. They took care of each other but they didn’t change for each other, Jal still went to her audition (and SLAYED it) and Chris still was just as carefree as he always had been, they just met each other halfway and it was so glorious

• and don’t even get me started on Sid and Cassie. These two fuckers. I knew it was endgame the moment you hear them bouncing on springs and Cassie’s like “oh OH YES” and you think they’re fucking but NOPE they’re jumping on a trampoline and she’s playing with the drawstrings on his hoodie like fuck they are so cute. “It’s not like anybody cares, so…” “I care.” When she shoots him with a squirt gun after he stands her up and totally calls him on his bullshit, “everything is your choice Sid” I think about that scene a lot. HIS LETTER TO HER. HE FEELS LIKE SINGING WHEN HE SEES HER. LORD HELP ME. and you think he’s missed her and she’s gone to Scotland and he’ll never see her again but AH plot twist Tony gave her the letter and they meet on the same bench she tried to kill herself on like can you say DAMN and then the scene in season two where he finally confronts her and they’re SO MEAN to each other saying how much they hate each other “whatever I’m sick of saying sorry, I love you, you say sorry” and Cassie’s way of telling him she loves him back is by telling him she named her pet slug Sidley i can’t i just can’t and then Sid, nerdy dumb Sid, becomes the fucking romantic hero and chases her to fucking New York City what the fuck I love them IT HURTS

• Sid and Tony holding each other in the middle of the nightclub after sid’s dad dies and you can’t hear anything but the music but you just see Sid bawling and Tony clutching him… Honestly one of the most powerful moments I have ever seen on tv. Honestly give mike bailey an AWARD

• that “wild world” sing-along will go down in history I swear


• we need more female friendships on TV like the one Michelle and Jal share

• the villain for the first few episodes is named “Mad Twatter.” Just let that sink in

• Chris’s funeral scene is honestly so beautiful and special and well done. I cried so hard. It’s teens honoring and mourning their friend in a way that feels right, that means something to them. It’s catharsis for the characters and the viewers. Amazing

• honestly just one of the best programs aimed at teens I’ve ever seen. Deals with death, religion, parent issues, school stress, pregnancy, mental illness, drug use/abuse, sex, love, varying sexualities (TONY IS BI AND YOU CANT TELL ME OTHERWISE), friendship, suicide, classism, employment/careers, college, and a million other topics without ever feeling contrived or preachy. Yeah some of the hi jinks the characters get into is ridiculous and would never happen in real life (that Russia episode wtf) but at the end of the day, you relate. Teens relate. They feel these characters because they see them in the world around them, because they ARE them. We are all Chris, and Jal, and Sid, and Cassie, and Tony, and Michelle, and Maxxie, and Anwar, and Effy.

• (that ending shot with Effy looking right into the camera is legendary)

• literally when people say that gen 2 is the best generation or the iconic generation I just… did we even watch the same show

• skins was never able to beat the first generation. It just couldn’t. How do you beat this. how


they think the cats vs dogs stereotype is hilarious but roxy cant keep it goin for long bc jade cant stop waggin her damn tail and bein adorable in general. theyve probably only done this once or twice before but karkat has this condition where he refuses joy and happiness at every opportunity

i was never rly into runawaystuck the first go around bc everyone made it Dave the Bird: the AU and i can only handle so much strider but my gay furry heart cant deny This


My Top 5 New York Rappers skillwise and yes this particular one is in order and all these bars below are from Fabolous the 2nd best punchline rapper behind Big L and dude bar for bar has been consistent with his bars since his debut.  

1) Nas 2) Big L  3) Jadakiss 4) AZ  5) Fabolous 

“ I don’t feel T’s Pain cause I never had to buy him a drink

“How you want it, in the abdomen or back?
 Cause enemies poke you from the front, friends stab you in the back”

Wala no leash on my colla’
And if that bitch is molla’
I’m single as a dolla’
Smoke west coast kush
In my boy Impala
Got me in the Car-melo(Carmelo)
Fuckin’ with that La la
 - Fabolous

Winter Depression

I’m not in the best shape and my imagines are reflecting that. Sorry.

Warning: Possible trigger


You laid in bed, crying. It was Christmas Eve but that didn’t matter. Depression didn’t care what day it was. You had the covers bunched around your head the only opening just big enough for you to peak your nose out and avoid the stuffiness the underneath of a blanket.

You could hear your family having fun down the hall at their family dinner. They’d been talking and laughing all day happy to see each other but you… You weren’t quite so happy. You had been given odd jobs, sent away from their joy as though having you around could ruin it. You knew that wasn’t their intent, and usually you wouldn’t have minded but today it made you feel isolated, soon after they’d said dinner was ready to be served you had quietly retreated to your childhood bedroom, not wanting to intrude on them, or spoil their happiness.

You looked around the room, thinking about how little had changed in three years. You still liked all the bands you did then, more or less, and you were still battling a depression so deep that the only reason you even got out of bed that morning and drove the three hours to see your parents was because Andy wasn’t home, having gone to see his parents for Christmas, and the apartment felt too empty. You’d come here to avoid exactly this, but instead you were about to breakdown in a house full of people you barely kept in contact with. You should’ve stayed home, in the bed you shared with Andy. At least then you’d be comfortable.

Your phone rang and you steeled yourself when you recognized Rebel Love Song. That was Andy’s ringtone.

“Hello?” You asked, feeling uncertain as your paranoia got the worst of you. What if he didn’t want to be with you anymore. What if he was about to break up with you?

“Hey, babe, where are you? My plane got delayed till tomorrow and I came home to an empty house. I’m worried,” he told you and you could hear the relief in his voice. Shortly after the two of you met you’d attempted suicide. Even though it was two years ago he still worried when he didn’t know where you were.

“I couldn’t stand to be alone so I came to see my parents,” you told him and he was quiet for a moment.

“I’m going to FaceTime you,” he said and you tried to tell him not to but soon enough he was FaceTimeing you and you felt obligated to answer.

“You’re squishy faced,” he laughed and you flushed.

“Are you okay?” He asked immediately after, worry lacing his tone as he took in your eyes that were already red from the need to cry. You didn’t even try to lie to him. You just shook your head and felt a tear slip down your face.

“I should’ve just brought you with me to mom and dads,” he sighed, rubbing his temples. “I’m heading to your parents now, okay, I’ll call you and we can talk on the way there. You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too, Andy,” you murmured, tears still steadily streaming down your face. You wanted to tell him not to come, not to inconvenience himself, but you couldn’t make yourself say it. You wanted to see him so badly.

“I left my bag in the car so I’m just going to head out, okay? I’ll clean you once I get on the road. You’re not alone, (Y/N). No matter what you’ll always have me,” he made a kissing noise at the phone and smiled at you before signing off. You thanked everything that he was coming. You needed him so badly.

Then suddenly you panicked. What if he didn’t come. What if he was just saying that out of obligation? What if didn’t really love you? What if-?

Your phone rang and you picked it up hastily because Rebel Live Song was playing, which meant Andy was calling.

“Andy?!” You asked and he chuckled, but you could hear the sadness in his voice.

“Yeah, (Y/N), it’s me.” He sighed and you heard anger at himself in his voice when he spoke next. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“It’s not your fault,” you tried to reassure him, but he was silent and you started fearing that he was fed up with you already, deciding that you weren’t worth keeping around, giving up on-

“(Y/N),” he said softly, “You’re so important to me. Please don’t ever forget that.”

“I won’t,” you promised, wanting to believe it, but something inside you made you feel so insignificant and unworthy of his affection.

“I think about how alone you must feel and it breaks my heart,” he said through a thickness in his throat.

“A-Andy?” you asked. “Are you crying?”

“No, of course not,” he said and you heard him sniffle.

“Andy, I love you,” you murmured sitting up in bed and dragging the covers around you as you sought out your headphones. You plugged them in so you wouldn’t have to hold the phone the whole time. 

“I love you so much, (Y/N), you don’t even know,” you heard him sniffle and started to cry again.

“Stop crying,” he said when he heard you sniffle, “I can’t see,” he told you and you laughed.

“What?” you asked and he chuckled.

“You’re crying, and it’s making me cry and I can’t fucking see,” he said through a thick laugh and you nodded.

“Okay,” you said, sniffling and wiping your nose on your comforter, not caring that it wasn’t sanitary. You were past caring about such trivial things.

“Thank you,” he laughed, and you nodded.

“No problem,” you assured him.

“Fuck, I’m still crying, tell me a joke,” he said and you laughed. He did this sometimes because it forced you to accidently cheer yourself up, but you didn’t mind. You thought it was cute.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”

“I don’t know,” he said, and you could hear a grin in his voice.

“It wanted to prove it’s friends wrong that it wasn’t a chicken, it was actually a duck, but then it got run over because chickens are stupid as fuck,” you told him, giggling, and he chuckled.

“That’s the best worst punchline ever,” he said and you giggled.

“Well I can’t have my favorite man crying on the road, can I. Watch out for chickens, Andy,” you told him and he laughed.

“I’ll do my best,” he promised and you smiled. You had really gotten lucky with this one.

The signs traits based on people I know
  • Aries🔸cold-hearted af, insolent, always need to have the last word, very clever, secretly want to be friends with everyone, good relationship with siblings, seem unapprochable but once you start talking to them you'll realize they're pretty cool, good buddies not solid friends, often only bond over one particular common interest, the kind of friend you can stop talking to for 2 years and neither of you care and you stay friends anyway
  • Taurus🔸so aloof, seem unapprochable, the kind of person that walks past you while pretending they didn't see you, love attention, laugh a lot, a bit fake but if they don't like you, you'll know it, very hard to get close to them, have the biggest smiles and eyes are full of joy, lots of forced smiles though, good memory
  • Gemini🔸very much into art and/or sports, get into the best colleges and schools, love being abroad, the kind of person that randomly adds you on facebook, smart, engage in debates with teachers, sweet but very mysterious, like being alone but have a lot of friends, hard to understand, intense eye contact, funny
  • Cancer🔸very caring as long as they're not bothered by it, will definitely make great parents, wayyyy too sensitive and take literally everything personally, always want to fight/engage in debate, think they're always right, condescending as hell, hate losing, physically cute, easy to make them laugh
  • Leo🔸cool kids, charismatic, popular, the kind of person who meets their gf/bf in a club or through tinder, cheeky, will make out with everyone at a party, a little bit grandma-ish, love displaying their love life on social networks, absolutely unproblematic, nice fashion sense
  • Virgo🔸cool clothes, seem very chill, you probably want to be friends with them, very very exclusive when it comes to friendships, very neat, perfectionists, seem to have the perfect life, great hair, always on vacation, hard to maintain friendship with them
  • Libra🔸feminists, helpful, loud, talkative, open-minded, sweet souls, thirsty for justice, like to laugh, friendly, like art in general but aren't too good at it although good writers, chill people, quirky, loved by most people, either strongly hate or love sports, no inbetween
  • Scorpio🔸lowkey jerks, caring towards everyone although slightly hypocrite, good students, physically cute and look sweet so most people like them without getting to know them, teacher's pet, generous, nice smiles, great family values, motherly instincts, great fashion sense
  • Saggitarius🔸bossy, know-it-all, nonchalant and aloof, think they're always right, sometimes downright mean, very generous, superiority complex and thrive on compliments, great hair, not picky at all when it comes to friends, great listeners, pretty popular, love sharing personal stories, won't reply to your text
  • Capricorn🔸conservative, professional, smart, the perfect intern, straight-A students, good at managing their money, authoritarian but respect authority as well, kind hearts and sweet souls, have a lot of acquaintances but a very small and exclusive group of friends, a bit unavailable, severe, organized, very serious and studious, everyone wants to be liked by them
  • Aquarius🔸funny and sarcastic, have the best punchlines and comebacks, very curious, love gossip, travellers at heart, love making fun of people, think they're special, tend to speak to themselves because they're misunderstood by everyone but themselves, do not take people's opinion about them into account, disliked by teachers because too insolent, smart and very educated
  • Pisces🔸very very very good at whatever job they have, ambitious, good dancers, love karaokes, awesome with kids, fighters, brave, good at DIYs, they're going to go so far in life and they know it, very confident, love art (especially photography and music), emotionally aloof, rarely demonstrate physical affection
  • 🌴⭐️PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tag your sign when you reblog so I know if I was at least a little bit accurate about you haha⭐️🌴

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