best picture i could get by myself

if you’re a woman who’s attracted to women but you can’t see yourself marrying one, know that that feeling is so common and very often temporary. this is not to say that i know you better than you know yourself; maybe you just don’t want to get married and that’s ok. but very few women have grown up with the idea that they could marry another woman, and it’s hard to picture something for yourself that you’ve so rarely seen!

i couldn’t see myself marrying a woman for a long time, but i did and it’s the best thing i’ve ever done and the many messages i get telling me my blog has helped people picture themselves marrying other women tell me i’m not alone. know that whatever you end up wanting is okay, but don’t stress if there’s some aspect of loving women that doesn’t come to you with perfect ease. in a way we’re forging new cultural territory here. it’s only natural to feel a little lost without a map.


there’s a good reason these tables are numbered honey, you just haven’t thought of it yet // panic! at the disco

I feel like this is when I should tell you how much I miss you, but a part of me knows you probably don’t care. If you did, we’d probably still be friends…right? But I still hope you think of me on occasion and miss me too.

It’s been months since we last talked who would’ve seen that coming? I know I definitely didn’t. So much has happened since we last spoke, and I’ve wanted you to know it all. Isn’t that twisted? Even though we’re no longer friends, I still want to tell you all the things I used to. And it sucks because you’re not that person to me anymore.

You were the one person I was supposed to be able to count on for anything. You used to be a phone call away but suddenly you stopped answering. You were supposed to always look out for me but then you forgot . We were supposed to be friends forever but the next thing I knew, we were growing further and further apart

But I guess that’s life. Nothing is constant and no one owes you anything. And even though we’re not friends anymore, I still want to thank you. Thank you for being my best friend and dealing with everything that comes with that. Thank you for the nights we stayed up til dawn just talking and laughing. Thank you for being honest and genuinely caring about me. Thank you for taking me for me, and never letting other’s judgments get in the way. Thanks for never sharing those embarrassing pictures you took of me. And thank you, thank you, thank you for being the best friend I needed during that part of my life.

And even though we are no longer friends, I just want you to know that I could never hate you. Trust me, I’ve tried. It sounds awful, but I thought it would be easier to get over losing you if I could hate you but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was hurt when you left, but I will never hate you. You were my best friend. And despite how things ended up, because of that, I will always love you.

Sometimes, I still scroll through pictures of us and smile. I see screenshots of old conversations and laugh. And whenever I see something that reminds me of you or an inside joke, I almost always almost send it to you. I don’t think there will ever be a day when you don’t cross my mind at least once, but the sadness and hurt are fading, and I’m learning to look at you as a cherished memory.

Everyone chooses their paths in life, and I guess your path just no longer intertwined with mine. But I hope you’re happy. Because I really do wish you the best. I hope you’ve found someone new to send all those weird memes too, to stay up on the phone with on the nights you just can’t sleep, to binge watch Friends with, and to equally complain and celebrate about all the things with

Just know that I don’t hate you and that I’ll always love you. Know that I cherish the memories we made and wouldn’t trade them for anything. I’ll always check your snaps and Facebook posts to make sure you’re doing okay, because some things will never change. And know that even if I don’t go up to you the next time I see you, I will always be grateful to have called you my best friend.

Sincerely, Me.

—  loyaltyxoxo, #bestfriendbreakups #dearyou 
Responses from my Q&A article

Hey guys, I just want to start this article out by saying “Thank you” to all of my subscribers who submitted letters or advice in response to my Q&A article a few days ago. The responses blew me away hearing from all of you who are just as interested in sharing sexual experiences with your wives and girlfriends, and who are experiencing the same “struggles” as I am to get there. Now, I’m using the word “struggle” because, at the moment, I can’t come up with a better term. However my experience hasn’t been so much a struggle as it has been an ongoing conversation of trying to assure my wife that my intentions for this are good.

Anyway, the responses I got from you were astounding. I got responses from readers who have just started their journeys all the way up to people who have been living the lifestyle for several years now. I got a lot of questions, suggestions, and personal stories and wanted to take a few minutes to share what I received with everyone. Hopefully this information will help those of you who might not be as comfortable asking these questions to a complete stranger. So with that being said, here goes..

The one question that I probably get the most is “How do I get started?” and I’m pretty sure that everyone that asks me that question already knows the answer to it. You’re probably thinking, “well why would they ask the question if they already know the answer?” Well with sex being a sensitive topic with most couples, I’d say that most of the people asking me this question know that the obvious answer is “You have to talk to you wife first” and I truly believe that some guys are afraid of starting there for fear of looking like some kind of sexual deviant to their wife. So they ask the question to get that nudge that they need in order to get them moving in the right direction. Let me just say this – If you’re looking for a way to get your wife into a threesome or hotwifing that doesn’t involve talking to her and reassuring her that this is something that YOU want, you’re simply not going to find it. She needs to know that you are 150% committed to HER, and how you find her irresistible and that by watching her you get turned on. These are the types of things she needs to know in order to ever be comfortable with bringing someone else into the bedroom. Stability and trust in your relationship will also be key. If you fight all the time, or can’t talk to each other openly about things then you’ll never succeed with this journey. One last thought on this topic is that you should NEVER EVER try and use something like this to try and “repair” a troubled relationship. Build each other’s trust and talk openly with each other, and for god’s sake listen to each other. If she’s hesitant about bringing someone else in, then back off the topic for a bit. Don’t push it, and don’t get mad about it. Go back to reassuring her and building her up as the beautiful woman that you love.

In a conversation with one of my readers, a woman who has been hotwifing for her husband for a while told me about how she can relate to how my wife currently feels and had this to say.

              “…as a dedicated wife who never imagined doing anything such as the Hotwife thing, I totally understand her reluctance. Hubby and I have been doing this for over a year now, and it took several months before that for him to convince me to try. I really wish I’d had another Hotwife to ask questions to and potentially even share experiences, pros/cons, etc. All in all our experience has been good, but there is of course a learning curve as to each other’s wants and needs.”

This conversation, while brief, really opened my eyes to the fact that even if I ever get to the point of finally convincing my wife to do something like this, that even after she goes through with it there will still be some work to maintain the relationship so that both parties involved will get everything out of the experience that they want so they can both truly enjoy the experience.

In another conversation I’ve had with a different reader, this time from a guy’s perspective, he shared a different approach to trying to convince his girlfriend.

              “…So I have been with my girlfriend for four years now, however I have fantasized about watching my girl who ever she be with another man. For many relationships I kept this a secret fantasy, as society has brainwashed us into thinking relationships are supposed to be a certain way. Anyways, I thought long and hard as how to approach my current girlfriend and tell her what I want to do. I’m a dirty talker in bed so I thought about sneaking it in that way..”

He goes on to describe an encounter with his girlfriend where he did just that just to see if he’d get any sort of reaction from her. I think good or bad, he was just looking for a way to “break the ice” so to speak or at least open the door to the conversation. I’ve personally tried to do the same thing by dropping hints in text messages to my wife, or trying to hint to her when she mentions how hot she thinks some celebrity is, etc. I think these types of things are important too – you can subtly let her know that you’re not some jealous freak and that you’d not only trust her to have sex with someone else but that you’d actually enjoy it!

Later in the same conversation, he went on to describe how after several encounters with his girlfriend she finally admitted that she would be interested in having sex with another man and they started talking about limits which is another good point to bring up. If you ever convince your wife/girlfriend to get into the Hotwife lifestyle you should both set limits for each other. This will help both of you feel more comfortable and get the most out of the experience. I’ve seem limits in terms of the guy having to wear a condom and NO KISSING on the mouth, all the way to the most relaxed limits of “if you’re going to have sex with other men, then you MUST take pictures and send them to me”  - whatever it is, have your “rules” in place.

If you’re still looking for ways to “break the ice”, another reader messaged me with the suggestion of roleplaying with your wife. This is great way for both of you to bring up your own fantasies and live them out without the fears associated with having another person in the bedroom for the first time. If you’re open with your partner about what turns you on, then you can relax and enjoy the sexual experience a little more. Once you get past the fear of your husband or wife thinking you’re a pervert for being turned on by certain things, then sex becomes more enjoyable because you fully express how it turns you on. If the Hotwife lifestyle is what you want your wife to get into, then start by roleplaying with her. Pretend that she’s in the shower and you’re the guy coming to fix the TV and you catch her in nothing but a towel.. You can take it from there. If she enjoys the experience, then you never know – you might come home from work one day and find her on the couch with the REAL TV repair guy going at it! How amazing would that be?

For now, I want to close up this article, but I have one final message from a conversation with a reader. This time I’m going to share the whole message and hope that the reader doesn’t mind me sharing this but the message is fantastic and paints a picture of the entire experience that I thought was so great and thorough that I wanted to share the whole thing. This might give all of you that are struggling to convince your wives an idea of the amount of time and patience it takes, but also a taste of the rewards you could get from your dedication and hard work.

“Hi! Best wishes for 2017! Read your Q&A. I was just wondering if you and your wife have sex imagining that it was another guy fucking her, or you fucking her after she has been fucked by another man? I myself am in the lucky position that my wife is actively hotwifing for about half a year now. The road towards that has taken about 3 years… I recognize the reservation and doubt in your wife. That was the same with my wife. She was afraid I was bisexual, or maybe even homosexual at first… ‘Why would you want another man in our bed??’

It took about 3 months to convince her that it all was coming from love and admiration, and that my arousal was and is very much triggered by her arousal and beauty. Also she had noticed a change in herself since she has been with me. That’s 4 yrs now. With me she was able to enjoy sex to an extent that she hadn’t experienced with her former partners. And her way of giving in to that sexual pleasure was something I had never seen with my former partners.

She regularly got in a kind of fucking frenzy, almost insatiable and begging to be filled as complete as possible. Deep, thick and hard… She loved it when I fisted her for the first time. I told her that to me it seemed that all of her primal instincts took over at these moments. She admitted that it was exactly like that. She could not restrain herself at such times, she just felt the urge to breed. She got convinced completely of my good intentions by the sincerity she read in my eyes during the times when we talked about me wanting her to have sex with others.

Soon she started to join me in role play, in which I would eat her imagining she had been fucked by another man right before that. That developed to the stage that I would ask her who had been fucking her. At first she was reluctant with that, but quite soon she started fantasizing about real existing men. She had her favorites… It was superhot for the both of us, as I knew several of the men she imagined herself fucking. At that time it seemed that all that would remain a fantasy. But one day she asked how we should do that in reality, after I said that if she had the opportunity one day, that I would be ok with it that she fucked a guy without me being present. That was the moment she completely gave in, and admitted that she wanted others to fuck her for real.

She started to explore and getting more familiar with some men (fathers from school…) and then the summer of 2016 arrived. She met one of those for a cup of coffee in town, and ended up making out wildly in our living room while I was at work. A week later he fucked her in our marital bed. I reclaimed her an hour later…

Recently she has started fucking one of our neighbors. One of whom we said might be too risky… He knows I know, and although he still doesn’t completely understand where I come from, he admits it’s an awesome hot experience. We will be going to a sensual party together with him and some others later this month… All of the above is true, and I wrote this to explain how things worked out for us, and how we got to this stage. Maybe it can help you and your wife..”

Please keep the comments and messages coming! I love taking the time to answer them for you and sharing them in this blog for others to enjoy.

I Hate You, I Love You

For the anon who asked: for a enemies to lover fic (sorry lovie I can’t find the actual request and I usually write them in bullet points in my book)

Author’s Note: In Microsoft Word this is 18 pages long and has a word count of 7344 words. Hope you guys enjoy it!

y/n = your name

y/f/n = your first name

y/l/n = your last name

I Hate You, I Love You

Originally posted by sonjackcarl

The waves lapped softly under the bridge. The light from the street lamps reflected off the water like orange jewels. I huffed a heavy sigh and raised my face to the glittered sky, allowing the chilly, wind to caress my face and toy with the loose strands of hair on my head. I swallowed the lump in my throat, the saliva in my mouth thick making it almost impossible to go down. I crunched the picture in my hand and leaned against the cold metal railings. A slight wetness from the afternoon shower clung to the metal and soaked into the forearms of my jacket.

I lowered my eyes to the crumpled picture in my hand. Dark almond male eyes stared back at me. Gently I caressed the photo, following his long straight nose with my thumb and tracing the outline of his strong bearded jaw. I looked up again and stared out at the horizon, it was lit up like a Christmas tree.

“I’m sorry John,” I whispered and let the photograph slip from my fingers into the water below.

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Momo Coffee!:: 9/22/2016

Hey Guys! As promised, I rushed my ass over to Momo Coffee today with my friend! It took us about 50 minutes by subway from where we came from, but it was totally worth it! Here are some (hopefully) useful directions for those who want to visit the cafe in the future! I totally recommend it~

1. You will need to make your way to Indeogwon (Line 4, Light Blue). Take Exit 8

2.Once you are out in the open, keep going straight. Like if the main road where the cars drive are in front of you, take the right way. Towards the buildings. Imagine you are in first person with the pictures

3. Follow the road for about 5-8 minutes I’ll post some landmarks so you can know you are going the right way. The last two pictures are across the road.

4. You will see a pathway on your right surrounded by beautiful nature (its so calm and collected in this area, unlike where my campus is) Take that pathway. You will definitely see Momo coffee.

5. You’ve made it! Welcome to Momo Coffee!

When I went there, it was a Thursday afternoon. We weren’t sure if they cafe was even open, but the main doors are a little on the right side of the building. You will see the board that Wonho wrote for the cafe!

There was a nice lady in there. I’m pretty sure it was his mother (I was way to shy and awkward to ask if she was though). Bless her soul for trying to understand my horrible Korean. The prices are quite decent for coffee and a slice of cake. They have a special Mondays to Fridays from 12PM to 2PM where you can get an Americano and cake for like 6,000w? I got the Cafe Mocha Iced and a cheesecake. The coffee was great! So was the cheesecake, but it was a little on the dense side, but it was still good!

On the side of the place you order, there is a small table full of CDs that other groups signed for the cafe!

There are also a bit of signed fan merch that Wonho signed. He marked Monbebe’s birthday!!! #ICriEverytime #ProtectMXAtAllCost

The shoes that Wonho wore in the Perfect Girl MV are also right there on the floor next to it!

There are Eevees and a Jolteon hanging on the window side, chilling.

There are also pictures of Wonho around the cafe, but I’ll let you guys see it for yourselves. I don’t want to give the whole cafe away :P

Overall, the place was super chill. Me and my friend basically had the whole cafe to ourselves. It’s a lot different from other cafes since its roomier and more open. I’m not saying this because Wonho has connections to the cafe either. There was wifi (idk if its for public use), but I couldn’t find the password :/ More people came right before we left, so that was good! There is also a Jokbal place (MoMo’s favorite food, coincidence?) I wish the cafe all the best! I will drag myself here just so I can enjoy the atmosphere and the coffee!

***I’m not going to watermark these pictures. Please use these so you can support Wonho and his mother’s cafe! I trust you guys not to misuse or claim these pictures as yours (I know you guys wouldn’t though!) If you guys repost this, please give credit! Maybe we could a meet up here if any of you guys want :) :) If you guys need more help to how to get here, contact me!


Summary: Dan had always been one for making bold fashion choices. And Phil had always played along with the resulting hype. But one fashion choice made by Dan-a certain pair of ripped jeans-changed Phil’s reaction for the first time.

Word Count: 1,859

Warnings: Nothing I can think of lol

Notes: Heyo anon who got me out of my writing slump-this is the fic for your prompt about Dan’s jeans pic having Phil flustered! I hope you like it, and if so, feel free to drop another prompt in my ask-this one was great and much appreciated! 

Hope you all like it! If you want a specific fic, feel free to drop a request or prompt into my ask box at any point:) (And to the anons who’ve already sent in prompts-they are in progress and should be out soon!)

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anaxiphilia (pt. 12)

previously, she fell in love with the devil, badboy!yoongi au
genre: this chapter is angst as hell

previous | masterlist | next (coming soon)

I stared at the two individuals sitting in front of me, particularly the woman. Burrowing through my memories, I struggled to compare the girl in front of me to the woman my brother was engaged to. It was merely two years ago that Jihyun was whom every girl envied; beauty brains and in love.

The Jihyun seated in front of me was barely a shell of that woman. Her hair was cut short, bleached blonde and heavily damaged. Her face had sunken in, the restaurants uniform too big on her small frame. The bright eyes that dazzled and charmed everyone had dimmed, revealing that she was empty, an empty shell of the woman she used to be.

Yoongi’s eyes stayed down casted not meeting Jihyun’s or mine. His hands firmly intertwined and folded on the table. Unable to take the silence any longer, I cleared my throat offering my hand to Jihyun.

“We never really officially met, I’m [Y/N]. Seokjin’s younger sister,” I said, a small tight smile present on my lips. Jihyun looked down at my hand and then at me, raising an eyebrow. My eyes drifted between her and Yoongi. I gulped as I felt my chest constrict at the distance between the two.

I really should’ve let him move to sit next to me…

Suddenly Jihyun let out a loud laugh causing my eyes to dart back to her, just in time to catch her shaking her head.

“I didn’t sleep with him,” She said, pointing her thumb at Yoongi. I felt the air rush out of my lungs as relief flooded my system. I retrieved my hand, resting it on top of my lap.

“I didn’t ask-“

“You didn’t have to, your expression clearly screams your hatred for me. It could be because I broke your brother’s heart. But you look like you’re about ready to come over here and rip my head off for sitting next to Yoongi.” Jihyun laughed, crossing her arms. I stared at Yoongi and narrowed my eyes when I noticed the corner of his lips curved into small smirk. His eyes glanced up to meet mine for a brief second before looking away once again attempting to hid the full blown smile that spread across his face. 

“Why couldn’t you have told my brother that?” I said, turning my gaze to meet hers. She stiffed, her smile disappearing from her face. She glanced towards Yoongi and lets out a snicker.

“You’re really a man of your word, aren’t you?” She said incredulously, Yoongi clenched his jaw, his smile disappearing instantaneously, and his grip tightening on his intertwined hands. She stared at him for a moment longer than turned her head to me, her gaze meeting mine steadily.

“I’m a con-artist,” she shrugged, leaning back in her chair.

“A con artist?” I repeated, dubviously.

“A con-artist,” Jihyon voiced back. She leaned forward in her chair and crossed her arms, “Jin was one of my assignments. He’s rich and handsome, almost vain at times. Getting him wrapped around my finger was a piece of cake. It usually is with rich boys that are trained to take over businesses, languages, arts but never experience true affection from a woman.”

“I don’t understand where Yoongi comes in,” I said, furrowing my brows.

“Yoongi was equivalent to the other woman in my relationship with Jin. I needed him out of the picture to get Jin’s complete trust.” Jihyun said, her voice emotionless. 

“However Yoongi is much smarter than he lets on, aren’t you kid?” Jihyun said, punching him in the arm. “He found out about my actual profession and threatened to tell Jin unless I told him myself.”

Jihyun chuckled, “I was already a step ahead of him back then, I had told Jin that Yoongi kept trying to seduce me previously. Jin, of course, didn’t believe his best friend could do that to him. All he needed was some visual evidence, the night my car ‘broke down’ right in front of Yoongi’s house. Jin got the proof he needed.”

“The fact that Yoongi even gave me his clothes to wear that day because mine were wet, was a nice touch-“ Without any self control, I launched myself forward, my hand slapping her cheek hard enough to leave a stinging sensation on my palm. The noise of my slap seemed to echo in the almost empty restaurant. She grinned, reaching up to stroke her own cheek.

“You psychotic bitch,” I spat at her, this seemed to fuel her amusement. She started laughing, obnoxiously loud. I glared at her as she calmed herself down. I felt the chair next to me move backwards and someone settle into it. I glanced over my shoulder to see that it was Yoongi, his large hand engulfed the one I had used to slap Jihyun, my body relaxing as he caressed my hand.

“Ah, it’s been a while since I laughed that hard, thank you.” Jihyun said. I felt the anger return to my system and my fists clenched on their own accord. Yoongi unclenched my fist and intertwined our hands.

“I still don’t understand, what did you achieve from this? Jin broke up with you soon after and look at you, you’re completely ruined.”

“This is the result of a flaw that I didn’t prepare for. Jin broke it off with me because he figured; sooner or later I would go to Yoongi or someone else, he thought he wasn’t good enough for me or for anyone.” Jihyun shrugged.

“So, you broke my brother for a wad of cash that you didn’t even get because you failed,” I seethed, unable to control my anger again.

“Yes,” Jihyun said, meeting my glare steadily. I distinctly remember how affectionately Jin would speak of Jihyun, like she was his most prized possession, how in love he was. It was hard to believe that Jin would break up with her. He loved her too dearly; he even left his best friend for her.. It just wasn’t adding up. As I searched her eyes for answers, I caught a brief hesitation cross Jihyun’s face.

“You’re lying,” I said boldly, Jihyun eyes widened at my unexpected response.

“I’m not-“

“You broke up with him,” I said surprising both Jihyun and myself. Jihyun blink at me, and then lowered her gaze to hands.

“You fell in love with him, didn’t you?” I asked, tighten my grip on Yoongi’s hand. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jihyun said, rising to her feet, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go the restaurant is closed-“

“There you go, you’re running again,” I said, launching myself out of my as Jihyun was about to leave. I grabbed her wrist stopping her escape.

“It doesn’t make sense for Jin to still be angry with Yoongi if he blamed himself for the whole incident. Unless he thinks that you left him for Yoongi when really you broke up with him because you couldn’t take the chance of him finding out your feelings for him had started out as a lie.” Jihyun turned around slowly; her eyes were brimming with tears.

“I just didn’t want to hurt him anymore.” Jihyun said, her entire body trembling as sobs escaped her. I awkwardly put an arm around her small frame, holding her as she cried. Naturally, I felt an hatred towards her for what she had done to my brother but she was equally as broken as Jin. 

“Jihyun, if you thought my brother wouldn’t have forgiven you or taken you back as you were, you really didn’t get to know him properly,” I said, patting her shoulder soothingly.

“I knew he would have. Even when Yoongi came and found me as soon as I left Jin and told me to go back to him, I knew Jin would take me back. But I don’t deserve him, he needs someone better than me,” Jihyun sobbed, shaking her head.

“But he wanted you and when you left he needed you.” I replied.

“You didn’t want to hurt him but leaving him hurt him more than anything else. He lost his fiancée and his best friend, and he’s under the illusion that he lost his fiancée to his best friend.. you truly broke him and yourself.”

“It’s too late now, I’m leaving soon enough,” Jihyun leaned away from me, silencing her sobs. She wiped away her tears and smiled at me. “I should’ve left this place when I had the chance, I just couldn’t leave him completely. Just catching a glimpse of him now and again was good enough for me.” 

“Jihyun… I think you need to see him again,” I spoke. Jihyun shook her head furiously.  

“You have satisfied your selfishness by staying behind and watching him from the shadows for the last few years while Jin mourns your loss… He deserves a proper goodbye. Give him that at least.”

A/N: that took an unexpected turn even for me, lmao. what did you guys think? of it?

But You Didn’t (Home)

Broke up a year ago, our suitcases got swapped and why do you still have a picture of us together?

Frosting war and now we’re making out on my kitchen counter


Uh. Yeah so, I’m just now kinda going through a breakup. I don’t really feel sad about it? Cause it was beginning to become very one-sided and. I’m just so tired. I was tired of him always ignoring me, blah blah blah. So yeah. This is gonna be sappy and angsty as all hell so. Woo.

And a message to every living breathing person out there. If someone is treating you like shit, is treating you like they don’t care about you, talk to them. Figure out what’s going on. Sometimes, they’re truly not doing it on purpose. Sometimes, they’re not the one. And I know that hurts to say, but you will date people who are not the one.

Quite like this asshole who I was with. So yes. If you’re with an asshole, like I was, run, run far away.

Anywho, onto the Finnegan

Tags: @moxtiel and @nickysmum1909 bc THEY REQUESTED THESE IDEAS AND YEAH I COMBINED THEM as per-usual, sue me. And tagging @hardcorewwetrash @fuckyeahbulletclub and @darlingkatrina MY FRIENDS, MY PARTNERS IN CRIME, MY LOVELIES, YES ILOVE THEM. Also tagging @helluvawriter @imagines–assemble @alexispoo @caramara3 @itsaminionthing  AND ANYONE ELSE WITH FINN FEELS. Just shoot me an ask or message if y’all wanna be tagged in my stuff. 

Me: *Is 2 pages in* 

Also me: *Sobbing uncontrollably.*

Admittedly, I am slightly intoxicated as I write this, I will fix my mistakes through editing, but if I miss something, ya know. Ya know why.

Warnings: It’s gon’ be sweet, sweet love making. That’s right ladies and gents. I’m writing smut. That isn’t rough. I know, it’s a shocker. A real brain teaser. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO ACTUALLY WRITE SWEET SLOW LOVE MAKING WOW OKAY I HAD TO BACKSPACE HAIR PULLING ABOUT… Okay, more than I probably should have. But yeah. Yeah. I DIDN’T WANT THIS TO BE DIRTY, DIRTY SEX (my subconscious did but I did not let it win.). It’s beautiful and supposed to make you cry. (But Finn is def still in charge.) Yes. I DON’T THINK I EVEN USED ANY CUSS WORDS IN THIS, THAT IS HOW MUCH FINN LOVE MAKING MEANS TO ME, OKAY ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I HAVE THE MOUTH OF A SAILOR.

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I went to my hairdresser to get a haircut today and I showed him pictures of Yuri Plisetsky and I could literally feel him thinking, oh god, anime AGAIN? but anyway he did a great job and I now have the cutest bob in the world!! And I can even do the top ponytail; I AM HAPPY!!!


“Hey,” I begged him, feeling stupid again because apparently I chose the wrong timing for all of this. Apparently this was his breakdown after keeping everything to himself. “I’m sorry if it wasn’t appropriate, but please explain me what’s going on.”

“That’s not what you were thinking, Irene,” he finally said between sobbing. “In fact, I do feel the same way. I’ve loved you since the very first day when I saw you at the beach and you were so concerned because of me, the guy who you didn’t even know. Then I got to explore you better and, Irene… you’re the most amazing person in the whole world for me. I’ve often thought how lucky I am to have you. I’ve loved you all along… I was just, you see - good at hiding it, I guess.”

“But why, Milo? We agreed to share everything with each other! We would have sorted it…”

“Because I just don’t deserve to have someone like you,” Milo whispered, looking down, then at me. “You’re so great, Irene. I couldn’t even imagine anyone like me beside you for life. More than all I want you to be happy, and I often pictured you with someone bright and cheerful who will ensure you the best life possible, who can’t be compared to me, an orphan that barely has any inheritance from his grandma, struggles with depression and can let anyone beat him up in the ugliest way… without fighting. It was always breaking my heart, but I knew I’m not meant to be with you, Irene. So I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I told myself we’re just friends, we’re only friends. I could never believe that you might see me as something more.”

hungryhole4killerkok  asked:

Why did you decide to take pictures of yourself and post them to a website for the entire world to see? Are you a sex worker, i.e. porn performer, hustler, etc. (if so I could imagine this would be a kind of marketing for your business)? Are you an exhibitionist and if so what are some the best public places you've had sex in/at? Or, do you consider yourself a narcissist?

lol this question is so loaded….so far there is no commercial purpose to this blog. I like showing myself off, and almost all the feedback I get is really nice and positive, so I just keeping going. I’ll stop when you guys stop liking it. Maybe one day I’ll find something to sell but only if there is actual demand for it.

Also, I look around and the people I see getting ahead are the ones taking risks and living without shame or in constant need to edit and filter their self expression. This is how I want to live and it makes the world a more interesting place.

I used to hustle back in the day but I’m not seeking that kind of work now. Yes I’m an exhibitionist in that I love taking these pics and sharing them, but I don’t really have sex in public. Once recently in the gym bathroom but that’s it. Narcissist is a little rough, I mean we should all love ourselves and be proud of who we are, but I don’t think or act like I’m the center of the Universe.

There’s been some talk lately about Symmetra as a Dungeons and Dragons dungeon master and that has me thinking about Overwatch as just this giant tabletop game set up by this group of friends, with Symmetra as their long-suffering GM

Just, Satya who got roped into this whole thing and decided, well, if I’m going to do this I’m going to do it right.  The campaign is perfect.  She has this fantastic adventure set up, knows all the minutiae of the story, has this long string of clues and exploring required to lead you into the quest.  This is all supposed to take place in a futuristic world so she creates backstory, and different factions, and conflict – it’s amazing.  It should involve the characters reforming a fallen organization called Overwatch, and eventually lead to unraveling the mystery of some hidden “Eye” organization that’s pulling the threads from the background.

And so of course instead of doing this her friends immediately go and fuck right off.


Winston’s never played one of these games before so he’s struggling to figure out how he’s supposed to create a character.

Lena: Just do something unique and fun, luv.
Winston: Uh, uh, uh, okay.  Okay, uh, I’m… I’m a gorilla!”
Satya: A gorilla.
Winston: Yeah, but, uh, a talking one!  He’s, uh… a scientist that works for that organization thing.
Satya: Overwatch. And this is sci-fi, not… whatever involves talking monkeys.
Winston: He’s a gorilla.  And he’s a scientist gorilla who was, uh… made out of science.
Satya: …Care to elaborate?
Winston: Sure.  Uh, they made a whole bunch of sentient gorillas.  On the moon.  For science.  And my character was raised by one of the scientists and then when there was a civil uprising–”
Satya [with her face in her hands]: A civil gorilla uprising?
McCree: Sure, ain’t you never seen Planet of the Apes?
Winston: And then when there was a civil uprising, he got away and came down to Earth and joined that team.
Satya: Fine.

Keep reading

I want to be able to wake up early in the morning and be grateful for all that I have. I want to open my curtains, let the the sunshine spill through, and realize how good I actually have it. I want to enjoy every moment of the day. I want to be productive, I want to do useful things. I want to spent my time studying for my exams. I want to make a beautiful planner, colour coded, with inspirational quotes and all sorts of sketches and pictures. I want to read through my material, and make beautiful notes. I want to be satisfied with the grades I get, because school does not define my worth and I did the best I could.
But I also want to relax, I want to shower and use that expensive showergel I got for my bday, and after that I want to put on my favourite underwear and sing in my room with those on, dancing to my favourite music. I want to dress to impress - myself. I want to look good, I want to feel goed. I want to put time into making myself delicious meals - avocado sandwiches, fruit salads, strawberry smoothies - and I want to spent time with my friends, joking with them, laughing with them, talking about our favorite tv shows and movies. I want to be happy. I want to take care of myself. And just before I go to bed, after I’ve noticed how pretty the moon looks that night, I want to read and get lost in the stories of others. Then I want to sleep, deeply, without interruptions, so that I’ll be energized the next day. And if this does not work out today, that’s okay, because there are other nights to come and other days to appreciate.
—  All that I want. Note to myself - @studiesstudy
How I lost it!

So I know a lot of you have sent me messages asking how I lost the weight… and I’ve been terrible at replying. And I am so sorry! Honestly it’s been really hard for me to be consistent in posting, yet alone answering messages. But I really want make an effort to start blogging on a weekly basis, maybe even more. Anyways so here’s a little bit of my journey… I hope it helps. And please feel free to ask me detailed questions, I really do want to help motivate in any way I can!

I’ll start off with one of my favorite quotes.

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”

You have to want it bad enough to bare the pain of change. Because you WILL go through changes, and it will be painful. But worth it? Without a doubt.

Sticking with it… I wish I could give you an easy answer, but for me… I suppose I couldn’t take living in my own body anymore. It wasn’t a question of how do I stick with this… it was a question of… can I really continue to live in this body? Overweight… unhappy… underlining depression constantly seeping into the back of my mind. I have no words for some of the things I went through over the past ten years… struggling with my weight and health… emotionally tore me apart, which led to binge eating… yoyo dieting, abusing diet pills, and hating myself even more when I failed. I blamed everyone around me for years, when really the choice was in my hands the whole time.

So where do you start?

First you have to prepare your mind. Prepare yourself emotionally. Especially if food has been an emotion outlet for you.

I’ve tried every diet under the sun… Atkins, south beach, paleo, low fat, low carb, low calorie, juicing, cleanses, diet pills, etc. All showed results, but not all kept the weight off. My favorite would be the juicing/clean eating.  I honestly feel so much better, and only take a multi vitamin every day. vs taking super harsh diet pills and crash diets. But to be 10000% honest, in the beginning of my weight loss journey, this whole juicing and clean eating thing probably wouldn’t have cut it. I needed something to get me off my ass and diet pills did just that. I had low energy all the time and I needed something fast and strong, or so I thought.

I think it’s all about your mindset, and overall goals. I wanted weight loss quick stat, so I was willing to take things or do things that may not have been so great on my body. Now that I’ve been doing this for a while, my mindset and outlook on dieting is completely different. I’ve been on all sides of the fence. Literally at one point, I was eating fast food every single day. heck I was working at in n out burger, but besides that… I was still driving thru places. Along with that I struggled with binge eating… especially in the evening… 12 at night… sometimes even later. I was definitely a “feelings eater”. At one point I ate super terrible and laxatives to get rid of it- that was painful to say the least… if you know what I mean. I’ve abused diet pill, dieter’s tea, laxatives, cleansing pills, etc. Not for long periods of time, but I can honestly say over the years I’ve tried everything I could get my hands on.


Now for the PLAN!!

      1. CLEANSE your body of all the junk!!!

If you’re at the very beginning of your diet, I HIGHLY recommend a cleanse. Its not absolutely necessary, but I feel like it made a difference for me. It will get all the crap out of your system and kind of reset everything. You can buy a cleanse pack at gnc, walgreens, walmart, pretty much anywhere. I ALWAYS started my diets with a cleanse. I’d say that the 7 day one is ideal. 14 is too long, and anything shorter and your guna find yourself on the toilet alot. lol just your preference though.

     2. Pooping is important!!! (lol)

If you don’t have a bowel movement (poop) daily… this may be slowing down your weight loss efforts. There are a multitude of thing you can use such as fiber supplements, Mira lax, etc. Drinking tons of water is key essential.

There’s also the enema bag… that you can get on amazon… or a health food store. I recommend this but with caution. I first heard about this through a nutritionist actually. Having a healthy bowel movement is essential to for dieting and good health in general. I hear it daily while working in a health clinic.

So anyways the nutritionist recommended the enema bag. It’s a bit odd at first, and if you don’t have issues going to the bathroom regularly… then this is NOT for you. You can simply stick to a 7 day cleanse or purchase an over the counter fiber supplement and your golden!

      3. Diet Pills

I want to touch on the diet pill topic again. Let me clarify… that I’m not “against” diet pills per say… I just think that they should be used only as directed. Which let’s be honest… that is rare. If you are dieting, and doing some form of exercise, drinking tons of water, and not eating crap… then yes, diet pills can give you quicker results. No doubt. But… just beware… your body can build a tolerance to the caffeine intake and then become reliant on it. I speak from experience. Also, they are super harsh on your liver. I know all supplements have risks. But if you’re at the very beginning of your weight loss challenge… and looking for something to get you through the first couple weeks… diet pills might be right for you. Also of note- if you have a low caffeine tolerance… you may want to try the non-stimulant option.

At some point I’ll write a review on each one diet pill I’ve tried. But for now I can say my favorite would be lipo 6 black ultra-concentrated or performix SST. They are strong and definitely cut my appetite/gave me tons of energy. I didn’t take them on the weekends just to have a break in between… but I can tell you I noticed the decrease in energy on those days without them.

       4. FOOOOOOD

Like I mentioned earlier… I’ve abused diet pill, dieter’s tea, laxatives, cleansing pills, etc. Not for long periods of time, but I can honestly say over the years I’ve tried everything I could get my hands on.

By far the best thing I’ve found… is clean eating/working out/getting a good amount of sleep/drinking TONS of water. Can it really be that simple? I honestly never believed it. I would see all the pictures on Pinterest or Instagram… “Just eat healthy & workout”. I thought to myself ‘ya right, I want quick results. I want results NOW. Well here I am… 4 years later, having tried more diets than I can count… and which one am I preaching about? ha

Anyways so about Juice… contrary to popular belief… it’s actually not super expensive. If you’re smart. Honestly I spend less money than I used to on groceries.

        5. Juicing!

Here’s what you do… buy a juicer on amazon or craigslist… 50$. Or whatever you’re willing to spend. Then hit up a couple grocery stores in your area… and find out which ones are the cheapest when it comes to produce. I’ve found grocery outlet, food maxx and winco are the cheapest in my town. Carrots are ridiculously cheap. Like 2$ for a 5 pound bag. Apples can be decently cheap too if you get the big red ones in bulk. Basically just look around, and be smart. My typically grocery list includes the following:

Red apples, green apples, oranges, carrots, lemon, kale, beets, grapefruit, cabbage, cucumber, broccoli, pears, ginger, hummus, eggs, turkey, low fat Greek yogurt, sugar free almond milk, low carb organic bread(trader joes), avocado, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, almonds, nuts, chicken breast (lean), organic brown rice, bananas, dried fruits, quest bars, Lara bars, organic oats, stevia.

I spend about 140$ on groceries a month. At least since I’ve been juicing. I go twice a month and spend 70$ each time. Not planned, just always come out to 70$ give or take a lil.

So pretty much I juice twice a day. Once with breakfast, and once for dinner.

Breakfast is typically a piece of toast with avocado, (usually my heavy carbs are only with breakfast. I stay away from carbs towards the evening) or eggs with tons of veggies mixed in.

Bread is a HUGE weakness of mine… so I’ve tried to find the best way to sneak it into my diet. Lol which is only in the morning or early afternoons, and I buy the best bread I can possibly find… which is at trader Joes. I get either the gluten free, or the low carb flax seed.

Lunch can be a salad, chicken, veggies, cottage cheese, eggs, etc. Portion size is important. If I’m hungry before or after lunch I’ll have a few almonds (favored ones are good too if you don’t really like almonds) or some banana chips, an apple, celery w/peanut butter. Small but does the trick!


6. The make or break meal:

Dinner… now this one is important for your weight loss goal so make note!

I don’t eat dinner past 5 PM. Especially carbs. I try to have the least amount of carbs in my dinner. Some days if I’ve hit a plateau.. I won’t have cards after 3-4 PM.

So for meal ideals… I keep it simple… salads… fried veggies (a drop of grape seed oil is all you need) with some salt and pepper, chicken or turkey breast, or I’ll replace dinner with a healthy juice all together. A low carb protein shake is good too. If you’re still hungry, some vegetables would do the trick!

I know that doesn’t sound too fun… But I can’t tell you enough… Dinner is the make or break meal.

The first week or so you may find that adjusting your dinner time is too difficult… so try having dinner a few hours earlier… and slowly make your way to 5 PM. I often went to bed hungry towards the beginning, then my stomach got used to the adjustment.

Drink lots and lots and lots of WATER! One full glass with each meal and snack. One as soon as you make up and one after dinner.

Another note,

ORGANIC EVERYTHING! Yes it’s a bit pricier… and it’s not a must… but if you have the $$ to spend… I’d say it’s worth the extra money.

Basically I like to mix it up. Be creative, yet cheap. It’s possible. I support myself, so I get it… I get the bills, I get the whole “not enough money to diet” but if you want something bad enough… you’ll find a way. If you aren’t a fan of the juicing idea… then just stick to eating the whole fruits and veggies. If you’re going to take this route… I would stick to the fruits towards the morning, and more veggies towards the evening. And again, do your breads… if you’re going to have any… in the morning.


7. To dairy or not to dairy…

Cutting out dairy in general… can make a hugggge difference. I cut out cheese, milk and cream cheese for a while and lost weight doing that alone. I love love love cheese in any form.. So this wasn’t easy for me… and I still have it a few times a week… but it will definitely make a difference.

 8. Water Water Water!

            I can’t stress this enough!

It takes a while for your body to adjust… at first you’ll pee more than a pregnant woman… lol but eventually your bladder gets used to it.

9. Calories in<calories out

It’s true… that if your calories in is less than calories out… you’re going to lose weight. But if you’re wanting to feel better and treat your body as the temple that it is… clean eating is the way to go.

And now for everyone’s favorite…

10. Exercise

In the very beginning of my journey… I started with a lil cardio outside… even just a walk a day. Eventually I joined a gym… hit the elliptical for 30 mins… then did all the machines for 30 also. Rotated between arm machines someday and leg machines the rest of the week. Eventually I made my way to the treadmill/bike, and starting lifting more along with doing squats and lunges, and abs at home.

I can elaborate more on my workouts in a later blog… but that’s the jest of it.

Honestly, you can work our as much as you want but if you’re not eating healthy then the weight won’t come off as fast… or at all even.


11. Unrealistic goals

It’s going to take time. It’s going to be a process. You’re going to have temptations, and you’re going to fall sometimes. The biggest thing is that you GET BACK UP.

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing any enthusiasm”

love this quote. Especially when relating it to dieting… because “failure” will be a part of the journey. It’s a learning process. Don’t you love that word…? “Process”. Lol

 12. Be honest

I struggled with being social at times… because my friends love to eat. Lol so hangs out typically meant going to dinner, going to the bars, making food at someone’s house… baking, cooking, sweets, alcohol. It SUCKED.

Set boundaries!!

Tell your friends that you’re on a diet or just eating healthy. Or whatever you want to say, but be honest with others and yourself especially. If you know that putting yourself in a certain situation or atmosphere is going to set you up for failure… then don’t do it. Easier said than done. But really. And if you absolutely know that you are going to fail, t

hen accept it and just get back up the next day. Keep the enthusiasm.

13. Enjoy the journey

I still wanted to enjoy life in the process of getting healthy & reaching my goals. I mean… Don’t get me wrong… When you have a large amount of weight to lose… It takes freaking dedication. Hard work. It hurts. It freaking sucks some days. The cravings, the anger, the frustrations of how we got to that weight in the first place. I could write a book about it. All the emotions to work through too… that in its self was just as hard, if not harder. For me personally, this journey has brought me a lot of inner healing. Some deep rooted anger and hurt literally had to be dealt with. Things that triggered my weight gain in the first place. I had to face my demons. I had to get to the root of the problem. I honestly believe weight gain and how we treat our bodies is directly related to our emotional state and current situations around us. Some things completely out of our control, but in the end that is no excuse. ‘We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way, and we cannot change the inevitable. But we do have control of our attitudes and how we chose to respond to our situation.’ I stopped choosing excuses and started seeing results. I stopped blaming others and started facing myself.  

Follow me on instagram for a closer look into my journey //@sheriboberry :)

Always Been You.

This is my Christmas Imagine for Nix’s 2016 Secret Santa thingy. My main inspiration was the wonderful song No One from Alicia Keys.

Dear @imagine-footballers, this is your Christmas present. Your prompt was Long Term lovers, and I wrote it with Antoine Griezmann. It’s a little long (I kinda got carried away), but I hope you like it. 

Merry Christmas to you.


I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

”Antoine?“, I asked into the silence. I’d gotten so used to waking up in his embrace that the absence of his strong arms was enough to wake me up.
The space next to me was empty, but on his pillow was a little piece of paper. I reached for it and unfolded it. Antoine’s barely readable handwriting made me smile, even before I read his message.
Buenos días mi amor
I’m taking your parents out for lunch and then I’ll have to do some last minute shopping. We’ll all be at home around five thirty.
Feliz navidad

That little dork. Ever since my parents had arrived in Madrid to stay with us over the holidays, Antoine was constantly taking them places, almost making me feel like he was their son and I was merely the girlfriend. I would often joke that my parents liked him more than they liked me, something they always confirmed.

My father loved to talk about the English Premier League with Antoine; they always shooed me away when I tried to engage in the conversation, since I was an Arsenal fan, a club they both dispised.
My mother simply adored Antoine. She loved to ruffle through his hair as though he was a little kid, she loved to bake for him, she loved to go to his games. But most of all, she loved to hear him speak Spanish, so she could tell me how beautiful it sounded and what a shame it was that I still had my difficulties with “The Language of Affection”, despite having lived in Spain for quite some time now.
It was because of her that Antoine had started to say little things in Spanish to me, always teasingly asking if I needed a translator.

A glance to the alarm clock told me that it was already past twelve, so I got out of bed and took a shower.
It was Christmas Eve, the sixth Christmas as a couple for Antoine and me, although we’d been together for almost a year more. This New Year’s Eve was going to be our seven years anniversary.
Secretly I was hoping that he would propose to me on New Year’s. We were both in our mid-twenties now, and we’d talked about our future often enough. He knew that I wanted a big white wedding, I knew that he wanted to raise a few kids in a quiet neighborhood. He knew exactly what kind of rings I liked, I knew exactly what a hopeless romantic he was.

I decided to take advantage of the fact that neither Antoine nor my parents were here, so when I got out of the shower, I took out their gifts and started wrapping them.
For my mother I’d found a complete collection of all Audrey Hepburn movies, and for my father I’d ordered a Chelsea scarf and a Sudoku-book.
I’d thought about what to get for Antoine for a long time, until out of sheer luck I’d stumbled over the perfect gift while online shopping. I now was wrapping the vintage Nintendo Game Boy and a bag full of out-of-stock Super Mario and Bugs Bunny games he could play on it.

When I was done wrapping, I took the gifts downstairs to put them unter the Christmas tree.
Antoine had surprised me with it. It was a white one, something I’d always wanted to have. He’d even bought classic lights and gold and silver ornaments to put on the tree. As I let my eyes wander over all the decoration, I noticed one ornament that I hadn’t put on there. Taking a closer look I saw that it had a picture on it.
17 year old Antoine and 16 year old Me laughed into the camera, while he was giving me a piggy-back ride and I had my arms slung around him for support. In the background you could see a party going on. The picture had been taken at the New Year’s party of a cousin of Antoine’s.

Our story went way back. We’d been neighbors growing up, and soon we’d become best friends. Antoine joining Real Sociedad when he was fourteen didn’t change that, if possible, our friendship grew even tighter. When I was 17 and he 18, things suddenly felt different.
He became extremely interested in any boy I was talking to (not that there were many), and I found myself getting jealous any time he mentioned a girl’s name.
We both didn’t really know how to put those feelings into words; he was too shy to say something and I was stubbornly waiting for him to make the first step.

When he came home for Christmas break, we were both awkwardly talking around our feelings.
As he told me later, it had taken a long talk with his sister for him to realize that he would have to step up and confess his feelings since I was not going to do it.
On New Year’s Eve, he pulled me aside, and we spent our evening on the floor of Antoine’s childhood bedroom, finally talking about everything.
We whispered our countdown looking into each other’s eyes, and then we started the year with a kiss, sealing our relationship.
We suffered through half a year of long distance relationship, but then I turned 18, finished school and packed my things.

We’d been living together ever since and I couldn’t wait to see what the future would bring.
Up until about a year ago, we’d been perfectly happy living together in sin and not changing anything about our relationship status. But we’d both grown older and more mature in our time together and so we started talking about our future.
I was probably most surprised when I suddenly found myself finding the idea of marriage appealing. The next surprise was Antoine talking about wanting to have children.
But since I was still as stubborn as I’d been as a teenager, I refused to ask when exactly he was intending to propose. So I was just waiting and hoping for a New Year’s Eve proposal.

I let go of the ornament that I was still holding and smiled to myself. Surely my mom had put it on there, since Antoine didn’t touch the tree in fear of me telling him off for disarranging stuff. I like the tree to be exactly as I decorated it.
But the ornament was cute, so it could stay, just not in the place my mom put it, as it was making the area look too crowded. I rearranged some other ornaments and then happily looked at my work.

I spent the rest of the day tidying up everything and making my special Mousse au Chocolat for after dinner.
Around four thirty, I went upstairs to get ready. The dress I’d picked out for tonight ended just above my knees and was dark purple. I liked it because it subtly enhanced my curves but was still modest enough for dinner with my parents.
I did my make-up and curled my long brown hair.
Then I made my way downstairs again, thanks to my heels I was now a few inches taller.

Five thirty came and went, but Antoine and parents didn’t show up. Around 5:45 I started to get annoyed. What was so important that they were late to Christmas?
I tried to call Antoine but he didn’t pick up, so I tried my mom next.
She did pick up, in the background I heard voices.
”Where are you all?“, I snapped.
She chuckled. ”Merry Christmas to you too. Antoine is on his way.“
”Well tell him to hurry up! He said five thirty and nobody’s here!“
My mom laughed. ”Relax, darling, we’ll be with you in a bit. Bye.“
With that, she simply hung up on me and left me alone with my frustration.

At six, I finally heard the car pull up outside. A few seconds later, my parents came inside, both had their arms full with shopping bags.
”Go outside and help Antoine“, advised my mom and guided my dad into the kitchen. I stepped outside into the cold air and made my way to the car. It was locked and dark, but Antoine was standing next to it. Surprised, I noticed that he was wearing a dark suit.
”Were you shopping in that outfit?“, I teasingly asked.

He smiled, as he let his eyes trail over me. ”You are beautiful“, he said and approached me. Thanks to my heels, he was now only about two inches taller than me, so I could easily kiss him. He welcomed my lips gladly and pulled me close.
After a much too short time however, he pulled away and smirked at me.
”So“, he said, for some reason very pleased with himself. ”Your Christmas gift this year is a little more complex than just unwrapping a box.“ He handed me a flashlight. ”A journey of clues awaits you and the first one is right here.“ He put held up a simple white envelope.

I stared at him. ”As sweet as this is, it’s freaking cold out here. Can’t we do this inside?“
”Nope!“, Antoine sang out, clearly enjoying all of this. But then he took of the jacket of his suit and placed it over my shoulders. ”There you go princess. Now get started.“
I rolled my eyes at him but opened the envelope anyways. Inside was a notecard and a photo. I looked at the picture first.
It showed Antoine and me as toddlers, sitting in a little kid’s pool, both grinning mischievously.

The note was short, but it warmed my heart.
I have to admit, when I was little, I always thought you were some kind of distant sister. Like a cousin, but closer; a beloved relative.
So in a way, this makes me a Greek hero. I’m an innocent guy who’s been blessed with amazing looks and a lot of talent, and who ended up dating a relative. But don’t worry, I won’t blind myself and I won’t kill my dad, like some of the Greeks did.
I’m trailing off. The next clue is where this picture was taken.

I looked up at Antoine. ”You want me to go all the way back to France?“
He laughed. ”That’s the one thing you take out of this message? What about my good looks? What about the fact that I once thought you were my sister?“
I couldn’t help but laugh as well. ”Do you need an ego-push? Because that’s not gonna happen dearest, we both know that I’m the good-looking one in this relationship. And I refuse to think of you and me as relatives. We’ve had sex way too many times for such a thought to even get into my head.“

”True“, he said. ”Sex in way too many odd places. In some of them I’d like to do it again.“ He winked suggestively.
I scoffed. ”If you’re talking about the time in the locker room at the Calderon after the Madrid Derby - forget it. I was so scared the entire time.“
Antoine moved against me so that our bodies were touching. ”That made it exciting! You were so keen to end it as quickly as possible…“ He kissed my neck, a weakness of mine. ”And I was so keen to please you…“
I pushed him gently away. ”And when we left the locker room afterwards, Nando and Koke were outside, waiting for you. And of course they heard us“, I said. Thanks to that, I now had to endure mocking comments every time I met members of the team.

Antoine wanted to say something, but I cut him off, getting colder with the minute. ”Just tell me where to go for the next clue, I’m freezing my ass off out here.“
He rolled his eyes but chuckled. ”Of course, Princess. You don’t have to go all the way to France, it’s in the backyard.“ He took my arm and lead me to the side of the house. ”You may light up your flashlight now.“
”Anto“, I said, stopping in front of the grass. ”I’m wearing high heels.“
He sighed loudly, then he picked me up into his arms and carried me into the backyard.

The flashlight hit our pool and then something colorful right next to it.
Antoine set me down in front of the little kid’s pool that looked exactly like the one I’d had when we were both kids. I looked at him and choked back a laugh, even though I had to admit that all this was cute.
”What?“, he asked, challenging me.
I smiled. ”Nothing. This is just…“ I waved my hand aimlessly. ”It’s sweet. And… a little cheesy.“
He laughed. ”Be thankful I’m such a nice, creative boyfriend. Now go ahead and get your clue.“

I playfully hit him with the flashlight, then I examined the little pool closer. Right in the middle was another envelope that I picked up and opened.
This time, there was no picture in it, just a notecard.
The first time I saw you as a girl rather than as a sister, we were going to our ex-babysitter’s wedding. You were twelve and you wore this light blue dress, your sister had done your hair into a fancy updo. And you looked so beautiful, Anna. So beautiful.

Suddenly I didn’t feel like mocking him anymore. I felt nothing but love for Antoine.
”You remember the color of my dress?“, I asked.
He smiled merely and nudged his head so I would read the rest of his message.
But at that point, I wasn’t interested in girls yet, at least not in that way. You however were starting to get interested in boys, my darling.
Your next clue is at the place where I comforted you after Raphaël Lorien broke your heart.

Raphaël had been my first boyfriend. After three months of dating however, he decided that he’d rather be Claudine Odile’s boyfriend and therefore left me.
Antoine comforted me after I’d come home crying. I hid out in the backyard behind the big tree, but he found me.
I looked up from the notecard. ”Carry me to the tree?“
”Sure dearest“, he said, picking me up once again.

The third envelope was hanging from a branch, so I didn’t even have to step down from Antoine’s embrace in order to open it.
I was so frustrated when you told me about your amazing first kiss. But still I didn’t realize that everything I looked for in a woman I could find with you. I didn’t realize I was jealous.
To be honest, I was quite an idiot when it came to us two. To feelings in general, actually.

I had to stop reading. I looked up at Antoine, his blue eyes held a slightly embarrassed expression. Without hesitating, I kissed him firmly, but let go before he responded to the kiss.
”You’re not an idiot. You’re amazing“, I assured, before I continued reading.

There’s one more clue hidden outside, then you can go back into the warmth. It’s at the place where we had sex the day we moved into this house.
I glared at Antoine. ”Griezmann! How am I supposed to Instagram the cute stuff you did if you write stuff like this on a notecard?!“
He teasingly kissed me on the corner of my mouth. ”Just tell me where to carry you, sweetheart. You’re getting heavy.“
I rolled my eyes. ”The canopy swing.“
He smirked the whole time he was carrying me over to the swing, undoubtedly remembering our moving day, when he slept with me on that swing, after all our helpers had left.

Antoine carefully placed me down on the swing, where another envelope was waiting for me.
By this time, you’re probably wondering what all this is about. The truth is, I needed something to keep you out of the house so that your parents could prepare everything inside, where your gift awaits.
I glanced up to the windows. I hadn’t noticed that the curtains were drawn shut to hide the living room from my eyes.
So yeah, you can go inside now, to the place where the ornament with our picture on it is. I’m pretty sure you already spotted it this afternoon.
I love you, Querida.

I smiled up at my boyfriend. ”I love you too“, I whispered, before I got up and took the hand he held out for me. Together we walked over to the back door.
Antoine knocked and my mom let us in. It was cozy and warm inside, so I took Antoine’s jacket off and gave it back to him. Music was playing, and I immediately recognized the voice of Alicia Keys, one of my favorite singers.
Then I saw what my parents had been preparing.
Through the room, multiple strings were hung up, and on them hung photos.
Photos of me as a little girl, photos of little Antoine playing football, photos of us together as children, couple photos, rows and rows of photos.

I went closer and looked at them, my mouth slightly open. So many memories.
I didn’t see my parents leave the room, and I didn’t see Antoine take the ornament with our picture on it from the tree. Only when he softly tapped me on my shoulder did I turn around and saw him standing there with the ornament in his hand.
”That was our last New Year’s Eve as friends.“ He spoke in a different tone, his voice lower and more sincere. ”You are everything to me. You’ve always been everything. A sister, a friend, a source of comfort, a buddy, an object of desire, a love interest, a girlfriend, a roommate, a partner in crime, the love of my life.“

I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling my eyes get wet. ”Antoine…“, I whispered, but he just chuckled and held up a finger in order for me to be quiet. ”I knew you were going to interrupt me and I planned an exact time where you can speak. But for now, let it be my turn.“
He cleared his throat and went on. ”I’ve known you since the day your parents brought you home from the hospital the day after you were born. And I am proud to say that I probably know you better than any other person. Through everything, we always had each other. And I am so thankful that I can stand here and look at the woman I love, the woman I’ve loved for 24 years. And I am so blessed that I’m so young but I already found the courage to be with the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I found the courage almost seven years ago. And we are so young, and there’s so much more to come. I want to raise children with you, I want to see your features in their faces, I want to see you as a mother, I want us to be parents. I want to live our future.“

I was silently crying at this point. Antoine smiled at me, his eyes a little wet too. ”You can say something now“, he said.
I managed a shaky little laugh, my head spinning from all the things he just said to me.
”I… Gosh where do I begin.“ I wiped a few tears from my cheeks. ”When I was a teenager, I would always read those romance novels that you considered Chick-Flicks, and then I would dream of having a boyfriend like those girls in the books did; a prince, a knight in shiny armor. And I tried finding one, but not all frogs turn into princes when you kiss them.
I tried to grow up, to lose the fantasy of finding a prince. But I did find my prince. And it was so much better than I’d hoped it would be. I’ve got you! You, the guy who rolls his eyes but still pulls me closer and comforts me when I cry during movie scenes. The guy who first laughs at me but then makes a hot bath when I’m spread out in the weirdest positions trying to ease my period cramps. The guy who says my wishes are basic but still buys me the white Christmas tree I really wanted to have. You are my prince, Antoine. And I want our future too. I want to see your face when I walk towards you in a white dress, I want to feel you kiss my belly when I’m carrying our child, I want us to grow old together. I love you so much.“

”I love you too, my dearest“, Antoine said, and he carefully wiped away my tears. ”That’s why you can open your gift now. It’s in the ornament.“ He handed it to me.
I smiled briefly at the picture, then I opened the ornament. Inside, bedded in cotton wool, was a stunningly beautiful ring, gleaming faintly in the light.
I stared at it for a few seconds, then I realized what this meant. I looked back to Antoine, who’d gotten on his knees in front of me.
Actually, on one knee.

”I already said everything I wanted to say, but this: I promise to do everything to make you happy. I want to be with you for every day for the rest of my life. So now there’s only one question left, right?“ He smiled at me, my heart fluttering painfully happily in my chest.
Antoine drew a deep breath, before he asked me the question I knew was to come, and that I wanted him to ask more than anything else in the world.
”Anna Geneviève Verneuil, will you marry me?“
”Yes, yes, a thousand times yes“, I blurted out as soon as he finished. Antoine’s face lit up with joy. He got up and took the ring out of the ornament to put in on my finger.
”Thank you“, he whispered tenderly.
”Anytime“, I smiled, then I cupped his face and kissed him fiercely.

I hadn’t noticed my parents watching us through the almost closed kitchen door throughout the entire proposal, occasionally taking pictures.
I heard them applaud and jubilate now, but I didn’t stop kissing Antoine, my fiancé.
As he wrapped his arms all the way around my body, my head seemed to spin around around from too much love. And I started wondering: How lucky can one person get?

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

anonymous asked:

you're awesome

Oh my gosh. I’ve been puzzling over how to reply to this for like half an hour. I had to get up and walk around for a bit and think if this required mock reciprocal outrage along the lines of NO MAYBE IT’S ///YOU/// WHO IS AWESOME, AND YOU’RE TRYING TO THROW ME OFF! CHECK AND MATE.

I mean I have difficulty expressing feelings so this sort of response might not be entirely inaccurate.

But maybe this requires genuine surprise and delight though… Like the kind which requires pictures of animals doing strange things. If that’s the case, please accept this dancing sifaka as a token of my appreciation:

Apparently sifakas enjoy dancing. There’s like a bajillion pictures of them doing all sorts of weird crap:

I mean I could go on but it’s probably best not to blow the whole lot of potentially useful reaction images all on one post like this… 

I think I’ve let myself get distracted enough from being complimented in order to post this without feeling too awkward about it now. (thank you)

The speedy mare tried to kill me during today’s jumping lesson. She kept refusing and/or running past obstacles, so I had to push her really hard before every jump, which resulted in her taking off even earlier than usual and me being thrown off balance completely.

The above photo happened during a near-death-experience when she took off after nearly avoiding the jump. I hung on her neck for a couple of canter strides and just thought to myself: “Well fuck, how are you gonna get back up on this bumpy horse?”
It was good I could still think, though, because it kept me from doing something dumb such as letting go or whatever. Because I managed to keep a hold of the reins and slow her down a little, and when she took a slower stride, I threw myself backwards and managed to somehow land in the saddle again.

This was definitely my best save ever and it’s simply hilarious that I got this picture of it. I didn’t even let go of the whip, lol.