“Previously on ‘Peter screws the pooch’ I told you to stay away from this. Instead you hacked a multi-million-dollar suit, so you could sneak around behind my back-“
Mr Starks words dulled into the background, as I looked at the city around me. When I got my powers I promised to protect it, to look over it and all the people who lived in it. Now here I sat, after cutting a ferry in half and almost killing all the people on it.
“Is everyone okay?”
My voice was so soft, so… broken.
I remembered Y/N falling, dropping through the split in the floor and tumbling to a certain doom. I remembered how helpless I felt. She was so far away, there was no way I could reach her in time. By the time I’d swing over, her body would slam into the water, definitely killing her. Then the image of her soaking, lifeless body sitting in my arms haunted me. She’d probably have a few broken bones, and there would be plenty of blood spilling from her mouth and nose. I blinked a few times and pushed the thought to the back of my mind, for the first time in a while I was happy to see Mr. Stark.
If it wasn’t for him, that clouded image would’ve been a reality. Y/N would be dead, her mother weeping as she looked over her deceased daughter. He’d lose his best friend, the girl he had feelings for.
Oh god, what had he done?
“No thanks to you.” Mr Starks voice was hard, filled with anger and disappointment.
Still, I didn’t dare turn to him. “What about y/n?”
“Is that the girl who was plummeting to her death?” His voice contained a different emotion, one I couldn’t quite make out. It was a mixture of sadness and confusion, but there was still something more.
Not trusting my voice, I nodded my head.
Mr Stark let out a sigh, “yeah. She’s okay. I dropped her off with her mum.”
Although I already knew she didn’t die, I still let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. She was okay, safe and sound. Oh god, what was Mrs. l/n like? She must be a total reck, after seeing her daughter almost die and all.
“Thank god.” My voice was soft, filled with regret and relief.
“It wasn’t God, kid. It was me.”
Mum let me stay home for the rest of the week. Although I insisted I was okay, she commanded me to stay in bed and watch reruns of Friends on TV. The look on her face still stayed with me, appearing every time I closed my eyes like it was printed on the back of my eyelids. I’m pretty sure I’d never forget it.
Seeing adults cry always felt weird. When you’re young you’re convinced that your parents are these bullet prove people, who never cried because they had no reason to. I’d only ever seen my mother weep twice before, my dad once. But that day my mum had broken down. Loud sops escaped her mouth as she held me tight in her arms. I was sure she’d never let me go again.
I’d stayed off social media for the next few days, sleeping most of the time and too lazy to open my laptop the rest of the time. As I’d had my phone with me when I fell, it slipped from my back pocket and plummeted to the body of water below.
In the rush of everything, I didn’t even realise it was missing until the next day.
It was Saturday morning that I felt myself leaning over to my laptop and pushing it open. First, I checked my school emails, receiving a few ‘get better soon’ notes from my teachers. I don’t even know how they knew, someone at school must have told them. Next, I opened my facebook.
I had the usual amount of notifications, with people tagging me in posts and videos. But it was my messenger bar that surprised me. It read 99+, so I opened up the tab.
There were messages from serval people I’d never really talked to before, wishing me the best. Then there were the messages from MJ. I read through them all, typing out my reply and informing her of why I haven’t been messaging and what I had been doing. She was currently inactive, so I knew I’d have to wait a while for her reply.
Last, but certainly not least was Peter Parker.
Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I clicked on the tab. Opening them up, I scrolled to the top and read down.
‘I heard what happened, are you okay?’
‘How long will you be missing school?’
There is serval more along this line, before the messages got longer.
‘Look, I know we didn’t leave on the right foot and I’m sorry. I didn’t talk to you because I was too scared that I would say the wrong thing. I know that’s not acceptable and I know how disappointed in me you must be. I’m disappointed in me too. But I want you to know that I’m here for you now, and I’ll never leave you again.’
‘well, unless you ask me too.’
‘please forgive me’
The messages stopped for the day, but picked up the following morning.
‘I don’t know what has happened to our friendship, I don’t know how I let us grow apart for this long without doing anything about it. But I do know that I want to fix things.’
‘do you want to fix things too?’
‘I’m going to come see you this afternoon, is that okay?’
‘I messaged your mum and she said you weren’t seeing anyone yet, let me know when you want to meet up.’
‘Your mum just informed me that you lost your phone… whoops.’
It was another few hours before he messaged again.
‘I miss when we’d spend Friday nights eating pizza and watching movies. I miss passing notes in class. I miss pranking Ned with you.’
‘I miss you.’
After that the messages stopped. Without typing a reply, I slammed my laptop shut.
So if you’ve ever seen my blog, you know Daveed and Rafa’s film Blindspotting opens at Sundance today. They co-wrote the script and co-star in it, and the buzz about it has been deafening. It’s the opening film for the festival, which is no small thing.
But, did you also know that another film, Monsters and Men, that will premier at Sundance stars Anthony Ramos?
By the way, Jasmine Cephas-Jones appears in both of these films.
I can’t wait for Bastille to release the song Joy so I can make a playlist consisting only of Oh Joy by To Kill a King and Joy by Bastille and fool myself that it’s a happy playlist when the “joy is actually ironic.”
A lot of people think i’m sad that markhyuck got separated in this comeback/unit just because i ship them. Listen. In all honestly, i ship them in the friendly way A LOT more than romantic way. I’m aware that they are best friends, i still love cute fics about them and write them myself too, but i know they are just bffs. And that’s the reason why i’m so sad. Cause they are best friends and they had been best friends for so long, you can see how much they love each other and care for each other, you can see how they always hype each other and how they became each other’s support in many ways. Separating them in a time like this, when both of them really need to rest….i don’t know. It just makes me so so sad…🙁 and mark once said he misses donghyuck so much even if he can’t see him just for 10 minutes…😔
okay so I keep seeing posts about people who were told they were smart/talented as kids and are now struggling, and there’s this widespread response of thinking that these people are saying “UGH I can’t believe I’m not AMAZING and I’m actually just AVERAGE like everyone ELSE…”
when this is for the most part completely untrue. maybe some people act like this but it is definitely not the majority.
I myself have not experienced this (except there was a small thing that could fall under this) but I know many people who have. several of my friends from school did extremely well academically but are now having an incredibly hard time because they’re no longer in school. NONE of these people have an ego or think they’re better than anyone else, in fact most of them have very low self esteem and still did even when they were in high school. and they probably wouldn’t mind being average, except they don’t feel like they’re average, they feel like they’re worse than everyone else.
this is generally what I see happening:
a student is seen as intelligent. they grasp concepts quickly in school. their teachers and parents quickly make it their job to “enrich” the student, forcing them into a lifestyle of academics and school activities. they are given much more work than the average student, to the point where their schedules are jam-packed and they have no time for leisure activities. while other students are hanging out with their friends and developing social skills and just generally learning about life, this student is forced to focus entirely on academics, and while they are learning “book smarts,” they are missing out on learning crucial skills for later in life by not getting to have the same experiences as everyone else. so when it comes time for them to graduate and go get a job, they are severely lacking in these areas, and thus have an incredibly difficult time in the “real world.”
suddenly everyone is disappointed in them because they can’t live up to the standards people have set for them. they’re anxious and depressed and socially awkward to begin with, and since they haven’t learned how to cope with this stuff, they completely flunk interviews and miss opportunities and do things that hurt their ability to get hired anywhere. suddenly they’re finding that they’re not even average – they’re doing WORSE than everyone else. and the fact that everyone is now disappointed in them makes them understandably upset. they were supposed to be able to do this! they’ve prepared their whole life! so why can’t they do this?
and it all comes down to the fact that the adults in their life have forced impossibly high standards on them while actively discouraging developing social skills and, you know, having a life, and have thus set them up to fail. and since they have never learned how to deal with failure because a lot of times they were never allowed to fail, it hits them harder than most people.
now, some people have had more minor versions of this (I did experience a much smaller version not having to do with academics), where they weren’t robbed of their childhood, but were still told they could do something well, and then later find out they are horrible at said thing. you know what? that still really sucks. you feel like your whole life was a lie. that everyone was just lying to you. you don’t feel like any compliments are genuine anymore regardless of what they’re about. you don’t feel like you deserve compliments. and now you feel like you were never good at anything in your life and never will be. and the same thing applies; now everyone is disappointed in you because, oh you were so good at that thing, and now you’re not, you were supposed to do x and y things with your life using this skill, but you can’t, you’re such a disgrace.
disappointment is possibly one of the worst things to have to feel from another person, especially if you’ve been trying to please them your whole life. and I’m pretty certain that most people who feel this way are dealing with that kind of disappointment coming from everyone around them.
unless someone’s being an egotistical dick, I don’t understand why you would make fun of them for this. and most of the time comments from people who experience this don’t even come off as sounding like the statement in the first paragraph to me, just more like “I have disappointed everyone and I’ve disappointed myself.” which honestly really sucks.
they don’t think they’re “just one of us” now, they think they’re worse than everyone else and don’t ever deserve any praise. that’s not a good feeling. that’s not them being a spoiled brat. that’s the sign of a genuine mental disorder, and that’s not something to be made fun of.