The neural network trains itself by looking at chunks of text from the training dataset and trying to predict what comes next. Then, when you give it a bit of seed text (maybe even a single letter), it generates text by predicting what comes next. It does best with short, simple phrases because it only looks at a few tens of characters at a time. Also, its grammar isn’t always the best. So, fortune cookie messages would seem like a perfect task for a neural network - but I had the darndest time getting fortunes out of the neural network.
The problem is the dataset. At the moment, there aren’t that many unique fortunes you can find in a cookie, maybe only a few hundred or so in common enough use that you can find them online. Intrepid blog reader Kiwi Carlisle found pretty much all of them, and very kindly gave them to me as neural network food.
But annoyingly, the neural network went straight from nearly complete incomprehensibility:
A pleasant and on your pirents. You will will have life, so the right thing. The man where you wornd with a wind love to be procers. Life is finally gime. Hand is always on happiness. The wind a fail is hondow on your parsone think you want. A pleace khom yourself of ore cose from cowings are sheeping. There is no right, don’t surprise People will come true.
to word-for-word plagiarism of the complete input dataset of fortunes.
Finally, I managed to stymie it by giving it an even shorter-than-usual memory: it can only look at 35 characters at a time, which is shorter than your average cookie fortune. That finally prevented the neural network from memorizing the dataset, forcing it to come up with something unique.
And it was unique, all right.
First thing I learned is that for some reason the neural network likes fortunes with birds:
You cannot become better than a bird in the present. Follow activaty will dramatically impossion bird work. Mife is like a good listener in the mind of a flying birds. Whange you have a lifetine of the flying birds. A short pencil is usually better than a bird on the future.
It also is significantly more pessimistic than your average cookie fortune:
Now is the time to go ahead and not prepare to live. Never understand. Never upset the friends Love will diss your changes. Hell! It’s the onset of a friendship Do not have a peaceful place where you will feel better. There’s no success and friendship. You cannot love life until you live the life you don’t good luck.
And it is full of impressive absolutely ancient wisdom:
A short simples are the suction for you. Don’t love light, you will not always a pat. Whale success is no high-lore will become tree. Someday everything will be happy and proven a poet. People are savituded. Carve your name on your parents. Be on the finest men like the floor. You will make mead. Our deeds determine up, the weather is wonderful. Po Says: Pandan, like eating bamboo, but I prefer on the horizon. Better ask doods when you can do it, you will never be disappointed. Feep is never conquered by hate.
Jupiter: the greater Benefic. The planet that can expand, exemplify, and enlarge. It can also bring abundance and luck. Although depending on the sign, house and aspects regarding Jupiter, a person can have positive, neutral or no luck. The soft aspects (trines, sextiles and conjuncts) will enhance jupiters energy. The hard aspects (squares, inconjuncts and opposites) can make jupiters energy harder to see or manifest.
Since Jupiter and Saturn are the gateway between the personal and interpersonal planets it is important to look at both the sign it resides and the house. If Saturn represents life’s tests and lessons then Jupiter is the guide and teacher out of those lessons.
SIGNS modify planets
PLANETS are the energy of the chart
HOUSES are areas of focus in a chart
ASPECTS interconnect planets and points in a chart
How you best use jupiter is up to you. 🌟
****I use mostly whole signs so check your placidus and whole sign house
JUPITER’S FIRST-HOUSE POTENTIAL: You are your own good luck in that your personality and appearance can see you positively through just about any and everything. Cash in on your all-encompaasing sense of humor and normally-positive attitude and outlook. You have the natural ability to make others feel better while in your presence. You may have a beaming million-dollar smile; don’t neglect using it to help with getting what you want. Others seek you out for your natural adeptness to counsel them on their problems; draw upon your natural intuition. You can get complete answers to rather complex questions from sources beyond your “worldly” practical awareness. You can charge for this gift. You have an inborn ability to accept adversities calmly and positively, since you have an inner awareness that they are only object lessons which are essential and meaningful to your emotional growth.
JUPITER’S SECOND-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Material gain, money, and possessions in abundance are your true “birthright.” You may deal in, work with, and, in time, accumulate large sums of money and other representations of material success. When it comes to getting ahead financially, you have your lucky four-leaf clover ever at hand. You are very much a materialist and should concentrate your major energies on getting ahead first and foremost in a material/financial way. Little spiritual growth may be made until you have gained your worldly fortune. It is most important that you not burden yourself with any feelings of guilt concerning this truth. Feel guilty only if you employ any form of dishonesty in achieving the material rewards which are rightfully yours. Whether it all belongs to you or not, you are destined to handle large amounts of money and deal in other ways with great wealth. Put on your thinking cap and find practical and honest ways to make more of it yours personally.
JUPITER’S THIRD-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your mind and the ability to communicate well are the keys to realizing your good fortune. Your mental capacity is great in scope; you can be a storehouse of information. This information is knowledge; knowledge is power. The remuneratively-rewarding areas of selling, writing, public speaking, publishing, and broadcasting can open fabulous channels for you in which you can realize your fondest dreams. You may find that it is necessary to be mobile, to move about, to travel shorter distances, and to make changes in order to take advantage of your best luck potential. Be versatile and willing to go along with whatever seems right and best. Your luck will work for you if you will work with it. You cannot realize your true potential if you are an unyielding “stick in the mud.” Read, write, listen, speak, gesture, go, change, modify, rectify; consider the meaningful role brothers and sisters and other family members can play in boosting you to a fuller realization of your ultimate potential.
JUPITER’S FOURTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Luck to you is closely connected with actual security. Above all else, you must first work to assure that you develop a secure base from which to operate; you need to put down firm and secure roots. Once you have done so, you may then work in a certain and relaxed way to add measurably to that basic security. Land and real property hold great promise for you; put all the money and effort you can spare into wise investments in real estate. Your major plan should be to acquire one piece of land and then, as you can, buy adjoining property, etc. Having rental properties can bring you great financial gain as well as an inner joy through ownership. You are fortunate in birth in that your parents may serve as a springboard or guiding hand in your moving forward at a relatively early age. They may enrich you with gifts, money, property, basic intelligence, and love. Most of your good luck is always very close at hand – near home base; or in proximity to your area or place of birth. Your luck works best when you maintain an inner confidence in yourself and your ability to do well.
JUPITER’S FIFTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: You are extremely lucky in that you can get a lot of pleasure and joy just from the routine of living your life day-to-day. So, don’t miss out on a single day – enjoy yourself. Jupiter here expands your creative faculties and offers you personal gratification when you utilize your innovative ideas and talents. You can be lucky with your own children and the offspring of others as well. Your best future may center in the practical application of this native capability. You may excel in sports and in the areas of commerce associated with recreation and entertainment. If you are wise and careful, you may make striking gains through well-thought-out speculation, especially if it involves matters at a distance. (Your hobby should be to enter every give-away contest possible.) You may, if other indicators support, have better-than-average luck with gambling and other games of chance. Also, use your sense of humor and general zest for living as stepping stones to getting the things of life which you desire.
JUPITER’S SIXTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your fortune may lie in the quantity of service you are capable of giving others in exchange for payment. You are wisest and best advised to sell services as opposed to products. Glowing, abundantly good health may be yours; and when you have good health, there is really no greater fortune. Jupiter placed here offers you the opportunity or ability to turn out an impressive amount of work so you should have little or no reluctance to put forth the amount of effort necessary to accomplish whatever you really want. It has been said that genius is five percent inspiration and ninety-five percent perspiration. Go ahead and let others label you a genius if they want to, even though you know that you accomplish tasks best through honest hard work. Jupiter in the sixth house also causes others to want to serve you; consequently, most of those who work with or for you may, through their willing efforts, aid in speeding you on to great and worthwhile accomplishments.
JUPITER’S SEVENTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your prospective good luck and your fortune in life are determined importantly by the partnerships you do (or do not) form. These partnerships include marriage, meaningful relationships, business, social, legal, religious, and all others. You could marry into very fortunate circumstances, as you can attract others who will work hard or share generously to your personal advantage. You must not overlook your natural potential for being able to make judgments quickly and accurately. Knowing when the “iron” is hot, sensing the proper time to act, can propel you toward your best fortune. You may also capitalize from a natural legal bent in your mental machinery. Because of this factor, you may be able to handle your interests quite well in contractual dealings and other matters relating to agreements. Almost anything which deals with balance, form, order, color, and symmetry can offer you abundant opportunities for forwarding your luck potential.
JUPITER’S EIGHT-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your good luck can lie in your desires and your ability to harness and direct their very potent powers. It would not be an unfair or unrealistic matter to make an analogy between desire and what is commonly called prayer. Prayers (often expressing desires) are materialized if one believes and persists in the belief (keeps faith). You will receive your fondest dreams as realities only if you first get a clear mental image of what it is you want. Once you have this in mind, you must fan your desires and intensify them to the point that the accomplishment of that desired goal becomes a part of yourself. With an eighth-house Jupiter, your desire potential is naturally very strong and you generally succeed or fail to the degree that you are able to manipulate this very potent force. Inheritances, and gifts or those things which you did not have to work for in a literal sense may figure importantly in your good fortune. Dutifully cultivate good relations with all those who could benefit you in these areas.
JUPITER’S NINTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Thank your “lucky stars” for an inborn capability to get answers and guidance “out of the blue,” intuitively. Your higher levels of consciousness and intellect can aid you markedly in reaping great rewards materially and in enhancing your good-luck potential. Jupiter is especially well-placed in this sector since it is natural ruler of the ninth house. Institutions of higher learning, those in positions of authority (judges, professors, spiritual leaders, and gifted advisers) can help you toward realizing your greater fortunes in life. Don’t overlook the ability for utilizing your potentially-positive philosophy toward yourself and life in general. The word “distance” may be a key to your success. Your fortune is most likely to be at a distance from your place of birth (another city, state, or country), or it may deal directly or indirectly with long-distance travel and communications, or import and export. Gains through higher learning, college degrees, and published writings are strongly accented.
JUPITER’S TENTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: You can bask in the sunshine of recognition through your natural ability to gain attention and receive the favorable notice and approval of others. You can often cash in on fame and your marketable reputation. You may be lucky in getting free publicity, so make it a point to circulate and frequent places or events where random favorable notice might come your way. You can be extremely fortunate in selecting the right career or professional area. Rapid promotion and advancement are your natural “birthright.” Seek work or career areas in which there is room at the top, for you are likely destined to be there – especially if you play your cards at all wisely. You can easily receive the nod from those in positions of power and importance, especially in the world of business and commerce. Because of your ability to gain notice and command mass appeal, the wide world of entertainment may offer you many opportunities for growth and luck.
JUPITER’S ELEVENTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your best luck may come through your friendly nature, your friends, and your usual bright optimism and positive regard for yourself and others generally. Be wise in your selection of friends; choose those who can either pull you up or give you a needed shove from beneath. Hopes and wishes are important to you, but remember that they can be rather fleeting in nature. You will realize more of them when you intensify and refine them to the level of desire. Capitalize on your ability to make friends quickly, and your natural talent to cause those friends to maintain a consistently-high regard for you. With this placement of Jupiter, it is valid to state that generally you succeed or fail through your friends – either directly or indirectly. Don’t ever be reluctant to think big. If at any time you should feel that you personally lack a particular talent or ability, don’t forget that friend who does possess this ability. You can never afford to overlook the inherent good-luck potential available through your friends and your circle of acquaintances.
JUPITER’S TWELFTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Good fortune for you may lie in secret, out-of-the-way or hidden places. Much of your luck is manifested quietly and unobtrusively. Hidden resources and reserves may contain the ore of your greater fortune. Of all the house placements, this may seem the least promising; but this is apparent only. The reason it seems so is that good luck (Jupiter) may not announce itself as obviously or easily or loudly if concealed here. If you have this placement of Jupiter, your firm inner motivation and belief must be that you have to persist with faith and patience until you are able to comprehend your good fortune’s soft whispers. For you, there is “gold in them hills”; but you will have to prospect faithfully for it. Patience is necessary; but the lode is very rich, as you will in time discover if you persist. Another very valuable asset of this placement is that it enables you to be quite successful in keeping covered up just about anything concerning yourself which you do not wish others to know about – for whatever reason.
So I'm the completely inexperienced DM for a D&D group and I have no clue what to do. Any advice? Thanks!
I’d be glad to help.
I’d like to start off with a simple story, one of when I was thirteen years old and in a similar position at the table as yourself - the DM’s seat. My first game was some of the most bare-bones, brik-a-brak, Bizarro-land D&D you can imagine. I had a sprawling, nonsensical, maze-like dungeon map scrawled out onto the back page of my mathematics book in pencil crayon. We used a printed out PDF version of some outdated rules set that I don’t even believe was anything close to genuine. We didn’t have any dice beyond the ones scrounged from board game boxes like monopoly and snakes and ladders, so I made my own out of cardboard and sellotape. Without any d20s, I decided that we were instead going to use two d6s and two d4s, as 6+4+6+4 equaled 20. Our mini figures were bottle caps and pennies, and the dungeon tiles were inch-square tiles cut from cereal boxes that I had been preparing for weeks.
Despite all of this disastrous preparation, I cannot remember anything poorly about it. I only know that it somehow worked and I stuck with it. I improved - exponentially so. And so will you.
Like anything in life that takes time and commitment, you can only be patient. Even now I recognise the failings of my games. I can still see the bottle cap mini-figures and raggedy dice equivalents in my story and narrative - concepts that I would never have even been close to comprehending had they been introduced to me at the beginning.
Therefore, i’d wish you the best of fortune for your game, but I think we both know that you’d settle for a solid 6/10 on your first-try. So let’s discuss how we can reach that golden standard.
Start at level 1, introduce a very understandable setting, and don’t feel as if you have to try anything you aren’t comfortable with just because other DMs have done it. Maybe bandits have kidnapped the local mayor’s child, maybe the church has accidentally uncovered a hidden catacomb entrance in the graveyard, maybe a nearby cave needs clearing out by a shepherd?
These low-power, tactile plot-hooks are great for first-time players and veterans alike. Now you have a framework, it is time to assess your options.
Let’s go with the bandit kidnapping example for this, although feel free to try whatever you want and change the details as you see fit. Nobody, not even you, wants every conflict within the bandit dungeon hideout to be a square room with 3 bandits. It will get repetitive. An incredibly easy way to address this is to mix things up. Maybe one room is partially flooded and a makeshift walkway is how you get from one side to the other, maybe the bandits have a room with a cage full of pet … ostriches, or boars, or fishmen, who they will release if attacked, maybe the entrance has a single, absent-minded guard sitting on his lonesome, only he has a large, brass gong beside him as an alarm? It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make perfect sense; it’s D&D, we gave up on cohesion when we sat down at the table in the first place.
Introduce an element to the adventure that inspires urgency in the players, that’ll disencourage them from dallying about. Maybe the mayor will refuse to pay them if the do not complete the job in a week, maybe the mayor has learned that the bandits will sell the victim off to slavers or another rival baron if they do not hurry, maybe the victim has a wedding in a week’s time that they simply must be rescued for? Choose one, stick with it, make it important, be careful to make it fair - not too generous, not too harsh. 1 hour is too harsh, 1 month may be too generous.
Go full M. Night Shamalamading-dong on their asses. Throw something totally unexpected in there that you will do next session, right at the end. Maybe the child is working for the bandit king as is planning to betray their father and must be convinced otherwise, maybe the cave enters onto an underground smuggler’s city and the child is lost somewhere within the hive of scum and villainy, maybe the bandits all work for a necromancer who teleports away with the child as the players arrive to free him, leaving his evil, undead minions to fight on his behalf? Just make sure to give the players something to follow - like a clue - so that they know what they have to do next. Because when the players are excited to continue, you have done your job, good sir.
Here are some YouTube channels who I’d highly recommend you watch, since their content has inspired me on countless occasions.
Drunkens & Dragons - This guy is crazy entertaining, crazy talented, and just plain crazy. He is very good for ideas and mechanics to make your game awesome and cool, and doesn’t go so deep into complex topics that an amateur will become intimidated.
Matthew Colville - A fantastically enthralling listen awaits you on the other side of this hyperlink. He is entertaining, interesting, and answers a lot of big, broad questions you may have about more vague and itty-bitty game things.
How to be a Great Game Master - This channel tackles some of the more troublesome issues that you may get worried about, specifically problems that you may feel guilty for as a DM. He handles both sides of more controversial issues in a reasonable, well-adjusted manner.
I was tagged by @darkcyradis It was so cool to see how many cool female character are; I’ve so much fun. Thank you!! ◝(⁰▿⁰)◜
Daughter of Fortune She dare to leave a comfortable life where Eliza have everything, she follow the love of her life, starts a long journey away from home to another country, a totally unknown city
and find something way better.
from Gintama Kagura patting his beloved pet Sadaharu; but don’t get fooled by this two, she’s not feminine more like a tomboy, bad manners, say pervert stuff, very strong in more that one way.
8. Touka Kirishima
from Tokyo Ghoul Even tho Touka have been tho many things she’s a lovely person who supports, help and keep going forward even if it’s difficult.
Gekkan Shōjo Nozaki-kun Seo try to helps others but no in the conventional way, say what she think,
cannot read the atmosphere or context, kinda rude but funny, she makes me laugh so much.
Akagami no Shirayukihime Doesn’t want to be a prince concubine, run away to another kingdom and Shirayuk is determinate to become a pharmacist even tho she start a friendship with royalty doesn’t take advantage of, work very hard and is very talented. Shirayuk is kind, always is helping in whatever she can and speak her mind.
5. Arrietty from
The Secret World of Arrietty Arrietty love adventure, don’t chicken out, loves her family and she’s so strong, keep going and make the most beautiful friendship ever.
4. Nanaba from Shingeki no Kyojin I love this woman, she’s so cool, strong, determinate and don’t debut to protect others event if they may not be worth it; of course she have personal dreams and beloved ones
but her human side is more bigger.
3.Haruhi Fujioka from
Ouran High School Host Club Haruhi don’t give a crap about what others think, determinate to reach her goal; in the process have new friends and help them to be a better human. Even tho have a sad part in her life she keep going and learn how to enjoy life.
2. Sheryl Nome
from Macross Frontier Even tho Sherly is not the main heroin she doesn’t give a second tho to fight for what she want, she’s sweet and cool, even tho she’s orphan keep going and don’t let the sad part of her past took over her present.
1.Candice “Candy” White Audrey from Candy Candy OMG! Tragedy after tragedy, orphan, best friend cut the friendship, fall in love, so many deaths, fall in love again, can’t be together, going from one place to other, from one city to another continent. Don’t blame her for crying so much it’s really sad, even tho Candy is the main character Candy lose everything all the time!! Don’t hide resentment, is positive and keep going, Candy have a super strong will, meet her goals and always is helping others event tho some of then don’t deserved it. Candy always give love.
Every female character that I like they have in common a strong will, do your best! Don’t give a crap about what other think. If you want something Go for it! When the shit hit the fan well… Just keep going and enjoy your journey!!
P.S. Also I like so much from: SNK - Riko, Historia, Ymir. Ghibli movies - Shopie and Chiro Cowboy Bebop
and Hiyori and probably I forget to mention many others. ( ﾟヮﾟ)
Still fleshing out her character. History’s a bit eh. Personality is eh. I’m going for a regal composed gal. Not at all like what I just portrayed in the sketches above lol. I want her to be very elegant and “O, heals, yes. Fortune- oh yeah that’s the best part. she tells fortunes too. She does Ceromancy.
“Dear night shift fellow nurse from unit B, I’m leaving you this note to courteously ask you to stop using and messing up the drawer I use for patients files and CT scan forms. I’m a new recruit, but I know this drawer belongs to unit A, and you could at least clean after your mess.
With my best regards,
Lucy Heartfilia, morning shift nurse, unit A”
“Dear Lucy, I would gladly stay in my own unit and mess my own drawers up, but unit A is too clean and cold for me to resist the temptation to give it more soul.
I’m playing through the Uncharted series again since I first played them about a year ago, so it only seems right. And I finished Drake’s Fortune tonight and good god why are these games so good. Just so well made and fun to play god bless u naughty dog
It has been two weeks since you were transported to Dauntless. It was hard to get used to all this things: getting up early, training all day and fighting your friends. But you weren’t the weak girl and you tried your best to succeed. Fortunately, you made everyone see that you’re strong and stubborn and will achieve your goals. Everyone except one person. Eric. Well, you weren’t surprised by his behavior. He was that type of man who didn’t care about anyone but him. At least you thought that. Everyone did. Eric was always trying to make you fall or cry or get injured. Eventually he was succeeding: you often cried. But you wasn’t so pathetic to do that in front of the crowd. You cried late at night when everyone was asleep. Then you couldn’t make it to be awake and fell asleep too. But one day changed all your view on your new life.
This day was as any other. You got up earlier that others, had breakfast and went to the training room. By the time of dinner, Four announced that everyone will be playing the game “Capture the flag” at night. So all of you were free until that time. You made your way towards the roof. That one from which you should have jumped. The initiates weren’t supposed to wander around the Dauntless until they become the member of the faction. However, this was one of the places which you could visit without problems. You often came here when you couldn’t sleep ir just wanted to be alone and let your thoughts wander while you’re watching the sky. You went upstairs and sat down in comfortable position. You started thinking about you previous life, your family, your friends. Everything was new now. And you didn’t want to come back. Dauntless was your home now. You had already convinced so many people. Except Eric.
“I should prove you that you’re strong and I belong here” you whispered and continued watching the sky.
“Where are we going?” You asked as Dawon flew up the stairs, dragging you behind her. Skipping class had never been an option for you, but after what they’d just said, you really didn’t think you could face the rest of your class. They had decided to hate you, and so it was hard not to hate them back.
“A place where pesky little first years wouldn’t dare to come.” Dawon replied, breaking through your little haze of anger.
“Is it safe for me, then?”
She spun around grinning at you. “Yeah, you’re not a first year, you’re far too intelligent.”
Instead of leading you down the usual corridor with the studios, she lead you right, down a corridor you’d never bothered to go down before. “What’s down here?”
“Dorm rooms.” She said, pulling you past the doors. Each having a number on them. She tapped on number twenty three. “If you ever need your leotard smartening up, I’m in there.”
“Right.” You said, staring at her slightly disorienting black and white ensemble. She turned a sharp left and went down past even more rooms, until you reached a door with a plaque, declaring:
Senior Common Room
“You guys have a common room?”
Dawon laughed. “Oh yeah, and we don’t have to share dorms with ten other bitchy girls. Life’s good.” She pushed open the door.
The room was a wide rectangle, full of comfy-looking sofas and armchairs, a few tables and a couple of desks with computers on them. The walls were adorned with photos of past students, right back to a portrait of the founder, Kwon Seongmin. The fireplace had been boarded up, but in front of it was a large heater. With the rain now slashing at the windows, it looked extremely welcoming.
Dawon sighed happily as you went in, shutting the door behind her. “Home sweet home.” She skipped over to a mini kitchen in the corner and began filling up the kettle. You settled yourself onto the edge of one of the study tables. “So.” Dawon began conversationally, snapping the lid shut. “What the heck was that all about?”
“God.” You muttered, putting your head in your hands. “Why do all my arguments seem to involve public audiences?”
Dawon laughed. “I loved the one with Taeyeon – that was great. Until Jimin had to break it up and be all angry. He gave her a massive grilling afterwards, though.”
“Was he there today?” You asked, suddenly worried. Today had been the one day you hadn’t checked.
“Yup.” Dawon said. She spun around, two mugs of hot cocoa rocking dangerously in her hands. Seeing your face, she raised an eyebrow. “Fortunately we haven’t a clue what you guys were arguing about, only that you were dangerously outnumbered.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” You said bitterly.
She gave you a sympathetic smile and handed you a mug. The two of you went and sat on the rug in front of the heater. It was odd how casual you were with her. You guessed you just needed to talk to someone your own age, now that Jiwoo – the only mature girl in your class – had left. Dawon looked at you expectantly.
You sighed, clasping your cocoa in both hands, and began. You told her everything, right from getting put in first year at seventeen, to Minjee’s bitchiness on the first day, how you’d gotten the solo, Jiwoo’s fall and your concussion, and all that had gone wrong because of it. You told her Madam Choi had now scrapped your solo and you weren’t going to be able to perform. The only thing you didn’t mention was Jimin. Dawon was Jimin’s friend before she was yours.
You’d been sitting for at least twenty minutes by then, and your cocoa was long since finished. Somehow, the relatively simple events had brought up so much confusion in you that they took much longer to tell her about than you’d thought. Dawon listened like no one had really listened to you before. It had been too hard with your mom and if you were being entirely honest, you hadn’t had any other friends to talk to. Not ones that you’d really had anything other than math and science in common with. Dawon seemed to understand all your confusion, and even if she couldn’t give you answers, it was nice to have someone wanting to listen.
“And now my class has to redo the whole choreography by Sunday.” You finished.
“And they’re pissed because there’s very little time?” Dawon predicted.
You nodded. “And according to Hyeun all they needed to do before was ‘make me look pretty’. That’s why things got a little.” You bit your lip. “Loud.”
Dawon shook her head. “I can understand how redoing the choreography for a whole class dance in four days might be an annoyance, but it seems silly to blame it all on you. You can’t exactly help getting a concussion.”
“I know, that’s what I told them.” You shrugged. “I’ve put up with two-faced bitches before now. I just wish it wasn’t my entire class. And they all think I’m absolutely crap.”
You recalled Hyeun’s words this morning. 'Even if you did get to rehearse, you weren’t exactly good.’
“Every time I performed in front of them, I screwed up. I kept forgetting steps and after I got the concussion I could hardly do an arabesque. However last night I reworked it and.” You trailed off.
“You reworked it?” Dawon repeated.
You nodded solemnly. “I think it was okay, though I’m not a judge. No one’s going to see it.”
“Why did you redo it?”
You looked at Dawon. Because one of your best friends hurt my pride and I want to prove I aren’t as bad as he assumes.
“The choreography wasn’t working for me. I just.” You looked down. “I just wanted it to be about me. To suit me.”
“You wanted to connect with it.” Dawon nodded. “God knows there’s nothing wrong with that. You should see Jimin. Every five seconds he changes the choreography. Taeyeon gets so pissed off every single time.” Dawon smirked.
“Do you like Taeyeon?” You asked her curiously.
“I don’t mind her.” She said. “well, I didn’t mind her before she started being such a bitch to you.”
“Yeah.” You muttered. “She has a little thing against first years.”
Dawon let out a laugh. You looked at her bemusedly. “I’m sure she has a thing against first years, (Name), but it’s totally different with you.” She stared at you, like you were missing something incredibly obvious. “(Name)! You’ve become Taeyeon’s biggest threat.” A vague memory of Yuna saying something like that last week crossed your mind.
“For the American Ballet?” You asked.
Dawon nodded, “Yeah. You see Jimin’s both entirely reliable and unreliable at the same time. He’s totally reliable with his dancing. If you have Park Jimin as a partner then he will unfailingly make you amazing. He will put every bit of his energy into making you great. But-”
She said, holding up a manicured finger. “If Jimin finds someone else, then you’re screwed. And that’s where he’s totally unreliable. He stays with a partner as long as she’s the best offer. Fortunately for Taeyeon she is the best. There’s no denying that no one at this academy can dance like her, except Jimin himself. So she’s safe, right?”
“Ah!” Exclaimed Dawon excitedly. “And that’s where you are wrong! See, when Jimin danced with you he broke his own rule. No offence, but you are a first year, so it’s impossible for you to be as good as Taeyeon. And yet, Jimin still decided to dance with you.”
“It was just a demonstration.” You pointed out, “Jimin said it himself. Taeyeon has nothing to worry about.”
Dawon shook her head, grinning widely at you. “I’m sure someone’s already told you that Jimin doesn’t demonstrate. He doesn’t dance with anyone other than his partner. I guess he equates it to cheating on them, but I think it’s also because he has a thing about technique. It took him ages to get used to Taeyeon, even though they both have great technique. They still had to get used to each other, and, trust me; it is not funny being friends with Jimin when he’s got a new partner. He got very frustrated with Taeyeon. Now they know each other’s movements and quirks perfectly.”
“But anyway, it took them ages and Jimin pretty much vowed he’d never go through the hell of the first dance unless he was changing partners. You.” Dawon pointed at you. “Managed to get him to dance with you without any notice, without any reason, if we’re being entirely honest. So Jimin broke all his rules in one go when he danced with you. And you can imagine how Taeyeon might’ve been a little concerned.”
“Yeah, but still, it was just one dance.” You said. 'Just one dance’ because you hadn’t thought of it at all since then.
“True.” Said Dawon. “But here comes part two!”
You laughed despite yourself. “You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you?”
She shrugged with a grin. “It’s interesting when you’re a gossip junky like me. Anyway, see Taeyeon probably wouldn’t have been so worried about one dance. She got pretty pissed off when she found out, but Jimin told her it was a demonstration, and of course we heard that he stormed out afterwards, so she thought that was okay. She only confronted you at breakfast because she heard about your dream.” Dawon smiled slyly. “Did you really have to tell everyone?”
You blushed. “I didn’t exactly have a choice. I kind of shouted his name in my sleep.”
She looked at you appraisingly, her eyes narrowed.
“Totally accidental!” She didn’t change.
“Sure.” She said eventually. “Anyway, Taeyeon wasn’t too concerned. It didn’t really matter if he’d had a momentary lapse in his 'rules’, besides which, she heard that he wasn’t teaching your class anymore. So we assumed that it had been a bad experience for him and that he’d probably never do it again. But even though he keeps doing all the stuff he normally does, he’s…changed.”
“Changed?” You repeated. You were enthralled, excited by that word.
“Jimin’s never been more unfocussed than this past week, (Name). I have no idea what you did, but it must’ve been pretty spectacular. He keeps zoning out, particularly when he’s with Taeyeon. He still rehearses and all, and he’s still absolutely amazing, he’s just not.” She looked at you, trying to figure out the right words. “I honestly don’t know, but he’s just not the same, (Name).”
The rain splattered against the windows as you thought what she was saying. It was a strange idea to you; that he could have been so affected by that short dance you’d had – You thought you’d been the only one. And what about what he told you yesterday? He had stormed out because you were so inexperienced, but then why was he being like this with his friends?
“Anyway.” Said Dawon, finally snapping you out of your thoughts. “What’s important right now is that we get our own back at those horrible little brats in your class.”
Unwillingly shoving your questions to the side, you smiled at her. “They seem to think that I’ve already punished them by making them work harder.”
“Still.” Said Dawon, turning very authorative, “One must always drill in the message.” She glanced at her watch. “Damn, look I have to get to conditioning.” She looked you up and down, “You seem to be calmer now, will you be okay?”
You nodded and you both stood and took your mugs to the sink. “Thanks.” You said to her. “I really needed the girl talk.”
She grinned at you. “Anytime, (Name). And I’m sorry that you’re stuck in that nasty class – by the sounds of things, you’re way too good for them.”
You went out into the freezing corridor and began walking back to the studios. “Dawon.” You said as you were about to part ways. “Did Jimin ever say anything? About the dance, I mean.”
She shook her head. “That’s why no one knows what on Earth is going on with him. And why Taeyeon’s being such a bitch.” She sighed. “Whatever it is, it’s because of that dance last week. You’re the only one who knows what’s going on, aside from the guy himself.”
You frowned. “I think I’m more confused than anyone.”
She smiled and just said. “Maybe, but that’s only because you know more.” She shook her head again quickly and gave you a quick hug. “Look, don’t worry about it, (Name). Jimin’s weirdness isn’t your problem. See you later.”
You gave her a weak smile, and she went into class.
You ended up in the library once again, sitting at your table and listening to the rain outside. Your calculus was in front of you, but this time you couldn’t get lost in the numbers. The conversation with Dawon was too loud in your head.
Why had Jimin changed so much after your dance? Was it possible that Jimin was having the same thoughts as you? In Pas de Deux with Eungkwan, when you kept comparing, kept thinking how different it would be with him. when you looked at Eungkwan and you in the mirror, you knew your technique was fine. But there was never any emotion, never any connection between the two of you. With Jimin, there undeniably had been. You couldn’t delude yourself anymore with thoughts that there hadn’t been. And you couldn’t deny that you wanted it. You wanted to have that feeling of dancing with him again, but that didn’t matter. That wasn’t the question. The question was whether Jimin had felt it. If, somehow, your dance had been different to him.
You ground your teeth together and exchanged your calculus book for your science folder. It was never going to be answered. You couldn’t just walk up to him and ask him if he’d felt something when he’d danced with you. You quickly flipped to a page of your chemistry book.
'The Ideal Gas Law assumes several factors about the molecules of gas. The volume of the molecules is considered –’
But what if he did want emotion? What if that was the reason why he was so unfocussed with Taeyeon? What if he felt the same when he danced with her as when you danced with Eungkwan?
’…Molecules is considered negligible compared to the volume of the container in which they are held. We also assume that – ’
But that was almost wishful thinking. Wishful and stupid thinking because there was no way that Jimin would ever find anything in a first year that he couldn’t get with Taeyeon.
'We also assume that gas molecules move randomly, and collide in – ’
But what if he had found something? What if you were some sort of exception…
’…And collide in completely elastic collisions. Attractive and repulsive forces – ’
Oh for fuck’s sake! You slammed the folder shut. You didn’t even know what part of chemistry you’d been reading about! It was your logical, academic side that snappily told you to go and answer your question and then maybe you would shut up and get back to serious ballet and serious studying.
You could hardly go and find out if he had felt the connection the same as you, but you could go and find out if he felt it with anyone else.
You looked at the clock. Four. You still had an hour and a half before they might be there. You stood up and walked around the bookshelves, sometimes taking one off and staring at it briefly, trying to read the words.
Agrippina Vaganova’s book 'Fundamentals of the Classical Dance’ stood out, sitting face forward in a place of honour on one of the bookshelves. Vaganova had perfected Russian ballet, and now the largest Russian Ballet School was named the Vaganova Ballet Academy after her.
You wandered on, round and round the library. Mrs Bell looked at you slightly worriedly from the desk. You must have looked slightly manic. What Dawon had told you had left you with so much more knowledge, and yet so much more confusion. If you could just see, then maybe something would be cleared up.
It was a long, long wait for five thirty. You sat back down after a good half hour of pacing and tried to do some English. Then you tried to study Benesh Dance Notation, but your brain wasn’t engaged enough. Eventually you just sat down in one of the armchairs by the fireplace and resigned yourself to waiting.
When the clock finally ticked onto six, you almost leapt out of your seat. But you had to give them time to get there…
Slowing down, you picked up your books and piled them up in your arms. Then you walked as calmly as you could out of the library with a weak 'thanks’ to Mrs Bell. You would take your books back up to your dorm, and then you would go and see Jimin and Taeyeon dance.
You dipped into the dorm just for a second, dumping your books on your bed and walking straight back out, but you felt everyone’s eyes on you. Not only had you given them more work, but you’d now also had a major argument in the middle of the dining hall. And whilst arguing with Shinn Taeyeon may have been exciting and high-up, insulting half your class wasn’t going to give you any brownie points for the rest of your year.
However those thoughts were quickly thrown to the side as you headed back down to the second floor. Would they be there? You tiptoed down the corridor. Underneath your hoodie and track pants, you still wore leo and tights. All the other students were in their dorms now, and most of the studios were dark.
Nerves clenched in you stomach. You would have big problems if they saw you. As you got closer, you heard the first notes of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Your heart almost broke in two right then. Your dream. Your dream from last night, it had come true.
Jimin and Taeyeon stood in the middle of the studio.
Taeyeon was in front of Jimin, her curled around him as he steadied her around the waist. Slowly, she bent back, perfectly controlled, her arm elegantly reaching ahead of her. Jimin began to pull her back up. She courued so gracefully up the centre, and then Jimin lifted her in an arabesque, and she seemed to fly. But her hand curled around Jimin’s neck, and she stared into his eyes. Whether it was part of the choreography or not, you wanted to cry. There was nothing in the world to match this sort of beauty.
They held hands, but then stepped away from each other, as if there was something stopping them from being together. But then as the music crescendoed, they defied that force, and Taeyeon ran and jumped. Jimin lifted her high above himself, hugging her thighs to his chest to keep balance as she reached high into the air, despairing as if this contact couldn’t be. He lowered her down once again and she broke out into quick pirouettes, even though the music was slow.
Finally, you drew up the courage to look at Jimin’s face. His eyes watched Taeyeon as she spun, his hands gentle controlling her balance. But those eyes looked so tired and drawn. Sorrowful. And you knew that he was listening to the music. As it plunged into the deep notes, Jimin swallowed. His eyes were no longer focussed on Taeyeon.
As she finished her pirouettes, his eyes shut slightly, as if trying to get back to her, and then they parted once more, short backward steps making it look as if they were hesitant to leave each other. But though Jimin’s hand was out stretched, begging her to stay, you knew now that he wasn’t really. His eyes looked despairing enough, but they seemed to be more despairing with the music, relating to it rather than her.
And as the piece finally began to end, he knelt and Taeyeon stepped up onto his bent knee. They finished with Taeyeon’s leg raised in an arabesque. She was staring dramatically up into the heavens. It was sad that such ardent lovers did not look into each other’s eye, that would be what you would have done. Jimin was looking past her…at you!
You shot away from the door just as you saw Taeyeon jump down and Jimin quickly stood up.
You sprinted down the corridor, praying Taeyeon would do something to stop him. Crap crap crap!
As soon as you reached the stairs, you leapt down the right hand corridor, not entirely sure where it lead, but not caring. He wouldn’t expect you to be down here. You slipped into one of the alcoves, out of sight. You heard Jimin’s steps in the studio corridor. What would you say to him if he found you? Oh, hey Jimin, just trying to work out whether you’re an over-emotional romanticist like I am, don’t mind me! Crap!
“Little creep’s spying on you again.” You heard Taeyeon’s voice. They were getting closer.
You slid down to the floor, praying there wasn’t enough light to see you in the alcove.
“You can’t let her distract you, Chim.” Adrenaline pumped through you.
Don’t find me! Please don’t find me!
“(Name)?” A shiver ran up your spine. The way your name sounded in his voice. You quietened your breathing. He was coming closer.
“Chim, if she’s too coward to talk to you then that’s her problem.”
You heard him sigh. He was in the stairwell, not ten metres from you. “You really don’t get it, do you?” He said irritably. “Come on.” He said before she could answer. “We need to sort out the middle section.”
“Why can’t we do something more modern for the review?” She grumbled.
You waited until you heard the studio door slam before you hesitantly stood up. That had been close.
Gradually, your muscles relaxed and you thought back. Your question had been answered. You ignored the thought that told you you’d just seen what your mind wanted to see, and instead ran up the stairs to your dorm. There, your ignored the glaring stares and grumbles of your so called 'friends’ and grabbed your iPod and pointe shoes.
Quickly you went back down to the entrance hall. You had to find Madam Choi.