best buy bags


“Your honor,” said the sharp dressed lawyer. “This trial is a farce.”

The judge banged his gavel. “Why do you say that?”

The bailiff squirmed. Please don’t say me, the bailiff thought to himself. Please don’t say me. Please don’t say “This trial is a farce because the bailiff over here clearly forgot his bailiff’s uniform and is wearing a uniform he made himself out of old tape, 3 Best Buy shopping bags, a Fun Priest Halloween costume, slightly newer tape, printed out pictures of a real bailiff’s outfit, a Fun But Professional Priest Halloween costume, and a roll of brand new tape.” Please don’t say that, thought the bailiff.

The sharp dressed lawyer cleared his throat. “This trial is a farce, your honor. Because…”

One of the bailiff’s Best Buy bags fluttered slowly to the floor. Oh no, the bailiff thought. That’s the final straw, or bag in this instance. The jig is up. This sharp dressed lawyer, not wearing a single piece of tape, is gonna point me out and there goes everything. My job, my house, my family. All because I forgot I had dressed my dog up in my uniform to see how I probably looked like in it and left it on him. The bailiff didn’t believe in buying mirrors and hadn’t quite perfected making his own mirrors. He knew it involved glass, but wasn’t positive if he actually knew that.

“Because,” continued the lawyer.

This was it, thought the bailiff, time for him to be exposed for the ‘I’m-Wearing-A-Uniform-Of-Mainly-Oldish-Tape’ bailiff that he was.

“Because,” the lawyer said yet again, “that light bulb is burned out behind you.” The lawyer pointed at a burned out bulb behind the judge.

The bailiff heaved a sigh of relief that caused his remaining Best Buy bags to fly off.

The judge called a day’s recess to fix the light bulb. America’s legal system at work.

Phew, the bailiff thought. He survived this embarrassment.

As the sharp dressed lawyer left the courtroom, he winked at the bailiff. “You owe me one,” whispered the lawyer into the bailiff’s ear.

“What?” asked the bailiff.

The lawyer flashed open his suitcase, revealing a book titled How To Burn Out A Light Bulb With Your Mind So A Court’s Bailiff’s Improvised Uniform Isn’t Noticed. The lawyer smiled at the bailiff and left the court.

The bailiff still had no idea what the lawyer meant when he said he owed him one.

The bailiff was stupid.

America’s legal system at work.