“A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear…”
Hahahaha GOOD ONE, Lennon! Our scents inspired by Yule-related phobias are singing a different tune.
Fear of the Aurora Borealis
Hellish shimmering streaks of unholy, alien light: electrically-charged lavender, yellow bergamot, agarwood, blue plum, and a peculiar, discomfiting green musk.
Fear of Happiness
Gibbering chitters of laughter, gleaming grinning mouths peeling open like a knife-slash: high-pitched lemon peel and pink pepper, white orris, and garish tangerine.
Fear of Christmas Trees
Ghastly misshapen branches casting long, twisted shadows and clutching at you with prickly needle-like fingers: pine pitch, bone-white dried fir, and spruce tar with opoponax and blackened tobacco.
Fear of Extreme Cold
Cold – unending, heart-piercing cold – that slices through skin and muscle like a gleaming, razor-edged dagger until it penetrates bone and fills your marrow: white eucalyptus, frosted mint, raw frankincense, davana, iris petal, white grapefruit, and wormwood.
Fear of Dinner Conversations
Wine spilled across freshly pressed table linens, a wilted holiday bouquet, and a furtive hint of whiskey and baked bread.
Fear of Church
Suffocating clouds of shroud-thick frankincense and myrrh, sepulchral tolu balsam, black labdanum, and a sin-sick thread of jasmine sambac.
Fear of Dolls
(But not ventriloquist dummies. That’s an entire phobia unto itself.)
White porcelain cracked by white tobacco, threads of brittle cognac, and vanilla filigree.
Fear of Beards
Definitely bad news if you live in Silverlake, Williamsburg, or the Mission. A tangle of patchouli, upcycled leather, artisanal honey, and a couple of oils you’ve probably never heard of.
Fear of Parents-in-Law
A scent of judgement and scorn: blackened vetiver, smug vanilla, and a dismissive, sneering dribble of black coffee.
Fear of Tyrants
This has jack all to do with Yule or winter, but it sure does apply to current events. Proceeds from Tyrannophobia benefit the ACLU, thereby helping stem the imminent assault on civil rights. Birch tar, tea leaf, and black raspberry strangled in an iron fist.