Friend told me about a guy he knew named “Ben” and how he met out some crazy revenge:
Ben was driving himself down Johnson Rd. Now Johnson Road was one of those uncommon roads in suburbia that was kind of narrow. As he was driving, there were these three teenagers, 16, 17 and 19, walking shoulder to shoulder along the road with their backs to him. Not trying to hit them, Ben moved to the far left side to avoid them and give them enough safe space.
Turns out it was a ruse by those three kids to get cars to pass along them just like that. When he passed by them, they took out baseball bats they were hiding and started smashing his car as he passed. Took out his side mirror and minor damage.
Ben wasn’t too happy so he pulled over and got out of his car to address this, not too smart since it’s already 3 to 1 but you’ll understand in a minute. The three kids see him and realize their advantage and start charging at him, bats raised.
Now here’s where it gets good.
Ben pulls out a gun and tells them all to freeze. Turns out, Ben’s a retired Marine with a concealed weapons permit. The three kids freak out and stop dead in their tracks, arms raised. Ben directs them to get on their knees, lay facedown, and keep their arms and legs spread-out. Now this was back in 2000 when cell phones weren’t as common, but Ben happened to have one. He called the cops on the kids right then and there. He said, “My name is Ben, I’m on Johnson Road and three teenagers just attacked my car and threated to attack me. I am carrying a gun with a permit and have them on the ground and subdued, I need an officer to come by here as I am pressing charges and I want them arrested. When the officer arrives, I am the one with the gun and I will follow his instructions.”
The kids start begging for him to let them go, cursing each other, and probably giving sob stories but Ben’s not listening. The cop arrives, orders Ben to put down his gun, which he does, and then it gets better!
Turns out the cop is a retired Marine too! He hears Ben’s statement, sees the evidence, and then they have this exchange:
Cop: “So they came right at you?” Ben: “Yes.” Cop: “And you didn’t shoot them?” Ben: “No, they listened to my commands so I didn’t see the need.” Cop: “That what they’re teaching now?”
The cop then looks at the three kids and says, “You’re lucky you got him and not me, I’d have shot all three of you, coming at me with bats. If this guy would have shot all three of you dead, told me what happened, I’d send him on his way.” So the three kids get arrested and the cop tells the two youngest that they’re probably going to screw up their lives if they keep this up. He tells the 19 year old that he’s over 18 and an adult so it’s too late for him, he’s going to jail for this.
Then it gets better.
They all end up in court and, as it turns out, the judge’s son is currently in the Marines. He tells the other two that they’re going to be tried as adults too and eventually all three go to jail for the maximum sentence our state allows for this crime!
Experimental works you probably didn’t think were experimental (or you probably have never heard of them)
Some pitch inspiration for Oni
Helen Oyeyemi - Mr Fox
Toni Morrison - Beloved
Ben Okri - The Famished Road
Sadegh Hedyat - The Blind Owl
Amos Tutuola - My Life in the Bush of Ghosts
Claudia Rankine - Citizen: An American lyric
Harryette Mullen - Sleeping with the Dictionary
Banana Yoshimoto - Asleep