benjamin madison

Since US history is all the rage now, I thought I’d share some of my favorite stories about the founding fathers.

-John Adams and Thomas Jefferson once visited the home of Shakespeare together… and both broke off pieces of one of the writer’s chairs so that they could take home souvenirs.

-When he was given an official surrender document during the French-Indian War, George Washington blindly signed the thing because he didn’t want to admit he couldn’t read French. In doing so, he basically solely accepted the blame of multiple war crimes. Somehow he wormed his way out of this… one of his methods was to blame his translator.

-Ben Franklin was forbidden from writing the Declaration of Independence because the founding fathers thought he would try to slip in puns and jokes.

-John Hancock was a convicted smuggler. Charges were dropped against him after he hired John Adams for a lawyer.

-Aaron Burr was a firm believer in the intellectual equality of men and women and lobbied for women’s suffrage.

-John Adams named his dog Satan.

-James Madison was our smallest president, at 5'4" and roughly 100 pounds.

-When he was 26, Washington bribed voters into electing him into office with alcohol… he gave certain voters about a half gallon for choosing him.

-Ben Franklin once wrote an essay urging scientists to “improve the odor of flatulence.”

-Jefferson warned Lewis & Clark to beware of giant sloths during their expedition.

-Adams and Jefferson were the original bros; after a lifetime of friendship, bitterness, and more friendship, they died hours apart on the same day- July 4th. Adams’ last words were, “Jefferson survives.” Well, not quite.

-Washington crossed enemy lines during the Battle of Germantown to return a lost dog to General Howe.

-The Star Spangled Banner was based off of a rowdy English drinking song.

-Alexander Hamilton’s descendants heavily edited and even hid some of his letters to his totally hetero bro, John Laurens, claiming “the content was embarrassing and indecent.”

-Ben Franklin opted for the turkey to be the U.S. national bird, claiming that bald eagles were cold and volatile.

-A few days before signing the Declaration, the Constitutional Convention got LIT. It’s rumored that the founding fathers drank 54 bottles of Madeira, 7 bottles of Claret, 7 bowls of spiked punch, 22 bottles of porter, 8 bottles of whiskey and 8 bottles of hard cider in this one night.

The Founders, Explained With Gifs

George Washington: 

John Adams:

Alexander Hamilton:

Thomas Jefferson:

James Madison:

Thomas Paine:

John Hancock:

John Jay:

Paul Revere

Patrick Henry

Abigail Adams:

Aaron Burr:

Richard Henry Lee:

Albert Gallatin

Sam Adams:

Benjamin Franklin:

The Founding Fathers as things I've heard at dinner parties:
  • Benjamin Franklin: (After drinking an espresso at 11 pm)I am benJAMMIN out right now
  • John Adams: (Playing Pool) (Messes up very badly) (Collapses on the floor) FUCK
  • John Dickinson & Edward Rutledge: (After Adams messes up) (Sarcastically clapping) You are so good at this!
  • Thomas Jefferson: I am the Napoleon of pool.(Loses the game)
  • Alexander Hamilton: (To Jefferson) You just got Waterlood!
  • John Jay: (In between drinks) I have a meeting at 5 am tomorrow...
  • James Madison: (After being asked what he wants in his tea) Painkillers.
  • James Monroe: (On the floor, giving dog a belly rub) (Audibly gasps) This doggo is sooo soft
  • George Washington: My wife says we have to go home (They both stay for two more hours)
  • Bonus:
  • John Hancock: I LOVE hanging out with middle aged men!
  • Patrick Henry: My opinion is that I disagree with your opinion!
Founding Fathers age comparison.

In 1776, Benjamin Franklin was 70, George Washington was 44, John Adams was 41, Thomas Jefferson was 33, John Jay was 31, James Madison was 25, Alexander Hamilton was 21 and James Monroe was 18. 

The Founders and Their Tumblr Sins
  • Benjamin Franklin: Doesn't tag his NFSW
  • Alexander Hamilton: Gets into arguments with blatant trolls
  • Thomas Jefferson: Runs an [x]-for-real-justice account
  • John Adams: Sends himself anonymous praise
  • James Madison: Goes on long tag rants
  • James Monroe: Reblogs things tagged "Don't Reblog"
  • Aaron Burr: Vagueblogs
  • John Hancock: Comments on anything he reblogs with just an "LOL!" or "Say it louder for the people in the back!"
  • George Washington: Uses Wordpress

All of the kids’ signatures in the secondary school AU. Cornelia Schuyler is the baby sister of Angelica, Eliza and Peggy. And look - George Eacker and Maria Reynolds make an appearance!

(If you’re wondering, my ‘normal’ handwriting style is closest to Theodosia’s. Everything else is just made-up.)

the founding fathers at a school dance
  • george washington: the parent chaperone
  • thomas jefferson: overdressed, is dancing way too hard but won't stop even tho he kicked someone in the face
  • james madison: really wants to go home, has a headache, feet hurt, no one wants to dance with him
  • benjamin franklin: in the middle of the dance circle with everyone cheering for him, clothes keep falling off
  • john adams: keeps requesting for a slow song (but the dj never takes his requests)
  • alexander hamilton: is dancing and flirting with everyone EXCEPT his girlfriend
  • james monroe: doesn't dance, hangs out by the punch bowl and talks to everyone who visits the refreshment table
Y'all Need to Stop

I’ve noticed this trend where if someone even begins to say something that is a fact about the Founding Fathers that isn’t well known, people will get shit for it almost immediately because, and here’s the kicker, it makes them seem human. They were human, no? It gets worse when.. We say something about how the bastard in office should be impeached the response is immediately, “Oh, it’s too late/won’t happen/can’t happen.” There’s a long list, but what I’m saying is, you’re bitching at people about the Founding Fathers when a majority of them aren’t even presenting them as model individuals, when they’ve all long since died, but when it comes to your own day and age, you can’t do anything? At all? I might get shit for this but the moral of the story is this, don’t hate on someone for giving you knowledge you didn’t know beforehand because believe it or not, this becomes an immediate issue with respect because y'all feel the need to disrespect someone because of one post about how James Madison was the most suicidal bastard out there and you’re so quick to call racist when, and trust me, I’ve seen it, half y'all voted for Trump who is not only an actual racist individual, he’s literally what albeism would be if it was personified.

anonymous asked:

Tell me some weird shit™ that the founding fathers did


• Alexander Hamilton spelled Pennsylvania wrong on the constitution.
• Benjamin Franklin wanted the national bird to be the Turkey.
• James Monroe, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson all died on July 4th- James Madison died seven days before July 4th.
• George Washington and Lafayette took a nap underneath a tree after The Battle of Monmouth.
• Two days before signing the Declaration of Independence all the delegates got super drunk.
• Benjamin Franklin basically was man whore in France.
• Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay on farting.
• Benjamin Franklin wasn’t allowed to write The Declaration of Independence because they thought he’d put a joke in it.
• Benjamin Franklin took “air baths” which involved sitting in a bathtub fully nude and writing.
• Benjamin Franklin purposely spelt Pennsylvania wrong on the US currency to defer from counterfeits.
• John Adams had a dog named Satan.
• Alexander Hamilton founded the New York Post coincidently he was involved in the first major political sex scandal
• While in England bromance Thomas Jefferson and John Adams visited Shakespeare’s house and vandalized a chair he used to sit in by chipping piece out of it.
• During the election of 1800 while bromance Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were broken up; Thomas Jefferson told everyone that John Adams was a hermaphrodite and John Adams countered telling everyone Thomas Jefferson was dead.
• Benjamin Franklin brought tofu to America.
• Thomas Jefferson brought Ice Cream and macaroni and cheese.
• Thomas Jefferson told Lewis and Clark to watch out for giant sloths.
• George Washington currently has $300,000 worth of overdue library books.
• George Washington didn’t know that Chinese people were white.
• During the battle of Germantown, George Washington found a lost dog and stopped everything just to return to dog safely to the British side.
• George Washington was deathly afraid of being burnt alive and asked in his will to be buried three days after his death.
• It’s actually Paul Revere on the Sam Adams.
• John Jay didn’t sign the Declaration of Independence, he is famed for framing it.
• Gouvernour Morris got a blockage in his dick and tried to cure it by sticking a piece of Whale Bone down his fucking penis hole. He got an infection and died.
• Thomas Jefferson having such bad social anxiety that he used to fake sick to get out of public interactions.
• Thomas Jefferson broke his wrist trying to inpress a girl.
• Benjamin Franklin volunteered in the fire department.
• Thomas Jefferson had about 7,000 books and when a Virginian Library burnt down he donated about 1,640 books to the library.
• George Washington was an amazing dancer.
• James Madison and Thomas Jefferson were once arrested for riding a horse carriage on a Sunday in Vermont. Which was illegal!
• Thomas Jefferson had a mockingbird named dick who ate from his mouth and shit.
• Alexander Hamilton’s son and his dying in the same spot just four years apart in the same way.
• Alexander Hamilton talking and talking after he was shot even thought he was fucking bleeding out.
• John Jay quitting politics and becoming a farmer.
• John Adams and Thomas Jefferson holding such a grudge against one another that Johnny didn’t even show up to his presidential inauguration.
• Thomas Jefferson only made two speeches during his presidencies. Both were his inauguration speeches.
• Lafayette giving John Quincy Adams a baby alligator as a gift.
• Andrew Jackson got kicked out of a funeral because his mocking bird kept saying fuck.
• James Madison “accidentally” shipping into US a ton of prostitutes. • Andrew Jackson beat the shit out of a guy trying to assassinate him with a cane.

• James Monroe and Alexander Hamilton almost getting into a duel which was stopped by Aaron Burr. • James Monroe served as both Treasury of secretary and Secretary of State.

(This list is getting too long- so I’ll stop there!)

To lazy to draw backgrounds today. I’m still listening to the Revolution Documentary and got to the part where Washington becomes President and how everyone in the conditional congress knew that the American people wouldn’t accept anyone else for the job but him. 

OK so I know y’all are probably sick and tired of all of my Hamilton AUs but

A middle school AU.  Just imagine it.

Laurens with braces

Lafayette coming in as the new kid from France

Mulligan running a condiment black market for the cafeteria

Alexander Hamilton going through an emo phase

Jefferson is that one guy who’s always spraying axe in the hallways

Madison is always at the top of the honor roll and always gets out of PE because of health reasons and everyone’s a little jealous of him

Washington is the history teacher

Franklin is the principal that’s always trying to be ‘down with the kids’ and everyone loves him because he’s really trying and he’s so weird

Angelica is that one girl that everyone likes but everyone is too scared to talk to because she’s intimidating as hell

Eliza is in band and choir and she gets all of the solos

Peggy definitely is into pastel punk, I mean come on

Maria would be the cheerleader that everyone thinks is sleeping around but she’s just fucking done with their slut shaming and is up to date on all the social justice stuff with Angelica???

Yeah just Hamilton middle school au thanks