benedicts for everyone

6

Ben & Sophie high five each other & hold hands at Wimbledon final, July 10 2016

From now on I want to narrate every Sherlock interview as if I'm Lemony Snicket

“If we pull this off, it’ll be television history!” Amanda said, gleefully. Amanda should not have said this, and she certainly should not have said it gleefully. What Amanda should’ve said instead is “This season includes a very talented actress who will surely impress you all.” However poor Amanda did not say this. And several months later she certainly regretted her mistake.

~

Sue’s eyes widened in shock. They did not widen in shock because Amanda had spoiled the plot of the show, or because Amanda had just hinted at what may happen in the upcoming season, but rather because Amanda had just told a massive, whopping, great big lie. And Sue was shocked.

~

“Love conquers all,” Benedict smiled sappily. Benedict did not, of course, mean “Sherlock’s romantic love of another person and their love of him conquers all their problems this season,” but rather, “In my opinion Sherlock Holmes and John Watson have been in love for over a century and I believe it is only right that they should be allowed to love each other and that I should kiss Martin.”

~

Steven hid his head in his hands. Steven did this because he thought Benedict was being cheesy and romantic, however it seemed to the audience like he did this because Ben had just given away a major point of the plot. Steven should be more careful about how his body language portrays his feelings.

~

Mark looked like he wanted to kill Benedict. This was not unusual, however. Mark always looked like he wanted to kill Benedict. And Steven. And everyone, in fact. Mark liked to think about murder.

~

“This is the best season yet,” Steven said. He was lying. I know he was lying because in reality it was filled with plot holes and glowing pictures and boys who eat out of dog bowls. But I’m not a rude person, so I left Steven to his ignorance.

~

“Who you really are, it doesn’t matter,” Mark typed. Mark should not have typed this. In fact, I wanted to hit Mark with a big stick and tell him ‘who you are REALLY matters’ but Mark would not have listened. Mark thinks he is smarter than me. He is clearly not. But who he is still matters.

~

“I’ll die if Johnlock doesn’t happen,” a TJLCer sobbed as she typed on her laptop. “RIP,” Mark replied. He did not do this to be funny. He did this because he can be a massive twat sometimes. This was one of those times. 


 ~ 


 "I don’t know, I don’t know, I’m just in it!” Martin squeaked. He was not trying to hide a secret, as many believed. Martin was just genuinely baffled by the new season. And by baffled I mean ‘had no idea what the plot was, what the point was, what his character was suppose to be doing and why he didn’t get to kiss Benedict.’

You see this girl?

This is Felicity Smoak.

She is soooooo beautiful.

I mean, seriously. Look at her!

I’ve been in this life for more than seventeen years and only now have I seen this amazing goddess.

I mean seriously. WOW.

Never seen anyone more beautiful than she is, and I’ve been around long enough to see almost everyone.

The actress playing her is Emily Bett Rickards.

Yeah. She’s flippin’ hot, right?

I have this frankly, ridiculous crush on her.

She’s too beautiful for words. But I’m trying my best.

She can wear anything and I’d love her.

Yes, even the Goth phase.

Yeah, I died during this scene.

This too.

She’s so precious my god

And it’s all thanks to Emily Bett Rickards.

She is Smoakin’ HOT.

PSA

Celebrities are human beings. Treating them like they have no rights to personal boundaries, privacy, and not being harassed is disgusting. It’s not ‘bragging rights’ to make them uncomfortable or feel unsafe, especially at conventions and public space.

Bothering them for autographs and peppering them with questions while they’re eating lunch with their family, grocery shopping with their children, in the gym shower, on a date with their spouse/significant other, in the toilet… that’s beyond inappropriate. There are some times where it wouldn’t be, where they are inviting attention or not obviously otherwise preoccupied, but pick your times and respect their right to live their lives outside of you and their job. Because for them, this is their job. Imagine if your customers bothered you nonstop outside of work, with work questions, wanting you to do your job. Not a fun thought, trying to make a pee and have a customer stand on the toilet in the stall next to you and start chatting about your company, and demand you sign a form.

Respecting them as people is what being a good fan should be about - not touching them inappropriately, asking lewd questions, trying to push yourself onto them in a sexual manner, etc. I’ve also seen many fans do that, especially knowing they are married, in a committed relationship, etc., and you’re really adding a new layer of the disrespect by completely disregarding their family or significant other in the name of your attempted sexual conquest. Before anyone jumps on me, there’s a difference between someone inviting that attention, regardless of their relationship status, and a stranger attempting to push in, uninvited.

Celebrities do not belong to you. Groping someone without their consent is a form of sexual assault, no matter their celebrity status. It’s not ‘bragging rights’. Lewd sexual questions about somebody’s body and sex life, uninvited, is sexual harassment. Obviously, there’s a border of ‘does this question have to do with the show and their character, making it appropriate’ to follow, but fan questions about genitals, and sexual headcanons are not appropriate. Think of it from their perspective - you know them from everything you’ve read, watched, listened to, etc. Their face is on your shirt. But this is one-sided. While you know so much about them, and while they appreciate their fans, you are a stranger.

There’s a fine line between healthy, enthusiastic fan behavior and stalking and harassment/assault. Don’t cross it. Be decent human beings, is what I’m getting at, especially you grown ass adult fans who should fucking know better.

I’m tired of the constant shipping war, of the constant fandom war. Like, stop. I ship johnlock. I believe in tjlc. I didn’t like s4. Do you ship sherlolly or adlock? Maybe sheriarty? Can’t make sense of tjlc? Loved s4? That’s fine by me, I’m not the shipping police and neither are you. Nobody is. Stereotypes suck. Just because I’m tjlcer doesn’t mean I hate everyone who doesn’t agree. I can follow pro s4 blogs without wanting to prove them wrong. I ship what makes me happy, so are you. Stop generalising, just stop. Fandom isn’t made for hate and bullying.