ben lins

Description of Broadway's  guys voices
  • Leslie Odom Jr.: A red velvet cupcake fresh out of the oven with cream cheese frosting in the middle
  • Lin-Manuel Miranda: That Dragon’s Egg Bath Bomb that just explodes with color when you drop it in the bath water
  • Daveed Diggs: Tap dancing. Just tap dancing but also rapping at the same time
  • Michael Arden: Butterflies in your stomach that are so strong you want to pull a Julie Andrews and start spinning happily in a circle
  • Andy Mientus: Fuzzy socks and hot chocolate by a warm fire with tons of blankets while having a Disney movie marathon
  • Aaron Tveit: The cold side of your pillow that feels oh-so-good in the middle of the night
  • Jeremy Jordan: Dressing in a cute outfit and strutting around while everyone is checking you out and you KNOW you look hot AF
  • Ben Platt: To take a bath with relaxing music and suddenly felt the heat in your body and your cheeks blushing
  • Darren Criss: When you adopt a new puppy, who has been living on the street starving, and now all you wanna do is wrap him in a blanket, cuddle and give him love
  • Jonathan Groff: That one commercial for Coca Cola that they play at Christmas Time that makes everyone laugh,smile, and cry
  • Alex Boniello: When you’re home alone and put on full concert mode very loudly with light, fume and special effects all over the room

the year is 2084. ben platt has won his fiftieth tony for starting as his own original character in the fourth falsettos revival. hamilton is now the longest running show on broadway. lin manuel miranda has written eight more musicals and starred in six of them. denee benton and andrew rannells are no longer robbed and they lounge amongst their twelve tony awards. nic rouleau is still somehow in the book of mormon as elder price on broadway.

4

“ Dreams don’t come true ”

My Impressions of Male Broadway Stars

Andrew Rannells: The Pretty Boy™

Jonathan Groff: Cute. Ray of sunshine.

Lin-Manuel Miranda: An excited puppy. Also a ray of sunshine. Must be protected at all costs.

Corey Cott: dashingly handsome. 

Jesse Tyler Ferguson: ginger dad.

Jeremy Jordan: jawline

Ben Platt: Sweet Pup. A literal Bean, everyone loves him.

Mike Faist: a shaggy dog. 

Aaron Tveit: hot damn. his thighs make me w e a k

Chris Jackson: An Actual Dad and the Sweetest Guy Ever.

Leslie Odom Jr.: very classy, velvet voice that makes me feel things.

Christian Borle: Daddy. (have you seen his arms)

theatre kids: a summary
  • during production week: this is awful i haven't slept more than 3 hours i am solely running on caffeine i can't wait for this show to be over i hate everyone
  • after production week: i miss everyone i miss rehearsal i miss that show i love theatre why can't i be back with the cast and crew i'm so emo

General musical descriptions

Dear Evan Hansen: Ben Platt looking into the audience with a sad expression for like 2 ½ hours

(bla bla bla) Great Comet of 1812: simple plot surrounded by a kinda easy plot surrounded by a lot of other crap (but still somehow managed to be amazing)

Hamilton: over hype: the musical

Falsettos: oh the GAYNESS of it all

Charlie and the chocolate factory: we say we’re family friendly but we also show a child getting ripped in half. (Very underrated)

Sunset Blvd: it’s like a really fucked up beauty and the beast.

Phantom of the Opera: sInG oNcE aGaIn WiTh Me OuR sTrAnGe DuEt

Cats: a two hour tourist trap

School of Rock: talented children+ Alex Brightman + Sierra Bogess= a show I wanna see!!

Something rotten: Shakespeare was a prick

Come from away: WELCOME TO THE ROCK

Spring Awakening: don’t have sex: or you’ll get pregnant, and die

Wicked: you already know

Heathers: it’s like if Caty just fucking KILLED REGINA.

Carrie: rated R Matilda

Matilda: R E V O L T I N G C H I L D R E N

Once on this island: Moana?

Sweeney Todd: Worst. Haircut. Ever.

Newsies: boys jumping for 2 hours

Book of Mormon: Repress your emotions woooo!!!!

Waitress: sad and pregnant + pie!!!

(these are jokes I love all of these)

How to get into the Holy Trinity: Hamilton, Heathers, and Dear Evan Hansen. Ten easy steps.

Step one: Find out about Hamilton and halfheartedly listen to it.

Step two: This shit is goOD SHIT–

Step three: Coming down from the Hamilton hype a bit and you start listening to your other music again instead of Hamilton. Vulnerable to new musicals.

Step four: Hamilton blogs upload Heathers content. You check it out because you are apparently a musical person so maybe you’ll get into this one?

Step five: HOOOOO MAMA YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED THIS WHY IS VERONICA’S VOICE SO SMOOTH–??

Step six: Start watching Heathers animatics because JD is hot in all of them.

Step seven: You watch a Dear Evan Hansen animatic because it came up on your dash because you watch so many Heathers ones.

Step eight: You listen to Dear Evan Hansen because you’re curious about it now and it seems pretty cool.

Step nine: NOT AGAIN HOLY SHIT

Step ten: Everything is a reference to one of the Holy Trinity. Your obsession has leaked into your every day life. Your friends don’t know you. You don’t know you. What have you become.

typecasting musical theater dudes

musical theater men and the character types they usually play

Jeremy Jordan: earnest but naïve

Andrew Rannells: narcissistic but innocent

Jonathan Groff: innocent but narcissistic also plays straight

Christian Borle: Slightly Unbalanced Man ™ also plays gay

Brian d’Arcy James: suffering everyman

Ben Platt: anxious compulsive liar

Nic Rouleau: Elder Kevin Price

Lin-Manuel Miranda: himself

Better Names for Broadway Stars:
  • Ben Fankhauser: Riff Daddy
  • Pippa Soo: Perfection
  • Aaron Tveit: Marry Me
  • Andrew Rannells: Leo's Successor #givetheguyatony
  • Lin-Manuel Miranda: Sunshine Personified
  • Jonathan Groff: The Best
  • Sydney Lucas: Unnaturally Talented
  • Lucas Steele: Anatole-y Crap What a Range
  • Idina Menzel: Just a Volcano Full of Power
  • Carmen Cusack: Underrated
  • Skylar Astin: Broadway to Pitch Perfect
  • Ben Platt: Pitch Perfect to Broadway
  • Mike Faist: The Sass
  • John Gallagher, Jr.: Sad Sad Sad Sad
  • Debbie Reynolds: The Matriarch
  • Gene Kelly: Magical Granddaddy
what have musicals done to me?

me: *sees a newspaper* *thinks of newsies* *starts crying*

also me: *hears someone counting in french* *thinks of hamilton* *starts crying*

also me: *sees a tree* *thinks of dear evan hansen* *starts crying*

also me: *hears someone even mutter the words black or red* *thinks of les mis* *starts bawling hysterically*

also me: *hears something about the 2019 wicked film release* *starts crying*

also me: *passes a 7/11* *thinks of heathers* *starts crying*

do you see my problem here?

Sparknotes: synopsis of Broadway interviews

Lin-Manuel Miranda: *bounce-walks in* *gestures wildly* 

Sutton Foster: So tell us about how you got the part in Thoroughly Modern Millie 

Jonathan Groff: *slowly scoots closer to the reporter* Goats *laughs really hard with his whole body* *cuddles reporter*

Andrew Rannells: I’m from Omaha, Nebraska

Ben Platt: I’m Jewish