ben gocker

from The Pisces by Ben Gocker

…Sir Pots and Pans said he had the worst diet. He loved cookies, and he loved beer. And he said something like, ‘I drink a lot of beer. I drink beer until I become a much smaller man. Of course alcohol has a desiccating effect, it’s a diuretic, but in my case it deprives my system of more than just water; it removes this terrible mass of me from myself. I become a small man banished from his large self. I become a man of such incredibly diminutive stature that I am able to fit inside the mouth of my previously large face. I sit in there as though it is a cockpit, and my large body a machine I must pilot. But it’s not a machine, it’s a wreck, that body. A large, insensate, unresponsive, mountain of a body, one I hate and wish to be rid of. But I can’t. That small man beer makes me can never drink enough to turn into a puff of smoke, air, an afterthought; anything but this overmatched pilot operating a giant. And I, now, a very small, banished, mass-less, near vanished man, must try to control this old shell of me. That is how much I drink and that is how drunk I become.