ben felts

Whether Han and Leia were “bad parents” or not is really irrelevant to the fact that Snoke was grooming and preying upon Ben Solo canonically since he was in the womb. I think they had their failures, but they loved their son. Parents make mistakes, period. Sometimes GOOD people do the WRONG things that end up affecting their child in irreversible ways. Saying maybe Han and Leia had a hand in what happened with Ben is not shitting on their characters  – it’s trying to look at the interesting story that’s being told and finding out the “whys” and “hows” of it – and recognizing the realities of our real world and how this story could help us reflect on that. Good people fuck up. Good parents fuck up. Kids with good parents can still be preyed upon by horrible people and lose their way.

Edit: Also, Leia was apparently aware of Snoke and didn’t know how to handle it… which is another factor here. It’s understandable… but as an allegory, it seems a lot like how parents aren’t equipped to deal with their mentally ill child and so they do nothing or put it off on others. Again, understandable, but still… a mistake and deficit in parenting.

Also, while Han was sometimes present during Ben’s childhood – he was also sometimes an absent father and husband. Leia OPENLY thinks on this in the extended canon novels – she thinks about Han and Luke when she’s pregnant with Ben, and how she just wished they were there and not traipsing around the galaxy when she needed them sometimes.

And Han was sometimes absent not just physically, but EMOTIONALLY, ok? The man wholeheartedly never feels he can connect with his son at the level Leia does because of Ben’s Force sensitivity, and that DOES affect their relationship. He admits he isn’t sure if he’s cut out for being a father. While, YES, he took Ben to the races and all that and OF COURSE he loved his son… he didn’t connect well with Ben. He actively mentors OTHER young kids and forms attachment to them as replacements for Ben because of this lack of connection between them [[as he did with Rey in TFA ]]– that is canon, too, so… I dunno, says something about how Han felt as a father to Ben, imo.

Add on top of this Leia, Luke, and Han all neglecting to tell Ben his TRUE heritage – all the while probably telling him how GREAT Anakin was. He was this Jedi, and so is Luke! WOW! Meanwhile, Ben is wrestling with this darkness inside him, and this creepy old, rumpled up piece of chewed up gum is sticking his tendrils into Ben’s mind and warping his view. Ben almost certainly felt like a total failure in the face of this unachievable legacy before him. And it WAS unachievable, because Luke and Anakin BOTH had gravely faced the Dark Side at different points – although Anakin fell, while Luke did not.

Yeah, you know, lying to your child their entire life so that they feel like the struggles they face must make them “broken” and “wrong” sounds like a really healthy foundation for a relationship. **ROLLS EYES**

Also, we don’t know the reason yet WHY Ben was sent to be with his uncle and if it WAS because of some big Force accident… like, to bring it to a personal level, I dunno about you but if my parents had been like, “sorry kid, you’re a crazy autistic and we can’t handle you – best if we send you over to your auntie because it’s too much for us to handle… I’m sure you can understand”… well, as a CHILD I’d be heartbroken. I would have internalized that. It would have broken my spirit and soul. Kids don’t realize that kind of behavior can have logic to it – they internalize things like that and make it about rejection.

Like… I’m sorry, but that’s the whole POINT with Anakin, too. That the Jedi Ways™ advocate this detachment from family and loved ones and force kids away from their family and those they love to “condition” them into using a part of the Force and SHOVING DOWN the “dark” parts – anger, frustration, fear, love, attachment, passion.

Also, Ben Solo did not cut off contact with Leia just because he felt like being a dick to his mother. Luke and Ben were traipsing around the galaxy in unknown regions and sometimes transmissions were lost – that’s why he didn’t interact with her for long periods of time. I am seeing a stupid ass post float around about how Leia and Han could NEVER HAVE BEEN PARENTS WHO EVER MADE MISTAKES because… people don’t want to believe that good people can be bad parents.

Ok, to add a FINAL note to this rambling vaguepost, I also want to mention that there are more ways than one to have a “bad” or traumatizing childhood. Trauma is not a blanket experience. While Ben had two parents who loved him and who he loved, and he had an uncle who was probably eager to teach and train him… that doesn’t mean they couldn’t make mistakes or that he could experience no trauma outside of his family’s influence. That Snoke was grooming him since INFANCY should be a BIG ASS CLUE that he was traumatized.

Speaking as someone who was also groomed and abused by an adult as a child, it haunts you your whole life. You can never let go of the things that person says and does – they hang over you like an eternal dark cloud. It’s traumatizing, so don’t reduce that kind of trauma just because society likes to sensationalize different kinds of trauma, like extreme poverty.

Wow, this post is fucking long, but I’m tired of seeing that damn post float around like it’s all a one-dimensional, flat story that you can make sweeping statements about. I didn’t even cover every bit of what I wanted to say but this is long enough as is and probably won’t be read by many people anyway.

  • Me: I ship Malvie
  • Someone: I thought you shipped Bal?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Someone else: I thought you shipped Bevie?
  • Me: Yes
  • Someone else: don't you ship Huma too?
  • Me: Yes
  • Someone else: wait what happened to Garry??
  • Me: ship it.
  • Someone else: what but what about Guma?
  • Me: ship it.
  • Someone else: okay but everyone ships Jaylos.
  • Me: tru
  • Someone else: wait I thought you said Janelos was cute?
  • Me: it is.
  • Someone else: but wait you said you shipped Benlos!
  • Me: I do.
  • Everyone: how can you ship everyone?!?
  • Me: they are all dating each other

Flyboys by Gefionne

England, 1941 - Armitage Hux, pilot in the Royal Air Force, has finally gotten command of his own squadron. But instead of a group of well-trained British pilots, he gets twelve inexperienced American volunteers. Among them is Ben Solo, a talented young fighter pilot who would be the best in the squadron if it wasn’t for his temper. As they take to the skies, Hux and Ben find themselves forming an illicit, but powerful bond against the backdrop of a world at war.

I absolutely adore this fic @gefionne worked so hard to get it accurate to the times and the pilots lives, this little WW2 plane nerd is in heaven. So I had to do a small pic for it. This was so hard to get right, but I hope to do more art for it in the future.

About anger and reality

Now, I haven’t been around much these last couple of days because of health stuff, so forgive me if I say something that’s been said a million times already.

I wanted to throw down a thought about the nature of Dean’s show of anger, or better, about the way the scene in Mia Vallens’ studio is a play on reality.

It’s nothing new that the theme of the Dabb era is reality, and this episode has gone all out with it. Shapeshifters by definition are a monster that allows a play on appearances and lies and deception. In the first episode of the show featuring a shapeshifter, Skin, we got to explore the folds of the truth of Dean’s character. Nightshifter, Monster Movie, Ask Jeeves… all explore the themes of truths and lies and identity. But I don’t want to digress :) So, this episode explores heavily the theme of deception, from the obvious element of the shapeshifter pretending to be someone else, to the visual metaphors like the ridiculously highly symbolic moment where “Dean” literally tears his face off like a mask.

And then there’s the crucial scene where Dean, Sam and Jack visit Mia Vallens’ studio and put up a performance to pretend they’re interested in her counseling service. The status of reality of the entire scene is ambiguous, and the anger shown by Dean is, let’s put it like this, ambiguously real.

I am not saying that there is no anger in Dean because that would be silly. He’s angry at God for dumping too-big responsibilities on them and disregarding their needs; he’s angry at Jack for the events in North Cove; he’s angry at Sam for ignoring the boundaries he’s trying to set regarding his role in dealing with Jack. But I think that we also have to consider that there is a level of performance to that anger shown in the counselor’s studio.

The crucial scene for the interpretation of Dean as aiming anger at his family is purposely a performance, where the line between reality and deception is ambiguous. I’d say that Dean draws from reality and uses that reality to craft a lie. That scene in Mia’s office is primarily a lie. Sam has to storm out of the room to go investigate the room (although he does take a moment to collect himself when he gets the cup of water, because the lie wasn’t a complete lie, of course), Dean has to keep the counselor busy.

Look at Jensen’s and Jared’s acting - for most of the scene, it’s the ‘pretend’ attitude. Only one thing, in my opinion, Sam brought up that Dean wasn’t expecting and made his controlled expression slip, i.e. the part where Sam talks about him not having the connection with Mary that Dean had.

Look at this bit for instance

Most of the scene is more or less like that - they’re blatantly acting with streaks of actual feelings intertwined with that. Only at this moment Jensen does a kind of face that signals that Dean is taken aback in a hurt-y way, the blink-and-retract:

It’s not about anger at all. He slips when Sam clearly goes out from the track they had been planning the scene to go, because Dean is obviously taken aback for a moment there. (Sam is also making it harder for himself, digging actual troubles of his, and he has to collect himself with the cup of water later).

When the scene is about Dean’s feelings, he is putting on a show for the counselor. And, while he does use actual feelings to make the show (of course, otherwise there’s no point to the entire episode if everything is a lie lol), Dean seems fairly in control of the persona he’s playing - let’s call it a John persona if we want. Anger, making Sam storm out of the door (sounds familiar?), blatantly drinking hard liquor, making the kid terrified of him - there is a truth to these things Dean is showing. He does hold some anger, he does mean what he’s told Sam to some degree, he has been drinking alcohol (but mostly beer), he has been acting aggressively at Jack (who, I might add, isn’t terrified of Dean, but terrified of himself - when he tells Sam that Dean said he’d kill him, he doesn’t it because he’s scared of Dean, but because he’s scared of why Dean thinks that about him).

But at the same time, Dean and Sam are playing a part. Dean makes a show of acting angry and aggressively oppositional to Sam, Sam leaves the room and go investigate (it doesn’t really matter if they’d planned it to go exactly like that - either way, they had to explore the counselor, they were there with a purpose). No matter how much truth there is behind it - Dean is still putting up a performance for Mia. He makes a show of drinking alcohol from his flask, something so blatantly “I am not taking this loss well lol” that is sure to capture the counselor’s attention on him.

I think that his anger is real (of course it can’t all be an act otherwise the emotional weight of the episode disappears and nothing makes sense), but the John persona he puts on is something he purposely play with for a specific goal.

I think that the scene suggests that he is emotionally mature enough that he play with the anger he feels. That he can use John as a performance on purpose. Maybe it’s not a coincidence he doesn’t seem to have particular reactions to Sam’s accusations that he’s acting like John - because he’s not in a position where he’s terrified of being like John, of his emotions escaping him, of being unable to control himself. It seems to me that he’s in control of his anger towards Sam and Jack, it’s not like Lisa and Ben when he felt his emotional reactions were escaping his control and was terrified. When Sam accuses him of acting like John, Dean simply reiterates his refusal to act as mother to Jack, which is the boundary he has been trying to set and Sam has been ignoring.


You asked it as if nothing else mattered to you.

Last night I couldn’t sleep because I was coughing too much (gg for being sick during summer Drew) so I ended up doodling um.. this. When my art goes sliiightly realistic, it most likely means I’m tired xD It wasn’t meant to be “realistic” by the way, but I guess it is a bit ? I blame… well, myself, for enjoying drawing eyes and lips too much.

Yes yes it is absolutely based on Ben Schnetzer’s face. I mean, he has the perfect face for young Khadgar. Give him blue eyes and that white streak of hair and it’s even more perfect. (That’s why I’m excited for “The Death and Life of John F Donovan” o///o)

he know’s spider-man

A/N: this is an imagine i originally posted on my wattpad account but i’m just going to stick with tumblr and post all my imagine’s here (also i’m the queen of bad titles okay bye)

summary: Ned blurts out in gym class that Peter knows Spider-Man when he hears you talk about how much the guy in red and blue fascinates you.

pairing peter parker x reader

request prompts from this list 

As you sat on the bleachers talking to your friends about nothing in particular New York’s finest hero suddenly came up in one of your conversations and you couldn’t hold back the smile that crept its way onto your lips whenever someone brought him up.

“It’s just Spider-Man” you mumbled putting your head in your hand as you smiled dreamily thinking about the man in red and blue “oh my gosh she’s crushing on spider man” one of your friends chuckled earning light smack on the back of her head from you “ow” she mumbled rubbing the spot where you had hit her, you only smiled satisfied as you continued writing your notes for the upcoming math test you had later this week.

“You seriously like Spider-Man?” Liz asked you plopping down next to you as she shooed the girl that had previously been sitting there away “I can’t like him! I don’t even know what he looks like I just find him fascinating that’s all” you frowned trying your best to avoid the topic.

Peter’s eyes opened wide as he heard the words that came out of your mouth you had a crush on Spider-Man? He thought, feeling his stomach fill with butterflies as he stared so helplessly at the girl he had been in love with for the past two years. He was certain you didn’t know who he was since you were popular and he, well he was not.

He liked to keep to himself and the only friend he had was Ned who was just as much of a nerd as him, Ned knew about Peter’s massive crush on you since it was fairly obvious, Peter would constantly stare at you and rant about how cute you were so Ned took this as his chance to get you to notice him “Peter knows Spider-Man” he suddenly yelled and everything went quite.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Peter, including you. It was like time had stopped and everyone just stared at him in shock, Peter was mortified as he looked at Ned with a death stare he absolutely hated being the center of attention. He then turned his head and as his eyes met yours, he felt his cheeks turn Scarlet as you smiled in his direction.

As soon as gym was over he stood up and hurried into the changing rooms to get back into his normal clothes which consisted of a white t-shirt, grey jacket and blue jeans. Ned followed after him and waited for him as he changed clothes.

“Why the hell would you do that Ned!?” Peter scolded his best friend whilst he pulled the white t-shirt over his head “because Y/N was talking about how much she likes Spider-Man and well I just wanted her to notice you since it’s no secret that you like her” Ned said shrugging his shoulders as he took a bite out of the chocolate bar that had been in his pocket for the last three weeks.

“I can’t believe you everyone looked at me like a was a complete freak” Peter groaned sitting down next to Ned “and Y/N she stared as well” Peter said, she was truly the only reason he felt so embarrassed about the entire ordeal “what do you mean she smiled at you! she noticed you” Ned said putting his arm around Peter’s shoulders as he took another bite of his chocolate “isn’t that like two weeks old?” Peter asked scrunching his face up in disgust “nope three weeks” Ned respondes swallowing the rest of it and throwing the plastic that had been wrapped around it into the trash.

“Much better” Peter said sarcastically as they both walked down the school hallways to their next class, which was history a class you were also in and he couldn’t help the nerves filling his stomach as he sat in the back of the classroom like usual waiting anxiously for you to walk into the room. You eventually did and did something Peter did not expect.

When your eyes met Peter’s you smiled and waved at him his eyes widening as he started looking around the room to see if you were waving at him or someone else.

You giggled at this and walked to the back of the classroom and plopped down in the seat next to him, you had never seen anyone as shocked as he was in that moment “hi I’m Y/N” you smiled towards him and offered him your hand to shake “I-I uh hi I’m uh Parker” his eyes widened “Peter Parker sorry” he chucked awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

You found it adorable how he stumbled over his words and blushed every time you spoke to him or looked at him, you couldn’t deny the fact he was pretty fucking cute. His sharp jaw, his lips and adorable brown eyes.

You had always noticed Peter in every single one of your classes you actually envied him a lot because of how smart he was but there was just something about him that drew you to him so you found yourself starting to take in every detail about him.

How he would stick his tongue out ever so slightly when he was concentrating and how he would anxiously bite his nails every time the teacher said that he was picking one person to come up to the board and solve what they had been doing.

Your staring didn’t go unnoticed by Peter and he stared growing more and more nervous every time you looked his way, was there something wrong with the way he dressed did he have something on his face? Those were the only things he could think about.

He had never been so grateful to hear the unpleasant noise of the bell signaling that class was over, he quickly gathered his books and made his way out of the classroom as quickly as he possibly could “Peter!” you called after him but he pretended not to hear you as he continued walking down the hallway and towards the exit.

You were a little hurt by this but decided to just forget about it and go home. You walked towards your locker and shoved all of your stuff in there slamming it shut and walking out of school.

It usually took you about 20-25 minutes to walk home but you remembered that there was a much shorter way you could go that would only take you 10 minutes but you had to go through a dark alleyway that always creeped you out and was the only reason you didn’t go the short cut, but you thought nothing of it today as the sun was shining and you were feeling brave.

But that all changed when you were about mid way through the alley “look at what we have here” you heard a mans voice slur obviously meaning that he was extremely drunk.

You started walking faster clutching your backpack tightly, slowly letting out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding in. The man quickly caught up to you and grabbed your shoulder and threw you to the ground and straight into a puddle completely drenching you.

“Please don't” you cried the man only kicking you in response “shut up you bi-” the man was cut off by someone kicking him to the ground that person being none other than Spider-Man himself.

“Y/N are you okay!?” Spider-Man asked pulling you up to your feet, you were shocked how does Spider-Man know my name? You thought “ho-how do you know my name” you finally managed to get out “oh i-uh i just you know” you heard him begin to ramble and you immediately realized who your savior was.

“Peter?” you asked slowly pulling the mask off of his head, he didn’t try to stop you and as soon as you saw the all to familiar face of Peter Parker you smiled and connected your lips to his as a thank you. He was shocked but reacted quickly by wrapping his arms around your waist.

When you pulled away his cheeks were as red as they could possibly be “please don’t tell anyone” was the first thing he said and you nodded mumbling a ‘I would never’ him only nodding before pulling the mask back over his head right before disappearing out of sight.

“She kissed you!?” the voice of Ned ran through out the entire house, Peter didn’t say anything instead he just smiled the most happiest smile he had smiled since uncle Ben died. He felt as happy as he could ever be and it was like nothing could bring him down in that moment.

“Yes she did it was amazing” Peter gushed feeling his cheeks turn a deep shade of red at the thought of your lips pressed against his.

“See being Spider-Man has it’s pros” Ned said pausing the movie that had been quietly playing in the background that the boys had stopped watching a while ago “but it also has its cons like risking my life every single day!” Peter said raising an eyebrow at Ned “whatever dude you kissed Y/N one of the most attractive girls at school”

Peter couldn’t argue with Ned anymore so he just nodded feeling as lucky as ever that a girl like Y/N had kissed him, she was way out of his league and he was sure everyone knew that but in that moment it didn’t matter the only thing that mattered was that she kissed him.

Y/N kissed him.


just got my dose of testosterone raised, a pack of new sub-q needles, and i found out that my estrometer is lowering which apparently is a good thing. what i’m trying to say is that being a trans guy on hormones can sometimes sound like being in a scifi film.

ft. my ugly boots


So we’re at the top university in the world. (Arguably.) And so are 20 thousand other people. But there are no more than ten in the riot club. The top ten.