ben feeling

so. here’s the thing.

i read those early clone saga issues where ben was bitter and angry at the world

(basically a prototype for kaine)

and what i loved so much about his character arc was how he made the choice to let go of that anger. to become a kinder person. to be a person, period, despite the fact that deep down all he wanted to do was give up. to die.

that he was able to resist his jealousy towards peter. that he became his best friend instead. that he was a confidant to mary jane. that he was over the moon to see them become parents.

that after years on the road, trying to tell himself he didn’t “need” a life (or deserve one) he found a family in the Daily Grind gang. he let himself love, with Elizabeth Tyne, and showed her that she was deserving of that love.

he saw his own pain in kaine and, in time, resolved to help him become a better man.

that, in the end, Ben died the hero he didn’t dare hope he could be.

on a personal level, as someone who has always struggled with self-loathing, self-sabotage, anger and depression? it’s an arc that has meant a lot to me. even if i’ll be the first to admit that 90% of the clone saga is total dreck. but now all of that is gone. just because a certain writer cares more about shock than a good story.

i’m willing to see where the new book goes – there’s a lot about this first issue i liked – but i will always mourn what was.

9

Musical Theatre Mood Boards: Dear Evan Hansen (2016)

“You will be found.”

“Coming Home”

Its been an overwhelming two weeks with the new addition to the family. So here is a little something due to all the baby feels. I like to image Leia and Han coming home from a meeting (date) to find an exhausted Ben tucked in already due his Uncle Chewie’s (and Luke’s). They would be excellent babysitters :V 

So I just realized something today. You know how we always rant about the (old, too old) age of the actors playing Harry Potter’s parents in the movies?

Severus Snape, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were (more or less) 31 years old when Harry started to attend Hogwarts.

Yep.


Still, in the movies, they were interpreted by a 55 year old (Alan Rickman), a 43 year old (Gary Oldman) and a 38 year old (David Thewlis) respectively. (These are the ages they were when the first movie was released.)


And you know Ben Barnes, who is often fancasted as teenage Sirius Black? He is 35 years old, only a year younger than Sirius was when he died. So Ben Barnes is in fact a good fancast for old Sirius! And Andrew Garfield, who is often fancasted as teenage Remus? 33. Yep. You get my point here.


  • what I say: I'm fine
  • what I mean: GOD IF EVAN HANSEN AND CONNOR MURPHY ACTUALLY WOULD'VE PROPERLY CROSSED PATHS EARLIER OR EVEN THAT ONE SCENE WHERE CONNOR READS EVAN'S LETTER WOULD'VE GONE DIFFERENTLY; THEY COULD'VE ACTUALLY BEEN FRIENDS AND A LITTLE LESS ALONE, THEY BOTH NEEDED SOMEONE AND THEY CAME SO CLOSE BUT THEY NEVER QUITE FOUND EACH OTHER EVEN THO THEY WERE. BOTH. RIGHT. THERE.
Ben had the wavy dark hair that Han remembered, now shoulder length. His mother’s cheeks. Han’s chin. Yet everything about him was narrow and stark, as if he had starved himself of nourishment. And his eyes were not the dark brown eyes Han remembered. They were dim and dark and terribly sad.
—  Han Solo seeing his son again, as described by Michael Kogge in the junior novelisation of The Force Awakens

another thing thats abundantly clear after watching ben c clips for a solid week is if you think any of us exaggerate how gay he is…..it’s really not at all. taking into consideration the obvious fact that hes attracted to women, which nobody is disputing, he still has such a gay AURA? his SOUL is gay? the ONLY unconvincing roles i’ve ever seen ben in is when he’s meant to play a super macho het guy: a really good example of this is his mad libs sketch, clearly that’s for comedy but i think that’s kind of the point, i think ben views that sort of uber masculinity as parody worthy, or like a parody of manhood in and of itself which is a really fascinating take coming from a c*s guy who’s attracted to women and is generally masc…… ben’s personality he presents and the roles he is typecast as/fits into the most easily are the sensitive yet passionate about justice men who typically are either explicitly gay or queercoded….. its? wow