I really love it when people post articles about the female experience, and guys dismiss them with a smug “this article is fake.”
Then you provide them source links. LOTS of source links.
“I still don’t believe it! So fake!”
MORE source links. Screencaps of conversations had on twitter. Links to the actual store itself so he can see that it doesn’t sell merchandise for girls. Or links to scientific studies about body language and gender. SO MANY LINKS. So many sources.
“Pssh. Women are just making this up. They just want to whine about stuff. People are starving to death. Why do we even care about this?”
I don’t know. Because people are complex and are able to care about multiple issues at the same time? Because I can care that many people don’t have access to clean water AND I can care that the Disney Store doesn’t sell any Princess Leia toys and is marketing merchandise only to boys. I can care about the homelessness issue in America AND think it’s unfair that strange men invade my personal space on the subway because they feel entitled to it.
I’m just always amazed that you can provide some people all the proof in the world, and they simply refuse to believe it because it’s not an issue that effects them personally.
((Don’t apologize, I’m happy you can talk about this. I cannot tell you how to feel, no one but you has the authority to define your identity. I am not a mixed Iranian, but the things I can say is that there is nothing harmful about you wanting to rediscover a significant part of your roots. Light skin does not negate your claim to ME ethnic heritage. Your Jewishness does not negate your Iranian-ness. Iranians are diverse in ethnicity, cultures, and religion, there are Iranian Jews, Christians, Zoroastrians…but this is all I can say. Oh, and that I’m sure your features are lovely! I know Self-love is a difficult journey but I wish you luck and support.
Instead I talked to mixed and non-mixed Iranians about this, here a few lovely people here under the cut, but if any of my mixed iranian followers want to reply or give their expereinces/advice, you’re more than welcome to!:
Your art is just fabulous. I always love seeing new and different pieces from you! I want to become an artist as well >.< And I was wondering how you developed your art style and any tips on improvement. I hope you have an amazing day bc you are FAB
Thank you! Your message really makes me happy ////
My style is like a Frankenstein’s Monster of styles I admired. I applied these aspects I liked into my own practice. For example, the way an artist applied colour or how they drew the lower eyelid. Some big influence over the years have been D.gray-man, Pandora Hearts, Oresama Teacher, Fairy Tail and Kurobasu.
IDK what to advice to give without sounding generic.
I’d normally say, “don’t compare yourself with other artists!!!!!!! Draw for yourself!!!”
But that’s kinda a load of horse crap cos let’s be real, we’re going to compare ourselves to other artists anyway and feel shit. It’s what we do after that matters. We can wallow in self-pity or we remember these artists put years and effort into crafting their style.
It’s honestly 1% talent and 99% hard work.
Turn that negativity into motivation to improve. However, be goddamn proud of yourself and your art. Even if it’s shit, at least you drew something!! (Shit is a good fertiliser and we know what that stuff does :D!) Self-deprecation is not humility.
Ok motivational speech aside haha, some actual practical advice is definitely learn your anatomy. If you can afford it, take life drawing classes but otherwise there’s heaps of free resources online like posemaniacs.com and artists.pixelovely.com! Spend at least half an hour a day learning them or couple hours a week.
Drawing is a skill and skills can be learnt. I can go on forever but I think I’ve said enough for this post haha. Dude, you’ll be great only if you believe that yourself okay???
Dean doesn’t know what possessed
him, but he’s online looking at Destiel fanfictions of all things.
Well, maybe he does know. His old
demon pal, Jim Bean.
But that’s beside the point. The
point is, some of these things are just hitting way too close to home.
And not the “Wait I’m not in love with Cas it’s totally normal to stare at your
best friend and think about the blue of his eyes” way that usually comes up
whenever someone makes the totally ridiculous suggestion that he and Cas
are dating/fucking/in love. No, these… fics… actually sound a lot like
things that have actually happened, except for the part where they always end
with Dean and Cas confessing their undying love to each other and holding hands
or some shit.
Like the other day, on a case, Dean
reached over to fix Cas’s tie automatically, because Cas is Cas and Cas cannot
tie a tie to save his life. But somehow, Cas’s tie was perfect. And Dean was
left standing there, kind of awkwardly touching the knot of Cas’s tie and Cas
was chattering about how he watched a video tutorial on how to tie a tie
and it was quite educational Dean, while Sam was snickering conspicuously
And then there’s this… fic?
The details of the case are different, but there’s Dean holding Cas’s tie
awkwardly. Except in the story, Dean just yanks Cas forward by said tie and
kisses him. Which, to be fair, would probably have been pretty sexy. After all,
it’s pretty sexy when women have done that to him in the fed get-up,
yanking on the tie and all. Has anyone yanked on Cas’s tie? Not that Dean
wanted to yank on it. He’s starting to feel uncomfortably warm thinking about
Calum Chambers needs to wake up, look in the mirror, and say “I am amazing. I am worthy. I am playing for a great club. I am there because I deserve It.” because that wonderkid has got some serious confidence issues.
[b/c someone sent a submission instead of an ask by mistake.]
here’s what i believe: when you see yourself as something other than a dude, people feel differently about you than they do about dudes. they might not consciously treat you different, and in fact they’re pretty adamant about thinking about you as a dude. but they feel about you the way they feel about Not Dudes.
if you see yourself as a girl, people feel about you the way they feel about girls. the more used to thinking of yourself as a girl you are the more intense this is going to get, and if you have an appearance that doesn’t gel with that it will frequently make people really shitty and uncomfortable.
i was closeted for a while, and am still not what the traditional narrative calls “full time”. i go out in cis dude drag sometimes. it doesn’t work great, people are fucking weird, and i get called “sir” a lot where i wasn’t before (back when i thought of myself as a dude). people sort of have a casual contempt and disrespect for me they didn’t before.
my initial plan was “i’m going to do the trans shit i do in private, because private matters to me, and public doesn’t”. like, unless i was about to go out dressed and presenting, i was going to do nothing special in terms of gender or behavior. sometimes i even tried to butch up my behavior and voice. the issue is that that didn’t work, and it was just more incongruity for people - it genuinely seemed to make them more rather than less weird and uncomfortable.
i find that it helps most to focus on having the behavior and demeanor and body and look people expect from me. to have a gestalt that people expect to go together. i have a hard time, when i’m being a Fake Cis Dude, binding and throwing back my voice, dressing as “"masculine”“ as i do when i’m presenting as openly female. my mannerisms are probably more overall feminine when i’m trying to come off as a dude, and that’s not even wholly conscious - there’s just so much fucking pressure against being a dude. it’s kind of mind-blowing to think about.
even the people close to me got exposed to this, because if i acted more masculine, they’d react with a sort of relief that highlighted how incongruous it seemed to them. like me being a dude in the way i used to be was a red-letter day. i never liked this so i didn’t bother much with it.
ok, there’s the whole kind of confusing spiel about closeting itself. the takeaway is that people might look at you and think or say consciously "i’m looking at a man” but they’re not going to feel that and that’s 99% of what you have to live with. it’s something that continues well into being openly, visibly trans, because a lot of people still say consciously “i’m looking at a man” while treating you in the bullshit way people treat women.
now as to what i actually did while i was closeted, and when i wasn’t in cis society.
i find, in the context of this, that exploring stuff in private i didn’t allow myself to before was a big deal. so was abandoning shame over things. in the first few months i found myself watching a lot of anime and reading a lot of manga because i was kind of bunched up about that as a dude with fucked up gender shit. i did a lot of stuff with my body hair. i experimented a little bit with scents, nail polishes, etc, because i wanted to do new shit and found it fun. i still do even though i’ve settled into a way butcher holding pattern than my initial style.
i was out to some people. i was out to my spouse and i think that was necessary to do a lot of shit - we went shopping together, and it helped that she had the same chest circumfrence as i did (way smaller band + bigger cup size) so we could technically wear the same things. the thrift shop was great and by happy coincidence around the time i came out my local one was clearing out inventory and had 50% or 75% off sales - i spent $100 or so and wound up with literally more clothes than i can easily fit in a closet, and a couple of outfits that are even now staple things for me i walked away with for less than $10.
make Gender Friends and find a way to talk with them about stuff in a way that doesn’t necessarily require the courage to engage in candid 1-on-1 conversation. private blogs, shit like that. doing something like that helped me so much.
put yourself in control of things, consciously, and reject ways you’ve subconsciously attempted to place control in the hands of society or others. try not to be unnecessarily afraid of people seeing you as weird or gay or trans. like, specific fears are very reasonable - stuff like “if my mom knows i’ve been messing with makeup she very well might kick me out”, or “my relationship will probably be damaged if my girlfriend knows i have breast inserts lying around”. i found that coming out was, for me, as much as anything something i did because i was no longer as afraid of the possible negative consequences of coming out as i was of the continuous pain of being seen and treated incorrectly, and of hiding what i wanted to do. but most of all it did me a world of good not to stop myself from doing things while i was alone, or things people had no genuine reason to judge unfairly, just because they were the sort of thing someone who was trans would do and i needed people not to know i was trans.
also, one of the better things that happened to me while i was closeted was getting with other trans ladies intimately and learning how Gay Shit worked.
there’s no reason not to do any particular thing, and honestly even hrt stuff is not visible enough that you can’t do that for at least a while. (i have a body which endogenous estrogen hit like a sledgehammer and it still took a few months for me to feel like i was especially incongruous while pretending to be a dude.)
have courage and try to be afraid of only specific things rather than just living generally in fear. just by figuring this stuff out you are ahead of the game and have made the biggest and most difficult step anyone has to make about gender shit.