belated happy birthday rena!

[one]

Seven new messages in four chats.

PLUS ONE?????? DEREK WHO IS IT TELL ME NOW [Laura, 8:20am]

dude laura just texted that ur bringin someone i think the whole house errupted man [Cora, 8:23am]
better bring someone foreal or they’ll like implode or something [Cora, 8:23am]

I’m so happy for you, honey. [Mom, 8:21am]
But if you’re screwing with us, I will screw with you. [Mom, 8:22am]
Love you. :) [Mom, 8:22am]

Did you find someone on Craigslist to go to the wedding with you? [Boyd, 8:25am]

None of the possible outcomes have painted Derek as a winner in the matter when he calculated which response would get him the least shit from his family. He knows if he had said he’d come alone to the wedding, he’d have gotten messages asking him if he wanted to be seated next to the bachelors and bachelorettes who are also attending, if he adopted fifty cats and the invitation should’ve said Plus Fifty, if he needs a botox treatment to set his features into a less threatening and intimidating default–which, Derek doesn’t even get, because it doesn’t make any sense at all.

On the other hand, petulantly ticking off the Plus One box resulted, as expected, in overzealous messages of surprise, mania, excitement, and Mom’s very unsubtle threat to mess his shit up if he lied about it.

Derek’s had better ways to start his day.

Now that he thinks about it, it was probably an awful idea to say he’d bring someone, because he virtually has nobody he could–or want to–ask to be his date to his sister’s wedding. He’s thought about putting an ad up on Craigslist, but he doesn’t have the time or desire to interview possible applicants to make sure they’re not borderline psychotic weirdos.

Which leaves him with two options: go alone, and fear Mom’s retaliation, and listen to all his family sympathetically tell him that one day he’ll find someone; or get someone else to go with him, someone who might pass as his partner. He can keep up a charade for a couple of days. It’s not that hard.

As it is, Derek’s morning is pretty much a disaster without his family adding to it with their messages. His client moved up their meeting, but he didn’t get the memo until he entered the office this morning, and now he’s rushing into the coffee shop where the meeting is supposed to take place. It’s an unusual choice for a business meeting, but his client is rather unconventional, and this is Derek’s favourite place to get coffee, so he’s not one to object.

After scanning the place, he finds his client hasn’t arrived yet, so he moves to get a table when someone bumps into him, spilling hot coffee all over his front.

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