Its a choice. You just have to decide that I’m not going to put my energy there. I’m going to decide to let this go. It’s your choice. You can embrace it, you can become a prisoner of bitterness and resentment anger and victim city, or you can just say ‘I’m going to live my life and be happy.
Being happy with someone doesn’t mean that everything about them is perfect, they can’t be. It means that we know no one is perfect including ourselves so we look beyond someones imperfections and concentrate on their perfections and our happiest shines thru. As long as one’s HEART is in the right place and is perfect for your liking then everything else that is near perfect or perfect about them is a bonus and everything else. secondary, they don’t matter.
I never planned on falling in love. Not with anyone. I just wanted a bit of fun, and so did you. I walked into it with a full understanding of that, and I fully intended to stick to that. I also fully fucked that up.
Somewhere along the way I found myself wanting to know you. I wanted to know what your favourite food is, how many pillows you sleep with, the names of your family members, how old you were when you had your first kiss, whether you’re a cat or a dog person, and your favourite colour.
I wanted to know the trivial things about your life, like how your day went, how pissed off you were when the brakes on your car needed to be fixed, and your plans for the week. I wanted to hear about how you scramble around trying to clean your apartment when your parents come to visit. I started smiling at the mention of your name and wishing you were here all the time. I started wanting to talk to you as often as I could.
I started wishing you’d send me good morning texts and call me cute names. I started thinking about what your kisses would feel like instead of just the feeling of your hands on me. I still think of those things; of your hands and our skin pressing together and my name whispered into my ear. But I’ve started to think of other things. Of road trips and dancing like idiots in the middle of the night and adventures with you that don’t just lead to a bed or the back seat of your car.
Worst of all, I desperately began to hope that you were thinking of those things, too. I never planned on falling in love… but somewhere along the way you smiled just the right way and everything blew up in my face. I fucked it all up, and since then I haven’t been able to stop smiling.