Musing about being a POC and queer individual in the TMNT fandom:
I think the hardest part of being in the TMNT fandom for me is the fact that I am not white, am not straight, am not cis, or even neurotypical, and… I identify fairly hard with the turtles because of those things.
But then… they’re drawn or written as all of those things probably 90% of the time when people are humanizing them, and its just. so hard. to let that go, even though those people have no idea they’re affecting some random person across the internet. Compared to the hundreds of others who don’t feel this way, my personal opinion doesn’t really matter.
I don’t hold it against anyone for their headcanons, and I have never a day in my life sent hate to a person for having those headcanons, since I know those depend almost entirely on the personal life and experiences of those individuals.
They still bother me though, since I feel like it erases a large part of what the turtles’ identities are, which is being a minority among minorities.
They’re the only four of their kind, and pretty much utterly isolated from the rest of the world. They’ve never fit in, and never will, because they are inherently different from the rest of society. They are, in a phrase, freaks of nature.
My circumstances aren’t as extreme, not even close, but I know that feeling on a personal level regardless. Having them portrayed as the socially acceptable norm, it erases a large part of what makes them so interesting; which would be their sheer alien-ness from the rest of us. By making them ordinary cis white straight etc etc in humanized headcanons, I feel it takes away from their original characterization as a minority.
And it just really bothers me, as a single individual in the fandom, to have characters I identify with so strongly become pretty much the complete opposite of who and what I am, and thusly become no longer relatable. It’s just a difficult thing to deal with sometimes, especially since I have no power to change it other than ignoring the content I don’t like.
I hope no one takes this as an insult to their personal headcanons about the series; its just the words from someone who’s never fit correctly to any box, and found a strong connection to four characters who I felt were similar to me in that sense.
Notes: angst(ish), PTSD, fluff, service dogs, isolation, masturbation.
Summary: Bucky’s been going through the motions ever since he got back from his last tour, missing one arm. Then he meets a girl while walking his service-dog Ziva at an ungodly hour. She might be the breath of fresh air he doesn’t know he’s been missing.
A/N: Hi guys! This story is a one shot AU.Hope you enjoy it! x
There’s something -everything- so calming about being outside before the crack of dawn; sure, it’s because Bucky has trouble sleeping and wakes up at four in the morning and is unable to go back to sleep, but, still. It’s like the world is his own for a while. A short while, maybe an hour before the first early birds show their faces, but a while at least. Usually long enough for him to clear his head after another short night of sleep, maybe after being awoken by a nightmare.
Having a reason to go outside, is even better, gives him a sense of purpose; even if his German Shepard, Ziva, usually gives him the stink-eye for waking her so early.
Wait, what are numbers and why did you almost die when you were playing??
Hi there! Numbers is a game we used to play in my Scout group, and it works like this: there are two teams, and ideally there are enough people to organize a sort of army hierarchy (ie, a commander, a couple of units and the like) - say, thirty kids or so. The terrain can be anything - I remember playing in a forest, in a cemetery (at night), in an abandoned castle (because there was no such thing as Health&Safety back then) and also in a school gym during a rainy afternoon - and the goal is simply to kill off everyone in the enemy group. Every person has a very long number pinned on their chest and back (the same random eight-digit combination) and in order to kill someone, you have to shout their number correctly. If you do, the person dies and has to surrender their number to you (you can then use it as an extra life if you’re killed); if the number you’re shouting out is wrong, then you die and have to surrender your own number. Now, as I said these numbers are pinned to your clothes with safety pins, and they’re large enough to be seen from a distance, and it’s not allowed to cover them with your hands and arms, so what you do is that you either carry someone bridestyle in your arms (and my group was mostly boys, so this had some hilarious consequences), or you can move around by hiding behind trees and slithering on the ground. Numbers is mostly about simulating trench warfare, and it’s a high adrenaline game because inevitably what happens is that the army with the best strategist will be able to post ‘snipers’ in the best locations, making it very hard for you to move around them without being seen and killed.
And this is exactly what happened to me when I was eleven or so - I was part of an army I didn’t know all that well, because most of them came from a different town, and I found myself isolated behind a tree with a sniper looking straight at me, and it’s actually weird to explain how real that felt - I don’t know if I was a strange kid, or if this happens to all kids, but to me, the whole thing positively reeked of life and death - we’d been playing for hours, and the rainy afternoon was dimming around us, but there was still plenty of light, enough that it was dangerous even to run, and these woods - they were exactly what I’d read about in my fantasy novels - a place for skirmishes and ambushes and bodies left rotting on the moss - and again, this is a game of stealth more than strength (but, of course, it helps if you’re sort of fast and agile, which I never was) so as I was sitting behind this tree, my shoes and clothes caked in mud, my wet hair dripping into my eyes, I had to listen to the psychological warfare going on behind me - the two snipers from the other army were sharing a bar of chocolate with loud moans of approval, were telling me I didn’t matter so much, anyway, that it’d be easier for everyone if I allowed myself to get killed so they could win and I could go back to the cabin and warm up, that they would close in soon enough, anyway, because no one was coming to save me - all sort of things, and, at eleven, it was hard to shut them out. I truly felt like I was on the verge of death, like I’d been in that forest for days and days, trying and failing to fight my way out, and then - then there was a shout of surprise, and the noise of someone running on leaves, and next my captain (an older kid I didn’t really know) came sliding next to me, landed in a kind of acrobatic move right over my legs, grinned up at me and opened his mouth to say something when one of the snipers lost his head in excitement and yelled out a number - the wrong one, because the guy had been too fast and had taken them by surprise. The captain pushed himself up so he could sit next to me against the trunk and - man, I’ll remember this as long as I live - I’ve got this memory of glancing sideways at him and seeing his gorgeous face in profile (he was - yeah), of him saying, calmly, “That’s the wrong number. Surrender, now,” of my heart filling with childish admiration for the authority in his voice - and then the sniper came over, his own numbers already unpinned - he offered them over without a word and walked off towards the cabin. And as I watched, my captain - Scout name ‘Carabine’, after the Last of the Mohicans character - rolled it up and placed it carefully inside his uniform, where he already had about half a dozen of them. And, again, it was just a game, but it didn’t feel like a game. To me, Carabine was a blue-eyed god of war - he was older than me, and better than me in every way - and yet he’d come back to save me. Me.
And as I said, he was from a different city, and I never met him again, because that’s how life was like before the internet, but I remember him to this day - was actually disappointed to find some pictures a while back and see how ordinary he looked - a fourteen-year-old kid with an awkward haircut and freckles - because it was - unreal the way he pushed his wet hair back and talked to me seriously, reassuringly, in that kind of ‘I care deeply about you but I’m also in charge’ voice that real adults take a lifetime to master. “The road ahead is closed,” he told me. “Our only way out is down the ravine, and we have to move quickly.” He was right - word that the enemy captain, the renowned Carabine, was pinned behind a tree without the possibility of escaping was spreading, and we could hear soldiers calling to one another through the trees, discussing how best to approach us. Still, going down the ravine was a frightening prospect, because it was very steep and covered with a layer of slippery dead leaves, and I - I was so afraid, and I didn’t want to say I was afraid, and before I could put anything into words, Carabine just whispered, “I got you” - he helped me up, hugged me tight and let himself fall down the ravine, one of his hands against the back of my head to make sure I wouldn’t get hurt, and we just - rolled together down and down and down, and nothing else existed - not the alarmed, disappointed voices above us, not the rain, or the occasional pointy rock digging briefly into my back, not the worry that I wasn’t good enough to fit in with these guys, not even the worry that my life would never measure up to the books I read - in that moment, there was only me and him and the fact the famous Carabine, who had all sort of distinctions and badges and would soon join the pioneers, had taken the risk to come back for me - had thought I was worth it.
(And that meant I actually was - thought morphing into reality - because that’s how feelings happen when you’re eleven.)
His gamble paid off - when we came to a stop and looked up, we saw five enemy soldiers staring down at us, but evidently we’d been rolling too fast for them to see our numbers, and now were too far down, and before they could even decide whether they could climb down and follow us, there was another noise - two of our units had crept up behind them, trusting their excitement over the possibility to capture Carabine would trump their better judgement, and in a few minutes it was all over - the war was won, and I was walking back towards the cabin, my uniform a bit torn and my hair tangled with leaves and my heart much too big to fit inside my chest.
The world was too much for Isak today. It felt like
someone looked at the dials for life and turned them all up to 1000%.
The colours are almost blinding, the noises near deafening, and
worst of all the feeling of everything touching him is making him want to pull
his own skin off.
He hadn’t felt too bad this morning. More than anything he had felt relieved that
the mock exam he had been most worried about was over and that he’d recovered
from all the Red Bull he’d drunk the day before.
But then the anxiety crept back in.
He had half a dozen more mocks to do as well as assignments to
write and he and Even needed to look at their food budget and plan their next
week’s meals and-
Nope, nope, nope.
He didn’t even pick up his rucksack as he made his swift exit
from the table outside where he had been trying to eat with the boys. It’s
such a nice day, we should eat outside, Mahdi had said and so that’s what
they’d done and Isak couldn’t even manage that today.
His sandwich simultaneously felt like tar and drier than a
cracker in his mouth. He spat it out
into a bin as he made his retreat to the first quiet place he could think of.
He locked the toilet cubicle door behind himself and slumped
down on the toilet seat, sucking in ragged breath after ragged breath trying to
get his shit together. He could feel his
hands trembling as he unbuttoned his over shirt and tugged it off.
He buried his face in it, effectively blocking out all the
light. Plunging himself into darkness
immediately felt like it took half the pressure off his lungs.
idk how to label this because romeo and juliet is obviously Straight so like im just calling it romeo namjoon so i hope you enjoy!! again, it’s gender neutral so!!
hey people i submitted all my college apps so i think i can maybe try harder with this blog
okay so for this au!! you and namjoon are fated to be together
the kim family is really really prominent in society today
not so much political or social, but economically-speaking they’re one of the top players across the board
his family controls the shipping market, whether it be post, or air, or sea
they control it all
almost everything goes through the kim family shipping industry if it isn’t public post
and that’s just the domestic market, they also do a whole ton of international business too, and have a presence all across the globe- from china, to the usa, to germany
growing up, namjoon knew that he was going to inherit the business
his entire life his family prepped him for the business, whether it be training in how to be polite and diplomatic, to going to the most prestigious schools in the country to make sure that he was over and beyond when it came to areas like economics and maths
namjoon’s entire existence revolved around being the heir for the powerful kim business, and it was almost like he wasn’t allowed to exist
he was there for the money, the power, the glory
never for himself
he always lived in the shadow of his parents, or the business
as he got older, things got worse
because more expectations were pushed on him, and suddenly the 97 in differential equations wasn’t good enough, he needed 100
and days where he used to sit in his room, messing around with a music program on his computer… he now needs to force himself to meet anyone and everyone who might have some relation to his future in the business world, half of them who are over the age of like… seventy-two
and as he got older, things also got worse because of well…
well, not exactly you, but your family
your family runs the most well-known media outlet in the country
and that’s just a nice way to put it
you guys are basically the paparazzi, and although there are other, smaller groups around, none of them compare to your family
seeing as how the kims are the most influential people in the shipping business, and some of the most powerful people in the business playing field, so your basically always trailing them wherever they go
it’s never a role that you wanted to be a part of
you always wanted to be a normal kid, with a normal life
but you remember one of your first gifts being a camera, and not like a cute lil baby camera, but a nice, expensive one
and you were like anyway i was like five but…
so your entire life you’ve been told that the most important goal is to find the truth, no matter what the cost
but your family definitely stretched that a bit, and you can’t help but think they invade to many private lives just to get a story, just to find anything that will make the public go absolutely wild
because of this, you’ve run into namjoon more than a few times
never personally, and never to chit-chat, but simply because you were on the scene, your camera held in your shaking hands as you tried to snap pictures of him getting out of the airport
you kind of… think he’s cute…
but it’s not like you could ever approach him
you know his family hates your family’s guts…
and your family isn’t necessarily a fan of the kims either
your family just sticks with them for the money, there’s no idolization there, actually quite the opposite, they dislike the kims for their disillusion towards the general public
when you sit down and think about it, more of the stories your family has published have been scandalous
which you know is because the public likes that…
but also because your family wants to see them pay for their general disregard and mistreatment of the public
because the kims are notorious for having prices much too high for the average person to pay continually, and since they have a monopoly on the industry, there is no competition and no incentive to work better
and so to say that there’s some animosity between your families… would be right
but you’re drawn to namjoon
he seems different from his family
where they all appear stiff and cold, his smile could light up an entire room
you’ve never seen him speak rudely to any of the paparazzi, or the public
he handles himself so professionally, and when you have had the privilege to sit in on press conference or public business meetings… he always is polite and courteous, and always listens to what everyone else has to say
and you kinda have a lil crush on him
but you’re just the shy kid behind the camera…
so like, he’d never notice you anyway
an invitation to a party shows up on your doorstep one day
your crazy mother realizes that ah yes, a party for the most socially elite means that you can get so much dirt on people there, so she’s like haha… you gotta go
and you’re like can i not i would rather sit inside and marry leo off to selena because they are my otp,,,
and your mom is like anyway you better figure out what you’re wearing
you wanna know how the hell you got invited in the first place, but you guess because your family is socially prominent you were somehow invited too…
okay so party time
it’s at some nightclub??
your girl is underage as heck so idk what they’re about
anyway i imagine some great dance music would be playing, with the bass super boosted, like idk… everytime we touch by cascada
and the lights are all dark but they have strobe lights going i think that’s what they’re called at least
and it’s, like i said, super dark, so it’s not like you can see anyone, and you maybe forgot your camera
and like there are so many people!! no matter where you go, there are at least twenty people accidentally bumping into you and it’s all a little overwhelming, so you grab a drink (grape juice) and head over to the back corner of the club where it’s less noisy, and there are less people around to bother you,,,
finally, some peace and quiet…
you close your eyes and take a deep breath
your parents would flip if you came home early, and there’s no use being outside, alone, in the dark, when everything is closed…
so you stay put, instead rummaging around your bag to see if you can find your earbuds and phone so you can just chill by yourself
you grab onto what you assume is your earbuds, but before you can pull them out, someone bumps into you, with enough impact that you topple forward
the person, apparently startled just as much as you, loses their balances, and falls on the ground right beside you
you look up
and everything slows down
it’s the part of everytime we touch where she’s like your arms are my castle btw
you blink, your eyes unable to focus in the dim light, and when your vision finally clears, you recognize the person to be none other than kim namjoon…
you startle, quickly pulling away from him, your face red in embarrassment
namjoon frowns, clearly confused, but then a look of recognition spreads across his face and he smiles a little shyly
“i think i know you.”
you nod slowly, not taking your gaze off of him
“i think i know you too…”
he stands up, then offers you a hand, which you take gratefully
he coughs awkwardly and you put your hand on the back of your neck
“um… i’m namjoon.”
and you introduce yourself too, and you almost feel the need to apologize because you’re sure that you and your family have caused him so much trouble
but you don’t know what to say, but you stay silent, unsure of what you should do next
namjoon doesn’t say anything at first, but then he sees something on the floor, and bends over to pick it up
it’s your earbuds
he hands them over with a small smile “i had the same idea.”
“parties aren’t really my thing…” you laugh softly
“mine either.” he pauses, shoving his hands in his pockets before adding, “so if you want to… maybe head outside?”
your brows furrow
“god that probably sounded creepy, i meant, like get out of here, i know a cool little diner that’s open twenty-four hours, the coffee sucks, but the dessert is pretty great.”
you laugh and nod sheepishly “yah, that sounds nice.”
so you and namjoon dip out of the party, and head down to the cafe where you talk the entire night away
you exchange numbers too hehe
anyway, as the weeks progress, you two talk more and more, and things get a little flirtier and flirtier
and you’ve become glued to your phone, and your cousin, yoongi, is like, “anyway who’s the hot babe and do they have a brother”
and youre like “yoongi,,, plz,,, it is not like that, namjoon is just a- ooPS”
cause you had namjoon under a code name like “B)” or something awful like that and you thought that you had this all under wraps but now you just basically admitted everything to yoongi isn’t that just the greatest
“kim namjoon? like the guy our family is so intent on stalking and tarnishing his name and everything? the kim namjoon who wears beanie when it is obviously bucket hat season?? that kim namjoon?”
“he totally has a hot cousin.”
you blink “so wait, you’re not… telling on me?”
yoongi shrugs “i don’t see why i should.”
and you smile and hug him and yoongi just laughs and ruffles your hair
yoongi is the one who covers for you when you sneak out to see namjoon
and boy howdy do you see namjoon a lot
like yoongi always drives you to meet up with him, whether it be the diner, or the park, or the city!!
and he always makes awful excuses when your family asks where you are
and namjoon’s cousin, jungkook, does the same thing for him, and the two of them often meet up and laugh about it over bitter coffee
you and namjoon are so in love though, and it’s a passionate affair, not for the cheating aspect, god no, but because everything must be done in secret
every time you press your lips to his, you’re afraid that suddenly your mother will walk around the corner and rip you away from his arms
and when you two are out and about, walking down the streets, your hold his hand so tightly, so fearful that you could be torn away from him at any second
every time you call him it’s late at night, because you’re scared that your father might accidentally stop and listen in when you’re least expecting it, and your entire world will crumble to pieces
namjoon is the same way though, extra careful, extra cautious, and he always says it, says he hates how you two have to hide your relationship just because your guys’ parents hate each other
but it’s something he’s willing to hide if it means seeing you every day, being with you every day
except that you two aren’t as careful as you should hope to be, because one day you leave your phone unlocked and it just so happens that your mother was cleaning up your room a little bit, and she picked up the phone and read the messages and realized that these gentle “i love yous” were all sent to none other than kim namjoon
and she hurries down the steps, your phone in her hand, cursing and shouting and asking you what in the hell you’re thinking
and your eyes widen in horror as you realize your mistake and you rush over to try and grab the phone from her hands, but in a fit of rage, she throws the phone down and it’s probably an awful iphone or something so the entire thing shatters in a million pieces
this of course is your breaking point, and you start to sob, begging your mother to change her mind, trying to tell her that there’s nothing wrong about this, but she doesn’t listen, instead storms off to go talk to your father
you kneel down and hold the broken phone in your hands, continuing to cry harder
yoongi, startled by the commotion, comes racing in, and when he sees you, sees the scene, everything clicks
he holds you in his arms and promising things will be okay but you know they will not
after that, your parents ban you from leaving the house
you are confined to your room, and if you want to leave your room, you have to stay within the house, even being limited to indoors, as in, like can’t even see the garden
at first, namjoon thinks you’re ignoring him or something and his heart breaks because it’s not like you to ignore him, ever
but yoongi texts jungkook who tells namjoon the situation, and from that moment on, he is planning a way to get you back
one night, it’s been like a week since the incident, you are sitting on your bed, watching psych
when you hear a faint knock
you think it must be a squirrel or something like that outside?
so you ignore it
but the noise continues
so you head over to your window, and step out into the balcony, and standing there, with a large bag slung over his shoulders, is namjoon
he waves, and you cup your hands over your mouth
“are you coming?”
“like hell i’m gonna trust you to catch me!”
you laugh, and the tears have already started to prick the corners of your eyes
he smiles softly “i love you”
“I love you too namjoon…”
and im saying the balcony isn’t super high so you’re like fxxk it and you jump and he catches you and you’re both safe and sound
and when you are safely on your feet, you lean up and kiss him and he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close
and it feels like you kiss him for an eternity, and you want to kiss him for an eternity, but he says there’s no time, and that you two need to hurry before someone realizes something is up
he says that his friend hoseok is offering up his place for you two to stay
and with that, you two vanish into the night
obviously both sets of parents find out, and it doesn’t take them long to realize where you two are hiding
but namjoon is like nah not coming home until you recognize our love,,,
and so both parents are like our children and their happiness are most important so they are willing to make amends
you and namjoon come back home but he was digging the cute apartment vibe so he asks if you two can move out together if he still decides to manage the business in the near future
and your parents are all !! about it at first but they agree because you two are most important
and you and namjoon are happily in love and you have a cute apartment where you two snuggle and kiss all the time mwah mwah
Fluffier fluff still with Jack. Later, cuddling in bed under the covers because it's gotten too cold, but you can still hear the rain on the windows. Layers of blankets over you both and you're just wrapped up in each other sharing each other's warmth. His breath warm against your face. His arm's holding you flush against him and you can feel his heart beating. Legs tangled and your feet rub together softly. You trace soft patterns up his back and he sighs sleepily against your skin.
god that’s just… amazing. Just sleepy cuddles on a rainy afternoon, it’s so cool outside but being with him, just being under the covers everything feels so warm, so unbelievably warm, like your entire core of your being is warm. He’s so damn close to you, breath your neck, chest against yours, legs intertwined. You can feel his every breath, every move, it’s so intimate despite not being sexual at all.
Have you got anymore stuff about Italy recovering from HetaOni? I love your Hetaoni headcanons so much uwu
-Everyone’s wondering why Italy’s acting so strange and ‘how he should be happy that they’re out of the mansion’ and Germany just gets really mad and speaks up for him like “He can’t just recover over night! Do any of you even care about how much shit he went through? Years! He said he was trapped in that mansion for YEARS. You may think it’s nothing because you weren’t the ones going back in time, trying again and again to save our lives. You have no fucking right to judge him, he saved our lives, the least we can do is help him return back to his old self if that’s even possible” (And Japan’s just like “No fucking sleepover party until Italy feels better that’s final”)
-In the beginning, Italy could not sleep AT ALL without the help of sedatives because he would ramble on about if he closed his eyes he would end up back in the mansion or he would use his memories in his sleep (So Italy was in between the not sleeping at all and sleeping all day because they had to drug him). Germany would be the one who ended up talking with him until he dosed off about good memories that Italy had trouble regaining himself. Like even when Italy did fall asleep, Germany couldn’t bring himself to leave his side. He’d stay there all day, making phone calls and doing ‘working-at-home’ stuff while still in Italy’s bedroom
-When Italy stayed at Germany’s house (Romano went back to work to give Italy the time off he needed and Prussia filled in for Germany. Italy needed to be with someone 24/7, he’d panic if he was alone), Germany like safety-proofed the house of anything that might freak Italy out, (He took down his book shelf because Italy kept rummaging for it, looking for the journal. He took down all his clocks and read the time from his iPhone digitally, he made sure that Italy heard him lock the front door, ect.)
-Italy would call Japan often because he’d still be awake at night and Germany was fast asleep next to him and he didn’t want to wake him up. Japan has a completely different timezone than him so while it was nighttime for Italy it was day time for Japan and Japan would talk to him to help him fall asleep. Germany could find him with the phone pressed against Italy’s ear, sometimes Japan would stay on the phone the whole time so Germany could talk to him in the morning
-Italy looked absolutely horrible the first few months it was actually really hard to see. Once they left the mansion, everything Italy held together just fell apart and he always looked exhausted and sickly, he had horrible dark circles and sometimes it even looked like he lost a lot of weight
-Germany totally coddled him the first few months of recovery. Like he would NOT let him go. After awhile, when Italy seemed well enough to leave the house they ended up touring around and doing fun stuff. Italy seemed a lot happier being outside because it made everything feel so real
-Sometimes when Italy wakes up from sleep he enters a weird state of mind where he believes and acts like he’s still in the mansion and the escape never happened. The doctor says the medicine and sleep deprivation would do that so Germany would just kinda play along until Italy came back to his senses. But it was hard to watch since he’d wobble around blearily around the house and rummage through Germany’s bookshelves (Which is why he took them down)
-They actually have annual sleepovers to commemorate the anniversary of leaving the mansion and the second time around it was enjoyable but Italy was a lot better and could enjoy it more. Plus, everyone’s super nice on him it’s like some sort of “Be nice to Italy day”
Imagine Sirius trying to set you up with a friend while you have a crush on him requested by anon
I sat next to Sirius “What about Peter?”, he asked and I shook my head “We are friends but I really don’t want to go to the ball with him.” “But you can’t go alone.” “I don’t see the problem.” “Going alone as a boy is cool but as a girl you look… desperate.” “Desperate? Oh Black you better should not have said that.” “So what about Remy? You like him don’t you?” “Yes because he is a friend.”, I sighed. Sirius would never see what I felt for him. I really wanted to go with him but I would never find the courage to ask him. “Hey Moony? Are you going to the ball with Y/N?”, Remus came closer to us. “I would really like to but… You know… Full moon. Sorry Y/N.” “Everything’s fine Remy. Maybe I should skip the ball and go with you.” “No way! You need to be there.”, he said smiling, than left us. “So what about Peter?”, Sirius went on and I sighed “You know what? I’ll go alone.”, I said leaving him.
Three days before the ball Sirius was still trying to set me up with Peter until I had enough. “You know what Sirius? I really wanted to go to that ball and I am really ok with going alone but you make me feel like going alone is the worst thing in the world! You make me feel like nobody wants to go with me. It feels like I am worthless! You try to set me up with somebody because you think nobody would ask me out. But you know what? There were a few guys asking me but I waited for someone who is obviously too blind to see. So piss off Black and leave me alone!”, I shouted. Because after all Sirius made me feel like no one would like to go with me even though there were a few guys.
I ran outside being so angry that I cursed everything crossing my way. “Why so angry princess?”, a voice asked making me turn “What?”, snarled at that Slytherin guy. “Why are you so angry? I mean you cursed those beautiful flowers over there.” “Since when do Slytherin’s care about flowers?” “We are not all only mean and dark.”, he smiled “So what made you curse everything around you like a mad witch?” “Black. He is an asshole.” “Yeah I know that, I never understood why someone like you would hang out with him.” “Be careful what you say he’s still a friend of mine.”, I said pressing my wand to his cheek. “You would have been a perfect Slytherin.”, he smiled.
Rob really wasn’t as bad as all the other Slytherins. He was very carrying and nice and he asked me to go to the ball with him what made me smile furiously. When I came down the stairs to the common room the boys were shocked. “Wow you look awesome.”, James smiled “Thank you.”, I said “So can we go?”, Sirius said lending me his arm “I’d love to go with you but there is someone waiting for me.” “What? Who?”, Sirius glanced at me “You’ll see.”, I said leaving them behind.
“Does anyone know who she is going with?”, I asked looking at Peter and James. They their heads “I need to know who she is going with.”, I said feeling how angry I suddenly felt. She was my girl. That was the reason I wanted her to go with Peter. Peter would be too shy to go alone with her so we would have gone all together. And I knew Peter wasn’t a good dancer so in the end I could have asked her to dance with me. I walked fast towards the stairs. “Hey Padfoot.”, James said grabbing my shoulder “What?”, I snarled at him “Why does it make you so angry that Y/N is going with someone else? I mean you could have asked her out.” “She would have never gone out with me.” “How would you know?” “We are friends and I don’t want it to be strange.” “And you think it is not strange that you ran behind her madly?”, we slowly walked on while I thought of an answer.
We reached the stairs that went down to the entrance hall. Y/N was not too far in front of us walking down the stairs. I could imagine her smile while she walked towards me. But it wasn’t me waiting for her. It was a Slytherin guy. My anger became even stronger, if that was possible. I raced down the stairs but before I could reach one of them I was stopped by James and Peter “Stop Sirius.” “Let me punch that idiot.”, I groaned but they held me back “She seems to like him and I guess you don’t want to destroy her evening. Do you?”, I sighed “No.”, was my answer. I’d do anything to see her happy.
All evening I was dancing with several girls always watching Y/N and that guy. I felt like I needed to protect her but it seemed like that guy really was carrying about her until Y/N left to go to the bathroom. I was standing close to that guy when his friends caught up on him. “I’m gonna win this bet. I’ll get her laid tonight. She is such a sheepish little girl. I really haven’t thought it would be that easy.”, he laughed. I clenched my fist. “Sorry Tina.”, I said and pushed that girl away. I went over to that guy, rolled up my sleeves and punched him directly in the face. “You dare to betray her? You dare to play with her?”, I shouted while punching him. That guy and his friends punched back. Soon James and Peter took my side until Y/N showed up. “Stop! Stop that!”, she shouted and pushed me back “What is he matter?”, she gnarled “You were only a bet for him! He never liked you!”, she looked at me “Why are you saying that? Why do you always try to make my self confident lower than it is? You know what Sirius, just leave me alone. And you Rob I know you were fooling with me. You are a Slytherin I just didn’t want to go alone.”, she turned around and left.
I was more than angry running up the stairs to the common room. Sirius following close behind. I ran up the stairs to my bed room. When Sirius grabbed my shoulder. “Touch me again Black and I’m gonna cut of your hand and curse you until you don’t remember your own name anymore.”, it was more a groaning than my own voice. “What have I done to you that you always want me to feel like shit?”, I shouted at throw his hand off of my shoulder. “Because I’m an idiot.” “You are.”, I stepped away from him feeling sad. “I am an idiot. I have been since a while. I am sorry I made you sad.” “Too little, too late.”, I walked into the bed room crying myself to sleep. It seemed like Sirius and mine friendship was over and we could never talk to each other again.