“It begins where it ended. With pain… dealt from a familiar face. With a ticking clock. With a hero coming to the rescue. But this time… unlike the many times before, he would fail. And the hero whose quest was built upon tragedy, who sought vengeance to quell the pain of grief, found himself once again face to face with death.
A death of a partner. A death of a friend. A death in the family.”
Miss Quill’s become such an incredibly important character for me that I hardly know where to begin. So I’ll just take a deep breath and try to explain why she’s come to mean so much to me and we’ll see how it goes.
Already in the first episode I could sense she was exactly the kind of character I inevitably end up loving - both complex and morally grey. I did not know much about her, but I really liked what I saw. I enjoyed the sarcasm and sassiness and I truly appreciated the fact that she was portrayed as strong, but at the same time unafraid to cry and show that she’s in pain over the loss of her people. Right from the beginning it was obvious that she was a person who has deep and strong feelings and who is very loyal to the people she sees as hers. That impression only got reinforced as the show went on and I learned more about her. Miss Quill is indeed both impressively loyal and capable of extremely strong feelings that she tends to bottle up until she explodes. And seeing as both loyalty and the capacity to feel things strongly are very important to me, I could not help but love her.
But that’s not all. Again right in the beginning it’s established that she’s a slave. Despite the enormous effect this has on her, we don’t see her completely crushed by it. We see her keep fighting on and making the best out of the genuinely terrible situation she’s been put in, a situation in which someone else has all the control and which has stripped her of the ability to be that which she perceives as the true essence of herself - a soldier. She is shown to suffer because of this loss of control and self, but at the same time she is not shown to give up. Instead of throwing in the towel, she chooses to control what she can and keep on fighting in any way she can - from pestering Charlie, to being sarcastic or using dry humour in difficult situations. Not being able to use weapons, she improvises and ends up turning anything into a weapon. She is put into an impossibly hard situation, yet she adapts and finds ways to go on. She has no support, no one who cares for her, the person controlling her is not really aware of the amount of power he has over her life and what it’s doing to her, she has no way to deal with the pain of being a slave and of not being allowed to be who she really is as well as with the grief over the loss of her people and yet she goes on. As someone who’s been through a serious depression only six years ago, I cannot even begin to tell you how much it means to me to have a character like Miss Quill in my life. Someone with whose suffering I can identify, but at the same time who doesn’t let that suffering crush them and finds ways to keep on living through the pain, with the pain. Pretty much all Miss Quill said to Tanya in The Lost resonated so strongly with me that I cannot even articulate it properly. I can just say that I immensely appreciate the way Patrick Ness wrote all of that and that it moved me beyond belief.
Another aspect of Miss Quill that contributed greatly to my love for her is her profound loneliness. I cannot help it, when I see a character who is starved for attention and affection I always go into “Let me love you!” mode. I can’t stand for people to be left out or ignored. All the tiny (and not so tiny) pleas for attention on Miss Quill’s part over the first season did not fall on deaf ears as far as I’m concerned. They only made me love her even more, especially because of the way she moved on every time no one paid attention to what she was trying to say. I repeat, she’s an incredibly strong person and part of that is not being afraid to show what is often incorrectly perceived as weakness i.e. grief or loneliness. The fact that she does that and is still shown to be one of the strongest characters on this show means a lot. For me true strength is to not be afraid to show that which society labels as weakness. True strength is not always being stoic or unemotional or brave, it’s being strong through the pain or brave through the fear, something Miss Quill herself agrees with me on.
Miss Quill’s intelligent, inquisitive, tough and badass, but at the same time incredibly caring when you manage to earn her loyalty, she’s not conventionally good, but she has a very strong moral compass that she always follows and is loyal to the end. I could go on about her all day and I would still never be able to do her justice. That’s in fact part of why I love her so much - there are so many different sides to her, I could never possibly list them all. And Katherine Kelly’s portrayal of her is nothing short of perfection. I’ll stop here because this is long enough and just once again reiterate that I love this character so much it hurts. Also probably too much to ever be able to express how much or why in any sort of coherent manner.
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.
The Rumblr’s in-house astrologer, Madame Clairevoyant, presents her latest dispatch from the stars:
Aries: This is going to be a week about friendship, it’s going to be a week about sweet chance encounters with people you don’t love yet, it’s going to be a week about relationships with other people. Spend your days out in the world, as much as you can, in coffee shops, in libraries, in libraries. Spend time in places where you brush up against other lives, places that let your relationships with other people grow strong and strange, places where you’re connected, places where you aren’t alone.
Taurus: This week, you’re going to get attention: at work, or when you go out at night, or when you stay in on the internet. Something in you is going to catch the light, this week–you’re going to glimmer–and even if you don’t mean to, the world will see you, people will notice you. Hide from it if you have to, stay inside, or embrace it, love it, talk loud, wear neon. Either way, any way, be aware of it, be ready. You’re going to be magnetic.
Gemini: This week, though it might not feel this way at first, all the different pieces of your world are going to start fitting together, all the daytimes and the memories and the images you see before falling asleep. They’re going to start taking on shapes you can recognize, they’re going to start showing you patterns, they’re going to start weaving themselves into a form you can recognize, into something solid and clear, into some kind of a map. Watch what the world shows you, watch good clear things take shape around you.
Cancer: This is a week for standing strong when the world feels big, for building up your defenses, for casting armor out of steel, out of stories, out of the earth. Still it’s also, always, a week for loving your vulnerabilities, for loving the most tender places inside you, for protecting the gentle places in your heart. Don’t try to throw them away, don’t try to root out the softness inside you. Read, take a bath, go out for pizza with your friends. Do what you can to keep the best parts of you safe.
Leo: This week is for looking inside yourself to the parts of you that love most tenderly. It’s for looking out into the world to the memories that make you feel warm, the places that make you feel alive. Do the things that make your insides feel soft. Go to the dog park, visit your little cousins, read stories of families who love each other more than the whole earth. It’s a week for working to dispel the darkness inside of you, a week to be very kind, a week to remember how you can live.
Virgo: This is a week for doing things that make you feel strange and afraid, it’s a week for learning new ways to be in a world that’s a little chaotic, maybe, a little rough. It’s a week to stretching yourself out, slowly, for practicing, for learning how to live. Take care of yourself, don’t go overboard, be gentle. Talk to people you don’t know, bike out to streets you haven’t seen before. Practice, in these new places, in these new ways, being true to yourself, being brave, being quietly and fully yourself.
Libra: This week, when the weather is bad, or when your boss or your roommate or your parents drive you so wild, or when everything you’re working on feels tiring or difficult or dull, work on protecting the bright parts of yourself, every weird thought, every burst of color, every bit of wild joy in your heart. Guard the things that make you special and the ones that that make you strange; let the sun reflect off of your weird angles and let it light up your days.
Scorpio: This week, when you’re alone, when you’re feeling most dreamy, try to challenge the weird parts of yourself and the sad parts of yourself, the things in the world that make you get impatient with the people you care about, the things that make you act unkind. This week, in your quiet moments, in the early morning, in the bath, in your garden by yourself, work to remember the solid golden core at your center. Work on getting back there, on building it up, on living in ways that are bright and true.
Sagittarius: This week, the ground’s not going to feel quite solid underneath you, the sky’s going to feel like it might open up right above your head. It’s going to make your limbs feel weak, maybe, it’s going to feel hard to trust yourself, but try to keep moving anyway. Try not to lose your nerve. You already have everything you need to keep living, you have everything you need to make your world so bright, so keep moving until it happens, keep moving until you believe.
Capricorn: This is a week for getting serious about your life, for narrowing your focus, for dreaming about every small golden detail of the future you want for yourself, every detail of the person you wish you could be. It’s a week for some kind of channeled intensity, for standing up, standing strong, for believing in yourself so much that it’s embarrassing. Keep your focus and work so hard and believe, more than ever, that this will be enough to make things happen, because this week it will be.
Aquarius: This week, your work and your life are going to be filled with weird problems and riddles and challenges. The world’s going to ask a lot of you, it’s going to want to see what you can do, it’s going to give you space to prove yourself. Don’t hold back and don’t be afraid; all your energy is going to be paid back, it’ll change your world. It’s a week for coming into your powers, coming into your own best magic, coming into your best quietest strength.
Pisces: As you move through the world this week, all dreamy and laughing and watching the sky, you’re going to get filled with hunger, maybe, you’re going to be filled with desire for a life that’s not yours yet, a world that doesn’t yet exist. It can make you feel wild and weak and empty, maybe, if you let it, or it can be fuel, it can be power. Let your desire be a map, let your desire be a road, let your desire be the fire underneath you, let it move you.
Today’s image was made specially for Madame Clairevoyant by Jen May.