being smart is hard

Demoralisation.

We’ve talked a lot about demoralisation amongst doctors, but I think it’s not always easy to understand. Because we do love our jobs and we do want to help people. We want to love our jobs. We all started off desperately wanting to be doctors, and many of us do actually enjoy the doctoring bit. So why are we all so down? I’ll try to give you a taste.

Imagine wanting to do something, to be someone so badly, that you spent your entire childhood and adolescence working singlemindedly towards it. You give it your everything, extra study, more tests, the works. Imagine being the smart kid at school, eager to work hard and impress, and being good at many things. Imagine being able to be nearly anything you could have wanted. Imagine spending the best years of your life stuck in revision whilst everyone around you was partying or dating or doing things that were fun. Imagine paying serious money for the privilege, and taking years out of your life to achieve it. Years studying. Years not working. Years of getting into debt when you could have been supporting yourself or your family. Imagine being so happy to graduate and finally be able to help people. Imagine your nervous, frenzied first attempts at being a doctor in the big bad world out there. Imagine the excitement of succeeding.

Imagine missing friends’ weddings and relatives’ funerals because there was nobody else who could be there to keep your patients safe. Imagine having to make countless excuses to friends and to family and to partners. Imagine all the dates who decided “this is just too… complicated for me. Sorry.” Imagine losing touch with friends because you were always moving, always busy, and always tired. Sometimes they will understand, sometimes they won’t. Imagine all your friends working reasonable hours, earning a decent amount and having time to actually have some semblance of a life. Imagine rarely being able to see even the ones that understand and love you for who you are. Imagine starting to forget what it’s like to have a hobby or do something that isn’t work. Imagine starting to forget who you are, where your role ends and where your personhood begins.

Imagine working long days and silly shifts only to come home and head straight for your books. For exams you struggle to pay yourself. Imagine being a single parent, and having to wonder whether you can afford to do this job because it’s so hard to get childcare. Imagine hearing your child say “You’re never home. I miss you” nearly every day. Imagine your partner telling you that you seem to be working more and more lately. Imagine feeling that you are neglecting your own loved ones in trying to keep everyone else’s safe. Imagine fearing that you will end up resenting the job you love, because it will have taken so much from your life.

Imagine feeling forced to work another last minute shift because there was literally nobody else. Imagine gradually finding that more and more, every day was short staffed and busy. Imagine feeling that you aren’t giving your best care because you are stuggling just to get the urgent things done and keep patients safe. Imagine skipping meals and lack of sleep so often that it becomes normal. Imagine feeling like you can’t take sick leave because there is nobody else to kee people safe.  Imagine things getting busier and busier until work is a nearly constant grind and you barely have time to think. Imagine nearly every day being a ‘major incident’. Imagine increasing pressure from all your colleagues. Imagine feeling unsupported by your seniors or your colleagues on a regular basis. Imagine being left to deal with difficult situations on your own. Imagine how hard it is to deal with grave situations, and how emotionally draining and heartbreaking it can be.

Imagine patients and relatives who don’t see the pressure you are under. Imagine those who scream, yell, demand things are done right away or threaten to sue. Imagine those who are verbally abusive or violent. Imagine the ones that make all your colleagues cry, and from whom you have to hide your tears. Imagine how often your colleagues never report abuse because they don’t feel that they can. Imagine a context where failings are subjected to ‘trial by media’ and individuals are vilified, but the systemic failings which caused mistakes to happen are neither acknowledged nor addressed. Imagine a culture where doctors are under duty by the GMC to whistleblow, but given no legal protection if they do so.

Imagine all your colleagues talking about considering leaving the profession. Imagine your colleagues who have already left telling you life is much better abroad or outside of medicine. Imagine nearly every speciality reporting recruitment shortages, bad morale and overwork. Imagine knowing that you are twice as likely to suffer from mental health problems or suicide.

Imagine becoming more and more afraid that you will slip up due to tiredness. Imagine fearing the impact that this could have on your patients and their families, and how you might live with yourself. Imagine knowing that if you did, you would probably lose your job, but the employers and those who caused those conditions to happen would face no consequences.  Imagine having to talk close friends off the ledge. Not just once, but on a regular basis. Imagine knowing that some people don’t succeed. Imagine knowing that this will only get worse if things deteriorate.

Imagine your boss saying that you’re not doing enough. Imagine them saying that you all need to work more days. Imagine them saying that there just need to be more cuts. Imagine your employer having already cut so many things that everyone is always struggling. Imagine a context where services are not appropriately funded, and then individuals working within are blamed for predictable shortcomings which could have been avoided with appropriate funding and safeguards. Imagine fearing that instead of proper investment, those whose job it is to look after your healthcare system may be trying to privatise it for profit. Imagine wondering if your patients and your children will be able to afford healthcare in the future.

Imagine your boss taking the safeguards away which limit how much time your employer can make you work. Imagine your boss reducing pay for the agency staff who are filling empty posts and keeping things afloat. Imagine being expected to work more hours, more weekends for less pay. Imagine the constant pressure to see more patients in less time, and being given less resources to look after them. Imagine knowing that you will probably work far longer than any rostered hours. Imagine knowing that your senior colleagues are fighting a similar battle and their conditions may be similarly affected. Imagine finding out how many of them can’t wait to retire, and remembering the days when doctors used to love working late into life.  Imagine realising that you may not win this battle.

Imagine your boss telling everyone they just don’t understand why you are all demoralised and telling everyone that you’re actually getting a pay rise and less hours. Imagine the public believing the lies. Imagine the media believing that everyone is demoralised because the union is telling us to be. Imagine the public telling you that you knew what you were getting into. Imagine the public telling you that you are overpaid, greedy, lazy, incompetent and ought to shut up and get back to work. Imagine the public telling you that the way your profession have chosen to voice your concerns (striking) is unacceptable, but not listening to any of the other ways your colleagues have tried to engage them. Imagine hearing over and over again that the system, which is underfunded compared to every other Western country, is ‘unsustainable’ when this is not true.

Imagine just wanting to do your job and help people, but feeling bogged down in difficulties that should never be a part of your job. Imagine loving being a doctor but hating what it has become. Imagine fearing that situations may get so bad that you too may be forced to leave for your own sanity and health.

This is why so many of my peers are demoralised.

Still trucking my way through this episode, and I noticed something.

This is the point where Ziggy admits to giving Sportacus the sugar apple, and Stephanie, though not intending to be harsh, says, disappointed: “Ziggy, no. Did you give Sportacus sugar?”

Now, Sportacus is in the middle of a sugar meltdown here, basically an allergic reaction, and since they laid him down on the bench he’s been out of it. Not responding to anything apart from some slight head lolling when they put the headphones on him.

But then Stephanie (albeit gently, and no doubt she didn’t mean any harm) chastises Ziggy, and Sportacus’s hand moves. Like he’s reaching for Stephanie’s.

My interpretation? Sportacus is smart enough to know that Ziggy is probably already being pretty hard on himself about it already, and that as well-meaning as she is, Stephanie isn’t helping. Even though he’s pretty much out of it, he’s at least aware enough to pick up on that, and use what little bit of energy he has to reach for her, to do something to make her stop and listen to herself and be aware of what she’s saying. Because he knows she’s hurting Ziggy, and cares too much about his kids to let that happen.

Requested: Just For You / / Bucky Barnes x Reader

Request: Hey there. For the prompts, could you do 12 and 34 with Bucky? 

12:  Could you please shut the fuck up.

34:  You can’t dance for shit… but I kinda dig it

Characters: Bucky x Avengers x Reader

Warnings? No. Just fluff! 

Requests? Open. 

Prompts requested can be found here! Prompt Post One / Prompt Post Two 



            Bucky Barnes was out of his time, and intelligence was a rare thing these days.

With all the “easy way out”, “skip all the steps” bullshit that came about with the internet, it was hard to find a real smart human being… for example right now in this god awful conversation I’m having with Moany Snark- I mean Tony Stark.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Barnes? You could’ve compromised the who-”

“I did what had to be done so no one could find those files again. Shield, Hydra, and who the fuck knows else… they’re all liars and deceitful.”

“Okay- you’ve got trust issues, I get it. I’m currently having some with someone in this room right now…” Everyone’s eyes looked at Bucky as he tensed up even more than he already was.

And that was pretty fuckin’ tense.

Now it was the ‘he’s gonna blow one of his major blood vessels if he doesn’t calm down’ tense.

“Stark, enough.” Steve spoke up for his friend who was about to blow his casket, unable to make an audible sound.

“No! We could’ve lost her, Rogers. We could’ve lost Y/N and you don’t give a fuck?”

“I’d give a fuck if you just could you please shut the fuck up! I don’t care, okay? Call me a mercenary killer. Fuck it! I’m glad those files died. In them were lies and information the government would find one way or another… I had to do it.”

With that, Barnes left the office room. Letting the door slam shut on it’s own.

Truth was? He did give a fuck. He gave too many, actually…

You were dangerous to him. Bucky shouldn’t feel like this during missions; butterflies in his stomach, fluttering their wings he thought would be dead after all these years.

Or how your voice made his throat get tighter and tighter like you had him in a choke hold… it wasn’t erotic.. But for some reason he liked feeling choked by your voice. Especially when it sang out new tunes (in his ears), every morning while making breakfast for everyone.

He could make conversation with you for hours on end, and not feel constricted and bored. Just hearing about your childhood made his eyes brighten, and his face become more jubilant with every new story that came from your lips.

You’re imperfect lips he loved so much to stare at.

“The scar?” You mumbled to Bucky whilst chewing down on some tofu bacon you’d secretly told Bucky was real bacon; henceforth he had scarfed down his serving long ago.

Pointing at your lip you smile and Bucky’s eyes looked as the scar stretched. “Ho-how’d it happen?” Smiling, you sipped on your orange juice and turned to Bucky who sat next to you on the bar stools surrounding the little island in Stark’s kitchen. Sighing a bit, you swallowed your tears and told him blatantly how it’d happened.

…….

  • “I was being an idiot, and he just… got me just right.” You bit down on your lips and looked up at Bucky. Who- for the first time in years- was laughing. Actually laughing. Because of you! It was such a heavenly laugh too. One you could tell was never expressed as much as it should have been through his life. Now he had time to restart a little and make up for all those years he was suppose to age; but was too frozen to try.

You unfroze his icy exterior and the locked door inside of him. He felt it, and you felt it. That laugh you gave when giddy with delight was almost some sort of gateway into the arms of Bucky Barnes. When you slept, he always had an arm draped around you. Either to keep you warm during cold New York City nights of December, or make your body’s temperature level out evenly. Keeping you comfortable in the summer haze. You both had the cycle of keeping his metal one over you in the summer to cool you down, and the human arm over you in the winter to keep you warm. An unspoken tradition that started between the two of you as your relationship bloomed.

It was a defiant relationship that broke Bucky’s built up walls of steel.

Bucky Barnes had never been afraid of anything before you, because in his eyes? There was nothing to lose.

The world hated him still. They knew his darkest endeavours over the years, only less than a handful of people he trusted and vice versa.

He had nothing to lose when fighting against any opponent before, but now he did. He had you.  Now he was fucking up for it.

You were the one thing worth fighting for…

So much so that he risked his life only thinking that it was all for you. This thinking was what made this last mission end just like all other life events that happened in Bucky’s life;

Tragedy.

“She’s not dead, Buck. She’s actually awake.” 

Steve’s voice made Bucky jumped high enough to hit his head against the ceiling. As soon as he calmed down, Bucky turned to face Steve,

“Has-” He cleared his obviously choked throat, gruffing and straightening up. “Has she said anything yet?”

“Yeah…” Looking up at Steve for the first time since the meeting; Steve saw impatience in his friend’s eyes and decided to keep them low to the ground when he spoke. Not knowing how Bucky would react.

“She keeps saying thank you.”

“Wha.. to who?” Bucky searched for an answer in Steve but his demeanour was closed off.

“You, pal.”

A smile settled on Steve’s lips but Bucky’s lips just became tighter, looking like a zip line. “She shouldn’t of. I was the one that almost killed her, after all.”

Bucky was taking off to his room when Steve grasped him by the shoulder, pulling him back.

“You saved her Buck. We looked over it all, and if you hadn’t brought her up to the roof, she would’ve been dead in minutes from the thirty Hydra agents that were surrounding you guys, right before the bomb off.”

“Yeah, right before we plummeted into the depths of hellfire! I did nothing. Shit - Steve I fucking killed-”

“NO. YOU. DIDN’T.” Bucky shook himself out of Steve’s tight grasp, and turned to see him heavily breathing, frustration riddled on his face.

“Don’t you get it? You held her as you fell twenty floors, in a fire that would’ve burned her to death- If YOU hadn’t had your body protecting her. You landed and we got you both out. You must’ve passed out because when we pulled you out, you broke the fall- FUCK! Bucky you had a better chance of dying than she did. Now go see your girlfriend who’s begging for you to be there-”

That’s all it took for Bucky to bolt down to the infirmary.

“Room 108, 109, 110, 111, 112!” He didn’t even knock as he entered, not caring whether you were getting dressed or were getting blood transfusions done. He had to see you, now. He’d wasted enough time dwelling on what could’ve been that he didn’t realize the present was now. You were alive and well, that’s all he needed in his present- you.

“Babe?” Your hair was splayed out on the pillow when he caught sight of you covered in white linens, an IV peaked out and bandages wrapped your arms in various  locations. One was tightly wound around your head, covering your forehead like a hairband.

Still you were the most beautiful thing in the world to him,

In his eyes.

In his heart.

In his soul.

“Bu-bucky?” Turning towards Bucky, he almost fell to his knees at the sight of your eyes. Eyes he thought would never look at him in the same loving way that they always had been.

But there they were- staring at him like he’d just given you a diamond ring. Your eyes sparkled, and almost welled with tears but you pushed them down to stay strong for Bucky. He looked broken by the sight of your wounds but still he ran towards you, as you sat up in bed fast, swinging your legs off the bed.

His arms squeezed you tightly, but even though the pain radiated off your burns. You didn’t give a fuck. He was here, and he wasn’t punching himself in the face for what had happened.

“I- wait.” You laid your head lightly on Bucky’s shoulder and he listened for voices he heard in the room. The suspicion in Bucky’s mind was almost felt transported into your own mind. Smiling into his neck. You kissed it softly, chuckling at Bucky’s already protective side coming into play.

Your voice was a husky whisper when you spoke from not speaking in so long. “It’s by Elvis Presley, Can’t Help Falling In Love With You.”

Slowly picking you up; he held you with your feet on top of his; as he slowly started to sway the two of you back and forward, creating a slow dance that could only be described as a pathetically cute and terrible sight to see.

“Are you okay,” Bucky asked you softly; speaking to you with his lips pressed to your head, kissing your hair almost when his lips moved.

“I’m fine… but you aren’t.”

“Hm?” Bucky bent his head back, looking down at you confused while you giggled still into his neck. The vibrations sent goosebumps down his arms, and his spine tingling. “You can’t dance for shit… but I kinda dig it, Barnes.” Finally moving so your eyes attached to Bucky’s. You realized that he had stopped dancing, and was now just holding you to his chest tight, intimately. “You are somethin’ else, YFN YLN. I kinda dig that.”

Elvis Presley left you both in each other’s grateful arms.

Just kissing in the middle of the 112 Hospital Room. Not in silence, but in his silky voice and the warmth of each others love.

He thought it was a sin, to fall in love with you. But in the end he was just a fool and fell in love with you.


Song mentioned:  Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley

Tagged: @boredoutofmymindstuff  @iamimanim  @hibaabdo @oneshots-imagines-and-that @neonwolf2020 @toc1985 @mculove1 @chrisevans-imagines @ptprocrastination @evansscruff @jamesgiuseppe @boston-boy-evans @writingcreatingstorytelling @username-evie @imaginingbucky @boredoutofmymindstuff @shamvictoria11 @ateliefloresdaprimavera @raveviolet @i-am-cass-1 @tranquilsouls-riotousthoughts @myluvislikewow  @nalatheshadequeen @not-your-cup-of-joe @musiccoffebook @nea90sweetie @jinxx-ed13 @j-jewel-l @ethereal-beaut-y @jemjemiansworld @hiddenavengers @itsteph13 @rachael-othman @abigrumple  @jasli123 @jamesboobchananbarnes @emmucz @happelu970 @amandulie @bisexualbuddhist @imaginesofdreams

3

You know it’s fun, the three of us. It’s really great when you come around to people after a year, a year and a half, even two years and it’s like one minute hasn’t passed. Chris and Sebastian really have a way of working hard, and being smart and humble, and not letting ego or any of this hollywood stuff get in the way of what’s important. That’s something I admire and work towards as well. So it’s just always fun to work together. - Anthony Mackie

Just Slytherin Things

Being independent

Manipulating people to get what you want (Not necessarily bad manipulation EX: Giving your parents good news to get them into a better mood before asking for something)

Being self-centered (Whether you want to admit it or not you do it a lot. You might not even realize you’re doing it)

Knowing what you want in life (If you don’t know yet, once you do you’ll stop at nothing to get it)

Being able to go 0 - 100 real quick

Being shady af but also blunt (Contradicting? I think yes)

Being nice to everyone, unless they give you a reason not to be

Being proud of your accomplishments

Working smart, not hard

There some days I’m so proud of the country I call home… and others I’m so fuckin ashamed to call myself an American.

The married NTs: Pros and Cons
  • ENTJ: Is very demanding...
  • ENTJ: but would (and can!) move heaven and hell for their spouse
  • INTJ: Isn´t particularly affectionate...
  • INTJ: but has figured out every single detail about their partner in order to systematically make them happy
  • ENTP: Debates /every single/ issue with their partner...
  • ENTP: but knows how to make it fun, being a very original and smart lover
  • INTP: Has a hard time dealing with mundane things...
  • INTP: but helps their spouse to see the world with new eyes

Gracias @quijoteando  por el tag♥

5 things in my bag

  1. My wallet
  2. My bullet journal
  3. My pencil case
  4. My folder
  5. My lip balm

5 things in my pencil case

  1. Stabilo Liner 808M (black, pink, purple, red, blue, green)
  2. Faber-Castell grip finepen
  3. ruler
  4. Stabilo and Crayola Markers
  5. pink and orange highlighters

5 things about myself

  1. I’m not good at socializing
  2. People think I am from another country because i have slanted eyes
  3. people always think i’m in a bad mood because my personality isn’t over expressive
  4. I really like to learn languages (actually I’m learning English, French and Korean)
  5. I trip over my words a LOT (and I tend to mix languages too)

  ♡ 5 fave playlist 2016

  1. Suspense - Los Petit Fellas
  2. Here I am - Yesung
  3. Lean on me - Seventeen Hip Hop unit 
  4. So Far Away - Agust D Ft. Suran
  5. Being Smart (will be hard) - Go Out Strangers

5 fave studying apps

  1. My Study Life
  2. Duolingo
  3. Todoist
  4. Prezi
  5. Flat tomato

I’m tagging: @studyhopie, @studydaes, @studylou, @minicelli !!

eene-fangirl  asked:

Is Edd's smart attitude all a mask? Like Eddy, does he also try to hide who he really is?

It’s complicated, but I’ll explain @eene-fangirl.  I believe that Double Dee is actually as smart as he claims to be……


……However, I believe two things:   


1. Double Dee decided to increase his intelligence as a way of proving a point to the bullies at school, he may never be able to out fight them directly, but Double Dee will always be able to out smart them. After all, Knowledge is power.  

2. Double Dee sometimes regrets being smart………..because the people around him have a hard time relating to him and his nature.

Also, this was my state of mind until I managed to finally get friends who could understand me……………

Black History in Animation:

Tiana/Princess Tiana of Maldonia from The Princess and the Frog (voiced by Anika Noni Rose)

Tiana is a 19-year-old waitress who hopes to open her own restaurant and be the head chef. She is very smart, hard working and independent, even after being transformed into a frog. This then leads her to soon learn to include other important aspects in her life such as love, family, and fun. She also becomes Disney’s first African-American princess.

Find the other characters I’ve honored here

Little superman aka Clark Kent action post shoulder workout! Starting to get a little leaner. At 5'9 - 206.8 I’m feeling strong and lean. Not crash dieting just being smart and training #hard gotta start every workout with #xploderippedcore from the one and only @scimx getting ready to shoot with my homeboy @luisrafaelphotography and represent @cr2talent #shoulderday #trainhard #gains by stefan_gatt

2

All things considered, he’d lived a pretty good life for someone who lost everything to the war when he was just six months old. He’d been adopted by the king’s family, raised side by side with the crown prince who treated him like nothing less than a true brother, and earned the reputation of being a smart, hard-working semi-royal that the people of Gilboa were proud to call their own.  

“Should I go for a pink diamond or a Landström emerald?”

Being Jack’s ‘brother’ had never been difficult. Sure, the guy was the heir to the throne and was the most important man in the country next to the king, but though he took his monarchical role seriously, he never gave himself airs or felt any sense of entitlement or superiority over other people whatsoever. Jack was just Jack and Nik was just Nik and they were brothers who’d do anything for each other and that was it.

“Seriously, Jack – you’ve known this girl for a grand total of three months and you’re designing an engagement ring. If the guys at In Touch get a hold of this, they’re going to have a field day.”

“Well, let my official biography state that though we had a two-year courtship, I was planning to propose twelve weeks after I met her.”

“…That’s diving headfirst if I ever saw one.”

“Someday you’ll meet a girl who’ll make everything inside you scream for her, and then you’’ll understand. I just know it, Nik, I knew it the first time I saw her. Caroline’s the one.”

And it was precisely the reason why he’d wanted to shoot himself dead when he found himself falling for the same girl Jack was already in love with.

[and i’d give up forever to touch you]

Due diligence, the lawyers call it.