being single

I hope you don’t accept anything less than what you deserve. Run away from average love. Run like all hell. You deserve someone who will make your blood stir and cause your heart dance. You deserve to be deliriously happy. It’s ok to be patient. It’s ok to wait for that. You’re waiting for the best, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
—  Unknown
Going to Breakfast Alone

We live in a world designed for pairs, couples, groups. Not for single people. This is never more obvious to me than when I go out to eat by myself.

Every couple of Saturdays, I take myself out to breakfast. So far, I’ve eaten at Denny’s, Ihop, and a few local diners. It’s astounding how awkward I find it. I probably over contemplate it- make it bigger than it has to be- but I’m not the only one who finds it abnormal.

My waitress asked me if I was treating myself. Which, yes, I definitely was.

Still- think about how weird it is to go out to a proper restaurant by yourself. Not a bar, not a diner with a counter, but a proper restaurant.

We live in a world designed for groups and socially constructed to see singleness as abnormal. I do a lot of things on my own right now. I’ve gone to movies, to the mall, to the museum, out to eat, all alone. These places aren’t really made to be experienced alone. They don’t exclude the possibility, but they are focused on couples and groups. I feel a little awkward in these places alone.

Humans are social creatures. We suffer when we don’t have people around us. (Of course, there are the introvert/extrovert stereotypes and antisocial behaviors and disorders, but we need other people. Sometimes in measured amounts.) It makes sense to provide places to interact with other people, and even to market the venue to couples or families.

But it’s not just the venues I go to- it’s the very society I live in. The kind where I am asked about a boyfriend or future plans and relationships every other day by well-meaning elderly ladies. This world is made for pairs. It is sculpted around it.

It doesn’t make my life any easier. I long for a pairing, for someone to be with. I’m perfectly capable of being on my own, but I want that life companion.

Being alone is hard. Its hard when you are expected to have someone. When you are judged on your ability to find a partner. When your worth is based off of who you date or sleep with or marry. When being alone is looked down upon and judged.

There is nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with going to Ihop alone. There is nothing wrong with living by yourself, being independent, being strong on your own. We may live in a society where we are expected to be with someone, but that doesn’t mean that society is right.

Sometimes, its good to be alone.


5 Things To Remember About Being Single

1. You’re not alone - you’re in a relationship with yourself. The relationship we have with ourselves is the relationship we will have with others. When we use this time to do what makes us happy we change our vibration and align it with what we love - which attracts the people, places and things we resonate with. Being “single” is a beautiful thing because it allows us to focus on creating happiness for ourselves rather than relying on anyone else to do so for us.

2. Take time to be with yourself - listen to your self-talk & emotions. The reality we experience is based on the dominant thoughts in our minds - if we’re constantly surrounded by others it’s a lot harder to observe & assess our thoughts and adjust if necessary. Making time to be present with ourselves, such as in meditations, allows us the reflection time necessary to observe where we’re heading based on where we’ve been.

3. Adjust your vibration - who & what are you attracting? Time outside of relationships can allow us to reflect on what we’ve experienced in the past and what we’d like to have in the future. Instead of blaming others we can adjust our own vibrations to attract better in the future - this can only be done once we’ve taken responsibility for what we’ve attracted in the past.

4. What kind of relationship are you looking for? - become that which you seek. This is a great time in our lives to assess what kind of relationship we’re looking for and how we can nurture the one we have with ourselves to attract it into our lives. If we are looking for someone who shares our interests, it’s important to spend time doing what we enjoy to attract those of a similar vibrational nature.

5. Time to cleanse - self-love heals wounds of the past. When we come out of relationships it’s important to take time to cleanse ourselves before we move into another one. This is why being single can be a beautiful time in our lives where we learn to be at peace with ourselves - rather than constantly feeling like we need to be in a relationship to feel loved.

Being “single” is not something to be ashamed of, it’s a necessary time in our lives to reflect on what we’ve experienced and decide what we want in the future. Constantly moving from one relationship to the next is the way we neglect the relationship we have with ourselves which can only lead to resentment.

Nurture the relationship you have with yourself.

Peace & positive vibes. 

1. Feel sexy underneath.
You don’t need a significant other to wear fancy underwear for. Throw on a matching set of a bra and panties. Wear as much lace as you want. You’re seeing it. Feel sexy for you.
2. Remember to moisturize.
You are the one living in that skin. You have a beautiful soul to keep warm, so take care of your skin.
3. Shave or don’t shave.
Do whatever makes you feel the sexiest. If you like your leg hair wild and free, then do it. Let yourself be as you once were before you knew what society made a razor do to young women. Love your skin. If you like your legs shaved, then baby take your sweet time as you do it. Feel every inch of your luscious legs and smile as you appreciate the feeling of your body.
4. Take millions of selfies.
Worship your body, your face, your everything. Your soul leaks through these photos. Each selfie is a shrine built to worship your own unique beauty. Do not be ashamed of it. Share these photos with the world or keep them hidden, but do not fear them. Embrace the power and freedom that comes from loving yourself enough to take a selfie.
5. Nourish yourself.
Eat cake or eat carrots, eat what makes your body and soul feel good. Exercise whenever you want to. Don’t do it because you feel like you have to: do it because your body screams for the endorphins. Don’t deny yourself food out of fear. Only do it when you really, truly, deep in your soul, do not desire it. You are a wildfire and you are allowed to eat up the world, as much of it as you choose. If you want something, consume it. If not, burn on, wildfire.
6. Get lost in nature.
Take a buddy to the mountains or simply lie down in your front lawn, just allow yourself to be consumed by the world around you. You were once a part of the earth, so remember to embrace every bit of it. Allow yourself at least 10 minutes of peace a day in nature. It will leave you feeling more grounded than ever before.
7. Say no.
I cannot stress this enough. Your ability to say no defines you. You are a strong, empowered individual, and if you disagree with something or don’t want something, do not be afraid to say no. That is your RIGHT. No one has the right to coerce you into doing something you do not want to do. Do not let the concern of hurting their feelings injure you in the long run. Say no and I promise you, you’ll be better for it.
8. Be independent.
Being single leads to a type of freedom that some people are unaccustomed to. When you are single, you are truly independent. Make decisions for you. Be selfish, in a way. Don’t let others stand in the way of your burning soul, your true wildfire. This is your life and you must live it for you. Do not allow others to dictate how you should or should not live. Let those people go. Be free of those restrictions and burn on.
—  a few things i learned after being single for almost a year (