- they rent out the lower level of a chinese restaurant because sara as a true jewish icon wants her chinese food on christmas, which means she loves having chinese food on her birthday, which means if she isn’t ass deep in dumplings by 2PM someone’s getting stabbed
- so like sara /knows/ they’re throwing her a birthday party, they sort of act like it’s gonna be a surprise and she goes along with it because a bitch LOVES a surprise party, but the team is like “oh it’s christmas! let’s go have dumplings for lunch!!” and sara is like yeah uh huh. that’s not suspicious aT ALL GUYS
- amaya went last night to decorate the restaurant with kendra and they made a bunch of sara photo collages and amaya baked her a cake but what sara sees first when she goes into the party is a giant banner that reads “HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY SARA” in silver glitter paint and sara goes OH MY GOD I’M THIRTY?!?
- ray: actually you’re 32, we spent 2 years in the 50s remember sara: I AM AT DEATH’S DOOR! I AM THE OLDEST PERSON ON THE PLANET EARTH! CALL AARP BECAUSE I AM AN E L D E R L Y P E R S O N
- the team is standing there like sara how did you- how did you not realize this was your 30th birthday! that’s a big deal! and sara is like IVE NEVER DONE MATH ONCE IN MY LIFE??? HOW DARE YOU ASSUME ID START TODAY
- also let me just go over the party guests which is the current team (JAX IS THERE), all the steins, the hawks, laurel is there! she’s fine! ava & rip (they’re making rip wear a power dampener bracelet to be dicks), force ghost len! nyssa!!! cisco! felicity! dinah! curtis! iris! gideon on an iphone! that’s about everyone i care about so!
- sara just grabs a thing of pork buns and takes the table in the corner and does that thing where she sits with her feet on the chair and rests her chin on her knees, which anyone recognizes as sara signaling Displeasure, and she’s just aggressively eating
- laurel: don’t worry she’s going to adjust to this rip: is she? laurel: who asked you
- sara is just sitting there like IM SO OLD. KENDRA WILL NEVER LOVE ME NOW BECAUSE I AM OOOOOOLD. and kendra is like of course i- and sara of course is like IM THE OLDEST PERSON! MY FUTURE HAS COME AND GONE! I’LL PROBABLY DIE TOMORROW! OH WELL!!!! IM FUCKING OLD!
- sara yelling to ava HEY AVES SINCE IM OLD AND HAVE TO GIVE UP ON MY DREAMS PUT A GROSS BABY IN ME AND LETS LIVE IN THE SUBURBS AND GET A DOG SINCE I GUESS THAT HAS TO BE MY LIFE NOW and ava is like um- are you- that sounds- kind of nice? and sara is like THATS EXACTLY WHAT ID EXPECT SOMEONE WHO IS THREE BILLION YEARS OLD TO SAY, THANKS FOR /NOTHING/ ava: i’m thirty-four
- basically amaya is like, “being old is amazing! i’m turning 100 in 2018! respect your elders you punkass” and sara is like “haha yeah i guess compared to amaya, everyone’s basically a baby! i still have at least three good years left. not like ava, who is an old crone ava: THIRTY FOUR
- it’s a big happy celebration of soup dumplings + custard tarts and sara puts on the paper crown they have in the UK on xmas, except as a child sara always thought it was a birthday crown just for her, so rip brought them special and everyone gets to wear one
- there’s a point where sara is sitting on ava’s lap and kendra is sitting on sara’s lap and sara + kendra are being super PDA and ava is like can we please… wait on this? and sara is like quiet old lady we’re still young and virile don’t be bitter and ava just sighs
- they got her a piñata that looks like carter and she just fucking. destroys it. she’s beating it to fucking shreds on the ground with ava’s nightstick and everyone is just looking at her and looking at carter and looking at her and carter is like haha what a great party i love birthdays
- nate says “since you’re 30 we have to give you 31 birthday pinches” (the extra is for good luck) and sara shrieks and runs around while the team chases her and ava and nyssa and laurel are all sitting together having their tea and nyssa looks over these 2 Distinguished Blondes and is like so… you ladies want to come back to my place? as sara is tackled by zari in the background and ava and laurel are just like you know what?? yes
- sara asks rip to take her pinches for her and he agrees but he gets 3 pinches in and has an ENORMOUS bruise and sara is like oh right you’re made of finely spun sugar and rip is like WELL I TRIED.
- kendra got sara a new vibrator. amaya got sara one of amaya’s own favorite books. zari got sara a couple of cool ear cuffs. ava got sara a pack of white undershirts. rip got sara booze. ray got sara a pony. nate got sara a plush tweety bird. laurel got- sara: wait a pony ray: she is both beautiful and expensive! sara: i don’t think- amaya: OH MY GOD A /PONY!!!!!!!/
- amaya makes everyone clean up after the party to make it easier on the restaurant which includes awkwardly putting shreds of the carter piñata in a garbage bag. sara: next year let’s use the real carter carter: haha oh you sara: next year bitch. next year
Legends of Superflarrow Polyamweek - Day Two: M/F/M
(Sorry for being late)
Kendra Saunders is an immortal Egyptian goddess, who can fly and has incredible powers that no mortal does. Len and Mick are her devoted and protective husbands. (Sometimes Kendra even let them protect her - just for fun. ;D)