being intimate with men

It still took years for me to let go of learned pattern’s of behavior that negated my capacity to give and receive love. One pattern that made the practice of love especially difficult was my constantly choosing to be with men who were emotionally wounded, who were not that interested in loving, even though they desired to be loved. I wanted to know love but was afraid to be intimate. By choosing men who were not interested in being loving, I was able to practice giving love but always within an unfufilling context. Naturally, my need to receive love was not met. I got what I was accustomed to getting. Care and affection, usually mingled with a degree of unkindness, neglect, and on some occasions, out right cruelty.
—  bell hooks

i cannot believe shadowhunters actually had a scene where the start of the scene was literally just a queer couple making out. like. that’s where we started. the camera pans over them softly kissing each other. that’s the top of the scene. that’s the beginning. they were showing us two queer men being tender and intimate. casually. casually tender and intimate. because they’re in a relationship and that’s what you do. we’re meant to infer that they have regular makeout sessions. because they like kissing each other. just kissing. soft sweet gentle outdoor kissing. that was the opening of the scene. not the culmination the opening

not wanting canon lesbian characters to be shipped with men is literally in NO way equivalent to gold star lesbianism…we oppose gold star lesbianism b/c many lesbians have been or may now be in relationships w/ men and that doesn’t make them any less of a lesbian, but those relationships are obviously going to be unhealthy and damaging to various degrees. so many of us literally have severe trauma from past relationships with men and you’re really out there using anti-gold star lesbianism as an excuse to draw fanart and write fic of lesbians dating & being intimate w/ men??? also if this doesnt apply to you specifically where on earth do you get off commenting on it

Pieces of Me- Edmund Pevensie x Reader- Requested

Request: Could I request an Edmund imagine? The reader has given herself to other men before and feels like she’s given too much of herself away and no one could love her and is really sad and Ed notices and comforts her and let’s her know that she is loved and it ends all fluffy and cuddly? It’s meant to be a bit more religious, but idk how much you write about that in your imagines. Thanks! I love your stuff btw and sorry if the ask is too long winded.

You are completely fine, Anon! I’m happy that you like, what I’m assuming is, my oneshots. I am completely comfortable writing stories with religious undertones; I myself am religious, so hopefully what I pull from my own experiences with religion and this topic specifically will make a good oneshot! Enjoy!

Warnings: The reader feels that because she has been intimate with people before that she might not be worth as much as people who are ‘pure’. (I would just like to mention that you have control of your own body, and you do want you want with it. I encourage you to safely and legally explore everything, and to not take societies ideals to heart.) 


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Oops~ (RM x Reader)

So an anon sent me this the other day

And I lowkey loved the idea so I had a burst of motivation today and wrote a little something (although I did change the idea just a tiny bit) ^^ it’s not my best work bc I wrote it in like an hour, but I tried haha


Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Rating: T (there’s no smut sorry–just implied smut)

Words: 1,536


There’s a week before the first concert of their newest tour, and today is their first run through. The arena is bigger than ever, and despite all the preparation taking place everyone is relaxed. The venue crew, the bighit staff—even the boys. This isn’t their first time at the rodeo, so they take it in stride and do what they have to while also not stressing out too much. They’ll be fine—they always have each other’s back and they know how to do concerts well by now, so they all are feeling more confident than ever.

After practicing the first half of the program, everyone stops for an hour lunch break, and the boys shuffle off stage while pulling out their in-ears and mumbling about how they hope there’s chicken and pizza waiting for them. However, to everyone’s surprise (though Namjoon’s especially) when they step into their large waiting room backstage you’re there too—already nibbling on a piece of the chicken the managers had picked up the boys for lunch (but they have a soft spot for you, so of course they let you eat too).

“Y/N?” Namjoon says in surprise, a smile immediately lighting up his face as he walks over to you, opening his arms instinctively. You smile back and hop up to meet him, embracing him tightly as the rest of the boys crowd into the room, their minds and stomachs more focused on the food instead of you—though Jin, Hoseok and Jimin all wave to you in greeting when you catch their eyes.

“You actually made it, I didn’t think you would–,” Namjoon starts, releasing you and placing his hands on your shoulders, looking you over with longing and affection. You smile at him.

“I didn’t think I would either, but—here I am, so I can have my own little private concert since I won’t be able to make it next week.”

“Well I’m glad you’re here,” he says, and after turning his body slightly so the other boys won’t be able to see, he leans down and hooks his pointer finger under your chin, guiding your lips to his in a gentle kiss.

“Noona—come eat!” Jungkook calls, waving you over. He motions to the chicken, a drumstick already in his hand and a bit of sauce on his cheek (oh the coordi and make-up noona’s will scold him later, surely). “Taehyungie hyung and Jin hyung are gonna eat it all!”

“Hey—save some for us,” Namjoon immediately interjects, quickly moving over to where the food is spread out. He grabs a few pieces of chicken, a water to share, and a couple of napkins and then returns to your side. Looking down at you, he winks charmingly and then motions his head towards the doorway.

“We’re gonna go eat together, ‘kay?” he says to the boys, and they all grumble in response, not caring all too much. You two are in a relationship and you can do what you want—what do they care if you want to eat alone? It’s not like they can stop you anyway (though at the beginning of your relationship Jin and Yoongi had been a little…ya know. But things had changed since then).

Grabbing the water from Namjoon, you follow him out the door, leaving the rest of the boys behind. Once you’re gone, Jungkook looks over at Yoongi.

“Where do you think they’re going?”

“Probably some empty room,” he responds without glancing up from his phone. “It’s been a while since Y/N and Namjoon have seen each other, so I don’t blame them for wanting to be alone.”

“True,” Jin pipes up in agreement, his mouth full of chicken, but he quickly swallows it. “I just hope Namjoon doesn’t lose track of time. We have to be back on stage in 55 minutes.”

“It’ll b fime~,” Taehyung slurs while gulping water, and subsequently chokes, causing Jungkook to reach over and smack his back to help him out. The others laugh at Tae’s mistake as he finally gets the water out of his lung, and for the time being you and Namjoon are forgotten about.

Exactly 55 minutes later, 6 members of Bangtan are on stage, ear pieces in, mics cupping their cheeks. But Namjoon—

“Goddammit,” Yoongi sighs, looking back towards the hall they’d exited out of. Still no Namjoon in sight.

“Where is he?” a sound director calls from off stage, and immediately Namjoon’s manager jogs backstage to go and try to find him. Jimin is the one who yells back.

“He and Y/N went off to eat lunch together! We don’t know where they went!”

There’s the sound of a heavy sigh and then the wave of an uncaring hand. “Let’s just do another mic check real quick and we’ll get started! We have more practice days after this anyway!”

The present six boys all nod in agreement, but can’t help looking worried—hoping that their leader will run on stage, but he’s still nowhere in sight. Either way, the sound check continues, and they start with the oldest—Jin—and begin working their way down. Everything goes smoothly—the settings not needing to be changed much considering that earlier that day they’d already corrected their in-ear and mic settings. However, when it comes time to do Namjoon’s—

“Number 4,” the sound operator calls out, and Yoongi waves his hand.

“That’s Namj—”

But before he can finish the operator has already hit the button to turn on Namjoon’s mic, and as soon as he does the entire stadium stands still, sounds of moans and grunts ringing out from the speakers placed all over the venue.

Fuck,” Namjoon growls followed by a lewd gasp and moan from you, and that’s all it takes to snap everyone out of their initial shock. Jimin falls onto his knees and hangs his head towards the ground, arms moving to cover his ears as they quickly flush red. Taehyung, with his mouth hanging agape, steps closer to Jungkook and smacks his head against the maknae’s shoulder to hide his blushing face, Jungkook simply standing there with the widest eyes possible, not sure what to say or do after hearing something so dirty.

But…the worst part is, is that the sound operators still haven’t turned it off. Apparently too caught up in the porn-track that’s now playing loud and clear for everyone, they still haven’t cut the supply to Namjoon’s mic.

“Turn it off!!” Yoongi nearly barks, cheeks pink and heart pounding against his chest. Not only is he embarrassed to hear you and Namjoon being…intimate, but he’s also angry that the men in charge are just sitting there being perverts and listening to you moan Namjoon’s name over and over again.

Fuck, Yoongi NEVER needed to know that Namjoon is this much of a dom. Holy shit the things he’s whispering to you that are getting picked up on his mic right now.

Stunned beyond belief, Hoseok hurries over to slap his hands over Jungkook’s ears, the lead dancer’s entire face flushed the same color as a tomato—and Jin isn’t fairing much better. The eldest has crumpled over, hands covering his face as he has no choice but to continue to listen to Namjoon fuck you—the slapping of skin and sinful words reaching everyone’s ears.

“NOW!” Yoongi screams, and finally the sound operators gather enough brain to flick the power supply to Namjoon’s battery pack off, and silence fills the stadium.

“Well…that was…,” Jin begins, trying to rectify the situation, but Yoongi holds up a hand to signal him to stop talking, and then promptly collapses onto the ground, hanging his head low. Hoseok breathes a sigh of relief and takes his hands off Jungkook’s ears, though…Jungkook’s in-ear had…been on the whole time…

While the boys try to steady their minds and hearts, there’s the sound of feet running in the distance, and after a few seconds Namjoon and you emerge, Namjoon’s manager right on your tails, his face beet red.

It’s obvious that you two must’ve been interrupted only seconds after the sound had been cut, because your shirt is crooked—revealing your flushed face and freshly speckled neck. Namjoon is out of breath as well, but it looks like he at least managed to finish—considering that there’s not a ridiculous hard-on trapped beneath his black jeans.

Grabbing Namjoon’s hand, you immediately tug him to the floor and press into a formal bow, yelling “I’m sorry!”, and Namjoon echoing your call. At that, the members of Bangtan sigh, and the atmosphere lightens a little.

“You’re both dumb,” Hoseok tells you, laughing off his embarrassment towards the situation. You collapse onto your side, laughing as well, although you feel like you might cry too. As Namjoon walks to the front of the stage and issues a formal apology to the rest of the staff, Taehyung wanders over to where you are on the floor, bending over to look at you quizzically.

“Was it good at least?”

“Taehyung!” you gasp, lashing your foot out to try and kick him, and he runs away giggling.

There’s no way that you or Namjoon will ever live this down…

shoutout to other lesbians watching supergirl and weeping at how relatable that scene was. alex talking about how she could never figure out her dating life because she didn’t like being intimate with men and just thought it wasn’t her thing but really she just didn’t know she liked women all along. and her not being able to even say the words because everything is so new to her??? i could not have asked for a better scene they just handled it PERFECTLY.

i dunno if this is going to be weirdly worded but i think part of the reason why these “alex is bi” headcanons upset me so much is because lesbians and bisexual women have such different experiences when it comes to discovering and understanding their sexuality.

lesbians and bisexual women both share the same experience of realising that they’re attracted to women, of course, but a big part of my journey as a lesbian was understanding my lack of attraction to men. 

alex talked specifically about how she was never comfortable being intimate with men and how she thought that there was something wrong with her- i understand that, i relate to that on every level and i hate seeing that specific aspect of her journey disregarded to fit into a certain headcanon.


alex danvers never liked being intimate with men and so she figured she just wasn’t built for that kind of thing but then maggie sawyer walked into her life and helped alex realize she liked girls and she got scared but maggie made sure alex knew she didn’t have to navigate this new chapter of her life alone and now they’re dating and we’re probably getting cute romantic scenes in 2017 ho ho ho merry christmas

anonymous asked:

Sanvers, most awkward morning after

They don’t tell anyone.

Not like it’s a secret, but it’s new, and it’s not fragile but it’s soft, and Alex wants it to just be theirs for a moment. Alex isn’t even out to everyone—is that, can you be out to everyone? Is this a thing she’s going to have to do all the time—whatever, not the point. The point is, Alex isn’t out to Winn or James or anyone at the DEO, really, and it’s not that she’s worried about them accepting her—as if Winn even has room to talk with the amount he crushes on dudes sometimes—but it’s just so nice. It’s so nice to have this thing that is theirs. To be able to look at each other and know, and nobody else knows.

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anonymous asked:

why are you anti-porn?

Hi! I will start off with my usual disclaimer: I am not anti-porn because I want to shame people for their sexuality. I am not anti-sex. Quite the opposite actually, I think that sex is meant to be a fulfilling experience for everyone involved.

  1. Porn depicts sex as an inherently violent, degrading, abusive, and humiliating experience. It sexualizes violence against women
  2. The porn industry hates women. Pornographers take pleasure in the physical degradation of women, and they are proud of it.
  3. The porn industry is riddled with sex-trafficking. This includes, but is not limited to: giving fraudulent job descriptions, physically forcing women to do things, blackmailing women who try to refuse, running underground prostitution services, getting consent while women are under the influence of drugs, and manipulating and coercing performers
  4. The sex in the porn industry is so brutal that the women come away with horrible injuries. Throat tearing, vaginal tearing, anal prolapses, infertility, and sexually transmitted diseases are only some of the health problems and injuries that female performers get. If that isn’t bad enough, the porn industry gives no assistance in terms of healthcare of workers comp.
  5. Porn sexualizes children. Teen and “Barely legal” are the most popular types of porn.
  6. Men who watch porn often have trouble being intimate with their partners. They either need to think about porn to become aroused, or they start feelings like women should do the same things that the performers in porn do.
  7. Porn teaches men that women are objects, that women like being sex objects, all women are available for sex at any moment, and that women like everything that men do
  8. Porn is racist
  9. Porn reinforces rape myths. Some examples: no means yes, women are sluts, sex is a punishment, sex should be violent, women aren’t worthy of empathy, women are “asking for it”, getting a woman drunk is an acceptable way of getting consent
  10. Rape porn is a thing, and it will soon be the norm.
  11. Pornogaphers openly admit that porn is violence, that it might make men violent toward women, and they don’t care.
  12. Porn teaches both boys and girls that women exist only for men’s pleasure. It teaches boys to feel entitled to girl’s bodies, and it teaches girls that they are objects, and their only important quality is how fuckable they are.

There are probably so many more reasons I’m not thinking of. But this is probably a good starter list.

anonymous asked:

Hey so I just wanted to vent I guess? And idk if you'll have any advice, but basically after two years I've finally realized that I'm a lesbian, after thinking I was bi and then pan. However, there are certain male celebrities who I find myself attracted to, so now I'm back at square one, wondering if I might be bi. I couldn't see myself actually being intimate with any men I know personally though, so then I'm back to thinking I'm gay. I'm just really confused, it's like my head is spinning

young/questioning lesbians are often drawn to unattainable (celebrities or fictional) men because they know that they won’t ever have to actually have a relationship with them. it feels safe because they have full control over this dynamic- its easy for them to be like “oh i’m not gay i like [Chris Evans]” or whatever but honestly your attraction to these Concepts is not the same as your actual functional sexuality and what you want in your life. if you know that you don’t want to date any men, i would say that you’re gay and it’s alright to have male idols as a lesbian.

anonymous asked:

may you please explain that "dont romanticise romance" post?

OK!

Romance is made a bigger deal than it needs to in our society and it’s also married to sex and sexual attraction and self-worth and validation by our society. Not only that, only certain romantic rituals are made a big deal, so that if you can’t or don’t perform those you are said to be a less loving (and less relationally, sexually, interpersonally valuable) person.

Some (general) affects of this are:

  • Girls and women groomed from the very onset of their lives to seek and be seen in a frame of sex and romance. Any perceived-as-boy children they play with are ‘boyfriends’ and major toys marketed at them are centered around romance, homemaking, and ultimately being a valuable sexual resource to men (which tags along with being a valuable romantic prospect.)
  • Girls and women feel validated by being in a relationship in a way that men often don’t– sad chasers aside, even women who aren’t looking for a relationship with men can feel “ugly,” “worthless,” “alone,” etc. if nobody is engaging in romantic rituals with them– something that is often taken advantage of in predatory styles of interpersonal coercion like negging or pick-up artistry.
  • Men are guided away from authentic interpersonal vulnerability and relationships but also barred from intimacy in their dude-only friendships, leaving women and getting a date as the only way to not be starved of that kind of contact. Homophobia plays into this: being intimate with other men is deviant, women are always focused as the ‘correct’ target. Meanwhile this intimacy and enacting correct romantic rituals is heavily tied into sex and the validation masculinity demands via obtaining a woman’s sexual capital.
  • People who can’t or don’t engage in typical romantic rituals are seen as somehow broken or deviant– whether this is some ace people, or people who aren’t neurotypical and won’t hug, kiss, ‘go out,’ say “I love you,” or any number of common rituals/cues. Meanwhile these people can have perfectly healthy platonic, romantic, sexual, whatever interpersonal relationships they want independently of the myth of “what romance is.”
  • Romance is romanticized specifically as between men and women in our society, and normalized between men and women in our society. To the point where the health of relationships between men and women is often ignored, and the health of perfectly stable relationships between same-gender or nonbinary couples is questioned. For example, gay relationships are typified as less romantic and more about “hookups” than straight ones, and lesbians are criticized for “leaping into relationships” faster than straight people but statistics show that they date around the same time as straight couples, move in together around the same time as straight couples, but overall tend to be much more stable + last a lot longer than straight couples.
  • Romance is also heavily romanticisized as for white people (at least in the USA), with the hypersexualization of black people interfering with them being seen as “romantic.” Meanwhile asian women are fetishized as “good wives” and jewish women are stigmatized as harpies and etc. etc. only white couples get to be romantic in wider culture without interference or taking control of the messages surrounding them.
  • Romance is made out to be a much more powerful force than it really is, to the point where “breakups” are made out to be disastrous. Often people are coerced into giving up their independence, ability to live independently, ability to feel independently, or else surrender their private boundaries such that being severed from a romantic partner can feel like everything’s being taken away and nothing is left for you afterward. Meanwhile this over-entanglement, inability to be refreshed by new content and independent experiences probably contributed to the collapse in the first place.
  • Romance and love are over-conceptualized as irresistible feelings that we are helpless against, rather than experiences that require participants that we can exist independently of. Love and romance, for many people, is as much a choice and a decision as it is an infatuation– and many relationships fail once that involuntary “glow” fades and the participants feel helpless to reinforce or take responsibility for their own relationships. 
  • Abusive relationships are often ignored or masked by the mere performance of romantic rituals by the abuser– if they take their victim out to expensive romantic dinners, get them presents, say “I love you,” and engage in PDAs how could they be hurting them? It’s used to gaslight a lot of people because it’s given such power in our society and has been rendered immune from criticism.

Basically there are lots of ways that romance is given way too much power and fantasized about as this “pure and wonderful thing” when like any other interpersonal relationship it requires work, awareness, communication, and parity.

*uses intimate interaction with men as a way to self harm and relive trauma*
*gets deeply resentful and incredulous when men have the audacity to assume/expect me to enjoy the things i do with them*
*looks longingly at women and admires them constantly*
*barely notices what men look like, find myself repulsed by them and only use them for self harm*
“If I were prettier I’d definitely date women”
*feels physically sick after spending intimate time with men*
*feels furious being around men at all in social settings*
*always loses all interest in being intimate with a man when he develops feelings for me*
*feels like I’m lowkey in love with three different women, fantasizes about a domestic future with each of them*

“No, I’m straight I love men look at all this sex I have hahahaha I’m not gay!! Like maybe a tiiiiiiny bit bi but I’m 99% straight lol”