being gay is not an abomination

Tap dancing

Musicals I listen to rated based on amount of tap dancing


Be More Chill - 0/10 An abomination. No tap dancing. Why. There was perfect opportunities for tap dancing there.


Book of Mormon - 22/10 Lots and lots of tap dancing Mormons. Particularly great when they’re tap dancing flamboyantly during a song about not being gay. Wonderful.


Dear Evan Hansen - 1/10 No actual tap dancing. A mention of tap tap tapping on the glass. Could be tap dancing if you had a glass floor. You tried.


Something Rotten! - 10001/10 Tap dancing Shakespeare. Tap dancing battles. Tap dancing eggs. Tap dancing Omelettes. Need I say more?


Heathers - 0/10 Missed a perfect chance for tap dancing. I would like to have seen tap dancing slushies.


Falsettos - 2/10 A very slight amount of tap dancing during the opening song. Could be more. A lack of dance in general.


Shrek the musical - 9/10 Tap dancing rats. Small rats. Big rats. Would liked to have seen Shrek tap dance for the whole ten. Better luck next time.


Hamilton - 0/10 I do not see how this is popular. No tap dancing! There could have been tap dancing founding fathers! But no.

Top American History Moments - I'm Not Done Yet Motherfuckers

- Thomas Jefferson having a mockingbird named Dick

- Andrew Jackson’s parrot being kicked out of his funeral because it wouldn’t stop saying ‘fuck’

- Andrew Jackson beating the shit out of his would-be assassin with a cane

- Andrew Jackson throwing a huge public party in the White House for his inauguration and having to sneak out because it got out of hand. He could only sneak back in when someone got the idea to move all the alcohol outside.

- John Laurens getting out of bed at Valley Forge and hitting his head on the ceiling

- Ben Franklin wanting the national bird to be the turkey

- Caleb Brewster’s reason for joining the continental army basically being that he just wanted to kick some ass and have some fun

- Caleb Brewster signing his name in big letters on spy reports for the Culper Ring

- George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Alexander Hamilton going on a fishing trip together, for Washington’s health

- gay brothels being called “Molly Houses”

- Benedict Arnold ploughing through 337 pages of William Blackstone’s “Commentaries” just to find the word militia for a secret code

- baby farmers (this is some crazy shit look it up)

- Thomas Jefferson having a ram that he called “An abominable animal”. It killed a young boy on the White House lawn.

- Aaron Burr having to ban snacks from the senate floor

- George Washington refusing to respond to a British letter because they didn’t address him correctly

- Aaron Burr being attacked by bedbugs and then proceeding to sleep on the floor for five hours

- Thomas Jefferson being a frat boy in college

- Alexander Hamilton being reported dead after going to burn barns and then showing up hours later soaking wet because he fell into a river

- Martha Washington outliving four children and two husbands and still saying that the worst day of her life was when Thomas Jefferson came to visit

if you use the bible as an excuse towards being anti gay dont forget that:

  • shrimp
  • pork
  • obesity
  • torn clothes (like ripped jeans)
  • wearing clothing made from 2 different fabrics
  • cutting your hair
  • shaving
  • tattoos
  • and working on Sundays

are all listed as abominations in the bible as well

anonymous asked:

To add to your list of historical gays plato thought that straight people were abominations and that gay people were the only natural beings

Plato wrote that same-sex lovers were more blessed than ordinary mortals. But then he changed his mind, describing the act as ‘utterly unholy’ and ‘the ugliest of ugly things'” 

i think we can pinpoint the exact moment plato broke up with his bf

A note on religious beliefs and marriage equality and how to reconcile the two:

My mother is the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. Also the most religious. She has a PhD in theology, teaches theology, and writes books about God as her sole interest. She will argue with pastors for not being theologically deep enough in their sermons. Religion is her forte. 

She also thinks gay people are immoral and isn’t scared of using the word “abomination” while referring to them. She’s not going to budge on that. To her: gay people are wrong.

BUT. She still has an argument as to why marriage equality can be a possibility without compromising religious values. To her (and to many others) God is about love. She disagrees with the very idea of gay people but doesn’t want to be cruel to them. She wants everyone to accept Jesus into their lives. That is what she deems ethically the most important thing: saving people through the word of Christ and accepting people into the church. We had a discussion once where it was apparent that perhaps being adamantly opposed to marriage equality was unhelpful towards this goal. Because when you treat people like the enemy they’re not going to see you as a loving person. She’ll never accept that being gay is anything less than a sin but she understands the utterly tactless act of denying gay people rights in helping them see her perspective. She’s still homophobic, but she has a more complex understanding than just “I don’t like the thing so no” Plus: if there’s anywhere a sinner belongs it is a church. Isn’t that the whole point of church?

It is imperative for religious groups and leaders to be on the forefront of campaigning FOR marriage equality if they are to ever be seen as anything but a hateful and oppressive force. If they truly wish for people to go to church and believe that God is loving then they must demonstrate that love - even to people they are morally opposed to. Only then will these people they disagree with be more open to religion. So to oppose marriage equality is to exclude people from the word of God and close your doors to potential congregation members. LGBT+ people are fully capable of being religious. I know many of them. I have religious LGBT+ family members. But they have to work hard to find churches that allow them to reconcile the overwhelming opposition to their existence and their desire to remain religious.

So be loving and know that voting YES doesn’t need to be a contradiction of those religious beliefs. You don’t need to accept LGBT+ people to accept that they still need to be respected and have that respect reciprocated.

Some comebacks for the LGBT+ Christians going home to intolerant Christian families this Christmas

GAY/HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS

“Sodom and Gamorrah got destroyed just because people were gay!”
Well I mean they were also gluttonous, selfish, greedy, and sexually assaulting people but yeah sure I guess those things had nothing to do with it, huh Linda?

“Being gay is a sin!”
“[Brings up Leviticus 18:22]
Actually, a direct translation of Leviticus 18:22 would be “And with a male you shall not lie beds of a woman” and only had “as in” after being translated into Latin. By doing the same thing but adding the words “in the” instead it could mean you shouldn’t have sex with a man IN a woman’s bed, which would make sense as people used to do that in cult rituals. As well as the end, “it is an abomination” is better translated as “they will be cast out of society” (so the translations that say the people should be killed for it are ridiculously misworded) AND even if you INSIST on translating it that way, it says gay sex is wrong, not being gay in general.

“Gay people shouldn’t get married because gay sex is a sin!”
Sorry Carol but if you think marriage is just for sex then I really don’t think I’m the one sinning here

“Other people being gay affects me because…”
Let me stop you right there, Sharon:
“The LORD said, ‘If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake.’” … “'If I find forty-five there,” he said, “I will not destroy it.’” … “'For the sake of twenty, I will not destroy it.’” … “'For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it.’”
Genesis 18:26-32

“You can’t go to heaven if you’ve had gay sex because you’re sinning!”
Oh, yes, Susan, apply that to [insert obscure sin here] and tell me just how exactly YOU’RE supposed to get in

“That sin doesn’t count because Jesus died for me!”
Really, Nancy? How convenient that he only died for YOUR sins

“Gay sex is a sin!” So is masterbation for the exact same reason but I don’t see you stopping that any time soon Carl

TRANSGENDER

“A man shall not wear a woman’s clothing”
Gender is in your soul and how we use language and has nothing to do with your genitals; sex is what has to do with your genitals. I am a man/woman/other and therefore the Bible says I should wear the clothing that fits my soul rather than my body. Thank you for proving my point, Kevin.

GENERAL

“I hate/God hates/Jesus hates [insert group here]!”
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?“
Matthew 5:43-48

PLEASE ADD IF YOU THINK OF ANY MORE -Max

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

listen. i’ll stop talking about my sexuality when heteros stop staring and acting scorned when my girlfriend wraps her arms around my waist and kisses my cheek in public. i’ll stop when my mom stops introducing my girlfriend as my “friend” to everyone. i’ll stop when my cousins admit that disowning me had nothing to do with protecting children i had never and would never hurt. i’ll stop when i’m no longer called an abomination or told i’m going to hell for having feelings for another girl. i’ll stop when lgbt+ people stop having to be afraid to be who they are. i’ll stop when it stops being illegal for me to exist in several countries let alone get married. i’ll stop talking about my sexuality when it stops being a big deal when i do.

anonymous asked:

@ the ace/aros aren't part of the lgbt community anon: what ur saying is essentially echoing how people talk about the lgbt community as a whole. and discrimination exists. I mentioned to my therapist that I identified as asexual and she wanted to put me in specific therapy to 'sort me out'. discrimination and erasure even within our own community is a massive problem and we 100% deserve to be here

^^^^ yep

ace and aro people, and anyone who falls under that umbrella, face wild discrimination and it’s also often from other members of the lgbtqia+ community. they are told that they’re just straight people trying to steal from the lgbt+ community (which if you think ace/aro people are “just straight” then uhhhh ur just dumb), they’re told that they’re just confused, they’re told that they’re freaks, that they’re broken, they’re told that they aren’t normal. so yeah @ the acephobes out there keep telling me that ace/aro people don’t face discrimination.

they are part of this community, they deserve to be here, and if you’re lgbt+ and don’t like it then you’re no better than the bigots who tell you that being gay is a sickness or that being trans is an abomination. anyways @ my ace/aro followers this blog loves you and welcomes you as part of the lgbtqia+ community.

More from Strangers: Homosexual Love in the Nineteenth Century

1) The distinction between public vs. private expression was very important for people who were gay. In private correspondence, many men were able to indulge their “unabashed” homosexuality (i.e. write love letters); in public, often these same men were married or engaged or supposed to be in love with women. Some of these letters (amazingly) survive – yet how many have been lost to fire or sunk in the sea, we’ll never know.

2) Fear of literature or art being labeled as homosexual was a worry for many. Naturally, writers and artists were frustrated with the limitations that this ridiculous fear put on their work. In 1896, one man questioned, “So now every tragic character will be forced to encumber himself with a woman for fear of being taxed with homosexual inclinations?” Hence, writing in female love interests or… wives.

3) Peter Doyle, the love of Walt Whitman’s life, said this of their meeting:

“We felt to each other at once. […] Something in me made me do it and something in him drew me that way. […] We were familiar at once - I put my hand on his knee - we understood.”

Originally posted by mishasteaparty

4) Paging @heimishtheidealhusband! A man called Edmund Gosse, when describing the experience of being gay and closeted, compared it to imagery associated with the Gothic horror story – a setting/concept more people could understand.

5) Surprise! The words “abominable” and “martyrs” show up a lot – like a lot, a lot – in descriptive language associated with homosexuality and the struggle for recognition, safety, and acceptance.

6) Does anyone remember which ACD story this quote is from?

They lived together and seldom parted. […] A subtle fire ran through their veins at every accidental touch. Whenever they caught sight of one another unexpectedly, they were filled with inexplicable rapture. They stayed up all night together, and when the grey light of dawn forced them to seek the rest that the excited mind refused the exhausted body, their farewells continued on the doorstep in conversations that lasted hours. […]

No? Perhaps because it’s from Venus Urania (1798) by Friedrich von Ramdohr. It told the bitter-sweet tale of two men who met in a famous German academy. Sadly, it ends with them realising they’re in love with each other – including both manifesting the “crude symptoms of physical sexual sympathy” (hint hint) during an embrace. They force themselves apart and settle for a tender respect, with more distance, in their relationship.

Did ACD ever read this book? Who knows. What we do know is that whenever it was told, the traditional story of two men who obviously love each other usually seemed to end pretty sadly.

Luckily, now we’ve got a story where “the thrill of the chase” and the “blood pumping through your veins is followed by “just the two of us against the rest of the world” – so maybe this ending won’t turn out to be so sad.

[Previous posts in this series here.]

I worry about him, constantly.

Following this recent post by @impossibleleaf, which related the tooth in the glowing skull to a gold front tooth in The Stockbroker’s Clerk, I thought I’d take a look at this story and another Doyle story that features a gold front tooth: The Man with the Watches. The latter is not exactly a Sherlock Holmes story; it’s one that was written after Doyle killed Holmes in The Final Problem but which features a Holmes-type mystery and a Holmes-type detective. Spoilers for both stories ahead.

First, a quick recap of The Stockbroker’s Clerk, which is one of several Holmes stories on the theme of “this offer is too good to be true”. The client is a man named Hall Pycroft, and he’s been coaxed away from a good job offer to instead work for a man with a gold tooth (Arthur). Meanwhile, Arthur’s brother Harry impersonates Pycroft for the sake of a stock theft. When Harry makes his move to steal the stocks, he is killed: his skull is shattered by a blow from behind. In his grief, Arthur tries to kill himself, but Holmes stops him, and makes an observation about brotherly love:

“You see that even a villain and murderer can inspire such affection that his brother turns to suicide when he learns that his neck is forfeited.”

I think that the most interesting aspects of this story are these: an ambitious man named Pycroft who has been replaced at work by someone who is up to no good; a gold tooth as identification; one man pretending to be his own brother; profound grief over the loss of the brother.

“Your loss would break my heart”. (His Last Vow)

… Why caring is not an advantage, under the cut.

Keep reading

Why the RWBY fandom needs to chill the fuck out

I’m a very complicated person when it come to topics such as this one.

However, what I will say about a certain fandom is that they bitch about the smallest things even if it’s not even that problematic. What it is, is that they make that small thing a big deal.

This is to the RWBY fandom for being such very rude people when it comes to marking everything in the show a big deal.

What I have seen is the major amount of hate towards certain characters they portray them as and I quote, “heterosexual boys who get in the way of our precious ships and gay ships.”

This kind of hate is mostly towards the character Jaune Arc. Literally everything he does in the show looks like it’s not a big deal and just how the story goes right? Well, unfortunately, the fandom considers him an abomination to the show and that he should die. I mean I can understand their opinion if they were looking at his weaknesses and flaws but the only focus on the negative traits he has and declare him the worst character ever.

Here is my opinion on this type of bullshit. Jaune is my favorite character right next to Oscar, Ren, Ruby, Velvet, and Qrow. Reason why I like him is because I can relate to him on a figurative level. What I always wish is that he can be at an OP level just like the rest of the characters(just not too OP).

This is where I find the so called “RWDE” to be the most infuriating people I have ever seen in tumblr. They think of him as a useless boy who doesn’t deserve to be in the show. Literally everything he does the rwde people get triggered. They bitch about how he’s overrated, he gets too much screen time, and that he’s just a bland character that no one like. It pains my heart to see that large amount of hate he gets when literally I see no problem or see nothing that makes him a bad character.

It’s mainly because he would probably snap at both Qrow and Ozpin. So fucking what!? People have the right to be mad over something big but it’s no reason for you to hate him for having a realistic reaction.

And then there’s the shipping community. The only paring that’s ever with him are him and Pyrhha. To me, this ship is kind of overrated and people still complain about Pyrhha deserving not to die(get over it). I like Pyrhha don’t get me wrong but she kind of got overrated. And then people complain about him getting in the way of their gay ships. What I’ve learned is that people really hate heterosexuals like their a virus to them. What I can probably say is that Jaune doesn’t have to be straight, maybe he can be transgender, bisexual, or demiboy. At least in my opinion. To me I find that type of problem and complaint very repetitive and petty.

This is a character who sticks to “his” character as Monty had made him. Just because he’s weak doesn’t mean he’ll be useless forever. He’ll get better and we’ll get some in depth about his background someday if given the chance.

So for everyone who gets offended by this…good, you triggered rwde people are asswipes bitching over a character. It just a show for fuck sakes!! Learn to just enjoy the show rather than hating on one character.

For those who read this and are not any rwde people I apologize. If you disagree with why I say that’s okay because this was mostly directed towards the assholes of this fandom.

So thank you for taking the time to read this and have a nice day.

sexuality in bbc sherlock

I feel the need to write this because I’ve read too many posts about the sexuality of the characters in Sherlock and I’d like to point out some things.

I won’t write about characters like John, Lestrade or Molly; those characters are portrayed as ordinary people, and I want to focus on those that stand out from the crowd: Sherlock, Moriarty, Irene and Eurus.

I’ve noticed that a great number of people tend to label the four of them as gay, then there is a smaller group that goes further and says they are bisexual.

I don’t agree with anyone of them, and no, it’s not because I believe they are straight.

First thing first, they have something in common, in fact they appear not to be interested in any sort of relationship, nor romantic or sexual. And I even think they wouldn’t be able to have one.


 To call Irene gay is to erase her storyline in “A Scandal in Belgravia”, in which at the end she failed due to her attraction to Sherlock. This is not a way of reading the episode, it is what was actually said at the end of the episode.

It was even stated that Irene had relationships with both men and women. I don’t see why people have a problem with that…


Moriarty is not straight. Moriarty is not gay. Moriarty doesn’t give a damn about someone’s gender. He doesn’t even give a damn about his own life!

During the series he flirted with both men and women and he said he “played” gay, which means he isn’t actually one.

Again, what is wrong with someone being like this?


 I’ve read angry posts about Eurus being a gay villain. The indignation came from her conversation with Sherlock:

“EURUS: The music. I’ve had sex.
SHERLOCK: How?
EURUS: One of the nurses got careless. I liked it. Messy, though. People are so breakable.
SHERLOCK (still playing): I take it he didn’t consent.
EURUS: He?
SHERLOCK: She?
EURUS: Afraid I didn’t notice in the heat of the moment and afterwards … well, you couldn’t really tell.”

Now, I wouldn’t have thought that it would have been difficult to get. It’s not like it is not clearly stated. She actually said she didn’t even notice if that was a woman or a man. So no, she is not gay. She is not even bisexual or straight. She simply doesn’t care.


Sherlock. So many people are adamant about him being gay, even though we’ve seen him being attracted to none other than Irene Adler. And again, Sherlock being affected by her is not something that you deduce after hours of deep thinking, it’s something that is shown and stated.

So, does his attraction to Irene make him straight? Nah. Sherlock is not attracted to her because of her feminine qualities. It is not about her being a woman. It’s all mental.

And please, let’s stop with the argument that he knows how to recognize a gay man. Of course he does, it is important for a detective to recognize a category of people. To be able to classify a person IS important to him and his job.

I’d like to add that on a personal point of view I believe that Sherlock is attracted in the same way to Moriarty, mostly because in “The Abominable Bride” Moriarty says and does things that Irene have said and done in real life. So I believe that Sherlock has very similar feelings towards the two of them.

I strongly support the idea that those four characters are not to be labelled. Trying to define them is pointless and it would degrade them.

They are not attracted to someone because they are either male or female, they are attracted to people despite their gender.

Sherlock, Irene, Moriarty and Eurus are on another level. Let’s not call them straight, gay or bisexual. Let’s not even try to find a word.

anonymous asked:

Why does the Bible call homosexuality an abomination and call for the killing of violaters?

The most often used Hebrew term, tōʻēḇā, is translated as abomination in the Authorized King James Version and “detestable” or “loathsome” in modern translations. The word occurs in the Old Testament over sixty times. It is most used regarding the worship of foreign gods but sometimes also to things such as illicit sex, lying, murder, and fraud. 

Most of these things are punishable by death. Christians love to point out that the Old Testament calls for death to gays but forget it calls for death for all kinds of acts: illicit sex including simple adultery, sex with in-laws, being a woman who is not a virgin on her wedding night, sex with a woman engaged to somebody else in which case both parties were to be killed. There is no specific law against lesbianism. The verses specifically refer to “men”.

Homosexuality is not singled out and is only mentioned a few times while idolatry and adultery are mentioned far more often. 

So, why do religious fundamentalists of all kinds choose homosexuals as a target while ignoring adulterers, engaged cheaters or non-virgin brides? Simple. Cultural bigotry dressed up as religion.

Roleplay Sentence Starters

Made of: Stuff me and my friends say

“But what about a flute player sucking dick?”

“We need warm snow.”

“But what if I was drunk?”

“I’ve created an abomination.”

“I HATE THIS VIDEOGAME, DAMMIT.”

“Shit man, I think I’m high.”

“Do you love me even though I’m weird possibly high?”

“What if I was dead?”

“Hm. Can I count you as the biggest piece of trash I’ve seen?”

“What are you?”

“Earth to /Name\! Are you daydreaming of gay fanfiction?”

“But they were gay!”

“I looove you more than skittles!”

“Kill me already.”

“I want cuddles and candy.”

“You’re being a pussy!”

“I love you, bitch!”

“I'ma call you Bitchslap now.”

“Let’s get high!”

“I wanna fuck you, but then…”

“Suck a witch’s titty!”

“Fuck yourself with a hotdog.”

“Can you even stick that up there? Wait that sounded wrong.”

“Death is welcoming me.”

“What do you mean you have a Snickers?”

“But imagine if we were smaller.”

“I think I have the bigger tits.”

“I AM A OMEGA BOB!”

“Fuck man, you’re pretty hot.”

a psa for straight ppl leaving me anons all the damn time

let’s get one thing ~ straight ~ for all you straight people that are sending me anons and claiming gay people victimize themselves and are just as equal as straight people, apparently. two years ago gay marriage became legal. only two years ago! i celebrated that very day and went to my first pride festival with my gay best friend and we had so much fun celebrating our gay selves and being so happy, but you know what else happened that day? i was told i was going to hell just because i was gay, protesters shouted at us through a megaphone, saying we were abominations. would that have happened to someone that was straight? nope! because it is socially acceptable to be straight, not everyone accepts gay, bi, pan, trans people, and i think straight people tend to forget their privilege in this sense.

when i came out, my entire family was in denial and refused to acknowledge the fact that i liked girls and wanted to date girls and eventually marry a GIRL! it took years for them to finally use she/her pronouns when referring to my love life. YEARS. for straight people, you grow up your entire lives with your family’s acceptance of who you’ll marry, when you’re 13 years old and you get your first boyfriend, they don’t care. because that’s normal to them.

not every straight person refuses to acknowledge how lucky they are, and they do understand the privilege they have with their sexuality, and i appreciate those who do. but to those who refuse to accept that you have it so much easier and because of that denial, don’t think gay rights are important, you need to wake up and realize not everything is about you. don’t ever tell me gay people victimize themselves. do you think i like being fucking terrified to come out every other month to someone new i met? no! do you think i enjoy hearing my peers using slurs all the time? no! i don’t enjoy it nor does anyone else in the lgbtq+ community. this has been a fucking psa.

To Everyone Who Says Being Gay is a Sin

41 Things The Bible Condemns other than Homosexuality

Eating rabbits, pigs, or camels.
Leviticus 11:4 “Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof: as the camel, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.”

No shellfish, clams, oysters, urchins, or lobsters.
Leviticus 11:10 “And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.”

No eating cats, dogs, and ferrets
Leviticus 11:27 “And whatsoever goeth upon his paws, among all manner of beasts that go on all four, those are unclean unto you: whoso toucheth their carcase shall be unclean until the even.”

No eating snails, moles, weasels, mice, rats, bats, bugs, insects, worms, spiders, roaches, etc.
Leviticus 11:28–29 “These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the earth; the weasel, and the mouse, and the tortoise after his kind, and the ferret, and the chameleon, and the lizard, and the snail, and the mole.”

Don’t eat fat or blood
Leviticus 3:17 “It shall be a perpetual statute for your generations throughout all your dwellings, that ye eat neither fat nor blood"

You cannot eat certain birds.
Leviticus 11:13–20 “These are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls; they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the osprey, and the vulture, and the kite after his kind; every raven after his kind; and the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind, and the little owl, and the cormorant, and the great owl, and the swan, and the pelican, and the gier eagle, and the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat. All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.”

If you wear ripped jeans, you’re going to burn.
Leviticus 10:6 “Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people.”

Oh, yeah. You also can’t wear mixed cloth, bitch.
Leviticus 19:19 “Neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.”

No short haircuts
Leviticus 19:27 “Ye shall not round the corners of your heads.”

Beard required
Leviticus 19:27 “Neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.”

That tat of a cross isn’t getting you extra credit, Johnny.
Leviticus 19:28 “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord.”

Don’t put two seeds in the same crop, ‘cause it’s an abomination…for some reason.
Leviticus 19:19 “Thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed.”

That mixed-breed dog you have? Yeah…that’ll grant you a one way ticket to hell, too.
Leviticus 19:19 “Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind.”

No grudge-holding!
Leviticus 19:18 “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people.”

Touch a dirty puppy? BURN!
Leviticus 5:2 “If a soul touch any unclean thing, whether it be a carcase of an unclean beast, or a carcase of unclean cattle, or the carcase of unclean creeping things, and if it be hidden from him; he also shall be unclean, and guilty.”

Wait…so less church is good?
Leviticus 12:4–5 “And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled. But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.”

No alcohol in church (people probably don’t do this anyw- oh wait)
Leviticus 10:9 “Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die.”

No manual labor on Saturdays.
Leviticus 23:3 “Six days shall work be done: but the seventh day is the sabbath of rest, an holy convocation; ye shall do no work therein: it is the sabbath of the Lord in all your dwellings.”

No going to church after birth.
Leviticus 12:2 “Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.”

No tarrot cards
Leviticus 19:31 “Do not turn to mediums or spiritists…”

Pull out=die
Genesis 38:9-10 “Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also.”

No divorce
Mark 10:9 “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

No balls=No gawd
Deuteronomy 23:1 “A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord.”

No jewelry
Timothy 2:9 “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments.”

If someone’s attacking you, you can’t grab your attacker’s privates.
Deuteronomy 25:11-25:12 “If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.”

Don’t fuck your wife’s mom
Leviticus 20:14 “'If a man marries both a woman and her mother, it is wicked. Both he and they must be burned in the fire, so that no wickedness will be among you.”

Don’t go to church if you’re Asian.
Leviticus 21:17 “Say to Aaron: ‘For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. 18 No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; nor his nose or eyes be flat.“

Kill anyone with a different religion than Christianity
Deuteronomy 17:2-17:7

“If there is found in your midst, in any of your [a]towns, which the Lord your God is giving you, a man or a woman who does what is evil in the sight of the Lord your God, by transgressing His covenant, 3 and has gone and served other gods and worshiped them, or the sun or the moon or any of the heavenly host, which I have not commanded, 4 and if it is told you and you have heard of it, then you shall inquire thoroughly. Behold, if it is true and the thing certain that this detestable thing has been done in Israel, 5 then you shall bring out that man or that woman who has done this evil deed to your gates, that is, the man or the woman, and you shall stone them to [b]death. 6 On the [c]evidence of two witnesses or three witnesses, he who is to die shall be put to death; he shall not be put to death on the [d]evidence of one witness. 7 The hand of the witnesses shall be first against him to put him to death, and afterward the hand of all the people. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.”

Don’t say “Fuck you, mom!” Even if you’re a rebellious teen.

“Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death. Because they have cursed their father or mother, their blood will be on their own head.”

If you’ve ever cheated on someone, you’re going to Hell.
Leviticus 20:10 “If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, both the man and the woman who have committed adultery must be put to death.”

If a man has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be “cut off from their community”
“If a man has sexual relations with a woman during her menstrual period, both of them must be cut off from the community, for together they have exposed the source of her blood flow.”

Picking up grapes that have fallen in your vineyard
Leviticus 19:10 “Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the foreigner. I am the Lord your God.”

God hates honey.
Leviticus 2:11 “Do not use yeast in preparing any of the grain offerings you present to the LORD, because no yeast or honey may be burned as a special gift presented to the LORD.”

Buying a house.
Leviticus 25:23 “The land must never be sold on a permanent basis, for the land belongs to me. You are only foreigners and tenant farmers working for me.”

Mistreating foreigners
Leviticus 19:33-19:34 “the foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born”

Stand when you talk to grandpa.
Leviticus 19:32 “Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show respect for the aged. Fear your God. I am the LORD”

Lying
Leviticus 19:11 “Do not steal. “Do not deceive or cheat one another.”

Cheating
Leviticus 19:11 “Do not steal. "Do not deceive or cheat one another.”

Funny how so many Christians nowadays say homosexuality is an abomination, when they are committing abominations themselves when they say this.

Bonus! The raped person must marry their own rapist!

Deuteronomy 22:28-29

If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

Things you think are in the Bible, but aren’t:

(from an ex-fundamentalist and preacher’s kid who attended two separate Bible colleges on the “preacher” track myself before becoming an atheist)

*”God helps those who help themselves” (It’s just not in there)

*Lilith, or “Adam’s first wife” (”Lilith” was the literary creation of an 8th century rabbi; the closest thing in the Bible is a type of desert demon that later became associated with her)

*Sodom and Gomorrah being destroyed for “teh gay” (although unspecified “abominations” are listed, the only prominent specific charges against Sodom were that they were arrogant, and did not care for their poor)

*Jesus as a socialist (he was arguably an anarchic-communalist, or perhaps a communist, but not a socialist by any stretch of the imagination)

*”The Seven Deadly Sins” (an invention of the church)

*”Eternity in Heaven” (according to the Bible, believers will occupy a “new Earth”)

*Humans becoming angels when they die (angels were a separate, and earlier, creation to humans)

*Female angels (angels are, most Bible scholars agree, sexless and genderless, but in every Biblical appearance in which they take on human form, they appear as males–because the Abrahamic religions are intensely patriarchal)

*Cherubs as winged babies (Cherubim are actually fucking badasses with flaming swords–at least the one set to guard the Garden of Eden is)

*Mary Magdeline as a prostitute (this was simply church headcanon)

*Anything about abortion (abortions were practiced in Biblical times, but not one reference is made to the practice)

*”Thou Shalt Not Kill” (a more accurate translation would be, “Thou shalt not commit murder.” The Bible is full of God-approved killing. Hell, God both commits genocide, and orders the ancient Hebrews to commit genocide against the Canaanites.)

*Lying as a sin (”Bearing false witness against thy neighbor” means just that–making false claims against someone–so it’s a very specific type of lie that is forbidden)

ALSO. i’m seeing lots of like joke headlines that are like “people are coming forward and accusing (famous male actor) of……….. being a nice person” like do y’all think maybe possibly all of these accusations against famous men aren’t something you should be making jokes out of………………..