being defensive

anaer “oh my god this exactly”

I will also add that I like the fact Peter calls him out on it. When Yondu tries to continue guilt tripping him as an adult, Peter shuts him down.

Oh, will you shut up about that? God! Twenty years, you’ve been throwing that in my face, like it’s some great thing, not eating me! Normal people don’t even think about eating someone else! Much less that person having to be grateful for it! You abducted me, man. You stole me from my home and from my family.

Peter calls him out on his abuse, and Yondu gets defensive and dismissive and punishes him. But then in the sequel when Peter reminds him that he hasn’t forgiven him for terrorizing him for years, Yondu instead tries to minimize, insisting he was just ‘kidding’.

This is change. This is going from being defensive, taking being called out as an attack and blaming the victim ‘you aren’t really hurt. you’re too sensitive’ to accepting that he did something wrong, but trying to minimize his own blame. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s not the right response, but Yondu isn’t just dismissing Peter or making it about him,  instead he acknowledges he did something in order to down play it, but it’s a step because acknowledging 

And Peter doesn’t accept it or offer forgiveness, he says something along the lines of ‘it would have been nice if told me that sooner’. Saying he didn’t mean it then doesn’t erase the abuse. Not meaning to hurt him (possibly meaning to help him in the belief that toughening him up will help him survive in the crew and keeping him in the crew will keep him away from Ego) doesn’t change the fact that Peter was hurt. 

And Yondu comes to understand that and accept that he took this kid and tried to keep him alive and be a decent parent, but he still hurt him. He understand what he has to do now isn’t to get Peter to forgive him or let it go or move on but to be a better parent and do right by him. 

Moon Signs:

Aries: Understanding the world through the palms of your hands. Touching everything that is tangible. Internal temper-tantrums that make your blood run hot. Struggling to contain your emotions; being outraged one minute, and playful the next. A secret adrenaline junkie. Being addicted to doing things the hard way. Becoming passionate about new ideas too easily. Becoming passionate about new people too easily. Falling in love quickly and roughly. Looking through eyes that watch the world burn, manic and breathless. You are the infinitely relight-able fuse at the end of a firework, or a bomb.

Taurus: A slave to familiarity. Possessing a dragon hoard consisting of antiques, or the things in which you treasure most. Speaking before you think. The lavish romantic; lover of good times and calm surroundings. The pursuit of pleasure. Slow to forget, slower to forgive. Unfamiliar with compromise. The Aphrodite of love, and the Dionysus of luxury. A social butterfly, yet undoubtedly loyal. A distaste for messy emotional outbursts; being naturally self-contained. Guided by the firm, steady hand of desire. You are the lady and the lord, peaceable and regal and charming in all things. 

Gemini: Feeling with your mind, being frustrated with emotions you can’t logically understand. The uncontrollable urge to interact with others, needing intellectual stimulation in order to function. Studying a billion different subjects in one day. A lover of literature, or just simply the words of people. Distancing yourself from emotion, never really knowing how you ‘feel’ about an issue. Always the Devil’s advocate. Constantly trying new things; needing change to keep both of your personalities happy. You are the mental immigrant, comfortable only when you’re foreign.

Cancer: Omnipotent in regards to emotions. Fearing change, and hating superficiality. The unexpected jokester. Moods that change faster than the weather. The emotional hoarder; fears throwing away anything at all. Falling into their own pain like a well and drowning themselves in it. Adopting all types of people into your ‘family’. Their own worst enemy. Offense taken towards indifference. The passive-aggressive problem avoider who leaves a trail of crumbs for their partner. You are the sea witch, who has the depth of the entire world contained inside of her, threatening to spill out.

Leo: Praying to the stars to make you one of them. Wanting to burst from a lack of affection, or attention. Hands that flail dramatically while telling a story. Needing confirmation that somebody really does love you, and feeling terribly vulnerable because of it. Wanting to shout your love, and hatred, from the hilltops- like an actor in a bad movie. Smiles that make people believe in heaven. Being painfully defensive when someone hurts your pride. Acting kingly or queenly when a situation gets uncomfortable. You are the physical embodiment of the sun, come down from the sky to bring light to Earth.

Virgo: Secretly enjoying the little things that you’re appreciated for. The woman who hides behind the fan to avoid unwanted attention. Routines biggest cheerleader. The best counselor you will ever encounter. The fine eye that takes a sledgehammer to their own self-esteem. The original skeptic. Raised eyebrows at those who put their faith blindly. A face of apathy, and a mind of curiosity. Surrounding yourself with invisible barriers, hoping that somebody finds a way through them. You are the analyst, struck the hardest by your own discerning eye.

Libra: Inevitably becoming the mediator in all conversations. Deep-seated desires to mold your life into the perfect balance of both Yin and Yang. Debating an issue for so long that everybody around you groans. A refined, attractive aura that makes you seem doubly gracious. The war for peace. Falling in love so, so young. Always feeling fickle. Having to have the last word. Finding your own strength through other people. Feeling so intensely vulnerable because of your uncertainties. You are the gentle judge, who will not cede when staring into the eyes of unfairness.

Scorpio: Not accepting any gray areas in life, living in a world of black and white. Emotions so intense that your teeth chatter, even while your face remains stoic. Living a secret life as a private investigator. Feeling raw when you fall in love, because of how deeply it cuts you. Being horribly satisfied with your obsessions. Internally burning down everything you once knew in order to be reborn. A phoenix in your own right. Looking into the mirror in order to confront your own demons, seeing dirty words stamped onto your forehead. You are a white flag on fire, spitting in the face of surrender.

Sagittarius: Mr. Brightside and the lover of open space to roam. Feeling gagged by routine, like a dentist has her hands down your throat. Throwing yourself off of the cliff towards possibility; getting taken advantage of. That deep-seated desire to leave an impression on people, like goose pimples after a gust of cold air. Being a little too honest. Experiencing highs and lows that make you seem like you’re more than one person. Naturally enthused. Always searching for something. You are the mistress of experience, bold and wild and feeding off of the knowledge of the unexpected.

Capricorn: Seeming to be cool and steady, even when you feel like screaming. Possessing a deep, undeniable need for security- in all areas of life. Dreaming of building kingdoms with your bare hands. Being embarrassed, but pleased when somebody compliments you. Being too hard on yourself, and experiencing black moods because of it. Hiding your sensitivity behind biting, but nonetheless amusing sarcasm. Wanting to feel worthwhile in the world. Having a deep desire, and drive, to make something of yourself. You are the Titan Cronus, learning the lesson of the finiteness of mortality. 

Aquarius: Growing up and just feeling ‘different’. Loving all things messy, except emotions. Rejecting negative emotions because you hate feeling jealous, or fearful. Compassion through philosophy.  The starry-eyed professor, mad scientist, or general genius. Becoming so immersed into your own goals that you forget your reasons for said goals. Attracting all types in the eccentric crowds. Lovingly charming; struggling early on to find the medium between humor and offense. You are the electric shock of innovation upon society, bold and sharp and drastic as hell.

Pisces: The unrivaled mental space cadet. Intuition resembling psychic affinity. Caring for others so deeply, that their emotions make you feel like you’re underwater. Seeing pieces of yourself inside of everybody else. Being so excited for the future, you lose the present. Empathizing with everyone. Having secret worlds to retreat to, when reality is too awful. The natural performer. Being slightly jealous of mermaids/men. Loving everybody just a little bit. Having your heart broken more than once a day. You are the holy ghost, filled with divine love for all, and longing even more so.

10

Rhodé Marshall-

“The late Karabo Mokoena’s beautiful smile has sparkled across my timeline for more than a week.

Her friends and family have been pleading for help finding her since her disappearance on April 28.

Then that smile was replaced by pictures of what’s believed to be the place where her body was burnt.

“The boyfriend confessed. He killed and burnt my daughter,” read a Facebook post by her father.

I can’t begin to imagine the rage her family and friends must be feeling.

Someone they trusted, who pretended not to know where she was, who “helped” look for her, had taken her life.

Here’s the reality: one in every four womxn in South Africa is physically abused by an intimate partner.

Every six hours a womxn is killed by a current or former intimate partner.

These numbers are shocking. These numbers aren’t dropping. South African womxn are under attack and they are afraid.

Battling to come to terms with Karabo’s story, womxn online began sharing their experiences of abuse and #MenAreTrash trended.

But of course, the louder womxn’s voices grow, the louder the challenge from men, and soon enough #WomenAreTrash was a thing.

Posts were shared where men schooled womxn on trusting too easily, on being more cautious, telling us how to live our lives.

Again, there was very little reflection by men on what womxn were saying when they uttered the words “men are trash”.

Will we ever get to the point where schooling aimed at men is as vigorous as the defence of them?

Men just aren’t being regulated the way women are.

It’s men who need the wake-up call.

It’s your sons, brothers and friends who need to be taught that they own no part of any womxn.

It’s your sons who need to be taught how to handle disappointment, jealousy, anger and manage their rage.

Is it our responsibility to make men feel more secure or masculine, to nurse their egos?

At the helm of the “not all men are trash” declarations were the most worrying of them all: the woke misogynist.

The woke misogynist is the guy who talks loudly about gender equality and whose vocabulary is made up of all the right words, he calls himself a feminist – but is the same one outed for assaulting and belittling his partner.

While we were basically being told that, as South African womxn, we should be grateful for the opportunity to see another day, there was this immense amount of shared pain for the Mokoena family, known and unknown families that have lost their daughters, the families who are still looking for their daughters and every womxn who has had their fear of being the next victim trampled on by the woke misogynists who rose up in defence of the brotherhood.

While you think that you’re one of the good guys and will never lift a hand against a womxn, there are so many ways in which you inflict pain on us.

Making us doubt ourselves, our beauty and our worth.

Take a moment and think about how you, as a man, picked at a womxn’s confidence with things you deem to be little mistakes and misunderstandings, how you violently broke her confidence down.

Guys, we don’t just fear that you’ll rape and kill us, we also fear that you’ll abuse our kindness and trample on the sparkle you once saw.

That’s why we’re saying #MenAreTrash, dear woke men.

Stop being defensive and listen… Listen carefully and hold each other accountable.

Womxn are afraid”

What needs to happen in Infinity War

- Thor finds Avengers in Wakanda and asks where the Man of Iron is only to find out Tony is cleaning up the mess the Avengers left with no help at all.

- Tony rebuilding and trying to get his life back under control after being betrayed by virtually every member of Team Cap.

- Team Cap needs Tony’s help and they have to ask for his help.

- Fury telling them to fuck off because Stark is still cleaning up their last mess don’t bring another one.

- Tony telling Steve that if he wants his help he’d better get an apology, and be treated with respect, and not be alone with any member of Team Cap.

- Sam finds out that Tony gave Steve multiple chances to get help and not create the mess that was left.

- Sam finding Rhodes and making sure he’s okay and they bond over military experiences.

- Rhodes telling Sam about how Tony knew where they were and kept Ross away from them, yelling at him about how Tony had to clean up their mess even after watching his parent’s murder walk free.

- Sam being confused and asking what that means so Rhodes tells him about the tape and how Tony watched the Winter Soldier beat his father and strangle his mother. About how Cap KNEW but didn’t tell Tony, even lied to his face. About the 24 hours and how Steve said no because Tony ‘locker Wanda in her room’. About two Super Soldiers ganging up on Tony who shouldn’t have reacted violently but Sam you’re a councilor how would you have reacted to watching your parents murder with the murderer right next to you?

- Sam confront Steve about the tape, the lying, the not telling Sam about the deal that could’ve helped, about how Tony was LEFT IN THE COLD ALONE WITH A DISABLED SUIT STEVE WHAT IN THE HELL YOU DO NOT LEAVE A MAN BEHIND.

- Sam understanding that maybe Tony Stark isn’t what everyone describes.

- Sam apologizing to Tony and telling him he didn’t know any of what he’d learned.

- Tony not feeling guilty because he did the right fucking thing.

- WANDA FINALLY BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR ULTRON BECAUSE SHE VIOLATED EVERY MEMBER OF THE TEAM AND HAS NOT DONE SHIT TO REDEEM HERSELF.

- Captain America finally getting his ass chewed for what he did to Tony and how he’s treated him over the years, accusing him of holding back secrets and being a liability when Steve didn’t tell the team the whole story!!!

- SOMEBODY EXPLAINING WHY CLINT CAME OUT OF FUCKING RETIREMENT AND NOT SEEING THE POINT OF THE ACCORDS AS A DAMN ASSASSIN.

- Somebody seeing Tony trying to rewrite the Accords because they were going to happen with or without him but at least he was trying to get to a point to where he could alter them!

- TONY STARK NOT BEING ATTACKED ON ALL SIDES FOR DOING WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT WHILE NO OTHER PERSON INVOLVED IS HELD ACCOUNTABLE.

One of my least favorite things in the Prisoner of Azkaban film is the handling of the Scabbers-Crookshanks narrative, and more specifically how in the movies it’s a far more one-sided fight completely in favor of Hermione. In the movie we get one scene of Ron warning Hermione to keep her cat away from Scabbers—a Scabbers who is apparently not ill or who Ron isn’t bothering to medicate like in the books, and a Scabbers that Ron can apparently almost forget to bring to Hogwarts necessitating his mother to run after the train to give the rat to him.

Jump to Scabbers suddenly being missing, Ron accusing Crookshanks with no evidence and Hermione defending her cat. The two are angry, but there is no real emotion, no actual hurt behind the words. Crookshanks could have accidentally spilled Ron’s inkwell and he would sound just as angry.

Then not minutes later, they are in Hagrid’s Hut where their friend miraculously produces the rat—not without chiding Ron “you should take better care of your pets” which automatically frames the situation as Ron’s fault to the audience. To drive the point further home Hermione, rather than simply be relieved and happy for her friend that his pet was not actually eaten, immediately starts in with “I think you owe someone an apology”. Ron purposefully acts obtuse, and further removes himself from the audience’s sympathy by replying “Next time I see Crookshanks, I’ll let him know” allowing Hermione a self-righteous “I meant me!” as if this is the greatest affront of her life.

And none of this is how it is in the book. At all.

Firstly, Crookshanks makes multiple attempts on Scabbers’ life throughout the novel in front of the Trio. This is partly because Hermione continues to allow her cat near Scabbers despite Ron repeatedly telling her not to. Because he cares about Scabbers. Despite him being a hand-me-down and a bit dull, Scabbers is his pet and Ron cares about him. He gets him—likely expensive—tonic when Scabbers begins losing weight and fur, he takes to carrying him around to keep him safer from Crookshanks. Scabbers is his pet and we are shown that Ron would be very upset if he were to lose him.

This sets the stage for when he does, when Pettigrew as Scabbers fakes his death and frames Crookshanks. Keeping in mind Ron’s feelings about Scabbers this whole previous year, his resulting actions make perfect sense. He is incredibly upset with Hermione and confronts her, only for her to deny her cat had any involvement.

And yeah, maybe it seems like he’s being mean to Hermione by shutting her out—something that Harry also does during the Firebolt fight that is conveniently left out of the movie—but look at it from Ron’s point of view. Hermione’s pet was attempting to kill his pet all year. He repeatedly requested she keep her pet away from his, and Hermione largely did not respect that boundary. When confronted with pretty damning evidence considering the circumstances, Hermione still refused to admit any possible blame and defended her cat who almost certainly—again, considering the circumstances—ate his rat. And just a note, Harry is equally convinced Crookshanks did it, even if he’s not as emotionally charged in his conviction. Why shouldn’t Ron be angry with her? Why shouldn’t he want her to admit her cat’s fault? His friend refused to listen to him all year and is now seemingly disregarding his feelings because she’s too proud to admit she’s wrong.

But here’s the thing. Once Hermione comes to Harry and Ron with the news about Buckbeak losing his trial—something far more important—they make amends. In fact it is Ron who does the most. Just to refresh everyone’s memory:

“They can’t do this,” said Harry. “They can’t. Buckbeak isn’t dangerous.”

“Malfoy’s dad frightened the Committee into it,” said Hermione, wiping her eyes. “You know what he’s like. They’re a bunch of doddery old fools, and they were scared. There’ll be an appeal, though, there always is. Only I can’t see any hope…Nothing will have changed.”

“Yeah it will,” said Ron fiercely. “You won’t have to do all the work alone this time, Hermione. I’ll help.”

“Oh, Ron!”

Hermione flung her arms around Ron’s neck and broke down completely. Ron, looking quite terrified, patted her very awkwardly on the top of the head. Finally, Hermione drew away.

“Ron, I’m really, really sorry about Scabbers…,” she sobbed.

“Oh—well—he was old,” said Ron, looking thoroughly relieved that she had let go of him. “And he was a bit useless. You never know, Mum and Dad might get me an owl now.”

(Prizoner of Azkaban, pages 291-292, Scholastic Hardback Edition)

Harry barely says anything in this scene, and it is mostly Ron who extends the olive branch. This makes sense as the matter primarily concerns him and Hermione, but I just want to make it clear that Ron is not pressured into forgiving her, he is not grudging about it. In fact, he is already offering her his help before she even apologizes, and once she does he immediately tries to downplay his hurt feelings over Scabbers’ loss—mostly out of a fourteen year-old’s discomfort with crying and hugging from girls they may or may not have a developing crush on. He doesn’t gloat over the apology or being right, and he instantly drops any hostility.

This is chapter fifteen out of a twenty-two chapter book. Hermione and Ron are not feuding up until nearly the end of third year, as depicted in the movie. Hermione does in fact apologize about Scabbers while Ron is not an ass about it, and the narrative leaves them off on mostly even ground. The rest of the book consists of Ron working on the appeal for Hermione as she prepares for all her exams, worrying over her impossible schedule, her health, and so on. They barely even bicker that entire duration.

Ron is a great friend to Hermione. The movies just didn’t want to show that.

In our version, they wanted to focus more on the humor and let Mon-El be this lovable puppy dog, fun boy who doesn’t always get it right. But he’s trying and he’s earnest.
— 

Chris Wood on Mon-El (Sci Fi magazine, April 2017 issue)

So Mon-El was literally written to be a lovable puppy dog. He’s CANONICALLY a lovable outer space puppy.

Healthy Self-Esteem v Low Self-Esteem

The following are indicators of healthy self-esteem:

- Being quietly confident in yourself, and your skills and abilities

- Being comfortable with a range of emotions

- Being able to regulate strong emotions

- Being self-directed; taking the initiative with others and with projects

- Having an awareness of, and a respect for, your personal limitations

- Being willing to accept the limitations and mistakes of others

- Accepting that growth and progress take time (and being patient with process of learning and changing)

- Knowing your strengths and abilities; taking pride in your work and achievements

- Being optimistic having a positive outlook on life

- Having the ability to work on, and solve, problems

- Being independent and responsible

- Being able to co-operate and work well with others

- Having the ability to say “no”

The following are indicators of low self-esteem:

- Having a negative and pessimistic outlook on life

- Thinking that you are inferior to others

- Feeling inadequate; believing that your “don’t have what it takes” to succeed or excel in life

- Being a perfectionist; being harsh, critical and unfairly demanding of yourself

- Being mistrustful of others – including those who show kindness, warmth and affection

- Blaming (yourself and others); being defensive

- Having a dislike of competition; being afraid of taking risks

- Feeling unloved and unlovable

- Expecting to be mistreated, abandoned and rejected

- Letting other people always make the decisions; being afraid to speak up and share your point of view

- Being afraid of being mocked or ridiculed

- Having a deep sense of shame, and a fear of being humiliated.

I honestly don’t get comments such as “Jeanne was introduced like a strong warrior and then became weak because she started acting more girlish and showing her feelings like other female characters”????????????????

Repeat with me :

A woman who shows her feelings is not weak 

A woman who shows her feelings is not weak 

A WOMAN WHO SHOWS HER FEELINGS IS NOT WEAK

Women can be strong warriors and be feminine. One does not exclude the other, they can be both. 

How each Zodiac Sign react to being embarassed:

ARIES: sudden burst of big laugther then smacks everyone to shut up.

TAURUS: freezes and doesn’t move or hugs the nearest thing/person they find safety in. 

GEMINI: turns bright red and tries to embarrass everyone else.

CANCER: crying a flood of tears

LEO: silently crying in the inside with a little smile to mask their pain.

VIRGO: is super chill or gets really really angry because it’s someone elses fault that they got embarassed in the first place! 

LIBRA: laughs and cries at the same time.

SCORPIO: anyone who laughs is now considered an enemy

SAGITTARIUS: being super defensive that it wasn’t their fault

CAPRICORN: standing in a corner with head tilted down

AQUARIUS: hides their face

PISCES: thinks about it for the longest time and occasionally remembers from time to time so they randomly trigger themselves.

i’ve been thinking about sam and trying to figure out why she’s… not a good person and i realized that i isolated her behavior to how she acts towards her friends and didn’t really look at the influences on her.

when i was thinking about the relationship between danny and his parents, i realized that sam and her parents actually have a very dysfunctional and abusive relationship. her parents want her to be someone that she’s not and refuse to respect her or relent their opinions despite the distress it causes sam. they attempt to control her life by trying to force her into clothes they like versus the clothes she’s comfortable in; they will actually harass her to the point that she has to physically remove herself from her home; and they try to restrict and control who she associates with (see control freaks, reality trip, and reign storm). danny and tucker have never been to her home even though they’ve been friends for years and when they are invited over, sam’s parents aren’t around. sam knows her parents will disapprove of her friends, so she never let them meet tucker or danny. because of this, whenever sam is at home with her parents, she probably is under a great deal of stress and feels extremely isolated. she always has to be on the defensive because she is being emotionally attacked and manipulated by her parents.

which is a problem because sam cares a lot. she cares about the environment, she cares about animals, she cares about individual rights and autonomy, and she really cares about the people who care for her. but the problem is that she’s so used to being aggressive and defensive about her interests and who is she, that she naturally lashes out and gets embarrassed or worried when she lets her guard down. she’s fast to judge harshly because it’s how she protects herself. and she drinks in every time she gets a “win” because it means she actually has control of something. that’s why she is probably so active in so many charities, works out, and is at fentonworks all the time - she’s trying to stay in healthier environments. (and also why she’s not an a-lister - they so similar to her parents)

i just… really want to apologize to sam now. you’re not a horrible person, kid, you’re just trying to get by the only way you know how.

washingtonpost.com
Opinion | ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ is one of the funniest, most important shows on TV. Fox should renew it.
A series that takes for granted that both the police and the public have an interest in improving the profession is a rare thing.
By https://www.facebook.com/alyssa.rosenberg?fref=nf&pnref=story

“Brooklyn Nine-Nine” can do something that political discourse seems to find incredibly difficult. The series is confident and optimistic about the necessity of good policing, without ever being remotely defensive about the prospect that this essential job could and should be done better. Its characters are meant to be the best of the NYPD, and they still struggle with bureaucracy and their own impulses. The series doesn’t need them to be perfect — if they were, their excellence would be as deadly to the show’s comedy as incompetence.

That’s an essential perspective. Equally essential: the way Goor and his team have unlocked Andre Braugher’s comedic genius; the way the series managed to revitalize the sitcom holiday episode; the show’s love for and critique of decades of police pop culture; any series that gives us the sight of Samberg pretending he has the mumps. It would be sad to lose “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” if it were only the funniest or one of the most politically fascinating shows anywhere on television. Given that it’s both, seeing it go off the air would be an absolute tragedy.