- James Madison “accidentally” buys prostitutes for foreign ambassadors
- Jefferson eating a tomato like an apple at a dinner and everyone rushing off to find a doctor because Americans thought tomatoes were poisonous
- Washington and Lafayette falling asleep under a tree after Monmouth
- Washington cursing out Charles Lee after his retreat
- James Armistead Lafayette, who was a badass spy during the revolution and gave Lafayette vital information which led to the victory at Yorktown. Lafayette freed him and James was so grateful he took Lafayette’s last name
- Lafayette being given an alligator as a gift and, not knowing what to do with it, regifting it to John Quincy Adams
- the Constitutional Convention going out and getting turnt two days before the signing of the Constitution, and some of the additional charges being a broken chair, cups, and chamber pots
- John Hancock being smol
- Alexander Hamilton’s argument against hanging John Andrè basically being “he’s too pretty”
- Aaron Burr sleeping through Valentine’s Day
- Lafayette naming his ONLY son after George Washington
- Ben Franklin and John Adams once having to share a room with one bed and falling asleep arguing whether or not they should sleep with the window open or closed
- Ben Franklin taking “air baths” which consisted of him sitting naked in a bathtub for hours a day
- Aaron Burr having a knife hidden in the handle of his umbrella, and then LOSING said umbrella
- John Adams’ kid Charles once ran naked across Harvard Yard
- Alexander Hamilton losing his check book and having to write the bank of New York for a new one, while also requesting his account balance which he didn’t know, which he wrote in the check book, which he lost
- Aaron Burr hitting his head on the same pipe twice jfc he’s such a mess
- Thomas Jefferson getting a terrible headache for two days after behaving awkwardly in front of a girl
- John Adams naming his dog Satan
- Alexander Hamilton’s letters to his totally hetero bro™ John Laurens being censored by his descendants
- George Washington running for the House of Burgesses and getting his constituents totally smashed so they would vote for him
so @umbronydraws and i saw someone on the hamilton amino being a jerk about the transheadcanonswe & other friends have been posting lately, so obviously in response we decided to….. aggressively draw more trans headcanons :^)
on amino we’re using the tag #transhamtakeover so i’d like to bring it here too, join in on spreading trans positivity by posting ur trans hc’s in that tag OR reblogging this post and adding your own <3 (OR BOTH)
obvs this isn’t just for trans guy/trans masc hc’s either, everything and anything is welcome <333
<b></b> Dear diary,<p/><b></b> today i killed my best friend.<p/><b></b> But he was also at the same time my worst enemy.<p/><b></b> These two things kinda cancel each other out.<p/><b></b> In conclusion, nothing happened today.<p/><b></b> A. Burr<p/></p>
Top American History Moments - I'm Not Done Yet Motherfuckers
- Thomas Jefferson having a mockingbird named Dick
- Andrew Jackson’s parrot being kicked out of his funeral because it wouldn’t stop saying ‘fuck’
- Andrew Jackson beating the shit out of his would-be assassin with a cane
- Andrew Jackson throwing a huge public party in the White House for his inauguration and having to sneak out because it got out of hand. He could only sneak back in when someone got the idea to move all the alcohol outside.
- John Laurens getting out of bed at Valley Forge and hitting his head on the ceiling
- Ben Franklin wanting the national bird to be the turkey
- Caleb Brewster’s reason for joining the continental army basically being that he just wanted to kick some ass and have some fun
- Caleb Brewster signing his name in big letters on spy reports for the Culper Ring
- George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Alexander Hamilton going on a fishing trip together, for Washington’s health
- gay brothels being called “Molly Houses”
- Benedict Arnold ploughing through 337 pages of William Blackstone’s “Commentaries” just to find the word militia for a secret code
- baby farmers (this is some crazy shit look it up)
- Thomas Jefferson having a ram that he called “An abominable animal”. It killed a young boy on the White House lawn.
- Aaron Burr having to ban snacks from the senate floor
- George Washington refusing to respond to a British letter because they didn’t address him correctly
- Aaron Burr being attacked by bedbugs and then proceeding to sleep on the floor for five hours
- Thomas Jefferson being a frat boy in college
- Alexander Hamilton being reported dead after going to burn barns and then showing up hours later soaking wet because he fell into a river
- Martha Washington outliving four children and two husbands and still saying that the worst day of her life was when Thomas Jefferson came to visit
Do you know what else we needed in the Hamilton musical? Washington roasting Alexander after the Reynolds Pamphlets.
- Alex is in his office when someone knocks at the door.
- Since Eliza won’t talk to him and his political enemies are done with him, he thinks it’s his son.
- So he goes to the door, apologizing while he opens it, and saying that all this mess will end soon.
- But when he looks who’s there it’s George who's standing in front of him with a dead glare.
- Alexander shivers because it’s even worse than when they shot Lee with Laurens.
- GWash just pushes the papers against his chest and say in a very low and slow voice “Have you ever thought of the consequences.”
- And Hamilton goes like “It was- it was for my legacy! I thought that if I was honest, people understood!”
- Georges just grabs him by the shoulders and says “Alexander, you don’t get the point! ‘Protecting my legacy’ always those words in your head! But for having a legacy, you first need to grow-up a bit! You acted with egoism! Like a child!"
-There’s a silence, Washington let him go and he says "And Miss Reynolds. Have you thought of her?”
- “You were her lifeboat. She trusted you. And betrayed them in the most disgusting way, only for your little privilege. You lied to her. You call that being honest?!”
- Georges stands a little further. “What happened to you. How did you become like that?”
- Alex just lowers his head, in shame. Few minutes or few seconds pass and suddenly GWash says very coldly:
- “Sir, I-”
- “I won’t call you son anymore.” Alexander’s starts to shake because this sentence remembers him of his childhood.