being a person is complicated

I keep seeing that “At the moment, nothing” line turned into something romantic or Magnus being the best boyfriend ever (bc he’s so worried about Alec that’s why he’s upset etc) and…I mean he is worried absolutely, but full stop Magnus is allowed to be imperfect and human and that means despite understanding why Alec is freaking out and yelling at him, he can still find it all just too much and slam down those walls – his instinctive reaction whenever he’s emotionally stressed or wounded.

Like, Magnus has a heart he’s guarded fiercely for over a century. His refusal to let Alec risk his life isn’t just about it being for Alec’s sake. It’s also about Magnus because he’s falling in love with him, he only just got him, and he’s really not ready to watch a man he’d hoped would end his 100+ years of being lonely and unloved throw himself into the fire 48 hours later. And yeah, that’s a little selfish but also it’s okay for him to be selfish.

You’ve lost someone you thought was the love of your life and I know you think it will hurt like this forever, but I promise you it doesn’t. I’m not saying you’ll suddenly wake up one day and it’ll be like it never happened – because it won’t…
There will always be a loss, there’s no if’s or but’s about that. If you lose an amazing person from your life – that leaves a hole in your heart that nobody else can ever fill… You can find happiness, you can find other people and things to fill your heart in other places… but the space that belonged to that person will always be empty. Because human beings are unique and complicated creatures, and when you combine two of them together you get a love that is just as unique and therefore irreplaceable. So don’t try to replace them because you can’t… and get out of the mindset that you’ll never love anybody as much or that no other relationship will compare to what you’ve lost. You don’t love people ‘more’ or ‘less’ than each other – you just love them differently.
The way you love somebody else will be different yes – but it will not be ‘more’ or ‘less’ or ‘better’ or ‘worse’… just different… and that’s okay. You will find love again, but it’s never going to be the same love… and it’s only when you’re able to accept that and open yourself to the idea, that you’re finally ready to move on.
—  Ranata Suzuki | Don’t say you’ll never love again

Figuring out how you feel about a thing when you’re median can be a complex thing sometimes. Just so happened one of those really divided reactions happened today. It basically went something like this:

IDK how I feel about this thing, so complicated, several different things at once! Oh wait, right, almost forgot about the facets. Let’s take a tally. Facet A, how do you feel about this thing? OK you feel irritated about that. Why’s that? OK, that’s reasonable. Facet B, you feel mad but also a little sad? OK. Facet C, don’t really care? Alright. And D? Glad?

And then deal with each one’s emotions individually.

Outside person asks: How do you feel?
Me, inwardly:

Me, outwardly: *shrugs* Iunno
Some Secrets Best Remain Hidden

When a crazy lady from an island says she can see people’s feelings, what will she reveal about Hiccup? Oneshot. Inspired by this post by @ashleybenlove

When the gang went travelling, it was normal for them to pick up some trinkets. Once in awhile, they would bring home a dragon or a dragon egg. But bringing home a person - an actual living, breathing human being - it was complicated.

Normally, it was because they didn’t know enough. Hiccup would get a headache explaining that no, the dragons weren’t out to get them, no, he wasn’t the evil dragon master they had all heard about (even though he probably was), and no, the other tribe hadn’t attacked them because they had done something wrong, they did it because the gang had recently been there getting supplies.

But the problem with this lady wasn’t that she knew too little, it was that she thought she knew everything. Her eyes were misty, and she would often just shriek some “prophecy” from time to time.

At the Edge, the entire gang, including the dragons, were in the clubroom, as the woman sat down, rocking back and forth. Hiccup exchanged a look with Fishlegs, who shrugged.

The lady had said her name was Mantis. She kept looking around the room, and Hiccup honestly had no idea what she was looking for. Astrid was next to him, looking as irritated as he felt. She wouldn’t even let them tell her why the Dragon Hunters had attacked her village.

Finally, a smile formed on her face, and she placed her hands on her lap. “So, who will go first?”

“Who will go first for what?” Snotlout asked irritably. “Becoming a wackadoodle like you?”

“Do not insult the art, boy. I see the past, present, and future. You,” she said, pointing to Hiccup, “Come sit down.”

Ruffnut laughed, hiding it as a cough, and he sent a glare her way as he sat down next to the woman.

“Um, ma’am, please, just let me explain -”

“Shh. Let me see what you feel, young rider.” Mantis closed her eyes. There was probably a storm going on up there, or maybe a flood had already happened, taking away her sanity. She grabbed his hand all of a sudden and Hiccup yelped. Ruffnut actually laughed this time. Tuffnut snickered with her. Even Astrid had a small, amused smile on her face.

“Shut it,” he grumbled to the twins, as Mantis rubbed his hand. This was extremely uncomfortable.

“You…you feel love!” Her eyes flew open excitedly, and she stared intently at him.

“Yeah, I suppose?” Hiccup said hesitantly, “I - I love the Edge. And Berk. And my dad. And Toothless.” Her rambled on, anything to make her happy.

“No, no.” Mantis shook her head dismissively. “It is not that kind of love. It is a sexual love!”

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Okay so this music video I think is him trying to find somebody else, but from what we know from A Change of Heart, he struggles finding someone that doesn’t get tired of him. So I think that’s why they started it off with the clowns. So as he goes off as him and not the clown, he wants to find the satisfaction he yearns when he’s with another person. However, he is a complicated person. So him being in front of mirrors, and him showing up as other people in the crowd, represents him realizing that he cannot find somebody else, if he doesn’t accept the person he is. This video is about realizing your mistakes and flaws and loving them, and that you must love yourself first before you can give your body to somebody else. The loneliness he possesses at the end is symbolic of the loneliness you must go through to find yourself as a human. 

This is a beautiful music video and is now my favorite forever. 

anonymous asked:

if someone I love has a personality disorder and they have bad days where they can be unintentionally unkind, how do I keep from letting it hurt me so deeply? whats the best way to be there for them when we as hsps feel everything so so deeply.

Hey there. First of all, I want to address some things you probably already know, but which I feel I have to repeat because certain things you just need to hear from someone else, especially those of us who have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves. 

Being in a relationship with someone with a personality disorder is complicated and can be painful. It requires a lot of hard work, communication and positivity, from both parties. As a partner, it will put a certain amount of pressure on you to be empathetic and hopeful, to be the loyal, strong rock that your loved one can rely on. Being highly sensitive on top of all that means not only that there is a lot of pressure on you, but that you will feel the weight of this pressure much more than people who are less sensitive. You probably want to try your best to make this relationship work out, but be careful that you’re not outrunning yourself. You too are allowed to take breaks and to make mistakes. Every relationship is a learning process between two people, and it’s important that both people are equal in this relationship. You may have an instinct to take care and be supportive of your partner, but you cannot let that overwhelm your need to take care of yourself. 

I think the answer to your question ties in with that. It will always be difficult, and I don’t think anything you do can really take away the pain when a loved one is going through a bad episode, certainly with personality disorders, which can be very consuming and confusing to the mentally ill person, and which they often externalize towards people around them. Remind yourself that this is not only your job to work on, but the job of your partner too. As consuming as personality disorders may be, they don’t entirely take away a person’s autonomy. They too have a responsibility to work on themselves, certainly on issues that hurt the people they love. If they’re in a position where it’s too hard for them to do this on their own, maybe this is something that can be worked on in therapy, either individual therapy for your partner, or relationship therapy, which will teach you techniques to improve your relationship beyond the realm of my knowledge. 

To protect yourself from being hurt too deeply, the metaphor of building an armor seems appropriate here. You will need to make an armor consisting of various elements, that will harness you during bad times:
-knowledge (educating yourself about this personality disorder) and giving the worst moments a place within a bigger frame of mental illness
-experience (that things will be alright, that it’s temporary) 
-personal strength and resilience (being a person who is confident in their own ability to cope, who likes who they are)
-understanding that this is not your fault, that you don’t have to feel guilty
-having a good social support network, finding a place where you can talk about your own feelings in this relationship without always thinking of your partner first
-taking time off for yourself once in a while, away from your partner
-communicating to your partner when something is hurting you in this relationship, not during the most acute, worst episodes, but when your partner is doing better
-being well-rested, well-fed, taking care of your body

I’m giving you this advice from my own knowledge of psychology, high sensitivity and my personal experience with personality disorders, so I’m not an expert here, but I hope this reply has given you something to work with. 

things to expect if CW revives Constantine:

  • the writing teams may be more or less the same, with Cerone and Goyer, but most likely may try to pair all their other shows together to appear as if the CW is some complex network of crossovers and a “variety” of plots
  • less focused on the paranormal/horror aspect or complexity of living with a curse and helping people while being a complicated individual struggling with his internal and personal affairs
  • way more focused on relationship drama for the sake comedy, romantic sub-plots, overly aggressive fan-service, literally just the same cranked out bull from their other verse shows
  • John and Zed’s relationship will no doubt try to be amped 100000% and have zero chill or subtle/realistic interpretation, mostly be about how they can emotionally manipulate one another without contributing to the plot and try to outdo each other because that’s totally cute and angtsy and what people do if they’re in love
  • a female, blank-slate OC will be made to either cause a divide in John/Zed’s relationship, or perhaps be there to fill in for Chas’ relationship struggles even though he’s literally doing a-OK
  • a CW logo in the corner

MAN I AM ALL FOR INDIAN NISHAN. Like, a lot. I mean, when I first saw that guy, I was like, wow, a canon Indian character! With an Indian name!! And from that moment I knew he would be my favourite (and he was). And like others in the fandom, I was totally annoyed by how people interpret him as black – because um, non-black dark-skinned pocs exist?? 

And obviously the grandparents-being-immigrants thing just confirmed my headcanon even further and NOW I’M JUST GOING TO RANT ABOUT INDIAN NISHAN FOR A WHILE.

Nishan feeling pressure to be one of the smart Asians so often portrayed on television, not just because his parents want him to do well – but also because he didn’t want to lose his reputation as the smart guy amongst his non-asian peers.

Nishan casually talking to someone for the first time and using some complicated vocabulary, and that person being all like “your english is really good for a foreigner!” and Nishan nods acknowledging and takes it as a compliment, but later in the day, he thinks about the incident and wonders why he feels like he’s been punched in the stomach.

OK so Nishan is a Sanskrit name meaning that his parent(s) or grandparents speak Sanskrit! Imagine Nishan growing up, bilingual, with Sanskrit as his first language because that’s what’s being spoken around his house, and developing his English at the same time because that’s what being spoken outside. Imagine him mixing up the two languages, switching languages in sentences. Imagine him developing a love for both his languages as he grows up, and imagine him being proud of his bilingually. A young Nishan enjoying the fact that he can speak two languages fluently and with little accent.

Imagine a young Nishan going to school. Imagine him experiencing racism first-hand from his peers and their parents. One day he’s walking home, a car drives by, and the man in it yells at him – “go back to your country!”. He cringes, this is his country. His family has been here for three generations. Imagine him feeling mutters from others immigrants’ accents or their influent English skills. “It’s America,” they say. “We speak English here.”

Imagine a pre-teen Nishan, previously proud of knowing two languages, now ashamed of knowing Sanskrit. The language that was previously so important to him now felt like a burden to bear – because, as the white Americans say – “English is all you need, right?”. And that idea got repeated to a young Nishan so many times that he started to believe it.

That is, until he turned 14 and realised that he didn’t need to let go of an important part of his culture and an important part of his upbringing to live up to a standard of what an American should be. He was American, and he wasn’t going to let a bunch of racists define his nationality. Just because some cynics didn’t have any culture, that didn’t mean they had to insult his.

Imagine a Nishan with pride in his culture and his language, who acknowledges and recognises his heritage. Imagine a Nishan who dresses in traditional clothes for family weddings and a Nishan who switches between English and Sanskrit with his fellow Sanskrit-speaking friends. Imagine a Nishan who celebrates festivals like Diwali with pride and joy with his family.  

We need a Indian Nishan, with immigrant grandparents from India, fluent in English and Sanskrit. A Nishan who has and is experiencing racism and has the willpower to overcome it. A Nishan proud of his culture and who he is.

That’s why Indian Nishan is so important.

ENTJ confession #13

I reject everyone romantically. I feel like I scan the other person to the littlest detail and evaluate how the relationship would function before it can even happen. On the other hand, I do desire the emotional perks of a relationship sometimes. I just cannot start being in one unless the other person fulfills my rather complicated standards. Having a partner is like a business decision for me. (This is definitely not a plus side of the ENTJ type.)

9132) It sucks that the only way I'll ever read a book where the MC (or even just a major character) is mtf trans is if it's a book specifically about transgender issues.

Not that those stories don’t have their place in literature, but sometimes I wanna read about a trans girl doing something other than just existing as a transgender person. I guess being transgender is too complicated to write a trans character doing something else while not undermining their transness.


I’m a little over 8 months on testosterone and about 4 months post-op (top surgery), and I got misgendered today.

If Kate hadn’t been with me at the time, I probably would have had a full blown panic attack because my mental health has been spiraling out of control lately.

The above photos show how far I’ve come in just four years. I am a completely different person than I was before coming out, and I am happier now because of it. Being an out trans person obviously comes with its struggles (being misgendered, dysphoria, needle anxiety, surgery complications, etc.), but I am honestly so proud of how much shit I’ve dealt with while trying to live my own authentic life.

I don’t really know where I was going with this. At first, I just wanted a throwback post that I could use as proof of how male I look now, but it kind of turned into a mini therapy session that led to a much needed epiphany, and I’m okay with that.