being 40 and crazy

Bad Match - Pt.1/?

Summary: Bucky and the Reader are set up on a date, but things don’t go as well as expected.  

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Word Count: 2605

Warnings: angst, self-loathing feelings, bad date, Bucky is kind of a jerk, swearing.

A/N: I’m not exactly happy with it, but I just couldn’t stare at the screen anymore. Thank you @imhereforbvcky  for your kind offer to help, giving me some of your time and teaching me so much about writing with just a few notes. You’re amazing.  

English is not my first language, so you’ll find grammar mistakes and nonsenses. Sorry!

Part 1/ Part 2Part 3/ Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

“Are you sure is not too soon for both of us?” you apprehensively asked your best friend through the phone. “I mean, I broke up with Jeff just, what… three months ago and he, on the other hand, well, he’s Bucky Barnes…I really wouldn’t like to become an additional problem for him, since he already has his fair share of issues” you tried to debate with your fellow SHIELD agent.

“Three months are already too long Y/N, it’s past time for you to move on, and when it comes to Bucky, he’s a really sweet guy once you get to know him, you’re gonna love the man, and he’s gonna love you too, trust me,” the strong-minded woman argued on the other side of the line.

“Ok…” you sighed with resignation, knowing there’s no win with Sharon Carter once she’d put something on her mind “I guess you have a point, I’ll be there”.

~~~

Lying on their shared bed, arms crossed behind his head, Steve observed his girlfriend sitting by the desk talking to you on the phone. When she hung up with a satisfied smile he knew she’d got what she wanted.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” the Avenger told her with furrowed eyebrows while she was making herself comfortable again beside him laying one arm over his chest.

“Of course I do, they are great for each other.” She responded with the smug confidence that Steve so well knew and loved about her.

“I just don’t think Bucky is ready Shar, and wasn’t it Y/N that recently got out of a terrible relationship?” He tried to ponder with her.  

“Steve, honey, I know you worry a lot about Bucky, and you have your reasons, I get it. Yet, he’s been among us for over a year now. He’s doing so great working with the Avengers. I understand he’s still have some social skills matters to work on, but he’s been doing progress with therapy.” She tried to prove her point.

Steve looked down at his girlfriend “What about the Natasha situation?”

“That’s another reason. That ain’t gonna happen, not now, not never, she’s a different person than she was before and is head over heels for another man. Bucky has got to let go of this obsession with their past.” The blonde woman snorted her disapproval and continued. “He hasn’t been to a proper date yet, don’t you think there’s something missing? He needs someone good in his life, not just those meaningless shallow one-night stands he’s been going on.”

Steve opened his mouth to respond, but Sharon kept talking, circling her hand on his chest in a reassuring way “And as for Y/N, yes, she’s been in a horrible relationship, but she’s managed to put an end on it and deserves a second chance too. They are a good match, I have a feeling.”

“I still don’t know baby, are you really sticking with this?” The soldier insisted.

“Steve… sometimes even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself…”  

The Captain interrupted her, rolling his eyes “Ok ok ok, you don’t have to use the “you move” speech.” Giving her the giggles, he chuckled and put a kiss on the top of her head “I just hope you’re right on this one.”

“I am.” She concluded nuzzling into her boyfriend chest.

~~~

“Here it is, Miss,” you smiled at the waiter when he placed your second drink of the night on the table. You took another glance at the clock on the restaurant wall, 30 minutes…

You couldn’t believe that you were going to be stood up on your first date after your break up with Jeff. So much for being open to new possibilities.  At first you were reluctant to go along with Sharon’s idea, but then you started to think that she could be right. You had to move on from you self-pitying state and the sooner the better.

Flashbacks of the crappy last two years started playing in your mind. You had met Jeff at one of the CIA`s divisions in Europe, when you and Sharon started working there after the fall of SHIELD.  You didn’t know then, but he was the man that would break you into a million tiny self-hating pieces. Without once laying a finger on you he had the power to, with a word or just a look, make you feel unworthy, tiny, unlovable. There was always something that wasn’t good enough for him: your clothes weren’t that fashionable, your looks could be better, your hair should be longer and there was always someone than  you in any given aspect. That was your daily life with the man you started to believe you were lucky to have as partner and that loved you in spite of all of those flaws.

You only realized you were getting stuck in a vicious cycle of self-loathing when your friends, specially Sharon, practically punched some sense into you.

The break up didn’t happen on good terms, so you were glad in accepting SHIELD’s insistent offer to assume your position back after they were reactivated and rejoined forces with the Avengers. You moved countries and focused exclusively on work.

Your fall to an abyss of sad memories was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat next to you. When you looked up, you weren’t expecting to see an ocean of blue eyes staring down at you with a questioning look.

“Oh h-hi, sorry I didn’t see you here” You stood up and, God knows why, leaned to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, only to be stopped with a preventative handshake. Blame it on your European times.

“Hi you must be Y/N, my name is Bucky.” He introduced himself and the soft rusky tone of his voice was the most alluring you had ever heard.

Like in a trance you practically moaned, “I know everything about you Bucky.” Listening to your own words and checking the startled expression on his face as he let go of your hand, you tried to correct yourself. “I-I mean, n-not everything, course not, you’re Bucky Barnes, Steve and Sharon’s friend, t-that’s what I know.” He raised one eyebrow and took his seat in front of yours.

What was the matter with you? You had met the guy for five seconds and suddenly became a stuttering mess? You took in his appearance and concluded that, even though you had seen pictures of him before (most of them with his Winter Soldier mask, since the media still craved for his troublesome past) you certainly weren’t ready for the real deal. He was absolutely gorgeous.

But that fact and the outrageously sexy low bun that was holding his brow locks didn’t stop you from realizing he hadn’t apologized for being 40 minutes late.

“How was the traffic, too crazy?” You questioned to give him the opportunity to redeem himself.

“No, not really” he responded nonchalantly, taking a look around the Indian place you had chosen. “Have you ordered anything yet?”

“Oh, I haven’t, I was waiting for you.”

“I hate Indian food, but go ahead, make your order.” He turned to the waiter already standing next to him and asked for a drink.

“Oh… I’m sorry, this is my favorite place, that’s is why I picked it, I didn’t know… we can go… somewhere else…” You were so flustered that you could feel your whole body burning, starting in your cheeks that probably were showing a deep shade of pink now.

“No, no, don’t worry Doll, I’m a drink kind of guy anyway… So tell me, how long have you been friends with Sharon?”

The use of the nickname and the whole embarrassing events so far got you rambling non-stop. You never ordered your food and kept talking about your childhood, your job, Donald Trump, the lack of male nudity on Game of Thrones… Every single thought that came across your mind was spilled at an impassive Bucky.

When your mouth went dry of talking and not a word had come out of Bucky’s plump lips you excused yourself to the toilet, taking your purse with you.

Inside the small room, you took a deep breath and, while staring at the mirror to retouch your lipstick, you wondered when everything had started to go to shit. Maybe you weren’t ready after all…

Walking back towards the table, you decided to give it another try, start over and maybe have a pleasant rest of night with your date. You glimpsed Bucky by his back talking on his cellphone and the sound of your name made you stop close enough to overhear the conversation.

“What can I tell you Steve? Jesus, she won’t stop talking… And I don’t understand half of the things she’s saying. I can’t see why you and Sharon insisted on this dating thing… Besides, you were wrong… Not for a minute I was able to get Natasha out of my head… Y/N’s got nothing on her, she is not slightly as amazing as Nat…”

You felt your stomach drop to the floor and your heart sank. Bucky kept talking, but there was a buzz in your ears, loud enough to drown out every other sound around you. The restaurant and everything else transformed into a very familiar scenario. It was like Jeff was by your side all over again and his unwanted voice in your mind was reminding you of how distasteful, insignificant and unlovable you were. Your hands started shaking and tears were forming in your eyes, that was the signal you needed to turn around and leave as fast as you could. No goodbyes. You never wanted to see Bucky Barnes in your life again.

~~~

When you got to your bedroom after the longest cab ride in your life, your attention was caught by the pathetic form in front of the mirror on your wall. You knew that the woman he was comparing you with was THE Natasha Romanoff, the sexiest spy alive whose seductiveness haunted you poor hard worker mortals who were trying to make a living in the secret agent’s business. How could he even make the comparison when clearly there was none. You were average, tops. Flat where you should be curvy and curvy where you should be flat.

Someone could think that you’d be able to beat you lousy sex-appeal by a dashing interesting personality, but this someone would be wrong. If you had doubts about it, the last few moments with Bucky had dismissed them all, he was pretty clear about how unpleasant your company had been… Not slightly as amazing…

Knowing that you were going down a road too familiar for your taste, you attempted to dismiss all those self-hatred thoughts off of your mind by trying to get some sleep, hoping to dream a sweet dream that would make you forget all about that night. So you took off the dress you’d bought for the occasion and left it on the floor, found some energy in you to remove the full face makeup and brushed your teeth before diving into your bed, putting on some pjs was too much to ask of you at that moment.  

 ~~~

Your alarm rang and it felt like it had been 5 minutes since you finally conquered slumber. You groaned at the sound and the prospect of getting up to face the day ahead. Your half-asleep mind immediately drifted to the night before. Something you were so desperately trying to keep dormant inside you had awakened. The wounds on your self-esteem were too fresh and those words had hit them like a punch.

Despite the desire to keep drowned in your fort of blankets,  you couldn’t skip work. You had a meeting with The Man himself, Nick Fury. You had no idea what it would be about, you were warned by his secretary the day before.

You shook away your thoughts about the date with Bucky and got off the bed.  You had much more important things to worry about and focus on. At least you wouldn’t have to see him again, as the SHIELD’S operating base wasn’t located at the Avengers’ Tower.

Not much time passed before you were ready to go to work, after all it wasn’t that hard to choose an outfit from a wardrobe of grey suits. On your commute to SHIELD’s headquarters you remembered to take a look on your phone. 5 missed calls from Sharon. …he’s a really sweet guy once you get to know him, you’re gonna love the man … You mimic her voice in your head and memorized an entire speech of curses to deliver to the blonde for when you meet her again.

Once inside the building you already felt a little better. Work was your whole life, especially now, you loved what you did and felt appreciated and wanted there. You went straight to the big boss’s office, feeling nervous about whatever the infamous Nicky Fury wanted to talk to you.

“Hi Y/N, how are you today?” Maria Hill greeted you, putting an arm around your shoulder, guiding you to the adjacent room of the large office.

“Hi Maria, a little anxious for whatever this means, any clues?” she gave you a squeeze on your shoulder and smiled at you, but another voice responded:

“Miss Y/L/N, you’re here because I have a proposition for you.” It was the SHIELD’S director, using his well-known straightforward style.

“Tony Stark has contacted me and asked for the name, and I quote, of the most badass spy I could provide him.” Having an idea of where that conversation was heading, but not allowing yourself to fully believe it, you kept a dumbfounded stare at your boss in front of you, waiting for the outcome.

“So, Miss Y/L/N, how would you fancy a position on the Avengers’ team?” The weakness in your knees and the sweat leaking out of your pores must had been pretty evident, since Maria Hill placed her hand on the low of your back, in a support attempt.

“Oh my God sir, it’s such an honor…” your tremulous voice was interrupted by Fury, clearly in a hurry:  

“Good, you’re being transferred today to the Avengers compound, Maria will help you with paperwork and everything else that will be necessary for your relocation…”  He talked in a monotone, gathering some papers on the desk he was standing by, apparently oblivious by the rush of adrenaline that was swelling down your whole body. Suddenly  Maria’s support didn’t seem enough to prevent you from falling, so you gripped one hand on the desk chair in front of you, biting your lower lip so you wouldn’t let out the scream taking place in your mind. You had never thought something like that would happen, but now that it was a reality you felt like you had dreamed about it your whole life.

“You’ll go through evaluations and training for some time and then it will be decided if you really have what it takes to be an Avenger…” I’m going to be a fucking Avenger, bitch. You were trying to maintain some posture and conceal your excitement by listening carefully to the instructions that would change your life.

“Your main tutor for the starting process will give you the guidelines and other details, he’s most likely now waiting for you at the compound. You’ve already had the chance to meet Sgt. James Barnes, haven’t you?”

And just like that you went straight to the floor from cloud 9. FUCK.


End of part 1. 

Part 2 

So? Feedbacks?