(Dear mom and dad, please don’t kill me over this permanent choice. I want you to hear me out.)
Today, I am coming out with something that only few of you know. I am ready to have a conversation about my mental illness.
Last year, I was diagnosed with depression. And in all honesty, I believe it was a problem for quite a while before that, but I think it just got worse to the point of hardly functioning.
So today, I got this tattoo. I feel that my leg was the best place for the meaning behind it. When everyone else sees it, they see “I’m fine,” but from my viewpoint, it reads “save me.” To me, it means that others see this person that seems okay, but, in reality, is not okay at all. It reminds me that people who may appear happy, may be at battle with themselves.
To me, depression is the days that I feel sad for no reason. Depression is the mornings that I don’t feel capable of getting out of bed. Depression is the sleeping too much, or sleeping too little. Depression is the homework that I never completed, simply because I didn’t feel like I was capable. Depression is the break downs I have over absolutely nothing. Depression is the eating too much, or eating too little. Depression is the nights I begin to cry because I feel so overwhelmed, even though everything is going right. Depression is the 50 pounds I carry in my chest at all times. Depression is the need to constantly be distracted (being on social media, playing video games, watching movies or shows, or working all the time) because I can’t trust myself with my thoughts for longer than 3 minutes. Depression is the friendships that have suffered because of my inability to function. Depression is the hurtful thoughts and actions I have towards myself. Depression is the tears I have because I don’t know why I feel so worthless, when I know I should feel happy.
This is one of the most difficult things to open up about because it’s extremely hard for me to feel vulnerable…but this needs to be talked about. Mental illness is serious, but so shamed in our society. We care so much for our physical health, but hardly a thing about our mental state. And that is seriously messed up. Mental illness is not a choice and will likely hit everyone at some point in their life. If it’s such a huge issue, why aren’t we having this conversation about it?
That’s why I got this tattoo; they are great conversation starters. This forces me to talk about my own struggle, and why the awareness of it is important. You’d be surprised by how many people YOU know that struggle with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. I may only be one person, but one can save another…and that’s all I could really ask for.
Maybe this is part of why I am so interested in psychology. I want to help people who feel the way I have—and still do—because it’s hell. And I don’t wish that upon anyone.
“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” —Robin Williams
**Also, THANK YOU to the ones who have helped me in this battle. I would not be where I am without you.**
“I don’t know what to say to you,” the girl said. “Um, thanks, I guess.”
“Thanks is good,” I replied.
Silence stretched, punctuated only by the scuffle of a Sharpie on a page.
We were in the same boat, the girl and I — both at a book festival, both at the end of a long day full of people, both in a signing line that had been going on for an hour already. There was only one big difference between us: she was on one side of the table, and I was on the other. Sometimes that difference seems to matter more than others.
Before I was published, I read a lot of accounts of what it was like to have your work out there, but I never read anything about what it was like to have yourself out there. I suppose I never really thought about it, to tell you the truth. I thought you wrote a book and hopefully people liked it and if I thought about book tours at all, I figured they involved standing on a stage for a bit before disappearing into a rental car. The truth, however, is that now — ten years and fifteen novels in to my career — most of my hours in front of people are spent in a signing line. Forty minutes on a stage or behind a table for a panel, and then two or three hours meeting a few hundred strangers. I had no idea what it would be like.
Drabble Game Prompt 96. “Here, let me.” with badboy/jock!jeongguk
→ badboy football jk (warning: overstimulation, cumplay, fluff, and fuckingjeonjungkook) → 1.4k words prequel part 01 | 02
A/N: i have no idea where this came from, my hand sort of slipped, jfc what have i done
UPDATE: added the highly-requested prequel as a thank you for 1k+ notes :) make sure to check out Give and Take! It’s a similar AU to this one!
“There you go, yes, you can do it babe,” Jeongguk encourages, as you bite down on your lip.
He grins up at you as you move your hips slowly against his, finding the way you squeeze your eyes shut tightly the cutest thing ever.
“J-jeongguk I-I can’t–” you stutter, arms clutching at his bare shoulders as your movements stutter and begin to slow down. But you whimper instead at the loss of friction between your legs and begin to cry tears of frustration as you don’t know whether to continue grinding against him and chase after another orgasm or to stop completely.
I am so so so so upset about Samuel not making it, honestly. Samuel worked so hard. He gave it his all. He’s had so much failure the least Korea could do was give him a chance, and yet they failed him. Samuel deserved to debut, he is so incredibly talented. He deserves so much more, but he wasn’t even close to debuting, which I can’t even begin to understand. How could they let someone like him get the rank he did? It shocks me that they couldn’t recognize his talent. Right now it’s so hard for me to imagine Samuel not being in wanna one. after everything he did, this is where he ends up?? Because his visuals don’t appeal to the Korean people as much as some other trainees? Because he’s mixed? Because he worked so hard that maybe from time to time he forgot to have fun? I don’t wanna hear that “he has no personality” bullshit because he focused so much on this competition that he forgot he was a kid. He wasn’t there to have fun, he was there to prove himself, and he proved his talent justly and look where it got him. He wanted it so badly, and they took it away from him. It’s just not fair. But I’ll always support Kim Samuel, regardless of what he decides to do, because he deserves the whole world.
spoilers for t100 s5: this maddie nightblood chick starts talking to bellamy and proves to know an embarrassing amount on him because clarke spent the last 2191 days talking about her platonic co-leader and how much she platonically loves him. clarke dies a small death when bellamy just sorta looks up at her and smirks. i curl into fetal position and begin to cry
Yo could you share some of your headcanons for the deh kiddos :O ?! I'm really curious!!
*cracks knuckles* HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT (these are generally feel-good and going off of a Connor Lived And Everything Gets Better AU set of ten [+ one extra] headcanons for the kids where they’re all friends)