before-marriage

[ you know you’re too invested in your character when you start crying about their dead lovers… ]

Headcanon:: Memory of his wives

Yao has been married a total of four times [ wow unlucky much? // shot ] And he does not remember his second or fourth wife. He knows they existed, but he does not remember their names, their faces, their personality, or anything else. But here’s a list of his official love life:

祝英台 Zhu Yingtai: Fiancee, died before marriage, noblewoman during the Eastern Jin Dynasty, died at age 17.

  • Yao is physically about 16.
  • He actually never saw her, he has no idea what she looked like.
  • He was a “rich man”, affiliated with the royal court, and was called upon to assist this family, and he was a bit surprised when it required him to ask for a girl’s hand in marriage.
  • But he did so anyway, since he was asked to by one of the princes, and simply waited for the marriage to occur. He was pretty nervous, since he had never actually been in such a relationship before.
  • He was not told anything about her, until he heard that she had died on the way to meet him for the marriage. He hurried to where she had died and realised that she was already in love with someone else. (Since she died in her lover’s grave.)
  • He feels terrible about this, so he often tells the legend of the Butterfly Lovers to remind others and himself of their story.

李丽花 Li Lihua: First wife, princess at the beginning of the Tang Dynasty, married at 16, born 660, died 722.

  • Yao is physically about 18.
  • Daughter of the only Empress Regnant of Imperial China – Empress Consort Wu. Her father was a rather weak emperor, the third emperor of the Tang Dynasty – Emperor Gaozong. 
  • Yao really did not want to be engaged again, but he had no choice but to marry Lihua.
  • The princess had actually fallen in love with another man, a soldier. Her father forbid the relationship and arranged her marriage to Yao immediately, and sent the soldier off to war in the front lines.
  • Well, of course Yao feels terrible – it was like a repeat of his last engagement, so after feeling super frustrated at her lack of cooperation, he decides that he will try his best to comfort her in whatever manner he could.
  • They eventually became great friends – she was rather energetic and slightly self-absorbed, but very intelligent as well. She didn’t get along well with children, which was just as well because Yao was terrified at the idea of having half-human children. (He had watched what happened to his nieces and nephews.)
  • Because her grandfather was such a strong emperor and she notices the flaws in her father’s reign, and sees her mother taking care of so many political affairs, she sometimes makes fun of her father, which Yao often scolded her for.
  • After her mother was overthrown, she participated in a coup against the Empress Consort Wei, the wife of one of her brothers that also had a separate lover Wu Sansi, an official that also held quite a bit of power.
  • She and Yao had terrible arguments regarding the proper succession, as her various brother were being dismissed by her mother. Eventually both of them got tired of both the chaos in the court and their arguments, so were both relieved when when her nephew Emperor Xuanzong finally succeeded the throne.
  • She eventually died of illness and old age during the golden age of the Tang Dynasty.

Unknown: Second wife, beginning of the Yuan Dynasty

  • Yao is physically about 23.
  • He literally remembers nothing about her.
  • He knows that he was married to as a way for Mongol the court to keep an eye on him, to make sure he did not leave the palace and cause an insurrection. 

林小燕 Lin Xiaoyan: Third wife, a peasant girl, at the beginning of the Ming Dynasty, married at 13, born 1356, died 1407.

  • Yao is physically about 24.
  • A daughter of a man who died during the Red Turban Rebellion
  • Since Yao had helped lead the Red Turban Rebellion, he did feel a certain level of responsibility.
  • She was actually one of his best friends after the rebellion ended, and had watched him from when she was young. She had a quiet disposition, but had a spirit of rebellion, inherited from her father.
  • By the end of the rebellion, she and her younger brother were left as orphans, and were essentially starving, especially since the riots and flooding had taken all their possible sources of food as well.
  • It was her younger brother, actually, that suggested that she ask Yao for help – and knowing that he was most likely going to be called upon the Emperor to serve in the court, he decided the best decision was to marry her and them into the court to be cared for.
  • He really just cared for her as a younger sister until she was older and demanded that he treat her as his wife.
  • During the Jingnan rebellion (When she was about 43 years old), Yao was extremely sick, and on days after battles, he would sometimes scare his wife by coughing blood, but he assured her that it was normal. He was technically affiliated with the Weaker emperor, and was tasked with keeping the boy alive, but he didn’t think the boy deserved the Mandate of Heaven.
  • Because she had no connection to the royal family, and she had much more experience on the streets and in the country, Yao would trust her to engage in spying missions during the Jingnan rebellion, as the court was in absolute uproar. 
  • He also wanted to send her on lengthier missions with several loyal servants away from the court, to reduce the risk of her being caught in crossfire, but she refused these proposals. Her brother, however, decided he would take on these missions, and was eventually killed during one of them.
  • During the purges of the following emperor, he would extreme memory problems, and could barely remember what had happened the past three years of the struggle, and his wife had to care for him extensively during this period as well.
  • She eventually died of sickness and her compromised health due to her starvation in her childhood.

Unknown: End of the Ming Dynasty, most likely a princess

  • Yao is physically about 24.
  • He does not remember her name, but vaguely remembers her face.
  • He remembers losing all memory of her during the literary inquisition of the Qianlong Emperor. 
  • What he does know is simply from a fan that she had given him and he had incidentally kept with him when when was killed by her father, one that he keeps to this very day.
  • The only real memory he has of her is giving her a kiss before leaving to fight against the invading Manchu forces.

[ NOTE: I made up every single one of these women except for Zhu Yingtai, which is part of the Butterfly Lover’s legend ]

anonymous asked:

Salaam Alaikam, I just have been kinda lonely. I am thankful for Allah(SWT) and my family. I am lonely amongst friends. I am pretty independent but for some reason I've been lonely because I don't have a human friendship. I am a girl and sometimes it makes me sad to see. That some girls have such a good bond Subhanallah. I just don't know what to do.. Thank you for reading Jazakallah Khair

Salam, get married. Don’t trust guys before marriage. Improve your relationship with God, speak whatever comes across your heart and mind to Him.

Gronniosaw’s story is remarkable less for the light it sheds on racial issues than on ordinary English life at that period. We would expect in such a tale overwhelming problems of race, but these rarely figure. Mixed-race marriages tended not to be seen as problematic to the English because they primarily occurred among the lower working classes.

The American academic Benjamin Silliman was appalled to see on Oxford Street ‘a well-dressed white girl, who was of ruddy complexion, and even handsome, walking arm in arm, and conversing very sociably, with a [black] man, who was as well dressed as she, and so black that his skin had a kind of ebony lustre.’

Coming from a country where such relations were considered legitimate cause for murder, he seems to be as upset by the black man’s wealth as by the miscegenation. The real fear here was that if black people weren’t forced to quit England 'the natural beauty of Britons’ would be ruined by 'stain and contamination’ caused by 'the Morisco tint’. Philip Thicknesse noticed that in 'every town, nay in almost every village, are to be seen a little race of mulattoes, mischievous as monkeys, and infinitely more dangerous.’

The cases of interracial marriage are far too common to delineate here, for the high proportion of black men to black women in Britain made it inevitable that some men would look to white women for companionship. That the latter were not averse to such unions is visually clear in the prints and engravings of Hogarth and Rowlandson, among numerous others, as well as in novels and plays, and that race was secondary, to the working class at least, is also clear from Gronniosaw’s story.

Instead he gives us a picture of the formidability of life for the working poor. Food, housing, work, medical care, burial - these fundamentals were often inadequate, sometimes non-existent. When we read about the concentration of thieves in poor slums, we must remember that these districts were also populated by those whose only recourse to starvation and death was frequently theft, prostitution and beggary.

—  Black London: Life before Emancipation [free PDF at link], Gretchen Holbrook Gerzina. Rutgers University Press, 1995. (p. 21-22)
Something for the sisters to think about.

Men and women who talk before marriage. Often sisters find it hard to figure out whether this brother is actually taking them seriously or not. Yes, we typically hear the phrase “if he’s serious he’ll come to your door not through the window” but everyone knows what generation and society we live in today. Majority of the time, young boys and girls meet each other before they meet the parents. And the issue with this is, confusion and misleading intentions occur. Problems arise, and they’re not always intentional. But the problem is that they make relationships that are not halal drag on longer than they should, with apparently “reasonable” excuses, for example; a brother will say “I’m saving my money” or a sister will say “I need to finish my degree”. These are common excuses which a lot of people can accept as being understandable. This is how I see it. A man can claim he’s genuine. He can put all his cards on the table and tick off all your boxes, it’s similar to a male who shows you his car. He’s showing you how great it is, how expensive it was, how hard he worked for it, and this is his advertisement of himself. Now, you can sit and stare at his vehicle, waiting to get a ride, but this shows something about this brother. If he’s making you wait, he’s not as genuine as he thinks he is. If he’s genuine, he’ll be scared to loose you. So even if his own parents, or your parents aren’t allowing you two to be together just yet, he’ll try anyway. He’ll try, he’ll show his eagerness, he’ll take on that rejection, he’ll prove himself. How many brothers have stood there and showed you their awesome cars? plenty. How many have actually taken out their keys, and handed it over to you? Well, that’s exactly how uncommon genuine guys are. Don’t look for a brother who’s just going to talk and show how great he’s going to be to you. Look for one, and accept the one who’s going to hand you the keys because he fears dragging you along the road for too long.  

dear christian (and really any other) girls who have had sex before marriage,

i know many people in the church have told you that you will no longer be desirable. i know that many have told you that you will probably cheat on your husband now. i know you are told to feel ashamed and to hate yourself. we are taught that it was our fault even when the man forced himself on us (like the guy who took my virginity) i was taught to hate myself when my “purity” was stolen from me. and even if your’s wasn’t stolen, you still don’t need to feel like dirt. you are worth more than gold, love.

i’m here to tell you that you are still worthy of love. you are still beautiful. you are not damaged goods. you are not defined by your past. you are beautiful and i know where you’re at. there is grace. love is greater than any amount of shame that you could ever experience. i’m sorry the church has told you (us) that we’re a crumpled up rose that no man will want. jesus wants us. and you know what? some man may never want us, but jesus is enough. jesus is more than enough and i believe that if he has given you the desire for a husband, he will give you a husband who loves you fully and unapologetically. you are worth more than “virginity” and “sexual purity.” jesus makes us pure and beautiful. you are loved and you are more.

sincerely,

the girl the church told to wear a scarlet letter

im sick of seeing women who lose their virginity before marriage being shamed. do you really care about whether she did it halal or not? a large number of divorced women can’t even get married in some cultures because another man touched her. even if a woman lost her virginity in a halal manner, yall still shame her.

50 conversations you should have before you get married: What are the most important/memorable parts of your childhood? How do you feel about your relationship with your mom? How do you feel about your relationship with your dad? How did your parents argue or fight? How did your parents raise you? How would you want to parent your children? What do you prioritize? Do you want kids? What is your relationship history? What are your religious beliefs? What traditions do you value? Where do you want to live? What are your career plans? What are your long term goals? How do you handle money? Who has a lot of influence on you? What are your expectations of sex? What are your expectations of marital roles? What are your expectations of housework? What are your “non-negotiables” in marriage? What are your views on divorce or separation? What is your view on marriage counseling or couples therapy? What are your expectations of my relationship with others? How do you tend to try to hurt others when you feel hurt? How do you deal with boundaries? What do you admire in other people? What can you not tolerate in other people? How do you relate with people I care about? How do you respond to stress? How do you respond to conflict? How do you respond to grief? What helps you de-stress? What makes you feel loved by others? How do you show others love? How do you learn things best? What makes an apology feel genuine to you? How do you see yourself? What do you dislike most about yourself? What do you most value in yourself? What emotionally charges you? What emotionally drains you? Are you more comfortable sticking to structure or leaving room for plans to change? Does it come more naturally to you to make decisions based off of what is fair and logical or based off of what you feel? What triggers your anger? What embarrasses you? What are your biggest temptations? What is your deepest desire? What is your deepest fear?

So one of my old friends from high school posted this and it creeped me out so I made some comments on it but she deleted most of them

And then another one of my old friends commented after all my previous comments were deleted so I was like okay let’s test that theory then.

So I shared the post myself with my original comments

And then wow what do you know I actually received lots of comments and likes about it

So I guess other people do care huh what a shocker.

On another note: If you choose not to have sex before marriage that’s also your decision and you deserve to be respected for that decision.

It’s only when you start acting like you’re better than everyone else who decide that they want to have sex before marriage is when I have a problem with you. 

So a work there is a selection of discount historical romance novels near my desk, and I keep staring at these and having really cheesy historical a/b/o ideas.

Like a Regency AU where Castiel is the youngest omega son of a wealthy family and at first he has good prospects, but then he becomes entangled with a young drunken scoundrel, Balthazar, and elopes. Although they are caught before a marriage can take place, it’s a scandal and Castiel is regarded as damaged goods although he is in fact still a virgin. He is shunned from society and his marriage prospects are ruined. 

With very few options, his parents arrange a marriage for him with Alpha!Dean Winchester. Dean is new money, a man who made his fortune in war. Socially, he is inferior to Castiel, but he is rich. A marriage between the two of them gives both of them respectability.

Castiel has heard stories about Dean - that he drinks, fights, gambles and has affairs. He’s also heard rumours that Dean has at least one illegitimate child. He bitterly resents his parents for arranging the marriage and expects a horrible life with Dean, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Dean immediately promises him that he expects nothing from Castiel. He is free to live as he pleases. Castiel is intrigued. He assumed Dean married him simply for his family connections, and Dean’s seeming lack of interest appears to confirm that, but Dean isn’t cold or dismissive in his offer. He is genuinely concerned that Castiel be happy.

Castiel lives with Dean and his family and soon learns that many of the things he thought he knew about Dean were wrong. He has no illegitimate child. He does however have a half-brother, Adam, a boy born the wrong side of the blankets who Dean cares and provides for, raising as his ward.

He also has another brother, Sam, who is away at university. 

Castiel is fascinated by Dean’s love for his brothers and the fact that he uses his new wealth to give them a better life. He still believe that Dean is a social climber, but he likes him. He even begins to feel an attraction to Dean, but he reminds himself that their marriage is a sham and Dean likely as not has lovers, although he is kind enough to not let Castiel know about them.

Then Sam returns, eager to meet Dean’s Omega. He and Castiel get on like a house on fire. But one evening Sam shocks Castiel by telling that him he was originally against the marriage. When Castiel asks why, Sam tells him that Dean offered to marry him knowing nothing about him, only knowing that Castiel needed help. 

Knowing that Dean’s actions had been motivated by pure if foolhardy intentions gives Castiel the courage he needs to knock on the door of his husband’s bed room and kiss Dean when he answers. 

Dean is shocked, but delighted. He’s loved Castiel almost from first sight and the time they’ve spent together has only strengthened that love. 

Their marriage, as it turns out, is an extremely happy and fruitful one. 

Things to do before you get married:
  1. Get tested for HIV/STDs, genetic abnormality  (obvious reason and if you plan to have kids later on)
  2. Make sure the other party does not have debts, loans, or bad financial record  (marrying someone with money problems/big spender will not lead to happy marriage, period)
  3. Check his/her background (make sure he’s not a criminal, his/her family members are decent or does not munch off of you)

Most importantly: have a “freakin" prenuptial to separate assets!

Illogical Reasoning#1: If you have a prenup, it does not mean you love them

- Wrong. You have a prenup because you love them.  You’re not marrying them because of money; therefore, you don’t care how much money, houses, cars, or inheritance he/she has.

Illogical Reasoning#2: Both of you don’t have much money to begin with, so what’s the point?

- You two might not have much at the beginning, but you don’t know about the future. (Windfall, successful business…)

Illogical Reasoning#3: Prenups are for selfish people

- Wrong. Not having one is considered selfish.  It makes the less hard-working spouse be dependent on the other and be lazy.  When there’s a prenup, both of you work just as hard to earn as much as possible because you’re not depending on the other person’s assets in hope for them to divorce you.

Illogical Reasoning#4: My spouse earns more than me, why would I be foolish to sign a prenup?

- You are what people call: gold-digger.  Your spouse might earn more money than you now, but you don’t know if in the future he/she will be unemployed or disabled and you might end up being the breadwinner instead.  By then, it would be your loss.

If you like this post, please reblog and share with your friends to help avoid a bad marriage. 50% of marriages end up in a divorce, don’t let it be you or your love ones.