before it was book of mormon

i am a:

⚪️man

⚪️woman

🔘massive musical theatre nerd

looking for:

⚪️men

⚪️women

🔘more pro-shots of Broadway musicals with the obc to be made publicly available so that I don’t have to resort to shitty-quality illegal bootlegs

Quick Descriptions of Some Musicals

Hamilton: The Founding fuckboys Fathers in the form of highschool drama

Falsettos: Lots of Jews, lots of gay, lots of intense crying

Book of Mormon: Everyone is made fun of in this musical. Everyone.

Rent: Money is difficult, but so is AIDS and being gay

Phantom of the Opera: Mysterious man in a mask swoons you faster than you can say “Christine” no matter what your sexuality is

Newsies: Group of guys (that aren’t mormons) aren’t taking shit from no one (also the New York accent will stick with you, believe it or not)

Dear Evan Hansen: Sad musical about teen angst could never be so relatable

Wicked: Hey remember that one movie that comes on tv every now and then during the holidays that your parents reflect on? Yeah this is before that

School of Rock: Fake teachers and rebellious children who are all surprisingly talented

things some of my favourite musicals have taught me

-how to make an omelette
-a basic understanding of the history of america
-a basic understanding of the history of america from a mormon’s perspective
-in order to be successful, you don’t need to have brains or knowledge, just popular
-Spanish
-how to kill someone and make it look like a suicide
-how many minutes there are in a year
-how to tell if someone is gay or European
-it’s really easy to fake emails
-don’t sell drugs kids, even if you have the hots for the person you’re selling them to
-always be aware of autocorrect
-how to break in a glove
-nice is different than good
-everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes
-it’s too late to screw at 4am
-revolutions likely end in death
-almost all bankers, bums and barbers know how to read
-‘pop’ is a suitable synonym for the verb ‘chew’
-how many people resided in newfoundland before 9/11
-how many people were redirected to newfoundland after 9/11

(might add more as time goes on)

Hello I’ve slept on it for 2 nights now and I’m still mad at the fact Pasek and Paul consider they pitched “the weirdest idea for a musical” as if hip-hop founding fathers, electropop opera 70-page extract from War and Peace, wizard of oz fanfiction, nsfw puppets, mormons in uganda, singing cats and u.s. marines play who’s got the ugliest date before going to Vietnam (aka their very own show Dogfight) were never pitched. the disrespect of it all honestly.

Renamed Musicals
  • The Last Five Years: We were happy for ten minutes
  • Bring It On: just like the movies but better because Lin-Manuel Miranda
  • Dogfight: All My Friends Are Dead by: Eddie Birdlace
  • American Psycho: Benjamin Walker's abs ft. Jennifer Damiano
  • Spring Awakening: horny German teenagers make me cry thirty times
  • Gypsy: Broadway dance moms
  • In the Heights: remember Lin Manuel Miranda before Hamilton?
  • Jersey Boys: we're all shitty people but at least we're shitty people who can sing
  • How to Succeed in Business: life is good if you can lie
  • Matilda: Carrie Jr.
  • Daddy Long Legs: haha she said "daddy"
  • Children of Eden: the bible ft. belting
  • Tick, Tick...Boom: Remember Jonathan Larson before Rent?
  • Urinetown: urine jokes and Hunter Foster
  • A Chorus Line: we're all suffering so we cover up our emotions with dancing
  • Newsies: hot gay teenage boys stomp a lot
  • The Book of Mormon: we're all suffering so we cover up our emotions with religion
  • Footloose: let hiM BE A DANCER!!!1!!
  • Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown: crazy women take lots of Valium
  • Next to Normal: crazy woman takes a lots of Valium
  • Avenue Q: ruining your childhood one song at a time
  • Bullets Over Broadway: Zach Braff can sing?
  • If/Then: Elphaba marries Roger
  • Parade: JRB can't write anything happy
  • Honeymoon in Vegas: JRB finally writes something happy
  • Ragtime: everyone's a little bit racist but it's okay because it's 1910
  • The Full Monty: suicide and strippers
  • Jekyll and Hyde: Frank Wildhorn needs to chill
  • Wonderland: Frank Wildhorn really needs to chill
  • Bonnie and Clyde: Frank Wildhorn finally finds his chill
  • Catch Me if You Can: Aaron Tveit ignores his feelings with jazz numbers
  • Merrily We Roll Along: we were all happy for like ten minutes
  • Cats: what?
  • Spelling Bee: guy from Modern Family ft. erection song
  • [title of show]: what musical theatre majors go through after college
  • Calvin Berger: Cyrano with horny teenagers
  • Legally Blonde: Laura Bell Bundy can belt my face off
  • Little Women: Jo isn't straight but alright whatever
  • Assassins: kill a president and all your problems will be solved
  • Clinton the Musical: the best thing to come out of Broadway in 50 years
  • Carrie: Matilda with murder
  • Rent: we're all dead inside but it's alright
  • Jasper in Deadland: we're all dead inside but it's not alright
  • Falsettos: family is important ft. the guy from into the woods
  • Company: love is stupid and so are all of you
  • Evening Primrose: literally wh a t the fuck
  • The Frogs: literALLY WH A T THE FUCK
  • School of Rock: these kids have more talent in their left pinkies than you ever will
  • The Addams Family: she's being pulled in a new direction
  • Aladdin: seriously SO much better than the movie
  • Bare: horny American teenagers make me cry thirty times
  • Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson: everyone hates Andrew Jackson boo hoo
  • The Bridges of Madison County: Kelli O'Hara needs to stop being perfect immediately
  • Finding Neverland: somebody wrote fanfiction about J.M. Barrie
  • Fun Home: you're gonna cry a lot
  • Heathers: literally fuckin chill
  • Hamilton: literally fuckin chill (reprise)
  • Love's Labour's Lost: horny college students are horny college students
  • Meet John Doe: Heidi Blickenstaff can belt my face off
  • Pippin: sad gay circus boy
  • Shrek: everyone makes fun of this musical but it's seriously amazing????
  • Something Rotten: 16th century fanfiction
  • Tuck Everlasting: become best friends with your kidnappers
  • Waitress: Deep Dish Blueberry Pie
  • Sweeney Todd: Deep Shit Blueberry Pie
  • West Side Story: MARIA!
  • Zombie Prom: lol why
things in musical theatre that always gets me that I realised during a road trip
  • that bit in waitress, “you’re my dOCterr”
  • the harmonisation in what’s inside
  • when dawn goes “I’m not defensive!”
  • that bit in hamilton where everyone sings over each other in non-stop
  • “I hope that you… burn”
  • when john sings the rise up bit in my shot
  • “SIT DOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHER F*CKSTICK”
  • Angelica. everything she says and does.
  • the choir in once upon a december
  • “hey balaga, ho balaga, hey hey ho balaga, hey hey hey balaga, the famous troika driver”
  • Lucas Till going “WOOoooOOooOOooOOOooooOoOOooOoooOOOoooOAH”
  • that bit in the duel “DRINK WITH ME MY LOVE, FOR THERE’S FIRE IN THE SKY, AND THERE’S ICE ON THE GROUND, EITHER WAY MY SOUL WILL DIE” - relatable
  • and when everyone goes “corpulence”
  • honestly everything piere says like yes hand me the existential crisis
  • and whenever amber gray opens her mouth goddamn
  • when everyone sings over each other in 96,000
  • “the only room with a view is a room with you in it”
  • literally everything the piragua guy says
  • “Hey guys, it’s me! The biggest disappointment you know.” - nina is me
  • basically whenever Mandy Gonzalez sings tbh
  • in 21 chump street when naomi sings “take the money justin, please just take the money”
  • and in cousin where justin goes “looooooooooove”
  • in a day in falsetto land when they all sing over each other frick yes
  • “AND STILL THE BASTARD DIVORCED ME”
  • “EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT” and then when you realise it won’t be
  • “god you’re a pAIn in the aSS”
  • literally whenever the lesbians from next door speak
  • when they harmonise in “the tango maureeeeeen” in tango: maureen
  • when joanne goes “so be wise ‘cause this girl satisfies”
  • all of seasons of love, every version, it’s beautiful and iconic and frick if that song didn’t define my childhood
  • when kevin goes “i’ll do something inCREDible that blows gods frICken mIND” in you and me (but mostly me)
  • “I CAN’T BELIEVE JESUS CALLED ME A DICK”
  • the harmonisation in poor thing
  • when everyone sings together in arabian nights
  • the genie’s rendition of tale as old as time - petition to get James Monroe Iglehart to sing a full version
  • “Why shouldn’t I fly so far from here?”
  • heather chandler going “you’ve come so far why now are you pulling on my dICK”
  • allllll the harmonisations in candy store
  • and blue
  • in come from away when they go “I am an Islander”
  • when bev mimicks the wwii pilots “Hey lady, hey baby, hey! Why don’t you grab us a drink?”
  • and then, “well they can get their own drinks” and that cute lil laugh after
  • “suddenly there’s nothing in between me and the sKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”
  • “And that’s how we started speaking the same language”
  • when everyone is praying together holy shit that moves me every time
  • “cause I’m freaking out, you’re freaking out and we’re all 👏 freaking 👏 the 👏 fuck 👏 out”
  • anytime someone says “you are there and I am hereeeeeeee”
  • “hot towel, hot towel, c o l d towel?”
  • in legally blonde, elles voice crack when she says “some girls were just meant to smile”
  • “and with the chance I’ve been given I’m gonna be dRIvEn aS hELL”
  • “with fear and shock and aWEEEEEEE”
  • when they’re all singing at the end of blood in the water
  • the entirety of Ireland and the reprise
  • the blatant subtext jokes in take it like a man
  • “ ‘cause i feel so much better than befOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE”
  • in Miss Saigon “and now I’ll leave remembering heRRRR,, just heeeeerrrr”
  • tbh whenever the engineer has a solo, I mean he was an arsehole, but it was the only fun thing in that musical
  • “I still believe he’ll come for me” - kim, my heart, my only wish was for her to happy and safe goddammit
  • the literal entirety of “ascot gazette” in my fair lady
  • and show me
  • “READY, AIM, FIRE!!”
  • the humming in wouldn’t it be lovely
  • allllll of heaven on their minds in jesus christ superstar, it’s literally the only song that hasn’t been done wrong in any version
  • “HOSANA, HEY SANA, SANA, SANA, HOSANA, HEY SANA, HOSA N A”
  • “JESUS CHRIST, SUPERSTAR, DO YOU THINK YOU’RE WHAT THEY SAY YOU ARE?”
  • also everythings alright
  • okay there’s so much for newsies so this’ll be short but “Newsies on a mission! Kill the competition! Sell the next edition! We’ll be out there, CARRYING THE BANNER”
  • “strike! strike! strIKE STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE OOOOOOOOOOOH S T R I K E”
  • dear evan hansen in waving through a window going “WAVING, WAVING WOAAAAAAHHHHHHH WOAHOHOHOH”
  • “has been hard (hard) has been bad (bad) has been rough. (KINKY!)”
  • “if I stop smoking crACk”
  • alll of you will be found
  • “DONT BE A PENIS THE MAN IS A GENIUS” - iconic from something rotten! every. fucking. time
  • all of it’s hard to be a bard
  • in do you hear the people sing “IT’S THE MUSIC OF THE PEOPLE WHO WILL *NOT* BE SLAVES AGAIN”
  • “who am i? TWO FOUR SIX OH ONEEEEEEEE!”
  • “AS LUCIFER FELL”
  • frick literally all of les mis is iconic

Okay that’s pretty much all I got through before my phone went flat and then the trip was boring but yeah