Today, I wore a crop top for the first time in public.
360lbs before. I want to say there’s about 165lb and three year difference here.
Even though I had been obese my entire life I knew the day I took this picture that I was going to succeed. Be a visionary. Think about who you want to be, not what you want to weigh. Adopt a healthy and active lifestyle and you’ll see the results physically. :)
LOST: 95 lbs, 10 pant sizes, 8 minutes off my mile, 12 percent of body fat, breathlessness doing everyday activities, patience with bros who lift more than me but can’t re-rack their weights when they’re done
GAINED: 355 lbs in my big three lifts, at least 15 lbs of muscle, and the knowledge I can do anything I set my mind to
Soon I’ll be knocking on the door of 100lbs down. (I’m 5'11)
People always ask me how, and here’s the truth: I spend 5-6 days a week making sure I burn 4,000 calories, take 12,000 steps, have my HR in the fatburn zone for at least 100 minutes, consume at least 170g of protein, and don’t go over my calories. I spend the other day or two being a potato recovering in my bed to do it all again. Off days mean something different entirely to me now though— Cheat days can’t be the same as recovery days because I want my caloric deficit every day. Yeah. It isn’t easy. I feel a hundred different ways about doing this all week long: sometimes I’m tired and hungry and start to wonder why I’m doing this, and other times I am laser-focused on my future goals of kayaking with our baby or lounging comfortably in a bathing suit on a cruise.
The biggest thing that makes a difference for me now is the commitment to ignore myself when I want to give up. Don’t let the toxic mixture of depression, laziness, and self-doubt fuck up what you want for your life and your body. Let one act of self-care be that you are skeptical of your ability to make choices when you doubt yourself and that you will believe the days you feel good, healthy, and strong. If you wanna give up, go to the gym anyway and tell yourself you’ll decide whether or not to give up tomorrow.
(In retrospect, the before photo may be from February of 16, but I’m not going to change it over that)
1. Imagine how you’ll look in tight clothes. No rolls no shame.
2. You’ll be delicate and small. No longer will you be the fat ugly friend.
3. Collarbones. Imagine having them to touch instead of just looking at them in thinspo.
4. You’ll have a thigh gap. No more chafing and no more disgusting fat just oozing off your legs.
5. Watching the scale go down every day instead of watching it go up and feeling disgusting.
6. Your sister will envy you.
7. Your friends will be jealous of your self control and tiny body. They can preach self love while secretly hating themselves all they want. It won’t matter because you’ll be thin and beautiful.
8. Thin hands and tiny wrists.
9. Delicate ankles and small calves. No longer will you be an elephant.
10. When you walk it will be virtually silent. People won’t hear you coming a mile away with disgusting hippo footsteps. You will be tiny and quiet. A shadow and a whisper.
11. People will ask how you got so thin. Oh they’ll be envious but none of them are strong enough to reach their goals.
12. For once you will be in control. No more binging, no more hunger after already eating. You will be powerful in your decision to achieve your ideal body.
13. You won’t be too embarrassed to draw yourself.
14. You won’t have to only date fat people.
15. In a relationship you will always be tinier than your partner. They’ll be able to pick you up and twirl you around.
16. People will give you piggy backs instead of you giving them.
17. Never again will you be too heavy for something.
18. You won’t be dictated by your fat anymore. Whatever you want, wear it! Everything looks good on thin.
19. Imagine how cute you’ll look in lingerie. Lace will just accentuate your tiny form.
20. Getting naked won’t be embarrassing. Let them stare. You’ll be beautiful.
21. It won’t always be unrequited love. People you didn’t have a chance with as a fat girl will love you. People need to get past the outside to see the inside. Nobody will bother getting past a disgusting fat outside.
22. Wearing makeup will be fun, not embarrassing.
23. You will be your own thinspo.
24. You’ll spend way less money on food. Food is temporary and a waste of cash. Instead spend it on games and clothes.
25. Looking in the mirror won’t make you want to break it.
26. A flat stomach is cute and tiny.
27. Your face will look thin and dainty. No more double chins and disgusting fat cheeks .
28. When people take pics of you it won’t make you want to cry. You’ll be the pretty one.
29. You won’t have to keep your hair short. Long hair won’t make you look like a greasy land whale.
30. Girls will envy you instead of pity you.
31. You’ll be the smallest person in your family. No longer will you be the fattest.
32. People will whisper about how thin you’ve gotten.
33. You’ll be light like a feather.
34. Food won’t control you. Eating is a necessity, not a crutch.
35. Think of bony shoulders. You’ll be defined and delicate instead of a shapeless mass of fat.
36. You’ll be able to count your ribs.
37. When you bend over people will be able to see the ridges of your spine. No more flubber.
38. You’ll have a tiny cute butt.
39. Thigh high socks will fit and look adorable.
40. Boots that travel up your calves will actually fit.
41. Shorts will look good on you.
42. Carnival rides won’t be embarrassing. The bar won’t touch your stomach. If anything they’ll worry you’ll slip out. You’ll be able to ride with anyone because your weight is barely anything.
43. Seat belts will fit easily. No more embarrassing struggle to strap yourself in while people silently judge you.
44. Any style will look good on you. Experimenting with fashion will be fun and interesting. Your body won’t hold you back.
45. You’ll be in the underweight category instead of the overweight one.
46. Your father won’t be ashamed of your weight. Your grandmother won’t keep getting shocked by how fat you’ve gotten. Instead she’ll fuss because you’ll be too thin.
47. There will be a huge difference in your before and after pics, and you’ll be proud.
48. You’ll finally get to fit your aesthetic. No more being ashamed of how you look. You’ll be the cute nerdy book girl instead of the fat gamer nerd slob.
49. Instead of eating you can follow hobbies like painting your nails, doing makeup, drawing, writing, and walking out in nature.
50. If you want some fun you’ll be able to hook up with someone of quality. No sloppy seconds. You’ll be first choice, not oh-my-god-never.
51. In a romance novel you’d be the beautiful thin one, not the tragic never loved fat one.
52. Shopping will be fun. You won’t have to keep looking for bigger sizes. Large will be too large.
53. If you want to you can shop at places that don’t carry plus sizes and be able to fit.
54. Changing rooms will be roomy and you won’t feel squished. Looking in the mirror to see how you look won’t be a disappointment.
55. You’ll fit in tiny spaces. No more bumping into walls when you go by.
56. Your breasts will be small and perky instead of fat.
57. Rings will look cute on your bony fingers instead of squeezing them like fat sausages.
58. The scale won’t make you want to cry.
59. Nobody will recognize you. They won’t be able to believe you went from whale to skinny.
60. Choker necklaces will look delicate and dainty on your neck. You won’t have double chins getting in the way.
61. Your jawline will be defined and sharp. No longer will you be soft edges and squishy fat.
62. You’ll be the pretty one.
63. Guys will actually like you instead of think you’re a blob of disgusting fat.
64. People will date you.
65. When you’re measured against other girls you won’t be the ugly one.
66. You’ll be able to love yourself.
67. At Halloween parties you can dress however you want and look good. No more ghosts or pumpkins.
68. Onesies. Just imagine.
69. Guys will chase you instead of you chasing them.
70. It will be okay to have something nice to eat every once in a while because you’ll be a pro at staying in control and if you do gain half a pound you can lose it just like that.
71. You could be princess carried without breaking someone’s back.
72. It’ll be “You’re so skinny” instead of “You’re not fat”.
73. When you’re at the gym you’ll be the one making people jealous and embarrassed.
74. Your feet will look delicate and dainty when wearing heels instead of like fat blobs.
75. Thinspo blogs will use your picture as thinspo instead of reverse thinspo.
76. ‘Cute’ will be the first word to describe you, not ‘nice’.
77. People will be concerned. Maybe they shouldn’t have called you fat and ugly all those years. Oh well, now you’re thin and beautiful.
78. You could be a model.
79. Crop tops will make you look cute, not fat.
80. No muffin top.
81. At family gatherings your snobby relatives will be blown away by how beautiful you’ve become.
82. Your exes will wish they’d never let you go.
83. You’ll be able to pull of cosplay like a pro. You won’t be the fat version of everyone you cosplay.
84. Every day will be exciting because you won’t hate the clothes you wear or looking in the mirror or stepping on the scale.
85. Shopping for a prom dress will be fun. You’ll look like an ethereal goddess instead of a sausage roll.
86. You’ll be able to pull off a bikini.
87. Going swimming won’t be embarrassing. You’ll be able to wear a sexy bikini without feeling like a joke.
88. You could wear baggy clothes and look stylish instead of like a slob.
89. You could wear your boyfriend’s shirt and nothing but panties and it would be the hottest thing he’d ever seen.
90. People will stare because they can’t believe you’re so beautiful, not because you look like you just crawled out of a gutter.
91. Unhealthy food will taste gross.
92. You’ll have a small stomach so when you eat small portions you’ll still feel full.
93. Eating will become so unimportant sometimes you’ll actually forget to eat instead of binging like a pig.
94. You’ll look like a ballerina.
95. If you’re eating less meat you’re helping the environment and saving animals lives.
96. No matter what else is going on in your life you will have control over your body. Nobody can take that from you.
97. Empty feels better than full.
98. Processed foods are extremely unhealthy. You’re doing yourself a favor by not eating them.
99. You’ll have so much more time and money if you’re not wasting them on food.
100. You will finally love your body.
☆Remember to stay safe. We want to be skinny, not dead. You can’t slay with a killer body if you’re decomposing six feet under. Be kind to yourself. Every pound is progress.
Left taken end of february 2016, right taken today on february 26, 2017. Officially about a year into this whole process of changing myself for the better. A year ago my life could be summed up in one word: settling. I settled, all because I believed my self worth was pretty much non existent. I didn’t think I deserved much out of life, love, or myself for that matter. But I woke up one day & simply made that choice to change. 2016 was one of the worst years for me, honestly, but one of the biggest years of growth for me. I can only hope I grow even MORE in 2017. Love life & it’ll truly love you back - I am living proof.
Two summers ago we went to Hawaii, and these “before” pictures are old remnants of that vacation. I don’t even keep them saved to my phone because I was so humiliated by myself; my mom had to send them to me for this.
I wore that sweater in sweltering heat because I was ashamed of my upper arms. I remember walking back to our resort one afternoon and my inner thighs were sweating and chafing so badly that they bled, which caused me to waddle-walk in a ridiculous way. My family kept asking me what in the world I was doing, but I couldn’t stop because it hurt so badly otherwise – I was embarrassed and in pain.
I was categorically obese, and the years I spent like that were some of the most unhappy and unhealthy years of my life. I was anxious and depressed, I had abysmal self-esteem, and I had no idea what to do.
This past year, I changed my entire life. I overhauled my eating habits and I got active. I honed in on personal growth and made big, huge adjustments to my lifestyle and my social circle. I have achieved more than I thought would ever be possible.
Today I am a significantly happier, healthier, more confident woman. I feel proud of my achievements and I feel more capable as an individual. I have fought hard to get to where I am; this is a battle that never stops, but I am happy to continue.
If you are wondering if it’s possible: it is. If you are tired of being stuck: make the change. If you’re in a bad place and you want out: take the reins.
93lbs ⬇️ from the day I started, by
✅running, rowing, cycling, hiking
✅lots of stretching + water, daily supplements
✅counting macros + calories
✅wearing my fitbit every single day
I’m not where I want to be but I’m so much closer to my goal than where I started 🌙💪🏻🏆