“I have these dreams, you know, that I’m standing on a platform, and you keep going by on a train, and you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know? And then I have this other dream, where you’re pregnant, in bed, beside me, naked, and I want so badly to touch you, but you tell me not to, and then you look away. And… I touch you anyway, right on your ankle, and your skin is so soft, that I wake up in sobs, all right? And my wife is sitting there, looking at me, and I feel like I’m a million miles from her and I know that there’s something wrong. You know, that I can’t keep living like this, that there’s gotta be something more to love than commitment… But then I think that, I might have given up, on the whole idea of romantic love. That I might have put it to bed, that day when you weren’t there.”
I always imagine myself the hero who killed dragons, rescued virgins, and freed the world from evil. As we went out yesterday to find the prisoners, I felt like that little boy who wanted to save the world.
But as we returned, I understood that I am part of the evil that I wanted to save us from.