Here are some extremely good Fremione fanfics for all those who ship it as much as I do. There are some smutty one shots, and the ratings are T or M. Most art 20K+ long but so worth the reading - enjoy
OK, my brain made an entire sanders sides fanfic last night while I was sleeping so?? Like there was plot, angst, comedy, fluff, why does my sleeping brain write better than me?? Anyways, I wanted to share it with y’all.
So, if you’ve ever read “The Tales of Beetle the Bard”, you’ll know there was one story where a prince had removed his heart, and I think this is where the inspiration for the story comes from.
Now, Logan doesn’t have a heart. Like, physically doesn’t have one. He has no pulse, no heartbeat, his skin is cold, etc. And Patton finds out and really wants to help Logan get his heart back.
Patton gets Logan’s heart back, and the way they do this is a bit blurry, but it was kinda like in Beetle the Bard. The prince had his heart, but never put it back inside of him. Logan has his heart, but can’t put it back without Patton’s help, because Patton is literally THE heart, so only he has the power to put it back or something like that.
Now Logan has his heart and he’s experiencing new emotions. Patton helps him through it and educates him on what the emotions are, how to cope with them, etc. And there were a few scenarios that follow.
Roman: You’re such a nerd!
Logan: Patton, I’m feeling something. What is it?
Patton: That’s sadness!
Logan: I don’t like sadness.
Patton: No one does.
Logan: How do I get rid of sadness?
Patton: Roman has to apologize. *Turns to Roman and uses dad voice* Roman, say you’re sorry.
Roman: Uh, sorry?
Logan: He has apologized, but I still feel this sadness?
Patton: Sadness can pursue, but you have to remember the happy times!
Logan: *eating junk food*
Patton: Don’t you normally eat that healthy food? Like vegetables and stuff?
Logan: Yes, but for a reason I can’t quite comprehend, I wanted to eat these unhealthy carbohydrates. Is this another emotion?
Patton: That’s happiness, Logan! This food makes you happy!
Logan: I see. This is happiness. *eats another pop tart*
And eventually, Logan feels another emotion, but can’t explain it. He describes it using other emotions he’s learned, such as happiness, but also nervousness. He can’t quite make it out, but tells Patton he only feels it when he’s thinking about him. Patton smiles and tells him he feels the emotion too.
And this is what my dreams are. Thank you for reading.
I have two close friends and all three of us are Hufflepuffs♡♡♡! Well, one of their birthdays had just happened and I couldn’t not make a Hufflepuff themed present for them. Thus, this cute little Hufflepuff themed basket was made. I gave her a bag with different herb seeds, a Hufflepuff lanyard, homemade potpourri, and my favorite loose leaf tea mixture (lavender pearls, hibiscus, and citrus fruit blend), a Hufflepuff badge, and of course the Tales of Beetle the Bard. Oh, and it was all ontop of a bed of nurishing soil so she could plant her new seeds!!! Sorry for the shakey picture, I was so excited to give it to her it was hard to sit still.
when I was in elementary school, my class did this weird ice breaker where we stuck a sticky note to another person’s back and wrote, on that sticky note, what fictional character we thought that person was. I got ‘albus dumbledore.’ this was before I’d read the harry potter books, which happened in like sixth grade, so all I knew of dumbledore was that people said he was this eccentric genius gandalf-like character.
it wasn’t until I read the books myself that I realized how spectacularly insulting this was, both to me and to gandalf. what? you don’t think so? you think dumbledore’s awesome?
let me explain to you a thing.
firstly, dumbledore supposedly knows everything. but somehow he missed the fact that quirrel had voldemort’s face growing out of the back of his head. he hired lupin, which should have been a good thing, but then his trust of snape turned it into a terrible thing that ended with lupin’s humiliation and inability to keep teaching at hogwarts, likely furthering racist hiring policies against him.
speaking of snape, he trusts snape. there’s never any clear given reason for him to do so, so based on jk rowling’s statement of dumbledore’s sexual orientation, I assume dumbledore was crushing on snape and that’s where the trust derived from. ‘cause it certainly didn’t come from any of snape’s actions (such as psychologically torturing, pointlessly embarrassing, and all around bullying students).
and that brings us to dumbledore and sirius. sirius, who was james’s best friend since forever, who james literally trusted with his life and the lives of his wife and child. sirius, who certainly had faults, but had a childhood as bad as snape’s (his parents hated him, he spent as much time as possible with james and james’s family, who he may or have may not met on the hogwarts train) and was always, always anti-pureblood supremacy and anti-voldemort. and still, when it appeared sirius killed wormtail and a bunch of civilians, dumbledore just took sirius’s guilt in stride.
???? this coming from the man who forgave snape?
then later, in hp and the chamber of secrets, it’s just one wtf after another. what safety measures does dumbledore put in place to combat the fact that an unknown monster is perusing his halls like a it’s a menu? none. nothing. zippo. life goes on like normal. did they assume it was some sort of student prank? if so, why wasn’t their an investigation to find the culprit?
and if they did suspect, as a truly all-knowing dumbledore must have, that the chamber had been opening, why didn’t they take steps to protect the students? dumbeldore knew the last time the chamber had been opened had been by riddle. surely, there must have been some evidence about what the monster was from back then that could be useful. and even if there wasn’t, it was obvious—by the message, by the history—that the monster was targeting muggle-borns and half-bloods. and based on myrtle and the fact that the monster was most likely serpentine in origin (it is slytherin’s schtick), surely someone as smart as dumbledore could have worked out that the monster was a basilisk? and then give the at-risk children special glasses or face-masks which would serve as a two-way mirror—the students can see out, but the basilisk can’t see in.
but no, it was all, ‘there’s a monster attacking the students. we’ll just wait ‘till we can wake up colin creevy and just hope for the best’
and then the next year, he hires mad eye moody, he supposedly knows, I thought? yet he doesn’t notice, when mad eye shows up, that mad eye ISN’T actually mad eye. and when harry’s name comes up as a champion, there’s never any investigation to find out how it happened. none. dumbledore just stands up for the fact that harry, a kid, is now in the games.
and yes, it’s all well and good that he believes—or at least pretends to believe—harry didn’t put his own name in, but he doesn’t ACT on this. he doesn’t then say, well since it wasn’t harry’s choice, he shouldn’t have to preform in this voluntary, dangerous activity. and he doesn’t try and find out who put harry’s name in, even the obvious answer would be voldemort or one of his minions, hoping to get harry killed.
and then there’s the cup at the end of the maze, which everyone, including dumbledore, somehow fail to recognize as a horcrux. and in book five, he hires umbridge, who’s the worst hire by far.
and then we get to book six, where things really go to hell. sometime over the summer, dumbledore finds one of the horcruxes: the ring. and then he does something amazingly stupid. he puts it on. something which any idiot would know was a bad move.
why he did it is not entirely clear. it seems he wanted to see people who had died using the resurrection stone, but who? his sister? he resented her. grindelwald? presumably he stopped crushing on him when grindelwald went all dark side. so the only real explanation here is greed: his desire to possess the hallows overrode everything else.
for anyone who wants to try and make excuses for that, I’ll remind you the one ring from lord of the rings was way more psychologically powerful, and still gandalf thought better than to even pick it up, and putting it on was out of the question. so yeah, dumbledore’s little “let’s put it on” thing really undermines his supposed symbol-of-goodness-and-redemption crap.
and naturally, putting the ring on leads directly to his death. he gets some sort of sickness, whose effects can be delayed with snape’s potions, but will eventually kill him. as he is the only one voldemort is scared of, his death will basically end the resistance because it will be a huge psychological blow to the good guys, and will increase voldemort’s determination to win and belief that he can.
but instead of leaving mcgonagall in charge of hogwarts and trying to fine and disable the other horcruxes while he can, dumbledore tries to figure out their location from hogwarts. it’s not exactly clear how he intends to find them, but based on how the trio eventually finds them (voldemort’s obsession with artifacts of the founder’s), it’s surprising dumbledore—with his supposed intelligence—didn’t realize what they were, especially in the case of Ravenclaw’s diadem, which seems to be an old Ravenclaw house legend. but the only one he manages to find is the fake one way out in the middle of nowhere.
and so what does he do about defeating voldemort? he manipulates harry into finding the horcruxes by using the fact that harry admires him and sees him as a father figure. he essentially removes harry’s ability to choose (though harry is pretty reckless, so he’d probably go after it anyway) by turning the horcrux search into a last-request and thus guilt-tripping harry, and his friends by proxy, into doing what he wants them to.
the only thing he really does to help them at this point is leave them some stuff in his will: the sword, the tales of the beetle and the bard, the snitch, and the deluminator.
the deluminator proves useful, mostly in leading ron back to the group—more proof of how dumbledore knew his manipulation would extend to ron and hermione.
he left the sword because it could destroy horcruxes—only he apparently underestimated the ministry (I don’t know how) and didn’t realize they might not actually give harry the sword.
and then there’s the tales of the beetle and the bard. the only important part in this is the story of the three brothers, but dumbledore doesn’t do anything to point that fact out. there’s no dog-ear on the page, the title isn’t highlighted or starred, or anything. supposedly this is because dumbledore didn’t want the trio to get obsessed with finding the hallows. and for a while it seems this fear is reasonable, because harry does want to find the hallows. but is this out of his own selfish desire, his connection to voldemort’s desire, or simply because he believes dumbledore wanted him to find the hallows?
what dumbledore should of done was tell them about the elder wand, voldemort’s obsession with it, and dumbledore’s possession of it. the trio would likely have figured out who the wand passed to, and it would have been fine.
there’s really only two points where it’s relevant, anyway. one is when voldemort puts to the cruciatus curse on harry’s “dead” body and it doesn’t work, because the wand won’t do that curse on it’s own master. the second is when voldemort tries to kill harry, and the spell backfired.
(it’s not quite clear why the wand wouldn’t hurt it’s owner. presumably, sometime over the course of its history, some of the wizards had stolen the wand and used it to kill it’s owner, thus gaining it. and if they did, and it failed, voldemort would have known better. and if they never did, well, that would be a little weird)
in any case, the only hallow that it mattered the trio learned of was the elder wand. and dumbledore screwed that up.
so I hope that convinces you of dumbledore’s suckitude, because I’m tired of seeing how ‘great’ dumbledore is and how he’s an icon of the whole ‘wise mentor’ archetype.
Original Possessor of the Cloak of Invisibility: Ignotus Peverell
“The youngest brother was the humblest and also the wisest of the brothers, and he did not trust Death. So he asked for something that would enable him to go forth from that place without being followed by Death.”
Okay but Rose Weasley is possibly my favorite second generation character, I mean, imagine…
Ron and ten month old Rose playing together on the living room floor, making faces at each other, her squealing when he makes a particularly silly one; Hermione just sitting at the dinning table nearby, who had previously been working on her book, taking a moment to pause, and look at the scene unfolding before her eyes, and just smile in utter contentment before continuing on with work.
Ron trying to teach Rose how to play wizards chess by age two, but having her stubbornly refuse because ‘dada, they’re hurting each other!’ and then ‘gwandad wheezy’ coming to the rescue, by bringing ‘good old muggle chess,’ via Hermione’s suggestion.
Hermione tucking Rose in at night, and reading her the translated version of ‘The Tales of Beetle the Bard’, smiling every time her daughter gasped in surprise or excitement, or giggled out of good humor for the story she was being told.
Three year old Rose being scolded, her bottom lip trembling, tears flooding from her eyes, because she hit one year old Hugo with a quaffle stuffy, and not understanding why it was bad, because ‘I only wanted him to catch it,’ and Hermione just having to take a deep breath and say ‘Ron, this is yours.’ before he comes to explain and say ‘Rosie, sweetie, you can’t play Quidditch with Hugo until he’s big and strong, alright? It would be unfair for you to play with him now, because he doesn’t know the rules properly just yet. When he gets to be big and strong like you are, then he can play Quidditch. Alright? Until then, try sticking to playing Quidditch with Mr. Teddy and his family, alright?’
Rose making cake with her granny Weasley.
Rose playing muggle chess with her dad, and beating him every time.
Rose telling her granddad Weasley all about her maternal grandparents’ muggle dentist practice, and giggling at the look of horror that comes across his face when she tells him about root canals.
Rose loving the movie Brave because ‘she has frizzy red hair like me, mum! And she’s a princess like you are!’
Eight year old Rose running up to her parent’s bedrooms on a stormy night, afraid that werewolves were after her, and Hermione consoling her before saying ‘Now, Rose, darling, you know that werewolves aren’t to be afraid of, right? Yes, one is to be cautious around the full moon, but werewolves are not monsters in themselves; their choices make them monsters, not their abilities.’ and then humming her back to sleep. Rose was never afraid of werewolves in the night ever again.
Nine year old Rose going to the platform with her family, wishing James Sirius off to school, and crying because she couldn’t go, until Hermione takes her aside once they get back home, and gives her all the books she has on Hogwarts, as well as a few of her old school textbooks for her daughter to read; ‘That way you can have a little bit of Hogwarts with you right now,’ and allowing a giggling Rose to jog to her room to start reading about the magical place that would soon be her home.
Rose Weasley having memorized all of the rules to Quidditch by age ten, because ‘it doesn’t hurt to be prepared! I want to be the best Quidditch player Hogwarts has ever seen… and also know whether or not someone is being a complete idiot’.
Rose Weasley hardly being able to contain herself on the platform when it is her turn to be sent to Hogwarts, and has to recite Shakespeare in order to compose herself.
Rose Weasley being sorted unabashedly in Ravenclaw, and having been told by the Sorting Hat that she was ‘the perfect mixture of Slytherin and Gryffindor, that the only thing that makes you a Ravenclaw is your love for knowledge’.
Rose Weasley who cheers unabashedly for her brother getting sorted into Hufflepuff with their cousin Lily Luna, screaming ‘THAT’S MY BABY BROTHER!!!’ over and over, until Hugo’s face is so red, that it couldn’t get any darker.
Rose Weasley who quickly becomes the star chaser by her fourth year at Hogwarts, and stars a good-matured rival between her family at Hogwarts (her having at least one relative in each house).
Rose Weasley who never forgets to visit Hagrid, and, having inherited her grans excellent cooking skills (and her grandmother’s knowledge of tooth decay), shows him a better way to make rockcakes; ones that are edible, and won’t break teeth.
Rose Weasley who manages to get O’s for her OWLs in every subject except History of Magic, because ‘mum, when am I ever going to need to know about the innumerable amount of Goblin Revolutions that have gone on in the pat 500 years?’
Rose Weasley coughing up her orange juice the next school year when she receives a letter from her mother, stating ‘I have pulled strings to get Prof. Binns fired. You will now be learning modern History of Magic.’
Rose Weasley getting all O’s in her NEWTS… including History of Magic.
Rose Weasley graduating from Hogwarts, and deciding to venture off into the Muggle world as a chef, and opens a Muggle restaurant called ‘The Burrow’.
Rose Weasley who is perfect and makes my heart soar.
Hello! I love your works! Can you do an imagine where Harry takes the reader to Sirius Blacks house for Christmas break and Sirius keeps embarrassing Harry infront of her whenever She’s there?
As I’m staring out the window with Harry’s arm around me and my head resting gently on his shoulder I think of the exact words he asked me when I knew this would be the best winter holiday yet, “Hey, y/n, I was, uh, wondering if you wanted to stay with me and Sirius for winter break?”
•Sirius Halloween Black.
•the others are slightly less motivated, but Sirius just drags everyone in to some stupid costume for the night of the feast.
•Rem insists that they’ll be the only ones above twelve dressed up.
•Sirius insists that fuck you.
•the four of them spend more time deciding what they’re going to be (and on a costume for Lily too, by request of Jamie), then they do on making the actual thing.
•Remus is shit at coming up with actual recognizable characters.
•"ooh, I’ll be Algernon, and Lily can be—"
•"no oscar wilde.“
•"okay, shit. I’m out of ideas.”
•Sirius wants to be the Beatles.
•only if he gets to be John.
•which James quickly overruled.
•Peter suggests the Three Brothers, from Beetle the Bard’s tales.
•"oh, that’s good, Pete!“
•"but there are only three of them, James.”
•"err, right. what’ll Peter be then? How about Babbity Rabbity?“
•they continue to fight for a few different days, all pitching ideas, until Lily and Remus write home to their families and ask for them to send some assorted Halloween Shop masks.
•so happy halloween from party store Dracula (Sirius), party store Mummy (James), bed sheet ghost (Peter), party store mermaid (Lily), and the Wolfman.
Because OF COURSE James didn’t leave his wand on the couch.
and James is like, come at me Bro before turning into Prongs and startling TF out of Voldemort which is so A+ and so James Potter and I just love it·
and after Tommy boy is good and startled after having a STAG APPEAR IN FRONT OF HIM because LBR he aint no Animagi he may have even dropped his wand and James has him pinned with his antlers and he changes back and POW POW POW POW POW H E D E A D· well mostly dead ·
Then they incapacitate the MF because they can keep Grindewald in prison for his entire life, Tommy Boy aint the first dark wizard K, Please. They can figure out how to keep TMR down for a few months
TBH they totally took care of all the damn Horcruxes as soon as they found out about them so then he’d be ALL DEAD·
Because not only do they have three of the Marauders who not only successfully became illegal animagi in their SECOND YEAR of Hogwarts but they also created a map that literally show’s you even if you are under the INVISIBILITY CLOAK·
Tales of Beetle and Bard: DEATH CANNOT FIND YOU UNDER THE INVISIBILITY CLOAK. LOOK IT UP/ THEY ARE SMARTER THAN DEATH
And also Lily-I’m-a-sodding-Charms-prodigy-Evans-Potter
Then they’d be like, alright we got to figure this shit out, who knows what we’re figuring out? What’s a horc-whatsit?
Regalus Black kicks open a door. “Let’s roll.”
BROTP: Sirius and his Brother
Then suddenly: DEAD· TOMMY WHATS GOOD?????!!!!!!!!!!!
But Back to Godric’s Hollow…
And for like 10 minutes James is just standing there because he’s not sure what happened??? And then Lily is screaming because there’s a hole in the wall and Merlin POTTER WTF? and Voldy’s gone and it’s already canon that Sirius was OTDUB so he shows up and he’s yelling and they’re all crying and Harrys unusually silent as he sees the adults in his life lose their shit
and then reality sets in · and they realize the shitshow that’s going to hit them when the world finds out What. Just. Happened
At first they don’t know where to go· Grimmauld place is out of the question because the Black family are an absolute joke and Remus’s and Sirius’ places are too small and Peter is a fuckface whose going to get absolutely stomped by the other Marauders LBR, but he’s still out there and he knows where all of these places are so they can’t go there.
so they went to the one place Lily swore she would never go to· the week the Potter’s spent at the Dursley’s was awful and was a tale told for many a Marauder get together for years to come
Because OMG PETUNIA SHUT UP
Lily and James quickly found a new place in the Devon countryside that was big enough for a Quidditch pitch because James Potter was the boss
Like, the ultimate boss. Who won a Quidditch award that only THREE other people in the history of Hogwarts had won
One of those other people were McGonagall btw
Viktor Krum dreams about being James Potter. FR
With the war over James was able to pursue his dream of playing Quidditch professionally
and Lily was able to get her masters in charms and potions
James played Chaser for the Chudley Cannon’s for 10 years and was single handedly responsible for breaking the Cannon’s curse before retiring and coaching instead
Sirius covers all of James’ matches as the daily prophet’s senior Quidditch correspondent and honestly The Beaters from Bulgaria better get checked before a certain illegal animagus wrecks them
Lily eventually developed a cure for Lycanthropy that turned a Werewolf into a glorified BAMF Animagus
Remus has been teaching DADA ever since
James literally sobs when Harry makes ANY proffesional Quidditch youth league
but not as much as he cried when Harry left for Hogwarts for the first time
or when he made Seeker his first year because he’s the first first-year to be let on a Hogwarts team in over 100 years
He may or may not have conspired with McGonagall on this. It’s fine
James stands by his patented answer: “There was a lot of dust in the air Lily! You know I’m allergic!!”
Harry is 5 when his sister is born·
For the record Harry does love his sister and he’ll fight anyone for her but Rosie is just so annoying sometimes·
she’s always in the way and is always teasing him about that stupid blush he gets when Ginny Weasley comes over with her brothers to play Quidditch during the summers
but Rose isn’t nearly as bad as James and Sirius who tease him mercilessly
but what they don’t know is that Harry asked Ginny out for valentine’s day in 5th year and they’re both trying to keep it on the DL
Like can YOU IMAGINE THESE LOSERS FINDING OUT THAT HARRY AND GINNY “BOSSASSBITCH” WEALSEY ARE TOGETHER like they’d ALL collectively lose their shit and shamelessly stalk them and embarrass the absolute living shit out of Harry.
but sometimes it’s really hard remembering that none of this happened.
Because instead James didn’t have his wand.
And though Sirius was already enroute, he didn’t make it in time.
“I’m his godfather Hagrid, give him to me.”
“Then at least take my motorbike.”
Then can we get even realer?
Because not only did he watch Hagrid take off with his godson into the night sky, and even though the whole Snape scene of him showing up and clutching a Dead Lily is heartbreaking and I cry like x 1907304712037 when I watch it (though it isn’t canon ß————)
Sirius was actually there moments after.
He had to walk in and look at his BEST FRIENDS LIFELESS BODY· Lying on the floor.
The man that befriended him in first year despite his last name.
The man that became an Animagi with him.
The man who I’m sure showed up to his house time and time again when the other Black’s were being horrid and was like “Get your shit Black you’re coming with me”
The man that let him move in with him instead of going to his own abusive home.
The most meaningful person in his motherfucking life.
Holding James as he is absolutely inconsolable.
Sobbing before realizing that Peter had betrayed them.
Making an UNBREAKABLE VOW TO HIMSELF TO HUNTING THAT MOTHERFUCKER DOWN
Thinking that he had succeeded.
Spending his 22nd birthday (November 3rd) in Azkaban knowing that his best friends were gone and that for the first time in longer than he could remember he was alone.
And he’d never ever get seen his best friends son grow up like he was meant to.
Because he was innocent, and he (or so he thought) was the only one who knew that. ·
If James and Lily had lived, and Peter never betrayed them:
•First there would have been a huge debate over who would be best man at the wedding, and they would all try to convince James in their own way and the bribery would get so intense that Lily shut it down and chose randomly.
•James and Lily would have this weird half magic half muggle wedding with traditions from both sides, but they easily agreed to use the gryfindor colors
•And as a little party favor they had chocolate snitches (and Remus ended up eating way more than he should)
•And they’d have really simple wedding bands, because even though James could afford something extravagant they wanted to keep it simple, so James had a simple band and Lily had a braided band with a stone the exact color of her eyes
•when lily found out she was pregnant, she realized she practically had four husbands to tell and had to decide who to tell first, and ended up telling Remus first so hecould help her decide who to tell next
•and they chose James because he was the actual biological father of the child and I feel like it went something like this
“James, I have to tell you something.”
“Is it how to make a cake? Because I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“James, you have to *crack* the egg first. But that’s not what I meant to say. I have important news.”
“Crack the egg? But then you break it, why would you break it up first?”
“James, I’m serious, I have-”
“Actually, my mate is. You’re Lily, remember?”
“POTTER! Stop baking, for Merlin ’ sake! I’m pregnant.”
“Oh. I see. Like, making a child pregnant?”
“Yes. We’re going to have a baby.”
“I understa-WOAH HOLD ON YOU’RE PREGNANT! WITH MY CHILD. AND YOU’RE CHILD. AND OUR CHILD. MERLINS PANTS LILY YOU’RE PREGNANT.”
And it probably went on like that for a while.
•so then she told Peter because she was slightly scared of how Sirius would react, and Peter was shocked (not very suprised) but had a hard time saying anything to her about it because he kept stuttering and stumbling over his words because James and Lily were going to be *parents*
•And when she finally told Sirius she made the other three come with her and when she said it he positively fainted and woke up laying on the Potters’ couch and immediately freaked the heck out and pretty much screamed how amazing this was and was all like
“I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER”
“No you’re not, Sirius”
“LILY YOU’RE GOING TO BIRTH A CHILD”
And he stopped for a second and looked at Remus (who was living with Sirius because yaaaaay wolfstar) and was like
“MOONY WE SHOULD HAVE A KID”
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“WE NEED A CHILD. LET’S GO GET A CHILD.”
And Remus suddenly feel a ton of sympathy to Lily.
•so while lily is pregnant she has hormonal mood swings and food cravings, which is to be expected, but none of the guys know this. So Lily will wake up at like 4:30 one morning and be like
“James. James I need chocolate. Merlin I need chocolate right now. Take me to Remus’ place. He has chocolate. No, no wait, I need hot chocolate. Remus makes the best hot chocolate. I need to go there right now immediately.”
And she insists that they apparate because needs to be there RIGHT NOW so he takes her in her maternity pajamas and they go to Remus and sirius’ flat, but Lily realize that apparating when pregnant makes one very nauseous, and immediately throws up on their kitchen floor, which wakes up Sirius and remus, who come to their kitchen to find their best friend rubbing the back of their best friend’s wife as she retches onto their floor. And when she’s done she stands up she’s like
“Remus make me hit chocolate now.”
And she sounds so stern that none of them say a thing as he makes her a mug, and then she promptly sits down on their couch and demands that they watch a muggle romance movie, and no one objects again so they all sit around watching An Affair To Remember and Lily drinks her hot chocolate and sobs all over James. The next day when she feels better she explains that hormones cause this sort of thing.
•it’s then that the marauders realize they know nothing about pregnancy or birth or raising a child and start reading every book they can find, so they can be found ransacking muggle and Wizarding book stores for every baby book they can find and reading them all as fast as they can and taking notes and quizzing each other so that they know the exact temperature milk should be to give it to an infant.
•and somehow Lily is alone with Peter when her water breaks and she stays pretty calm about it but Peter is flipping out like
“Oh my God Lily there’s stuff pouring out of you how can you not be worried that alone can’t be comfortable but that’s just a warning sign that a human being will come out of you as well oh my God what do I do”
And he’s running around contacting the others and grabbing every book they have on parenting and all the notes he’s taken and his bag of things is bigger than Lily’s baby bag.
•and when lily is in the hospital and all of the four refuse to leave because this is their child too and they would not miss the birth of their son but soon enough Peter is just sitting on the ground with his eyes closed and Sirius is loudly pondering how this is even possible for a human being to endure and Lily has to keep telling him that his commentary isn’t making anything easier and Remus is trying to remember all if the things they read and realizing then that half of it is only useful if you are the one birthing the child and James is just standing there holding Lily’s hand and trying not to scream
•and when baby harry is born they all realize he needs a middle name, and a war similar to the fight of who will be beat man commences with whose name will be Harry’s middle name and once again lily has to intervene and say that it is technically James’ son, so his name will be Harry James Potter, and they all agree.
•by now Sirius is convinced that he and remus should get a child because he loves harry so much and loves how happy James and lily are with him, so he offers to hold and play with and babysit Harry as often as he can to prove he could raise a child, so he’s always transforming into a dog to make Harry laugh trying to spike up his hair (even though he can tell it’s exactly like James’ hair and refuses to be tamed, shaped, or styled)
•And Remus secretly likes the idea if having a kid too, but has his own concerns about being able to raise it, because he is so tired and weak all of the time, only to feel even worse every full moon and he try not to show it when he’s with the others because he loves being with little harry, but it’s so hard to keep up with him, and isn’t sure he could keep up with his own child, but nevertheless gives harry all his energy, even though that’s mostly laying him down for naps (when Remus takes a nap as well) and reading him books of both the magical and muggle variety
•Peter loves harry as much as all of the others, and finds harry to be the perfect confidant, partially because he won’t interrupt or laugh at his problems, and partially because all of the baby books say that speaking to babies often helps them learn speech faster and promotes brain activity. So he spends lots of time taking Harry on long walks or letting him play, and always talking to him
•James thought it was very important that Harry develop an interest in quidditch at a young age, so that he can bet a gryfindor seeker, so he often times straps harry to himself and takes him for slow rides around the house on his broom, and giving harry a small toy Broom to play with
•lily very strongly believed in letting harry grow up on a Wizarding atmosphere but him being fully aware of the muggle world as well. So his bedtime stories are sometimes like Beetle the Bard. And sometimes like Robin Hood, and on the nights when she reads harry a muggle story, the four marauders come and listen too, because they’ve never heard the stories before either.
I was going to write more about Harry growing up and his years at Hogwarts, but it would be so long that I’d rather just write a book.
alhgdsh oh man I’ve only just started even CONSIDERING this ship, this should be fun
Who falls asleep on the couch:
I’m thinking both of them, at different times of the day. Thranduil will fall asleep in the afternoon curled up like a big cat, and complain and hiss and vehemently deny ever doing so, just like the aforementioned cat, when Bard wakes him up. And Bard in turn will fall asleep in the evening when they’re watching TV, draping himself all over Thranduil who complains but bears it like a champ, and strokes Bard’s hair when he thinks he’s long asleep.
Who makes friends with the neighbors:
Bard. Thranduil is a detached diva, or so he would have everyone believe. Bard is nice, and friendly, and knows how to fix things, and helps old ladies with their grocery bags up the stairs, and lends people eggs and salt and flour, and opens pretty young single moms’ jars, all the while Thranduil, yet again, complains and hisses, ‘We don’t actually need to be nice to these people, we don’t even know them.’, and greets precisely no one in the hall, but Bard does enough socializing for the both of them.
Who is the adventurous eater:
I’m thinking Thranduil has tried everything from frogs to clams to sushi to beetles. Bard is a more traditional eater and cook, but bears Thranduil’s occasional crazy creations with a saint-like patience.
Who hogs the covers at night:
Oddly enough, Thranduil. Bard always runs a bit hot, and in turn ends up hogging two thirds of the bed, and, more often than not, Thranduil himself. Picture a clingy snoring octopus, if you will.
Who forgets to do the dishes:
They tend to do them together, switching between washing and drying duty, but if Bard ends up home alone, Thranduil ends up coming home to an overflowing sink and greasy pans. Dammit
Who tries to surprise their partner more often:
Bard, because he knows Thranduil hates it - if it were up to him, they’d spend the entirety of their days in a very languorous ennui comprised of as little excitement as possible. God, imagine Bard dragging him along on hiking trips and stuff. Also, remembering anniversaries, definitely Bard’s thing. Thranduil likes to maintain the illusion that all of his days blur into one (hint: that only happens when Bard is away).
Who leaves dirty laundry on the floor:
Bard. Socks, boxers, t-shirts, pants, EVERYTHING. Thranduil grumbles and scolds him and calls him names, but picks everything up anyway. Doing laundry calms him down, not that anyone needs to know that.
Who stays up until 2AM reading:
Thranduil, hello. He sleeps very little. Bard sleeps a lot, preferably curled up around him.
Who sings in the shower:
Bard, badly and loudly. It makes Thranduil smile, but he scoffs at him for it anyway
Who takes the selfies:
Bard takes casual ones, Thranduil takes the occasional vanity-boost one. Also takes pics of Bard in secret, snapping little moments he likes, bedhead at the breakfast table at seven in the morning with sunlight only just starting to pour in, stuff like that. Keeps them in a nice little folder, never shows them to anyone. (Bard on the other hand likes to boast the good looks of his bf sometimes)
Who plans date night:
Since their ideas about date nights differ so vastly, they always have to coordinate. Thranduil likes things elegant and pompous sometimes, Bard is all for the casual, they end up arguing about where to go for dinner, and somehow end up eating take-out sitting on the carpet and are happy as clams anyway.